I ran and ran like I always did. This was something that wasn't new to me. I ran from my feelings for Derek, I ran from my friends, I ran from my dreams, and I ran from life.

Just like this cancer had been running through my body since sophomore year. Seems unfair, right?

It's so unfair.

My hands pushed the double doors open quickly and the rain fiercely crashes down on my skin. I didn't even bother to pull my hood up. My purse was still somewhere on the ground but my phone was securely in my pocket.

My feet splashed in puddles which soaked me even more as I ran to the car, running away from all my feelings. Running away from all of them.

Once I opened the car door, I just sat in it. I just sat in silence until I couldn't anymore.

Why me? All these years, that was the question that haunted me. Why was it me that ended up getting sick like this? Why was it me that got my hopes up, that thought I'd be able to have a chance at life just to get knocked back down? It didn't even run in my family, it just happened.

So why me?

I was a good person. I was a nice person. I prayed to God every single night. So why me?

The tears I had bottled up for so long finally came undone as I let out a giant sob.

"Why, why, God, why? Why would you do this to me?"

My hands pound against my steering wheel as I let out another shriek. I didn't understand. I couldn't understand. Was I really that bad of a person?

My heart constricted inside my chest. It seemed like my lungs were refusing to take on any more oxygen. All I wanted to do right now was....

"I would've been fine with dying. I accepted my fate. I knew what was happening to me. And then you decide to bring them back into my life?"

More tears soak my already wet form as I cry. It had been years since I had last cried.

What was the point of crying? It doesn't change anything that's going on. All it does is make you even more depressed. All it does is make you think about stuff you don't want to see.

"I-I tried to protect them and their feelings. I tried to make sure they wouldn't worry about me anymore. I tried to distance myself from them so it wouldn't hurt them as much when I d-died! But you!"

I shriek, pointing my finger to the air and shaking it furiously. Anger was now starting to course through my veins, and that was a feeling I had forgotten long ago.

"You just had to fuck it all up, didn't you? You had to make me fall in love with him all over again. You had to make me do that stupid project with him. All for what? Just so I could die? Just so I could die!"

My fists fly at the steering wheel again, not even stopping when I hear a bone in my hand snap. Blood was starting to stain my steering wheel from the force of my knuckles hitting it.

"You just wanted to fuck with me, huh? Try and make me feel like I h-have a chance when I don't! Make him love me when it's only going to break his heart! It's breaking my heart for fucks sake!"

I bring my trembling hands up to my face and cry in them finally, letting my shoulders rock with the force of it.

"I tried so hard not to love him. God, I tried so hard. And I trusted you! I thought there was a purpose, but there's no purpose. There's never a purpose. I don't want to die. Please, please. I'll do anything. Just don't let me die!"

More sobs take control of my body while I just cry in my hands. Years worth of bottled up emotions are coming out tonight. All those times I took needles into my owns and pills without flinching without shedding a tear.

Thunder shakes my car and lightning strikes right next to it. I could feel my phone buzzing crazily in my pocket but I ignored it.

"My mom, what's she going to do without me? What am I going to do without her? Why would you do this to me? Why would you kill me and all of them like this?"

I wait for the response I never get and break down again, letting my fingers tangle in my soaking wet hair.

"What am I supposed to do? What do I do? You tell me! It's s-so unfair. I tried to make peace with it! I fucking accepted it, but it's unfair. I c-can't die. I have my whole life to live. I have my whole life to live." My voice wheezes while my chest constricts even more. Trembling bloody hands leave stains on my clothes.

It's not like I wasn't used to bleeding like this though, or being in pain. My body was literally self destructing.

The storm raging on outside the car has nothing on the storm raging on inside my mind.

A sudden thump against my car window has me jumping, only to turn around and see those piecing green eyes standing back at me.

His face is full of panic and worry and his eyes are red. He's shaking the car handle, trying to open it. I can't even tell which is rain and which is tears that are streaming down his face.

"Open the fucking door, Angelina!"

His voice is muffled as I search for my car keys. Where the fuck could they have gone? I just had them. I just fucking had them!

"Open the goddamn car! I'm not letting you drive like this! I'm not- damn it, Angel!" His voice cracks, his own steadiness breaking down.

Fists still pound on the driver side door. Haden and Autumn are now standing by the doors of my school, watching with their own uneasiness. Haden looks as if he has all the guilt in the world on his face.

"Go away!" I scream, more tears streaming down my face that I don't even try to wipe.

He's just standing there shaking his head, still trying to find a way into my car. His hands rattle the handle even more as my fingers finally clutch onto my keys.

"Angelina! Stop it! You can't fucking run forever. Stop running, just fucking stop it! Would you let me love you for once? Would you stop it? You have people here who actually fucking care about you, but you're too busy always running so you can't even notice. How do I get you to notice when you do shit like this?" he screams, his hands still rattling the car door.

My heart leaps at his words but the rest of my body ignores it. I put the key into ignition and let my car roar to life.

His hands beat on the window of my car as I pull away. My tears leave everything blurry as I just drive away. His crestfallen look is forever engraved in my mind.

My breathing is shallow and my heart rate is accelerated. My sleeves wipes on the tears that are just now covering my face.

When I get home, I snatch my body out the car and kick open the door. My moms sitting at her usual spot with bills in front of her.

My dog tries to greet me happily but I step over her, heading straight to my room as I knock into everything.

"Angelina, what on earth?"

"Shut the hell up!" I screech, stomping up my stairs and slamming my bedroom door.

Could everyone just shut up?

I fall like a mess into my bed, letting my tears soak the furniture below me. My whole body shakes even more when my bed room door slams open.

"Who the hell- oh, baby, what's wrong?" My mom's once angry tone turns into a worried one quickly.

She climbs into bed with me, pulling my head to her chest as she cradles me like a new born baby. Riley leaps in the bed after us, nuzzling herself into me.

"It's s-so unfair. I don't want to die. I don't know what I did wrong."

"You didn't do anything wrong, baby. You didn't do anything wrong." My mom's hand rubs my back comfortingly while I still cry out my distress.

"You didn't do anything wrong."

I'm emo no one touch me