she should've known.

she should've known her life wasn't a fairytale

that her life wasn't like all those books she read

where the guy falls for the girl

and he's there for her

and he turns out to be the sweetest.

she should've known

that someone that beautiful

would never go for a girl like her

but she let herself believe him.

she let herself fall for him.

and now,

she was left in the dust

second choice once again.

she lost

the race

to his heart.

or maybe it was stolen from her

because that's what it seemed.

she was so. close.

she just wanted to be loved

and he was so sweet to her

and funny

and they could talk for hours.

she thought they had a connection.

but she wasn't the one for him...

she should've known.

she should've known she wasn't that special

she should've realized that a guy like him

would never go for a girl like her.

and what hurts the most

is that she actually believed him.

she trusted him

and all he did

was take her heart

and throw it in the dirt.

* * *

it had started off so innocently.

she never even thought

that she had a chance with him.

he was a football player

(it was something out of a modern fairytale,

she thought)

and he was tall

and he worked out

and he was so. damn. attractive.

but she wouldn't let herself believe that last part

because like any cliche,

he was dating a cheerleader.

she never heard good things about her,

but she never really met the girl

so who was she to judge?

anyways,

the football player

he would talk to her in the halls all the time

and he always made her smile

and they always joked around

and she didn't think

that she ever not smiled around him.

he was so sweet

and funny

and respectful.

then he wanted to start a streak on snapchat

so they started talking even more.

then she found out

that he had broken up with his girlfriend.

she was pretty sure they had dated

for at least six months

which was a long time in her books.

she wondered why they broke up,

but she still never found out the answer.

then he was asking for her number

and they started texting too.

he would trust her

with things he said he never told anyone

and they would talk as much as possible

she wondered if it was possible

that he liked her

she thought he might have

but she didn't want to assume anything

because she didn't want to get her hopes up.

then,

he got his wisdom teeth out,

and while he was still out of it,

he texted her

and told her he liked her a lot.

she wouldn't let herself

take it seriously.

he wasn't in his right mind,

she thought,

he was just saying this

because he didn't know what he was saying.

but it made her smile.

it made her giddy.

she liked him so much,

and even though he was out of it,

the fact that he said so,

made her smile

and skip around

to the point

where her younger brother

asked what was wrong with her.

it wasn't like she smiled all the time

and danced around.

but she couldn't help it.

even if he wasn't aware of what he was saying

she was excited

and giddy

and naive.

he later apologized,

when he aware again,

and she told him she understood

that it was fine

that she knew

not to take anything he said seriously

because she knew that

he wasn't in his right mind when he said them.

but he said

only some...

some?

that's when he told her

he liked her

that they should go on a date

and she thought her heart exploded

because this

never

happened

to

her.

he was the football player

he was the attractive

popular

cliche guy,

with girls always after him.

but he liked her.

he wanted her.

he thought she was different,

although she felt like the cliche girl

in the books.

she loved to read,

she wasn't popular,

she didn't bother with make up

or looks in general.

she only brushed her hair

and wore comfy clothes.

yet he thought she was pretty.

especially her eyes.

he loved her blue eyes.

he made her feel special.

so of course she said yes

when he said they should go on a date...

it was almost like the stories she read.

but almost was the key word.

almost.

* * *

her first warning

was when he rescheduled their date

because he was too busy with his friends

to tell them he had plans with her.

he had been with his friends all day.

she left her brother's birthday party early

to get ready for the date.

she had told him she was ready

for him to pick her up

to go on their mysterious 'romantic' date

of which the destination was unknown to her

he said he wanted it to be a surprise.

but he told her

that he would be a little while

because he was still with his friends.

why couldn't he tell them

he had plans?

why couldn't he leave

to go pick her up?

she felt a pit in her stomach

because she had a feeling

that the date wasn't going to happen.

she was right.

she waited two hours at home

alone

for him to stop hanging out with his friends

to come pick her up.

she kept coming up with excuses for him.

he was,

after all,

the one driving all of them.

but he didn't get home until late,

and he told her that his parents

wouldn't let him out of the house anymore

because he had been out all day.

but it was too late for her to go out anyways,

and she had already told her parents

that he had to reschedule.

she told her parents

that it was because of his wisdom teeth

that he wasn't feeling too well

and that his parents

weren't letting him go out.

she didn't want her parents to know

that he was really out with friends

because she knew what they would say

and she wanted them to think highly of him.

and besides,

he rescheduled for the next night,

so what was the big deal?

but she should've realized

that if he chose his friends over her

despite having made plans with her first,

that he didn't like her as much as he said he did

that he didn't think she was all that special.

