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Hush, Howl {16}

Sapphire

I didn’t quite understand the way I reacted at school today. Instead of doing the usual thing like listening to the teacher’s boring lectures and scribbling down notes on my notebook, I found myself fidgeting with the ball-pen in my hands, clicking it incessantly which created an annoying sound. My calculus teacher got a little distracted with my session that he scolded me in front of the whole class because of it. I wasn't embarrassed—no, I wasn’t. After all, I’m used to all those kinds of things that other people say about me. But they aren’t enough to discourage me from continuing to study.

      This morning everything went fine, except for the fact that Darwin started following me home like a guard. I didn’t quite understand the way he acted around me this time, the whole time he was staring at me straight in the eyes. His silver eyes gleaming reassuringly that he’ll be here for me. Unfortunately, there isn’t anything that I had to be sad about except being problematic about how am I going to handle the day that I mostly doesn’t want to remember—or to come.

      Now, with those eyes. It kind of reminded me of Darwin’s. Maybe that’s why I found them so familiar. The same gleam, the same color . . . the same kind of hope and tranquility when he’s around me. Darwin . . . he never acted different from the way Darren does around me. Darwin was tame, and so will often bark and lick my face . . . while Darren, on the other hand, would express his cheeriness when he sees me by hugging me or something like that.

      But what scared me the most was how he looked at me in a way that I haven’t seen before. The look of longing and desire, but isn’t too exaggerating to make it look lustful. Just the average way—like he wanted to be with me, to keep the smile on my face, or to express his fondness by hugging me, and to express the way he wants to comfort me by never letting go. I wouldn’t complain—his presence, in fact, makes me comfortable and at ease.

      It just feels strange.

      Shaking away the thoughts, I started to think of something else. But I just couldn’t get my mind off the topic. I couldn’t shake off the feeling and the intuitions that were bothering me. The way he acted was sincere, the way he spoke was real, and the way he laughs was unfeigned. I’m starting to think that he is being honest about wanting to have a real friend. Those facts made the hesitation to go away, but I cannot stop worrying about how he’ll react if he finds out that I’m starting to fall for him—or something like that. I just hope I wouldn’t experience anymore rejections like I’ve had before.

      I was lucky that both of them aren’t in this class. Or I’ll be more distracted.

      The bell rang, snapping me out of the trance that I realized I’ve been in for a whole hour. I gathered my things and placed it all inside the bag then slung it over my shoulder as I started to walk out of the door. Rosy came running after me in a hustled pace, a worried look written across her face.

      She stared at me with her hazel eyes. We always had the same eyes since we were related—a weird, family heirloom as we both called it. “You’ve been acting really weird from our classes today. Is there anything wrong?” she asked.

      Even though I don’t look at her face, I know the kind of emotion that she was showing. I swear if brows make noises, then hers would be screeching right now from being puckered on her forehead. Even the tone of her voice made it obvious that she was worried. I stopped at my tracks then looked at her with a masked face. I shook my head at her question and continued on my tracks. However, her hands halted me from progressing. She gently gripped my arm and pulled me back to face her.

      “Is this because of the movie date we are having with the boys tomorrow night?” she queried.

      I blinked at her in surprise. Holy crap! I thought. The movie is tomorrow night? How come time flies by so fast?

      “Don’t give me that look, Saf. Didn’t you check the date on your calendar?” she inquired, gripping both my elbows with her hands while shaking me gently.  I shook my head again and she grunted. “Ugh! Quit with the shaking your head thing! What’s the point of learning sign language when you aren’t going to use it?” she removed her hands from me while smacking her forehead.

      I started to wave my hands in the air with symbolic gestures. “It’s just a yes or no question.” I countered.

      “Tell me.” She demanded. “What’s going on with both you and Darren? Did he hurt you or something? Tell me and I’ll make him pay!”

      If you only knew how deep I’m thinking this over . . . I shook my head. “No, it isn’t that. It’s just . . .” I allowed my hands to drop while I exhaled loudly, ducking my head because of the fact that I can think of no words to describe my situation.

      Rosy sighed, seeming to know what I’m thinking of right now. I swore she can read me like an open book. Maybe those are the disadvantages of being with someone your whole life. “Sapphire . . . look at me.” she placed a hand under my chin and forced me to look at her face. “Whatever is having the effect on you . . . whether it’s Darren or the memory of your parents . . .” she trailed off, knowing that I’ll be feeling bad of her words.

