It was 3AM when I got the call

Daiha's brain was swelling 

and she had to go into immediate surgery.

The call didn't wake me up

I couldn't sleep anymore

because of the nightmares...

As soon as I got the call, 

I ran to the hospital

because I didn't have anyone to drive me

because it was my mom who called me.

she actually called me

after not talking for what felt like weeks.

when I got there 

despite being out of breath

despite not being able to breathe

I ran through the hospital

until I found my mom

and I stopped short

before they could see me..

My mom was huddled in my dad's arms

and both of them were crying.

my mom's face was tear streaked 

and red

and my dad's teeth were clenched.

their clothes were rumpled

and they looked like

they hadn't left the hospital in days.

and all of the sudden

all I wanted 

was to curl into my dad's arms too

and listen to his heartbeat

and have my mom 

stroke my hair

like they used to 

before they got too busy to care.

I slowly walked around the corner

so they could see me

and they both looked up at me.

all of the sudden,

I felt tears sliding down my cheeks.

I was crying.

"Oh, Delilah..."

my mom started

but before she could say anything

my legs gave out

and I crumpled onto the floor

and I was sobbing

sobbing

sobbing.

When I felt arms around me

rocking me back and forth

I realized my parents had rushed to me

I realized they were hugging me.

They were hugging me.

"Delilah,

I'm so so so sorry, honey.

I'm so sorry.

I love you sweetie, 

we love you"

my mom kept whispering in my ear

as she and my dad 

rocked me back and forth.

then,

it was like a weight 

that I didn't even know was there

lifted

and I wasn't angry anymore

I wasn't angry with my parents

and this hatred I had for them

seemed to slip away

with every calming whisper from my mother

with every sway of my father.

I could breathe

and I found myself whispering

"thank you, God"

under my breath

"thank you 

thank you

thank you

thank you,

for giving me my parents back"

and it was like this warmth filled my heart

and I felt little prickles across my skin

and it was like God had smiled

and touched my shoulder.

"mom,

dad,"

I started

swallowing back my tears,

looking them both in the eye.

"I think we should pray for Daiha"

my parents kinda looked at each other

as if to wonder where such a crazy idea was coming from

and I was starting to wonder the same thing

but they both nodded their heads anyways.

my dad smiled even,

before he said, 

"that is a grand idea"

I wasn't quite sure how to pray

and I felt really awkward speaking out loud

but once I started,

I couldn't stop.

"umm

Dear God,

so I haven't really done this before

and I'm not a christian,

but Daiha is.

God please wake her up

please give her a life

she was finally starting to be happy

before the hurricane hit.

God, 

please let her get through surgery

please protect her

and please be with her

because you know that none of us

have been really there for her

until she was unconscious. 

and God?

I-

I want to know you more.

I want to understand who you are

and I want to be saved,

but I'm not sure where to start.

God,

what do I do?"

and then,

I felt the tears again,

and I clenched my teeth

because all I was thinking about

was how all I've done

is reject God

and everything I've been learning.

but it's so exhausting

trying to reject and hate something

that feels so real...

"Daiha is a Christian?"

my mother asked,

and all I could do was nod

because in my head

all I was saying was

please be okay

please be okay

please, God,

let her be okay..

over and over and over..

"Delilah!

Oh my goodness,

I came as soon as I heard"

I turned 

to the sound of Gracie

rushing into the little waiting area

and I immediately ran to hug her.

"how is she?

what happened?"

"she had to go into emergency surgery"

that was all I was able to get out

because it was too real.

Daiha might...

she might not make it.

we've been grasping at straws

these past few weeks.

the doctors think it's best 

if we give up

they think

that we should unplug her.

they said

they've never seen someone

in her condition 

recover and wake up.

they say, 

that there's less than 

a five percent chance

of her ever waking up.

I don't want to know

what they say now

that she has to go into

emergency surgery.

The thing is, 

I can't give up on my sister

because it is my fault

that she's in a coma in the first place

if it weren't for me, 

she wouldn't have 

run into the storm.

if it weren't for me

she would've made it 

to the storm cellar with no problem.

it was my fault

my fault

my fault

my fault

and then I had somehow

made it into the bathroom

before I realized what was happening...

I was sliding down the wall

my head in my hands

tears streaking my face

sobbing 

and gasping for breath

God please

please wake her up

please let her make it through surgery

the doctors don't believe she has a chance

but I-

I know you can wake her up... 

please God,

I'm begging you...

and God? 

I want-

I want to be a Christian.

"Delilah?"

I looked up

to find Gracie

walking into the bathroom.

She sat next to me

and put her arm around me.

Before she could say anything,

everything that was on my mind

bubbled out

and I was spilling everything

about how the panic attacks had gotten worse

not better

how I had barely eaten the past few weeks

how I was lying because I didn't want

anyone to have to deal with me

because it was my fault

because everything was my fault

and I didn't deserve to,

but I wanted to be a Christian.

when I had finally finished

telling Gracie everything

she was rubbing circles on my back

and biting her lip,

thinking of what to say.

"nobody deserves to be a christian.

no person deserves to be saved.

that's what is so amazing about God.

He loves us despite our constant

disrespect and disobedience.

He sent his only son,

who lived a perfect life for us,

to be the perfect sacrifice in our place.

Christ was perfect,

so we don't have to be.

When we allow Christ into our hearts,

we become blameless before the Lord.

All God sees, 

is Christ's perfection.

When we allow Christ into our lives,

we invite Him to change us and our lives.

and Delilah?

it's not your fault.

you were hurt and upset and alone,

and besides,

you two made it to the cellar.

Daiha wanted to be a Christian,

right?

she refused to go into the cellar.

It's nobodies fault.

In fact,

I think it's God's plan,

even though it seems crazy.

but everything happens for a reason,

I really believe that."

"Do you-

do you think she'll wake up?

because none of the doctors do"

I whisper,

my head buried in my arms.

"I don't know.

I don't know if God wants to wake her up

or if he wants to take her to be with him.

I can't answer that.

But what we can do,

is pray.

Delilah, 

do you want to be a Christian? 

because I can help you pray."

I pause 

unsure of why I was so hesitant,

before nodding slowly.

"okay,

Delilah,

repeat after me"

then we close our eyes

and pray,

with Gracie speaking

and me repeating.

we pray

and pray

and pray....

and then I feel my heart start pumping

and I shiver slightly

and I don't know what it is,

but it's like my spirit

has suddenly stopped carrying

a two ton bag of weights.

it's like I can finally 

finally 

breathe.

I am a Christian.

Then,

my mom rushes into the bathroom.

"Delilah!

I've been looking for you everywhere!"

she looks frazzled

so frazzled..

"It's Daiha-

she's out of surgery!

She's-

she's awake!"