CHAPTER TWELVE:
NO GOATS WERE HARMED DURING THE MAKING OF THIS CHAPTER

Lucifer shooed the children of Odin off like a mother encouraging her children to go and make friends at a park. Thor didn't need any encouragement, he went straight for Bruce and drew the shy scientist in a conversation. Loki and Hela, however, were a different story.

"How about Stark? He seems intelligent," Lucifer offered as she and the two trouble makers stood in a corner, scanning the room for suitable candidates to converse with and if they were feeling generous, maybe even befriend.

"He's arrogant and his hair is weird," Loki grumbled and crossed his arms.

Lucifer scoffed, "Well, we've gone over everyone! There's no one left."

Hela looked at her godmother with confusion, "Why can't we just stay with you?"

"I can't be your only friend."

"Why not?"

"Are you comfortable telling me about your love life?"

"Yes," they both said.

Lucifer scoffed, "liars."

Loki cleared his throat, "Not everything. And I certainly would never discuss such things with these mortals."

"What things?"

The trio turned to look at Peter's wide eyes, beaming with excitement and innocence. They looked at each other, uncomfortable, before the silver tongue cleared his throat.

"We're talking about the recent changes in Asgard and how they've improved in the last 10000 years, slightly before my birth—"

"Like 9000 years but yeah go off, slightly."

"—so it's...interesting."

Peter breathed a choked "woah", clearly shocked about hearing about another planet entirely. "It sounds amazing!"

Lucifer ruffled his hair, "I'll take you one day."

"Really?"

"No. Maybe."

"So cool."

After that everything went surprisingly smoothly. Thor dragged Bruce to where Loki and Hela were sulking and the four started talking. The avengers had gathered on the other side of the room and were talking —clearly about them as they looked at them every 2 seconds— and so Lucifer decided to leave them be and take some time for herself to relax.

Relaxing for humans could be anything from listening to music to doing complicated yoga stuff that would make Mr. Fantastic jealous. But for Lucifer—

Well, she's not human. Let's leave it at that.

Before anyone knew what was happening, there was a goat in the kitchen, placed on an alter with candles around it while it munched on hay. Lucifer was walking around it in circles with a knife in her hand chanting something.

It was the chanting that got the their attention. Or maybe the flickering lights. Or maybe the scream of an innocent goat. Whatever it was, the avengers dashed into the kitchen thinking maybe Morgan Le Fay had somehow managed to get in and was working on a curse or some shit, while the Asgardians walked calmly, if only to make sure their godmother wasn't trying to summon Mephisto to demand her money back.

Don't ask, it was a very confusing time for everyone involved.

They were halfway to the kitchen —it's like 20 steps, why are they going slowmo— when another scream was heard.

This time human.

Meanwhile in the kitchen —literally 20 steps away— the avengers had found a goat trashing their kitchen after eating everything in the fridge and Lucifer playing go fish with herself.

Yes, that's Lucifer's idea of relaxing. Causing chaos and making everyone panic.

Very relaxing.

。................✟............... 。

The problem about living with Lucifer, Tony decided, was that she had no idea how normal humans behaved and thus would act very unhumany (it's a word now) around them. He can't blame her, to her they're acting weird and she's the normal one but well... it's becomes a problem when she's around people who don't know who she actually is. Like when she's at school.

So after the asgardians went to their floor with the help of FRIDAY—

[ "COMPUTER, LEAD ME TO MY BEDROOM!"

"Thor, buddy, you don't need to shout."

"Why is this insolant, invisible, coward not complying with my fair demands! Do you know who I am?!"

FRIDAY replied by listing his every title and every deed.]

—Tony decided that from tomorrow they were having 'How to Human for Dummies' classes and everyone had to contribute something or else their next gadgets would be yellow. Neon.

Everyone agreed.

Tony can't say if it was because of his threat or because none of them wanted to ever face a hungry goat again but he's glad they decided to help.

Why? Because clearly Lucifer doesn't want the help.

The next morning, Lucifer walked into the busy kitchen —now goat free— and magiced a bottle of red substance for herself.

No one dared to ask if it was wine or blood.

But they did try and show her the wonders of coffee. He now has to fix the coffee maker.

Tony could only hope that with earths mightiest heroes, they could together teach Lucifer how to human.

But don't hold your breath.

BONJOUR MA DUDES

ok so I'm putting u all up for adoption cause I made a subtle spn references in the last chapter and no one got it
I even complained about it in the comments so yeah
Adoption

To everyone commenting about updates: I myself, like you, am waiting for update but the spontaneous nature of this fic goes back to wild and crazy ideas and my brain only has 3 dust bunnies in it
But thanks for commenting.
I'm not complaining I'm sympathizing

Anyways
(I'm writing this before writing the chapter cause I wanted to mention some stuff and I knew I would forget it so yeah) this are my current thoughts:

So I kinda wanna change the summary, if anyone has anything in mind please do share thank you.
(Wow ok current me that was very emotional)
[also dw about me talking to myself it's normal! :D]

Also also
If you think I'm not gonna involve moonknight and have Lucifer an khonshu have an epic tantrum about coolest being and stuff you clearly don't know me yet go study me.

DROP IDEAS IM OUT OF THEM PLEASE HELP AAAAAA

Even this chapters memes suck 😭