* * *

the special, romantic date didn't happen,

but she did go over his house.

she met his family

and they got to spend

a few hours together.

they watched two movies,

but they didn't pay attention to either

because they were too busy

talking

and laughing

to pay attention.

they had so much in common

much more than she ever would've thought.

she felt like she had never said

'me too'

and

'same'

so many times before in her life.

and yet,

he never really made a move.

she didn't think too much about it

and accredited it to the fact

that they were talking so much.

she thought it was going so well.

and he conveniently lived

in the neighborhood next to hers

so it was a two minute drive.

when she had to go home,

he hugged her goodbye

and she thought

that she fit well into him

which made her smile

and she thought it was going so well

and he waited on the porch

while she walked to her car

and the whole time

they were still talking.

she wasn't sure how it was going to go,

and she wasn't sure how much they would be able to talk

but she was so happy that it had went so well

and she couldn't stop her heart from beating

and the whole time she was driving home

she was smiling

and smiling

and smiling

it was so great.

amazing.

and she couldn't stop gushing about it

to her friends that lived in other states.

if only she had known...

* * *

the next day after the date

he asked if she wanted to go to chickfila

before choreography

because he was in show choir with her

and she couldn't think of a better idea.

so he picked her up

and they went to chickfila,

and all she could do was smile

and laugh

and joke around.

his cheek was swelled

from getting his wisdom teeth out

and she thought it was adorable.

he looked like a chipmunk

but on only one side of his face.

when they got their food,

he blew his straw wrapper at her

which made her laugh

so she blew her straw wrapper at him

and accidentally hit him in the eye.

his eyes were blue like hers

but they reminded her of an ocean

beautiful and deep...

she tried not to think about the time

where a girl was trying too hard with him

where she kept talking about his blue eyes

how she couldn't believe how blue they were

while ignoring her

while she was sitting right across from her.

after chickfila

they headed over to the school

for choreography.

the problem

was that she didn't know how to act

when he was around his friends

because the friends that he ditched her for

were in show choir too.

some of them she could talk to

but others she felt too awkward around.

she tried to ignore everyone else

tried to pretend they weren't there

while at choreo

because she wasn't really close with any of them

they weren't true friends

as much as she wanted them to be

because she knew they didn't care about her

they were all too concerned with themselves

and all the drama going on in their lives

to actually care about her

and to actually get to know her.

at least,

it seemed that way

except for him...

the next day at the end of the school day

she was talking to him in the hall

and he took her hand

and spun her around

and played hand games

and joked with her

and she couldn't remember

the last time she felt so excited

and happy

about a guy

and maybe even in general.

that was when

she started going out of her way

to try to see him

to spend as much time with him as possible.

she would stay after

just to hang out with him

and his friends

who were helping this one kid

learn the choreography for the show.

they were both busy,

so she was trying to spend as much time with him

as she could.

that friday,

they went to chickfila again

after school.

after that,

things started going south.

he stopped texting her

and when he did

it would be one word.

he wouldn't snapchat her back

then put things on his story

which made her think she was being petty

but she couldn't help it

why wouldn't he talk to her?

he stopped going out of his way

to talk to her in the hall

and walk with her.

he stopped playing hand games

and he stopped randomly taking her hand

and spinning in the hall.

and he stopped

trying not to curse in front of her

and she could tell something was off.

then he texted her

saying he was sorry for not talking as much

that he's just been really busy,

and that he was gonna try

to talk to her more now.

and she thought maybe that's all it was

that he was just busy,

but she couldn't stop the pit in her stomach

from growing each day

because that feeling

that he didn't like her anymore

was growing.

but she wasn't sure

because he was giving mixed signals

and she wasn't sure what direction

they were heading in..

she should've guessed

where things were heading

but she didn't want to believe it.

she wanted to believe

that for once

her life would be like a story book

where the popular guy

fell in love with her,

the unpopular girl,

the book nerd,

the girl who was different.

she wanted to believe that

he was just busy

that he still liked her.

but she wasn't stupid

and she wasn't blind.

she was just in denial.

