She had been taught to stand up for what was right; to fight against what was wrong. But it would be better if she had learnt that there are times, when there is nothing which is absolutely wrong, there are only different levels of right. That the definition of right and wrong is subjective and relative, that it could vary as per circumstances and perceptions. And that sometimes, doing a right thing, because the need for correction is more, would be doing a greater wrong.

She was proud of who she was, one who could always choose to do the right thing, even by her loved ones. And yet, each time she made that choice, she was questioned for her love. She never thought it fair though she always sided with the one who needed her more and not the one she loved more.

Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast....

Her mother, she was her world and her universe, her teacher and guide, friend and mentor. She had loved and been loved so much by her mother that she never missed not having a father, not by a great deal. But once she learnt who her father actually was, she had transferred all her longing for that absent figure in her life to him. It had been her mission to reunite her parents and give their love the haven it deserved and had been thrilled when her mother agreed and her father concurred. She had not known that it was to be a repetitive and an ongoing process.

Each time there was a difference of opinion between them, a variance in viewpoints regarding which daughter was right, or an aberration in Ragini's life, her parents separated. And each time, she took her mother's side. But she saw her mother weaken with each battle, till her mother seemed to give up, leaving it to her daughter to fight for her, which she always did.

But now she was sure no longer, she did love her mother and was still willing to side with her, but somewhere, amidst all those battles she fought, she realised that she could be doing it more out of a sense of duty, rather from a feeling of love.

Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast...

Her father, whom she had missed and wanted so desperately through all her growing up years, turned out to her neighbour; her best friend, Ragini's father. They wanted to set their parents' lives right and had been deliriously happy when they had their complete family. She had basked in the much sought after love of a father while Ragini adored her Maa.

It had not lasted long. 

When Ragini betrayed her, her father disowned them. She gave up Laksh for her sister and her father gave up on her, believing the falsehoods of her sister. She had a brief respite when Ragini's truth was revealed and her father accepted that he was wrong. It had not lasted long, this time either, for when Laksh betrayed Ragini, she was made to choose him over the love of her life; she did and walked out of the wedding mandap, with her father, holding his hand and in all her bridal finery. When he had demanded her to swear by him that she would never accept her husband, she did, as always, without a murmur. 

And when the circumstances demanded that she side by her husband and his family, she had been disowned, yet again. She had to beg him, on her knees, in a public place, to be once again accepted as his daughter. She did not mind, he was her father, after all.

It did not end there, when he had to choose between his mother's dictate and what was right, he did not hesitate and her mother paid the price. She had, with her usual zeal set out on her mission to reunite both families; hers and Sanskaar's, against Sanskaar's explicit objections. She knew how that ended, both the families reunited and she once again walking out on her husband, with her father beside her.

She had her father with her again, but was not sure how long that love would last.

Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast....

Ragini, her childhood friend and soul sister, who, as they had later learnt, was also her half-sister. The one she loved and adored. The one, who always needed her, yet had not hesitated to try to kill her but she had simply forgiven her. Her sister had maligned her in an attempt to marry Laksh, she had not grudged her, and instead she had gone out of her way to convince Laksh to accept her sister.

Her support had not wavered when Ragini pretended to be suffering from a memory loss; openly siding with her against all reasoning by Sanskaar and the vehement suspicions of Laksh. It had faltered slightly when she found out how Ragini had attempted to create an impression that she was playing with the emotions of both Laksh and Sanskaar. But she was back to being the staunch defender of her sister, going to the extent of doubting Sanskaar to be behind Ragini's kidnapping. She accepted Sanskaar's innocence only because Ragini herself absolved him of all involvement.

She could never identify what primal need drove her to always believe her sister, always give her a chance, always forgive her and always chose her. Even when Ragini acted unreasonably or spoke irrationally, she would try to see the improbable cause behind those words and action, ending up choosing her over everyone else.

She would always love her sister, yet at times, she doubted if she was confused between loving her and wanting to be needed by her.

Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast....

Laksh, who had not created a very favourable impression on her when she had first met him. When she learnt that he was her sister's fiance, she had not been enthusiastic and but had appreciated his efforts in reuniting her parents. She considered him a friend and had been vexed when he had confessed to have fallen in love with her. However, she could not resist him, especially when her sister encouraged her and soon she had lost herself in his love.

But it had been a love devoid of trust and had been the start of a nightmare, one that changed everyone's lives. It was much later, when she had learnt what it truly meant to love someone that she was actually grateful for what had happened.

For she had finally realised it was never love, it had only been an enticing idea of being in love with him.

Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast....

Sanskaar, the man who had stormed into her life with the sole intention of destroying Laksh, whose apparent mistake had been to fall in love with her. And yet, he was the only one who truly understood her and meant everything he said. When she had asked him to purge his heart from the hatred, he had filled it with intense love for her, a love that blazed with the lustre of a thousand suns, a light that lit up the darkest corners of her soul.

She had been angry, reluctant, and hesitant before she realised and accepted that she loved Sanskaar, with every fibre of her being, that he was not only her strength but the love of her life. And yet, her ardent love for him could never translate to what he termed as absolute faith in him. For she could not understand why the person who loved her for being good and right, who had sworn to be by her side in all her battles, now seemed to object to that very trait of hers.

It pained her to see him being hurt at her constant attempts to follow that facts and side with what she thought was right. And irrespective of the outcome of such attempts it always ended in the same way. The first time, during Ragini's kidnapping it had ended with him dropping her at the Baadi, because she could not convince him that she would trust him. The second time, just after their wedding, when Laksh betrayed Ragini, it ended with her walking out on him with her family because he asked her to go with her father. The third time, when Laksh disappeared and Ragini sank into depression; she again walked out with her family, over his vehement protests that he was innocent and had no hand in Laksh's disappearance.

She did not doubt his love for her; she could not understand why her choice of trusting facts over truth was always construed as a lack of faith by him. It was a fact that Laksh had disappeared after his altercation with Sanskaar, so how could they believe he was not responsible? How could he be upset with her because she trusted her friend, it was a fact that he had come to her house after fifteen years and hence had no logical connection to Laksh's disappearance? It had hurt when he felt offended that she could be happy in Nikhil's presence and that she trusted Nikhil's protests over Sanskaar's suspicions;, how could he equate that with a lack of love for him?

She was miserable that she was not with him, she did want to go back to him but that did not mean she had to stop smiling or laughing, as he had done. It was agonizing that he took her laughter as a sign of having moved on from him and that his taunting remarks could necessitate her having to prove her love for him.

She did love him above everyone, but was not sure what it meant for them, anymore.

Cause love comes slow and it goes so fast....

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Cont'd.