<><><><><><><>

Recap: Breathlessly, we parted and stepped back from each other. My lips felt swollen just from the brief kiss we shared.

"Got enough air?" he breathed, breaking the tension that had begun to form between us.

"Yeah. I think so."

Without another word, we both turned and re-entered the school of doom. I couldn't resist the smile that found itself on my face. Until, I realised why I needed air in the first place. My stomach dropped at the thought and suddenly I felt sick all over again.

I wish tomorrow would never come...

Dedication: Everyone who has stuck with this story although I have taken forever to update <3

<><><><><><><>

The blood inside my veins froze.

My entire insides clenched painfully. He was not one bit less beautiful than the last time I saw him. His tanned skin was smooth, his dark hair contrasting with it perfectly. My mouth was dry and the palms of my hands sweaty.

"H-Hayley?" he stuttered in astonishment.

My mouth opened, but no words came out. It was as though time had frozen me, but everything else around me was still in action. I couldn't think or move. I stood there, completely and utterly stupified, for goodness knows how long.

"Gabe..."

******* Two Hours Earlier *******

"What are you doing?"

Groaning, I slowly rolled onto my back and stared up at my best friend, frowning down at me. Her thick mane of blonde hair was a in a wave of restless curls, cascading down her back. With her hands planted on her hips, giving me a disapproving look.

I rolled my head to the side and registered that I was not in my bed, but in fact, beside it. No wonder I had been so uncomfortable. I fell out of bed. Again.

"Good question."

"You kept me up all night!" she said in frustration. "You were tossing, turning and crying in your sleep. It was a nightmare!"

"Apparently so."

"No pun intended." she added, rolling her eyes.

I gradually reeled myself into sitting position and sighed, my head sore. My eyes felt strained already and were stinging. It felt as though I had hardly got any sleep at all, despite having about eight hours. Rubbing my hands roughly across my face, I clambered to my feet and pushed past Imogen. I made my way into the bathroom, where I splashed the cold water onto my face. I was just leaning over the bench, elbows resting on the cool surface, when yesterday's news slammed back into my mind again.

Gabe.

My friends.

Coming today.

Suddenly, I realised why I felt so sick and sleep deprived. Ugh. Groaning louder than necessary, I shed my clothes and let myself into the shower stall. I put the water on as hot as it could go and let my skin burn, as painful as it was. I closed my eyes and inhaled the pain, my jaw clenched. It got to the unbearable point where I gasped and leapt backwards, my back slamming against the cool, pain of the glass. Trembling, I turned it down, my breath coming out in short, fast pants.

I. Was. A. Mess.

Pull yourself together Hayley, I scorned myself. I was not a weak, little girl, unable to stand up to people. I was Hayley Larson. I could do anything. With that mini-self talk, I emerged out of the bathroom and hastily slipped on some jeans and a tight, black top that clung to my body a bit too dangerously. I ran my fingers through my hair, glad that it fell down my back in natural tumbles. I applied minimal make up on and sprayed perfume. Once satisfied, somewhat, with my appearance, I fell back onto my bed sighing heavily.

"What's wrong diddums?" Imogen cooed.

"Today. My friends. Coming."

"Oh yeah!" she exclaimed, suddenly remembering. She shrugged nonchalantly, oblivious to my inner turmoil of emotions. "You'll be fine. Might be good to see them again."

"Mm." I mumbled distractedly, too consumed in my own thoughts.

I had been so in love with Gabe.

The fact that I had to pack up and move away from him most likely hasn't changed that. Just remembering the way I was with him, made my heart stutter in my chest and my breathing hitch in my throat. I could still feel the heat underneath my skin when he ran his fingers over me...

"I don't get why you're freaking so much."

Reluctantly, I pulled myself from one of many flash backs of the past. "It's complicated."

"What isn't?"

I ignored her and continued to gaze up at the ceiling. I stared so hard I felt my eyes burn. Okay, so it probably seemed like I was overreacting, but in all seriousness, if you were in my situation, you would probably be feeling the stress as well.

Would they be mad that I just left? Surprised? Glad?

It's not I really had the option to just stop in and say hello. My phone, that held all their numbers, wasn't with me and I wasn't dedicated enough to remember any of them off-by-heart. I never re-joined Facebook because I couldn't deal with the 'I'm so sorry for your loss' posts every two seconds. I suppose, if I was really desperate, I could have put through it, but after so much time, why would I change things now?

