Here it is, folks, the official list of Gravity Rises Incorrect Quotes!

Note: These quotes fit with various points on the timeline, and may contain spoilers, so please make sure you're caught up on reading the series before you read this chapter :)

Round 1

Bill: I think the word you're searching for is "demon overlord."

Ford, shielding Dipper and Mabel: The word I'm searching for, I can't say, because there's preschool toys present.

Mabel: I'm too young to die!

Ford: I'm not but I still don't wanna!

Dipper, glancing at Mabel: Some of us are born flirtatious right from the womb, and some of us are better at... algebra.

Ford, grumbling as he follows the twins through the forest: What would the kids want in there? Besides the opportunity to inconvenience me.

Pacifica: I'm gonna find you and break your knees. Like the wind.

Lee: You see, son, the only thing to be scared of out here is your imagination.

Ford: Yup! That, and of course the screaming banshee. Well, g'night!

Librarian: I cannot lend you this book.

Mabel: Why, because it holds dark and forbidden secrets?

Librarian: No, because another odd little girl already checked it out.

Ford: Do you see anything?

Fidds: My entire life flashing before my eyes?

Mabel: You keep talking to yourself, people will think you're crazy.

Gideon, annoyed: Thanks for the tip.

Mabel: What? I wasn't talking to you.

Percy: I'm dying??

Bill: Technically, all humans are!

Ellie: I would like to see you settled before I go to heaven and live with the angels.

Pacifica: And with Grandpa!

Ellie: ...No. He is... not there.

Mabel: Are you trying to solve my relationship problems with math??

Ford: I have three PhDs, Mabel. May as well use them.

Dipper: What is that language??

Ford: It's Nordic Backwards Latvian Slang.

Dipper: That sounds made-up.

Ford: Twenty-seven people speak it, Dipper. It's actually quite common.

Mabel: All that stands between me and that Journal is—

Pacifica: Pacifica Pleasure! Ahahahaha! *explosion noises* Lightning!

Gideon: I cut her dramatic entrance budget.

Ford: Lee, I am impressed.

Lee: Your condescension, as always, is much appreciated, Ford, thank you.

Dipper to Mabel: Don't worry, I won't blame you if my brain gets eaten. Although I can't help it if you blame yourself.

Gideon: No more cockamamie ploys!

Pacifica: Cockamamie ploy? That was clearly a maniacal scheme!

Lincoln: Now, this recipe is simple. It calls for flour, eggs, and your immortal soul.

Mabel: Don't say a word.

Dipper: Fergulous.

Mabel: Dipper, I said no words.

Dipper: Oh, I see. Two weeks ago we're playing Scrabble, it's not a word. Now suddenly it is a word because it's convenient for you.

Ford: I'm too busy to make your feelings... feel good.

Lincoln: That might work.

Gideon: Might? We're gonna need to do a little better than "might."

Pacifica: Oh, thank you for your contribution, Gideon.

Gideon: Forgive me for wanting a little specificity, Pacifica.

Pacifica: *looks confused*

Gideon: Specificity?

Ford: I don't want your ghosts showing up moaning about how I didn't warn you.

Mabel: We've been warned. We won't haunt you.

Dipper: I might haunt you a little.

Gideon: Uh-oh.

Dipper: Don't tell me. We're about to go over a huge waterfall.

Gideon: Yep.

Dipper: Sharp rocks at the bottom?

Gideon: Most likely.

Dipper: Bring it on.

Gaston: Give me my son and we'll burn your house to the ground.

Dipper: And? Don't you mean or?

Gaston: Fine. Or we'll burn your house to the ground.

Mabel: Well, which is it? It's a pretty crucial conjunction.

Dipper to Pacifica: Look, I celebrate our break-up with fireworks, okay? I blow things up.

Pacifica: It's over now. I'm never coming back. You can forward my mail to the cold heart of space.

Mabel: *breathes in* The library. I love the smell of thinking in the morning!

Pacifica: Did I just kill that guy?

Gideon: No, he's bleeding internally and being a total baby about it.

Dipper: Grandma was right all along! I am the world's most perfect man.

Gaston: Keep it together, Gaston. Make your mustache proud.

Dipper: You're a woman. And I would like to flirt at you.

Dipper: Look who's got an extended vay-cay, huh? What are you gonna do now?

Candy: Seethe.

Dipper: Sounds fun!

Candy: Any questions?

Greyson: Seven.

Candy: Pick the most important one.

Dipper: My lifeline goes all the way down to my elbow. I think I'm immortal.

And, finally, a feelsy one:

Lee: Ford? Impossible. We were young men together. I'm an old man.

Ford: Filled with regret...

Lee: Waiting to die alone.

Ford: I've come back for you.

Round 2

Pacifica: Don't worry, Mabel is an old — oh, what do you call someone who you've always wanted to destroy?

Ford, distracted: Oh. I wasn't--

Melody: Listening. Yes.

Greyson: This is Candy, my charmingly violent best friend.

Mabel: It's like herding cats!

Dipper: Just one cat! Just me.

Mabel: Like herding one cat.

Pacifica: Admit it, Gideon. You like Mabel.

Gideon, irritated: No, I do not.

Pacifica: Denial isn't just a river in Egypt.

Dipper: If I had a nickel for every time I yelled at Order members and changed their minds, I'd have two nickels. Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it happened twice.

Melody: I've got the perfect solution. Just the thing to make you feel better in a jiffy! 

Ford: Great. What is it?

Melody: *smacks him across the face*

Dipper: What are you looking at?

Gideon: Huh?

Dipper: What are you doing?

Gideon: Nothing, just watching something.

