Grace's apartment was small

but it wasn't much smaller

than the one I was living in,

not that it even mattered.

I showered

and changed into 

the pair of sweat shorts

and the large t-shirt

that Grace gave to me.

I found myself 

curled up on her couch

after I was finished changing

while Grace made 

another cup of coffee

for me.

She said

her parents 

were working

because they started work 

really early in the morning,

and that she always missed them,

because she got home

from her late shift

after they left.

Grace was Daiha's age,

she told me,

and I think

she was just telling me this

so that  I would trust her

so that I would be distracted

from what was wrong with my life

what was wrong with me.

I didn't mind

hearing someone else talk

about someone

other than Daiha

hearing someone,

something,

other than my own thoughts

for weeks on end.

I liked listening to her.

She was really sweet

and I think she understood

what it felt like

to have parents

that were never there.

I knew it was completely different

for Grace

because her parents 

weren't doing so well

in the money department

and she was trying to pay 

for college

which was why

she rarely saw her parents.

It wasn't because they didn't care

but because they did care

that they were gone all the time.

It wasn't the same

not at all

but she could maybe understand

the loneliness

maybe not fully

but just a little.

Grace collapsed 

on the couch next me

after handing me

the cup of coffee.

Then, 

she asked,

"So,

do you mind

me asking

what happened?

and if you're okay?"

I felt the tears come

because that question...

it wasn't the same

as how are you?

it wasn't the same at all

how are you 

is an open ended question

but

are you okay

is a direct question

it hits

right at home

and every

single

damn

time

it made me cry

not that 

I was asked it very often

but every time it was

I cried.

and damnit

I felt the tears

they were falling

and I had to look away

away

away

away 

because I couldn't bear

to have someone see me cry

I have cried 

enough

enough

enough

ENOUGH.

I wiped the tears away

I wiped

the tears

away.

Then

I looked at Grace

and smiled

and shook my head

"no,

not really"

and then I was laughing

laughing

laughing 

why 

the hell

was

I 

laughing?

and

then I was crying

I was laughing

and crying

all at the same time

and I bet 

Grace thought I was crazy

I felt crazy

I was crazy

crazy

crazy

crazy

and then

Grace was hugging me

and I was sobbing

and

I 

wasn't

alone

anymore

* * *

After I stopped crying

I told Grace everything

everything

that

happened

since we moved here

and she told me

it wasn't my fault

that Daiha was in a coma

it wasn't my fault

but she

didn't understand

because it was

and I could've stopped it

I could've prevented

everything

everything

I just

I couldn't believe

that it wasn't my fault...

I nodded when she said it

that it wasn't my fault

but I didn't believe it

I don't think

I ever would.

Grace told me

that I could stay

at her house

whenever,

and that she would 

be there for me

if I wanted.

Then,

I curled into a ball

because even though 

the sun had risen

I was tired

tired

tired

and

I felt myself drifting

into sleep

despite the caffeine.

I felt

a blanket being

put over me.

Before I fully 

fell asleep,

though,

I saw the door open

and a guy walked in

he was tall

and had blonde hair

but I couldn't see his face.

I think he said something

to Grace

asking about me

maybe

I wasn't sure

because

then I closed my eyes

and I was asleep

asleep

asleep

for the millionth time

because all

I could do 

was sleep

when I wasn't doing anything else.

asleep

asleep

asleeeeeeeeeee--

...

___________

A/N 

attached is a gif of what I think Delilah looks like:) 

also- I just wanted to thank you guys so much for all the support you have given me so far on both this book and Smile. It's fantastically amazing and I honestly don't know how to thank you guys enough. You are wonderful amazing people, and if you ever, ever need someone to talk to, don't be afraid to pm me:)

with so much love,

Kim, xx