I wasn't sure what to expect. What if they wanted nothing to do with me? I sure as hell changed a lot since the murder of my father. I wasn't the same person that they once knew. Besides my internal change, my dirty blonde hair was longer and darker. My smooth, soft hands had become rough and hard. My glossy, bright eyes were hardened and dim.

Running my fingers through my hair, I rolled my lips into my mouth. I began contemplating some escape routes I could undergo, to get myself out of this.

"Oh, and just a warning, the guards are always ten times harsher today than any other day. It's supposed to show the 'innocent' what it is really like at these delinquent schools. To make sure they stay precious and blah blah." she said, as if reading my mind. A look of disgust crossed face. She swivelled her eyes to me and smirked. "Everyone can be corrupted though."

"Apparently."

"Don't worry, H." she said softly, sounding surprisingly sincere. "You'll be fine. They will be happy to see you."

"How do you know that?"

"They'd be crazy not to."

I found myself giving her a genuine smile. It was moments like these that I just wanted to pour my soul out to her. Tell her everything about my past. Let her understand why I had become this cold monster. To let her know I had once been a bubbly, bright girl, like she was. But something kept holding me back.

I wanted to tell her.

"Imogen-" I began, but a large knock had me jumping about a metre in the air. I snapped my head towards the sound.

"It's time." she exclaimed, leaping up from the bed. "I hope there are some cute boys!"

Cute wasn't a sufficient word choice for Gabe. He was amazing. Colin was a bit like that as well, more so actually. Admittedly, I had forgotten about Colin midst all this chaos and fear of my friends coming. I should probably go speak to him after our brief make out session yesterday.

I shouldered around Imogen and hastily exited my dorm. I gave Chase a forced smile as he slipped past me into the room. I found myself knocking on Colin's door. It swung open and I withdrew my breath. His dark hair was sticking up at all odd angles. He was shirtless and just had a pair of baggy shorts which hung loosely on his hips. My mouth fell open as I took in all of his amazingness.

Before I could even say anything, he grabbed my hand and pulled me in. I tumbled into him, our chests colliding together. As if that sparked something inside him, he roughly pressed his lips against mine. My eyes closed instantly as a ripple of happiness rolled through my entire body. Just being with him, was equivalent to having food and water. He satisfied one of my basic needs. I feel as though I would get through anything, if I just knew he was there for me when I needed him. That might not even make sense, but to me it does. I was so weirdly content with him. I never, ever thought I would feel like this again.

Especially since the only person in the entire world that I loved just died, removing all chances of me leaving this wretched hell hole.

Surprisingly, my mind didn't dwell on what has happened to me recently. (Clearly, I haven't been handling it well. I've been drunk most nights and don't remember half of it). I was too preoccupied with my hands roaming over his defined chest. Thoughts of Gave had disappeared into thin air the moment Colin touched me. He pulled back and our foreheads met. Our breaths mixed together as his hands slowly ran down each side of my body.

"I could definitely wake up to this every day."

I smirked. "Yeah, you go alright."

"Just alright?" he challenged.

"Mmm..." I trailed off.

He pulled me further inside and wrapped his arms around me. I sighed into him. Never, would I have thought I would be in an 'almost relationship' with Colin. Nor, feeling this happy with him. It was like my heart was bleeding, but the more time I spent with him, the more stitches were applied. It has also been a while since he freaked out and totally ignored me, which is awesome.

I could get used to this.

The desire to go back to his house, with his family and just be with him, swelled inside my chest, leaving me breathless. I haven't wanted anything this bad, for a long time. I didn't think I would be able to move on from Gabe. As soon as that thought slithered through my brain, I stiffened. How had I forgotten? A few moments with Colin and the outside would had melted away, temporarily leaving me happy.

"What?" he murmured, feeling my body tense. He reclined back and stared deep into my eyes. It usually made me uncomfortable when he did this, as it made me feel exposed. But today, it had a calming effect on me. His thumb rubbed my arm and I sighed deeply.

"I just realised all my friends should be arriving. Like right now."

"Gross."

"I know." I groaned, burying my face deeper into him. "I don't want to see them. Well, I do. But I don't. I don't even know what I want."

