the formula to this pain
is my loneliness mixed with
the desperation for acceptance
from people who would never look at me.

must be the fact that my father left
before i was born
or the fact that my mother left
for ten whole years
just to come back and tell me
i was a fucking mistake
and that she wishes i she had killed me back then.

the formula, oh, it's all i've ever known.

i'm fucked up since birth
and i'm used to it, of course.

everywhere i go, i feel pain.

i ask myself everyday,
"what's the point?"

is there even any?

the only things i want are those
that break me.

the only people i yearn for are those
that hurt me.

i am tired of being so sensitive
yet numb at the same time.

i feel everything at once
and i don't know how to stop it.

the formula to this pain
are my obsession in the unknown
and constant boredom that comes
when i know everything about someone or something.

i don't like to be treated right
and it's maybe 'cause i think
i don't deserve it.

i don't want to feel pain anymore
yet i cannot live without it.

this is the formula to my drug
and i'm trying to make it not toxic.

but i know with my heart
i'll never be happy
with something that constantly
hurts me.