"I don't want to survive, I want to live." - 12 years a slave

How do you pretend to hate people you don't even hate? It's hard, I know. When you see them in the hall, you want to run up to them and give them a hug. It's torture that kills you slowly but with a fierceness that's often hard to fight.

I was a Taurus. I was supposed to be stubborn, and able to block out people so easily. With them, it was impossible. They forgot that I knew them. I knew them before all of this and I still knew them now. They forgot that I could see through their fake smiles. I overheard them. They believed everything people said about me. They believed everything.

When they left, I let out a loud sigh of relief. Derek made plans to come back over tomorrow so we could get started on our dreamers project. I just wanted to get it over with as quickly as I could. I'd never have to see those green eyes, those freckles, and that dimpled grin again. See, Derek thought everything happened for a reason. I thought things just happened.

"Why didn't they stay for dinner?" My mom whined, she was more upset about my detach of friendship from them then anything else's," I made some really good food. We could have birthday cake, too!"

"I told them to leave. I'm not feeling very good. Besides, we aren't friends anymore." I let the truth of my words hit her ears and she trembles.

I silently plead that she'll keep it together. My parents both had different ways of dealing with my... depression. My father went on as many business trips as he could and busied himself while my mom tried to shower me with all her love, always afraid to let me leave her sight. It was usually just me and her, her and me. Oh, and Riley of course.

"We could schedule an appointment with-"

"No." I shake my head quickly, dismissing the subject before it got out of hand. I'm sick of all the appointments. Nothing makes me feel better. It only makes me feel worse.

Her eyes dropped at the sound of my tone. If she could force me there, I know she would. But then I'd be a little puppet and she refused to turn me into a puppet like the rest of them.

"Well, let's celebrate your birthday!" she shouts rather gleefully, getting her video camera out and a lighter for the candles. I smile for her, only because I know she needs me to. I don't feel happy about anything.

Going to bed was the highlight of my night. Hell, going to bed was the highlight of my life. I could momentarily forget about things going on and just be me. No stresses or anything till I woke up. My mom always complained about me not going out or being a normal teenager anymore, but I was slowly starting to convince myself that I'd rather do this.

Yes, I'd much rather stay at home in boredom than listen to Autumn rant about her new collection of Harry Potter items. I'd rather watch Reba than here Haden talk about the newest season of The Bad Girls club, and I'd certainly rather lie in bed staring at my ceiling than look into Derek's eyes.

Some girls wake up all pretty and dainty but me, well I wake up looking like I got mugged in the wilderness and attacked by a bear. With a groan, I started getting ready. Derek said he'd be over here by 10:00 am and I have no clue why he decided on coming so early. Who the hell wakes up at 10 on a Saturday? You'll be lucky if you catch me up at 3pm.

Once I finish getting ready, I drag myself downstairs and get momentarily surprised to see my mom flipping pancakes and making eggs and bacon.

"Oh, hi honey! I just thought you and Derek would want some breakfast! Nice dress." She has a playful look in her eyes and I groan.

"I just wore a dress because I'm too lazy to put on pants." I answer honestly, popping my pills back but this time, washing it down with a glass of orange juice she handed me.

The doorbell rang not too much longer after that. Riley's fat self trots rather slowly over to the door and I open it, shooting Derek a fake smile. His eyes widen momentarily at me, he hasn't seen me in a dress since the start of sophomore year.

"Looks like someone got the girly bug back," he smiles cheekily before shutting my door and giving Riley a pat. My eyes roll and I sigh.

"No, I'm just lazy and didn't feel like wearing pants. Shut up!" I hiss, walking into the kitchen.

"Hey Mrs. Montgomery," he smiles at her and she glances back and forth between the two of us. That's when I realize we're standing rather closely and I slide to the left to create distance between us.

She had this unrealistic dream that Derek and I would end up getting married. Hell, she shipped us before I even knew what a ship was.

"Hey, baby. I made some breakfast for you two. If you need anything, I'll be in my office."

I try hard not to die from a cringe attack when she tries to slyly send me a wink. My cheeks staining a bright red color as I turn to look at him, only to see he's already smiling at me. His eyes widen in shock and he looks away quickly, now his own cheeks flooding with warmth. I let out an awkward cough, moving to hand him a plate.

"Your mom hasn't changed much, hm?" He croaks awkwardly, embarrassment still evident in his voice. His dark hair is messy, but in a cute way.

"Yeah, she's still... something else." I cringe at how awkward this whole situation has become. Fuck. Only I'd manage to have things so awkward.

When we start eating, I notice his eyes watch me intently. He's watching how small I cut things and I can't help but sigh.

"Derek, I'm not anorexic," I mumble, moving my hair out of my face. He tugs his lip between his teeth and his eyebrows furrow together.

"Were just concerned about you, that's all. I mean, can you blame us, you had a drastic character change so quickly and I-i," he stops, pressing his lips together in a thin line before he shrugs his shoulders.

"People change," I whisper, putting my plate into the sink and he nods at me.

"Yeah. Yeah, they sure do."

So Mrs. Montgomery is totally me with my future daughter just so y'all know.

Wattpad has been glitching for longer than a week now  and you all probably won't get the notification for this update for another 5,000 days but I DID update! See how good I've gotten at these scheduling things? I know, I was horrible at updating with Marked💀.

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Aarika.