"Stay in here." he suggested, a lazy smile appearing on his face. I paused for a moment, transfixed. His smiles were so amazing. It was so rare seeing him smile, as his trademark smirk was usually indented into his lips. I wish he smiled like this every moment, of every day. "I could think of some things to do to pass the time..."

Well that was a tempting offer. As I was about to accept, the door swung open. We didn't even bother to remove ourselves from each other. The guards must know boys and girls mingle in their rooms all the time. It's not like we're very subtle about it. A disapproving look passed over his face, but as I suspected, he didn't bother to lecture us.  He looked how I felt; tired and prepared for a long day.

"Come on kids, time to get going. The school is here."

Dread spread through my veins as I reluctantly let go of Colin. Hanging my head, I mumbled, "I guess I'll see you later."

He just nodded, turning his back to me. With a sigh, I trailed out. Classes were supposed to resume. Maybe I should cause some trouble and get held through lunch. That way I wouldn't have the chance to see anyone. Surely they wouldn't show them our classrooms?

I was on my way to society and culture, when it happened. The blood inside my veins froze.

My entire insides clenched painfully. He was not one bit less beautiful than the last time I saw him. His tanned skin was smooth, his dark hair contrasting with it perfectly. My mouth was dry and the palms of my hands sweaty.

"H-Hayley?" he stuttered in astonishment.

My mouth opened, but no words came out. It was as though time had frozen me, but everything else around me was still in action. I couldn't think or move. I stood there, completely and utterly stupified, for goodness knows how long.

"Gabe..."

"Is that really you?" he exclaimed in complete astonishment.

"Guilty."

He stepped towards me slowly, his eyes wide. He inched forward hesitantly, as if unsure this was real. I held my breath, the closer he came. He ran his finger down my face and automatically, a could shiver ran down my spine.

"My God."

I felt the need to make some smart comment about how I was a God, but the moment passed. We just stared at each other. For a long time. Absorbing each other's appearance. We had both changed so much. Clearly, one of us more than the other.

"You dyed your hair."

"Yep."

"I like it. It suits you."

"Thanks."

Silence fell once again. He opened his mouth a few times, but seemed to struggle with what to say. I think the shock was still sinking into him. He ran his hand through his hair, frowning at me. It was like he was trying to figure something out.

After the longest period ever, he eventually came out with; "What the hell?"

"Hmm?"

"What the hell?" he repeated. "What the hell are you doing here? In this place?"

"I got sent here and can't leave."

"Why don't you go live with your grandparents?" he asked automatically.

He just knew that much about me. It was weird how natural it felt speaking with him again. It sounded so easy. My mouth was dry when I attempted to reply.

"She died. My grandfather was the one who sent me here."

A pained expression came over his face. It was nice how he didn't look at me with sympathy. And he didn't say he was sorry. He just understood.

"Why didn't you keep in contact?" a hint of anger edged his voice, but his expression was sad. This made me feel even worse than before.

"It's complicated. I couldn't."

He swallowed and I watched absently as his Adam's apple bobbed. He moved closer and inhaled. It sounds weird, but at the time, it felt normal.

"God, I've missed your scent."

I wrinkled my nose. It was weird to think that I had a scent that he remembered. I took a step back, almost self-consciously. When was I ever self-conscious? Other than about my scars of course.

Speaking of...

"You've got new scars."

I grimaced, absently reaching up to my chest. "I've found myself a bit of trouble in here."

"How are you coping? I don't understand how someone as innocent and beautiful as you, could be here."

Innocent.

I laughed, without humour.

"You wouldn't even recognise the person I have become now, Gabe."

"I'm sure I would love her, as much I loved the previous Hayley."

I closed my eyes, feeling my heart squeeze. He reminded me of home. The home, I would never return to. My eyes stung, so I kept the closed even tighter. I knew he moved closer. I knew what was going to happen, but I didn't stop it.

His soft lips brushed mine. Memories of my old life bombared my brain, making me feel nauseous. You really don't realise how lucky you are, until all the things you have that make up your life, fall away, leaving you with nothing. I hadn't appreciated what I had.

And I regret that every day.

I didn't exactly kiss back, but I didn't stop him either. He kissed me for a few moments more, before stepping back. I almost wish he kissed me longer. It wasn't an earth-shattering kiss, that I often share with Colin, but it was one that felt simple, nice and like everything I used to have.

"I miss that every day."