      Honestly, thinking about the fact of what I’m going to do with the impossible chemistry I’m starting to feel towards Darren . . . it kept my mind off the memory of my parents’ death. It kept me preoccupied of other things . . . like I’ve been thinking about how am I going to deal with Darren on the movie instead of handling the day of their death.

      But I know that I can never move on from the past just by forgetting it. I know I have to accept that they are gone… that they are never coming back. It seemed like my brain accepted it, but my heart keeps on hoping.

      “Please don’t say it anymore.” I sniffed and rubbed my nose.

      “I’m sorry, Saf. I should’ve never brought that topic.” She sighed. “Come on, let’s get something to eat.” She hooked her arms with mine and we began to trudge towards the cafeteria.

      The hallway began to be more crowded and claustrophobic as students began walking off their classes in order to grab some lunch. The atmosphere was the same. Nerds with books in their hands, passing through the hallways but preventing themselves from brushing against other people. There are also cheerleaders and the ‘populatzies’ that have no care who they bump in to, just to pass through—not even a single apology. Loners, jocks, cheerleaders, nerds—just the usual what you can see in school.

      Once we entered the cafeteria, we spotted Ds—we decided to call Daniel and Darren that since they both have the same letters as their starting name—sitting on a table with five plates placed in front of them. I noticed that there was a girl sitting at the end of the table. She was staring in front of her in a daze. She had her black hair tied into two low pigtails on her shoulders. But besides that . . . she has no makeup or anything except for her glossed lips.

      She was wearing a ruffled pink top which was paired with dark-washed skinny jeans and a pair of ankle-high boots. She was tapping her foot incessantly while the Ds were digging into their food. When they noticed us standing just beside the doorway to prevent from being bumped into while the others entered the cafeteria, they waved their hands in unison and motioned us to come over.

      When they both saw what they did, they both laughed and gave each other high-fives. My heart literally skipped a beat and anxiety flooded through me.

      Rosy half-dragged half-walked me towards their table and made me sit down the sit opposite to the boys. The girl looked at us with a smile and we both returned the gesture. Her eyes looked black at first glance, but when you look closer it’ll look deep, rich brown. She has a cute button nose with pale-pink lips.

      Reaching out her hand, she began speaking. “You must be Sapphire and Rosy. My name’s Zoe.” She told us, and we intently connected our hands one by one with hers.

      “Are you . . .?” Rosy began.

      Zoe gave out a hearty chuckle. “To refute your suspicions, no, I’m Daniel’s cousin.”

      A smile broke onto Rosy’s lips. “Oh, sorry about that.” She grinned at her sheepishly. “So you new here?”

      “Yeah, it’s my first year here in this high-school.” She told us. “Just got home from vacation.” She added.

      “Now that all of you are acquainted, let’s eat. Mom insisted on cooking us her best meals and delicacies.” Daniel told us as he dug his fork into the spaghetti.

      “You’ve got to be kidding me! Spaghetti and meatballs? Double chocolate cake? Chicken Alfredo? Gooseberry Pie?! This is heaven!” Rosy gushed, looking down at the food placed in front of her.

      “Yep, all for us five only.” Daniel agreed.

      “Are you sure that it’ll fit us five? Because by the looks of it, Rosy will it all.” Zoe teased, earning her a playful smack on the arm from Rosy.

      “I’m not that hungry.” Rosy countered, pouting.

      “You’re drooling.” Zoe corrected.

      “Yeah—hey!” She was turning her head back to the food when she suddenly realized what she said. We all burst into laughter at her reaction. Rosy tried to stay serious—but being obvious that she can’t, she joined the fit of laughter that we are currently having. “I have to admit that’s true.” That made me laugh even harder, although I did not make any sounds since I'm mute. A few minutes, the others eventually got over it while Daniel was still onto it. Rosy leaned over the table and smacked him on the forehead, making him fall out of the table from the force she applied.

      After the thump, we laughed once more at Daniel. I caught sight of Darren slicing a piece of his cake then standing up. He crouched down at Daniel feigning passed out and transferred the cake into his palm.  We watched in amusement as he smeared the cake onto Daniel’s face, making him jerk up in alert. He sat up and wiped off the chocolate icing and bread crumbs from his face.

