Lights, camera, action!

Once again it is family movie night. Grab that buttery popcorn, dim the lights, and get yourself comfortably situated in your seating arrangement of choice, dear reader.

It seems that a little someone picked a bad movie for this particular family night.

Perhaps, this movie choice isn’t the most wholesome of choices, with the first scene depicting all the wrongs. Which just happens to be totally against the values your parents have taught you.

But really, how bad can one movie be?

I think very, very bad....

It has only five minutes in, and you weren’t aware that a sentence could include the f-bomb in so many inventive ways.

In fact, why was there so much alcohol? Even the underaged characters had some, and you’re 100% sure that underaged drinking is illegal.

But to really put the icing on the cake, the characters have decided to have more saucy pursuits...

That’s right. The obligatory, uncomfortable sex scene has appeared, and now the room is filled with the most awkward, extremely unrealistic sounds of wanton pleasure.

Your pure baby angel eyes can’t handle this display. Your parents are horrified. Heck, even your cat is appalled. Yet no one is making a move. If things go on like this, you’ll have no choice but to sit it out, and that’s unthinkable.

HOW TO SURVIVE PAST THE SCENE WITHOUT MELTING INTO A PUDDLE OF EMBARRASSMENT:

See, Hear, Speak No Evil:

You know what little kids do when they see and hear something they don’t like? They cover their ears and eyes. Now, the closest thing you can do is the, “WOW, my throat is REALLY scratchy at this exact moment so I’ll just cough for an excessive amount of time.” That is, unless the scene lasts more then 20 seconds or you happen to have parents who are easily annoyed by sounds. The other option you have is to grab the nearest pillow and face plant into it. The key is to convince yourself that the loudly moaning female is simply delving into a delectable slice of chocolate cake...

Snack Break:

As soon as you notice the make out scene getting a little too steamy for your tastes, make a beeline for the kitchen with the convenient excuse of getting more snacks. Grab a glass of water, heat up another bag of popcorn, do whatever it takes to avoid being in the same room as your parents and a raunchy scene. The plus side is more food and awkwardness averted. Bonus points if you have to do this multiple times throughout the movie.

Fast Forward To The Future:

You know what they make remotes for? FOR THE POWER TO SKIP LUSTFUL SCENES. That’s right, pick up that remote and say NOT TODAY. Let’s just hope your parents are cool with you skipping an entire scene, and won’t threaten to smack you with a slipper. A good argument in your favor is that you’re such a “pure angel that can’t handle such crude actions”. Of course, some parents will use this as teasing blackmail, so use this card with discretion.

PTSD:

If for some reason you can’t do any of the aforementioned tactics listed up above, then you have no choice. Sit through it, and bite the bullet. Get through all uncomfortable camera angles with only some of your pride left intact. This will be one of the things that becomes an unwritten rule that no one speaks about it.

Is It Over Yet:

Just act like you're sleeping... Fake it until you make it! For all you know you will fall asleep because your parents usually pick lame movies, so don't make this any different. And your exhaustion could perhaps be from studying too much. So make mommy and daddy proud by sleeping!

Candy Crush:

Just flip out that phone, open your favourite game or social media app and focus your eyes on the much more appropriate screen!

Sex Ed:

Perhaps this wasn't such an accidental movie. Maybe your parents wanted to teach you some life lessons. Try to see what they are doing, but also definitely don't make eye contact!

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Thanks for getting this far!

What movies should you NEVER watch with your parents?