I couldn't hold it in anymore. A tear slid down my face. He instantly brushed it was with his thumb and began making circular patterns on my cheek. I nuzzled into him, seeking his warmth. He gently kissed my forehead.

"I better get going... I'll find you later." He turned, but then grabbed my face gently. He softly kissed my cheek and whispered, "Don't let me leave, without saying goodbye. I can't go through that again."

My breath was shaky. I didn't open my eyes. A soft sob escaped my lips and I pressed the back of my hand to them. With trembling fingers, I wiped away another tear. I touched my lips again, more tears falling.

The next time I opened my eyes, he was gone. Instead, a furious looking Colin stood a few metres away with me. I gulped, my eyes burning even more now.

"Colin-" I began, my voice hoarse, but found I was talking to his back. He stormed away from me and I buried my face into my hands. I let myself cry. Only for a moment. It felt nice to release some of my riled up emotions. Hastily, I wiped at my face, removing all tears. I inhaled steadily, regaining control.

I watched him stride from me, shaking with anger.

Damn it.

<><><><><><>

I stumbled, a bit disorientated, after him. Tears were threatening to escape again, but I refused to let them shed. I was past feeling sorry for myself for missing Gabe. I needed to fix my new life, not reminisce in my old one.

This was the best Colin and I had been with each other. It was just what I needed to get over everything that has happened. But no, the possible love of my life sees me for less then five minutes and I let him kiss me. I let myself crumble and be weak. God, for someone who was so 'strong', boys had be wrapped around their little fingers. Ironically, it's usually the other way around.

It wasn't like I was in a relationship with Colin, but I still crossed a boundary. I would be angry too, if our roles were reversed. With a groan of frustration and an unnecessary yank of my hair, I picked up my pace. How could I be so stupid? Of course he would try to kiss me. Of course Colin would be annoyed. Complication is my middle name. I should have known something like this would happen.

He darted around a corner. I jogged after him and as I rounded it, my shoulder barged roughly into someone else.

"Get out of my way," I snapped, not even bothering to look up.

I heard a gasp and the person grabbed my arm. Without hesitation, I spun on my heel and slammed them against the wall. I wedged my elbow into their collarbone, before lifting my eyes. Shock slammed into my body and I removed myself. I stepped back, my arms falling limp beside me. My heart rate spiked as our eyes connected.

We stared at each other, both unable to utter a word.

One, Ameika, my best friend, hasn't seen or heard from me for over a year. She comes here, I practically scream at her and then slam her up against a wall, before I even realised that it was her.

Two, I was also equally as shocked that I screamed and slammed my best friend, whom I haven't seen in over a year, into a wall.

So, we were probably going through the same thought process. I cleared my throat uneasily, and scratched the back of my neck.

"Hey. What's up?"

"What's up?" she asked back quietly. I expected her to snap. To yell. Do something. But her stare... her tone. That was worse than all of the above. "Is that the first thing that really came to mind?"

I dropped my gaze and took another step back. "Yeah."

"Well your lying hasn't improved."

I looked up in surprise. Again, not the reaction I was expecting. Somehow the guard didn't even notice the commotion that happened. The rest of the class filed away, leaving us deserted. I would have almost felt better if they stayed. Did I want this confrontation? Was I ready, since I was only with Gabe, mere moments ago? Was I strong enough to handle this as well?

She still looked the same. I felt a pang in my heart as I watched her. I missed her. And until now, I hadn't realised how much. Looking at her, I could see my Dad's face, smiling and happy.

I will not cry again.

"You look terrible." she said bluntly, pulling me out my of emotional roller coaster.

"Thanks."

She rolled her eyes and folded her arms across her chest. Both moves straight from the 'Hayley Larson' handbook.

"Not like that, obviously. I mean your scars, your eyes... look at your hands."

She reached out and her gentle fingers met mine. I wrenched my hand back, with a slight intake of breath. Her eyes narrowed curiously. She didn't look surprised. Almost as thought she sensed I would do that.

"That's new."

Reaching out again, successfully, this time, our hands met. Her fingertips lightly ran over my rough and hardened ones. My long nails were now broken and jagged. She used to envy my hands. Now look at them.

She sighed, closing her hand around mine, interlacing our fingers.

"What the hell happened to you?"

So, for the first time, I told someone.

<><><><><><>