Molly went to go hide in her "princess tower" as she liked to call it. She goes there when dad gets drunk, which is basically all the time. Its located in the attic because my dad doesn't know we have an attic. 

I stash snacks and food there for her because she is sometimes there for hours, even sometimes all day. I also put coloring books and picture books for her so she wouldn't get bored. I also bought a battery powered radio so she could listen to music with earbuds so she can block out my father's yelling and my screams of pain. 

We called it her princess tower because she feels like a princess waiting to be rescued by her prince, but in her case, I am her prince. I pretend to be her prince and I save her. Once the coast is clear, I bring her out of the attic because she hates it there unless she is with me. She associates the attic with me getting hurt and dad yelling and getting drunk. 

I tell her I defeated the ugly witch, or that I slayed the fierce dragon, or that I searched for years for her, or that I traveled great distance to find her. I try to make up different scenarios every time so it doesn't get boring for her. Also, it calms her down a great deal and she becomes less scared. 

I got ready to face my father's wrath. It is very hard to avoid his anger. I try to do everything he wants. A lot of people would say I am weak because I don't stand up to my father. Well, a lot of people are stupid and ignorant, and a lot of people aren't in my situation. I try to do what he says it means less trouble for me. If I mess up, he takes it out on my little sister. I don't let him do that though. I offer to take double the punishment instead of her getting hurt. He agreed to that and ever since, he asks me if I want double the punishment, or if Molly gets punished. I always have, and always will choose double the punishment. 

I submit to him because there isn't anything else I can do really. I mean, if I went to the police, we would be put in foster care and there might be a chance we would get separated, and that is not an option, there is no way I would allow that to happen. There also might be a chance that the police wouldn't believe me either. My father might make up some excuses for my injuries about how I was so clumsy and they might believe him.

I sometimes feel selfish and dumb for wanting to keep my sister close to me and put her through all of this but I love her so much and Molly loves me too. I asked her one time if she wanted to leave Daddy and she said yes. I then asked her if she wanted to live somewhere else with parents who loved her, and she responded without hesitating or stopping to think about it, she said,

"Not if I can't be with you, Fia. I won't leave you ever. I will especially not leave you alone with Daddy all by yourself, Sophie." she told me.

"You might get hurt, Molly, if you stay with me and I might not be there to stop him," I warned her.

"As long as you always come home to me Fia and never leave me alone by myself, I will be able to be strong and think of you and I will be ok if I get hurt," she said bravely. 

"I would never leave you Molls. Never ever, not even if the world was ending," I had told her firmly while picking her up and giving her butterfly kisses on her cheek. 

Now, years later, I thought about this conversation I had with her while I watched her climb up to the attic. My baby sister was growing up.