* * *

they had a show choir performance

and he was giving her a ride home

because they lived so close

and she thought maybe

he still liked her,

so she was hopeful

that it was going to go well.

he was giving his friend a ride too,

and she was friends with him as well,

so she was thinking it was going to be fun

especially because him

and his friend

decided they wanted to go out to eat

and meet up with his other friends.

she wasn't feeling well

because she had a pretty bad cold

and she was exhausted

but she wanted to go with them

and she would have to anyways

because he was her ride home.

once they got to his truck though,

three girls called out his name

and ran to his truck.

two of them climbed onto the bed of the truck

while the third

opened his car door,

and started throwing herself

all over him.

they were shouting

about a picture they took with him

and how he needed to send it to them

and how he needed their numbers to send it to them.

the one girl,

who was well known

for putting out,

was pushing herself against him

trying to grab his phone.

she kept saying she wasn't leaving

until he sent the picture to him.

the whole time

that the three girls were shouting

and screeching

and laughing

and throwing themselves at him

she was sitting in the front seat

next to him

silently watching the whole thing,

getting completely ignored by everyone around her.

she just wanted them to leave.

how could they think that was attractive?

after the one girl

got him to send the picture they took with him

she climbed onto the bed of the truck

with her two friends

and they started shouting at him

to drive them around.

she could tell he was getting annoyed though.

he yelled at them to get off his truck

and he told them that if they didn't get off

he was going to gun it

so that they would fall off.

they finally started getting off the truck

when he kept saying he was going to gun it if they didn't

and when they all got off

he pulled away slowly

most likely to make a point.

then he started saying,

"what the hell was that?"

he used a stronger word than hell,

and he kept repeating it.

she told him

that that was what it looked like

when girls were desperately trying to flirt with him

and were desperate in general.

she asked how they thought it was attractive,

and him and his friend both said it wasn't

which made her feel better

because he thought she was different from other girls.

maybe that meant that he liked her.

when they got to buffalo wild wings,

she wasn't sure how to act

because they all went so they could watch

the college basketball game on tv,

and she didn't understand or watch basketball

so she felt awkward..

it was a while before they wanted to leave

and by then she was exhausted

and feeling worse

because she was still sick

and she just wanted to go home.

on the way back,

they blasted music

and sang together

and for a few minutes

everything was okay again,

and they even hugged goodbye.

but it wouldn't happen again

and she wished she had known then

that that was the last time

they would really hang out.

* * *

he was getting closer with another girl.

she had her suspicions

that he liked her

but she couldn't tell

and it had been a week

since they really talked

and she had that pit in her stomach

all the time now

and she was seeing less and less of him..

the girl

that she thought he liked

was the girl

that got the leads in all the plays

and all the solos in show choir

because her voice was broadway worthy,

and she was an amazing actress

and she was nice to everyone,

but she was starting to think

that she was fake

because she could act so well...

but he was getting closer with her

and she was trying to convince herself

that they were just good friends

but she had a feeling

that she was being naive.

she was right.

she started asking his friends questions

asking what was going on

because she didn't want to ask him

she wasn't brave enough for that.

they all said the same thing.

that he had a thing with the other girl.

then she found out,

that there was a third girl

that he had been flirting with

while he had been spending time with her.

at the same time though,

she couldn't help but hold out a hope

that maybe they were wrong

maybe he liked her more

that they were misinformed.

but she was grasping at straws.

she liked him so much

despite everything

and just wanted him

to be like he was two weeks ago.

then the show choir trip

came up

and she had to sit on the bus

behind him and the girl

and see her flirt with him

and lean her head on him

and listen to them talk

for hours and hours

and laugh

and smile

and it made her want to cry

why couldn't anyone love her?

why didn't he choose her?

what was wrong with her?

then he asked the other girl to prom

and she felt her heart squeeze

because she had to act like it was cute

like she thought it was adorable.

she smiled while it was happening

but it wasn't a happy smile

and she just wanted to curl into a ball

and sleep

and forget it all.

what had happened?

things had started off so great...

at least,

she thought they did.

apparently it wasn't enough.

she wasn't enough.

she should've known..

it always ends up like this.

she always ends up getting left in the dust.

* * *

his friends told her

that he was a dick

and her show choir friends

told her they didn't understand

why he chose the girl

over her

that she was so much prettier

and had a much better personality than the girl

but it didn't make her feel better.

because when it had started with him

she couldn't help but feel

like he was someone that she could love.

she wasn't heartbroken

but she was upset

and frustrated

and most of all,

hurt.

he had chosen someone else over her

and she should've known it was going to happen.

why would anyone choose her?

why would anyone want to be with her?

she had fallen in love with the possibility of him

and she may not have been heart broken,

but she definitely had a rip in her heart

that wasn't there before.

she was lost in an ocean of what could've been.

she was lost in his ocean eyes.

and she should've seen it coming....

she should've known.

_____________________________________________

A/N

hope you enjoyed the extra long chapter, to make up for the fact that I haven't updated in a while! <3

love you all, thank you so much for your support! you guys are the best:3

xoxo,

kim