Dipper: What are you watching?

Gideon: Uh... something. Why do you need to know?

Dipper: I was just asking. It's called small talk.

Gideon: Oh. Thanks for trying.

Dipper: Hey, Grunkle Ford, real quick, there is a floating goat in your closet that needs your help.

Ford: Lee would try it.

Fidds: Uh, is Lee really the best example to follow? In acting stupid?

Ford: Well, he does it all the time. So he must have a lot of practice.

Gideon: *rolls eyes*

Pacifica: I see you and your cynical eyeballs, Gideon. They're going to get stuck that way.

Gideon: No, they won't.

Pacifica: They could.

Dipper, doing homework: *random beatboxing noises*

Mabel, annoyed: You can't beatbox during math.

Dipper: At times like these I wish I'd listened to Grunkle Ford.

Melody: Why? What did he say?

Dipper: I don't know! I wasn't listening!

Ford: Fetch your uncle a tin of mutton!

Dipper: ...I think they just have nachos.

Pacifica: I have a problem.

Gideon, dismissively: I don't.

Bill: Do you mind? I'm speech-ifying!

Lee: You did that on purpose.

Ford: Yes, Lee. I keep trying to get killed because it's inconvenient for you.

Melody: You get cranky if you don't sleep.

Ford: No I don't.

Melody, with false sweetness: Do you mind if I record your tone for later, to use as evidence against you in a future disagreement?

Gideon: And who of us is stupid enough to jump on that thing?

Dipper: Say no more. *leaps*

Mabel: I thought I was meowing back to a cat for the past hour but it turns out it was just me and Gideon meowing at each other from different rooms in the Mystery Museum.

Ford, probably sleep-deprived: Ooooh. That's a good idea! I'm smarter than myself sometimes, aren't I?

Round 3

Ford: I prevented a murder today.

Melody: Really? How'd you do that?

Ford: Self control.

Lincoln to Pacifica: I know as your self-appointed father figure, I'm supposed to say something comforting here. But I'm kind of stumped.

Fidds: What was I doing again?

Lab: *explodes*

Fidds: Oh yeah, my experiments!

Fidds: ...MY EXPERIMENTS!!

Ford, late at night: It's almost one. At this point I might as well pull an all-nighter.

Pacifica: Must be hard not being able to laugh.

Gideon: I do have a sense of humor, you know.

Pacifica: I've never heard you laugh before.

Gideon: I've never heard you say anything funny.

Bill: Build a man a fire, and he'll be warm for a day. Set a man on fire, and he'll be warm for the rest of his life.

Ford: I do what I want!

Dipper: I'm telling Melody.

Ford: No, wait!

Mabel: I can't go. Stress is bad for the baby.

Samuel: What baby?!

Mabel: Me.

Gideon: Do you have any skeletons in your closet?

Pacifica: You mean literally or figuratively?

Gideon: Honestly, the fact that I have to specify...

Mabel: I got out of bed once and I've been exhausted ever since.

Ford, after an adventure: All things considered, it didn't work out too badly.

Mabel: We saw ourselves die! Twice!!

Lee: Here's some advice.

Pacifica: I didn't ask for any.

Lee: Too bad. I'm stuck here with my thoughts and you're the only one who talks to me.

Mabel, talking about Dipper: He has one speed, and it is Go.

Gideon: Listen up, fives. A ten is speaking.

Gideon: Pacifica, can we talk? One ten to another.

Pacifica: I'm an eleven, but continue.

Gideon (after a few years of living with Grace): Why am I in charge of locking up at work and at home?

Edward: It's helping you prepare for fatherhood.

Gideon: Well, it'd help if you two cherished your bedtime. Instead you're laughing at me by lying there on the floor.

Grace: You really /are/ preparing for fatherhood.

Pacifica: If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.

Melody: My son, Ford, is being tested for the advanced program at his school, and my other son, Ford, thinks his toothbrush is haunted.

Curtis: I'm gonna break this in half!

Gideon, the babysitting uncle: mm okay

Gideon:

Gideon: wait WHAT ARE YOU BREAKING IN HALF—

Fidds to Ford, on some adventure: What do you think? Fight or flight? And by fight, I mean hide.

Pacifica: I am a strong, independent acid snake inside the skin suit of a strong, independent woman.

Lee: Maybe you should go to sleep before you have an epiphany and realize the secrets of the universe.

Ford: Oh I'm about to.

Pacifica: Can I play outside?

Lincoln: Sure, whatever, I'm not your dad.

Pacifica: Okay, bye—

Lincoln: Wait! It's cold outside, put this jacket on.

Pacifica: Okay—

Lincoln: And don't play in the street!

Gideon: You uncultured swine!

Dipper, covering Waddles' ears: Excuse you, my swine is /very/ cultured.

Mabel: You know the sound a fork makes when it's in the garbage disposal? That's the sound my brain makes all the time.

Sources: Gravity Falls, Avatar: The Last Airbender, Hilda, Studio C, The Emperor's New Groove, Inception, Cars, Star vs the Forces of Evil, DuckTales, The Mysterious Benedict Society, Fablehaven, GlitchTechs, Toy Story, Alcatraz vs the Evil Librarians, Space Boy, The Good Place, Psych, 30 Rock, Epic, YouTube, Skyward series, York series, Terry Pratchett, Ninjago, Phineas and Ferb, Twitter, unknown, online generator, real life

I posted the first round in August 2020, the second round in December 2020, and the third round in November 2021 (although I had all the quotes as early as summer 2021, sorry I didn't post then). Feel free to leave more incorrect quotes that you have in the comments!