i've been
a victim
most of my life.

child abuse.
sexual abuse.
physical abuse.
emotional abuse.
and all sorts of being used.

so traumatized,
i find it hard
to believe the
charming man
standing in front of me,
the one who claims
he loves me for me
and not for what
i can give him.

and yet,
i cannot keep
putting it all on my past
blaming everyone who hurt me.

i have a choice.

to move on.
to love again.
to quit being afraid.

i don't want to be like them.
i hate making you cry.
i hate breaking your heart.
i hate being manipulative.
i hate what i've become.

i promise,
i'll try harder
not to hurt you anymore.

i promise,
i'll make you happier
than you've ever been before.

i'm sorry,
for putting all my fears
on you when all you've ever done
is prove that you love me.

i love you.
i hope you know.
i hope you believe me.

you're my thirteen.
and boy, are we lucky
to find each other
this early.