      “Hey!” he whined. We ignored the looks the other students were giving us and continued laughing.

      “It’s just a piece of cake!” Darren joked, making us all laugh even harder. Daniel stood up from his position on the floor and pulled out a handkerchief from his pocket. He unfolded it and began to mop off the remaining contents from his face. Settling himself back down on his seat, Rosy noticed a speck of small crumb messing the tip of his nose—we all did. My brows furrowed on my forehead. How come he wiped off the whole mess on his face and leave only a single crumb?

      Without hesitation, Rosy leaned over the table and swiped off the speck of crumb from his nose, then settled back on her chair. “Aw, you guys are sweet!” Zoe cooed, clasping her hands together and placing it under her chin angled to the left side of her face.

      Rosy blushed but did not say anything, instead, she grabbed a plastic plate set to her right fished a spoon from the plastic and scooped out the dishes prepared in front of us with a certain container.

      When everyone got over the scene earlier. Zoe turned to me. Leaning in, she began to whisper. “I know about the movie date you and Rosy with the boys are having. I want to help you both on picking the right outfit.”

      Just thinking about the date made my stomachs do somersaults.

~~~~~

DELETED PARTS!

When everyone got over the scene earlier. Zoe turned to me, her hands waving in the air with symbolic gestures. I deciphered it as letters. She was speaking to me through sign language. “It’s a pleasure meeting you. I just want to inform you both that I’m a friend. I’ve got no bad intentions.”

      Rosy gasped while I just stared at her in disbelief. “No way! You know sign language . . . alphabet?” Her mouth was half-full with the spaghetti and meatballs.

      “I learned it a few years ago. Quite handy to memorize, mind you. But really, I have deaf friends, and, well, voiceless friends. I just . . . am different in terms of the topic ‘friendship’. I’m weird as so many people say.” She stated while looking down at the plate she got for herself. She was playing with her food.

      “So you know about Sapphire being…?” Rosy quieted, sparing me a short-lived glance and staring back at Zoe.

      “Special? Yes, I do. Honestly, I think those who are in with those conditions, they are most talented.” She scooped a meatball and bit into it. “You shouldn’t really consider it as a disability. I’ve been through where you are.” She added.

      “You have?”

      “Yeah, she was deaf.” Daniel told us.

      “But I ain’t anymore!” she told him. “But really . . . I was born deaf. It was weird. Many people bully me about it. The funny thing is I can turn off my hearing aids in order to not hear their statements about me.” She giggled. “Worst days of my life. But I did learn sign language so that I can communicate with other people when my aids are off.”

      “So how did you get your hearing?” Rosy asked.

      “It was when she first shif—“ Darren clamped a hand over Daniel’s mouth.

      “It just came to me one day. Like it waited for the right time to come . . . it came to me naturally when I’m ready. I always considered it as an obstacle . . .” She trailed off with a sigh. “Anyways.” She leaned forward close to me and began whispering. “I know about the date you and Darren are having. I want to help you get the perfect thing to wear.”

      Honestly, she made me feel encouraged about my condition. I actually never heard anyone calling me special because of the situation I was in—calling me gifted as well. She was really optimistic and hopeful. I’m glad to know that she overcame that obstacle she had since birth. It’s even worse having yourself stuck within a situation most of your life. I bet it’s even worse than spending about seven to eight years being a mute. I did experience how it felt speaking and chatting. But it’s been long since I did it. So you can’t blame me if I forgot.

      I was watching Zoe drone about the funny things she experienced when she was still deaf and we would laugh or giggle a few times when a hilarious topic comes up. Turning my head, I caught Darren looking at me with a smile on his lips. I smiled warmly back at him and I swear I felt my stomach did somersaults.

      This day couldn’t be better. First a new friend with encouraging and optimistic outlook in life and two boys both with funny personalities.

      Somehow, this situation on which I’m in brought good and bad disadvantages in life. Zoe was right, this is just a challenge in life. I will be able to overcome it like she did. It won’t be long . . . the right time will come. I’m starting to raise my hopes on getting my voice back. As many people say ‘Nothing’s impossible’ this is something that I’ll be able to defeat.