Chapter 6

I was in the dark, tucked in Lexi's bed.

"So, twenty questions, let's go," I whispered, lying on my stomach, my arm around Lexi's waist, our faces close.

"Wait, I'm not ready," she chuckled.

"What?"

"Well, what am I supposed to ask?"

I made a shocked face at her. "Hey, you're the one who proposed the twenty questions, I'm just playing along."

Lexi brushed her fingers softly on my arm that was wrapped around her. "Well, I mean, all I can think about is the silly stuff like when's your birthday, and what's your favorite color or your favorite book, and I already know all that stuff."

I moved my head a little on the pillow to get a better look at her, smiling. "So, what you're saying is that you already think you know me enough and you don't need to ask me twenty questions?"

"For some reason, I feel like I should be telling you to shut up right now and slap you," she replied, rolling her yes.

I chuckled again, trying not to be too noisy and get ourselves in trouble with her dad. "Manhandling, yes. Always."

"Do you actually like the manhandling?" she asked as took her hand in mine and kissed her knuckles.

I wanted to properly kiss her, but I knew that if I did, I'd be way too distracted to keep up with this conversation.

I was not the strongest soldier when it came to Lexi Grayson, regardless of how many privileges I had.

"First question, excellent. It's definitely a conversation to have with my therapist," I admitted.

She would probably think I was joking. I was kind of being honest though.

"This is getting into kinky territory," Lexi pointed out, and I could swear that if the lights were on, her cheeks would be red.

I knew mine probably were.

"Yes, this is getting into kinky territory," I replied.

Yep, definitely red.

"Is this something we should be asking each other about?" she asked softly.

"You wanna know if you're going to need to punch me in bed?"

"Well, that is a reasonable question."

I chuckled, pressing my forehead on the side of her head. "You won't need to punch me in bed."

"Any like weird thing I should know? You know about my chest obsession. It should be fair I'd know about yours."

Her obsession with my chest was unparalleled. As much as I loved her, I didn't think I could ever rival with her when it came to being obsessed with one specific part of her.

My obsession was with Lexi as a whole after all.

But also, this conversation was definitely getting dangerous. Did she really want us to talk about that right now?

"You really want to make sure I'm not gonna fall asleep tonight, is that it?"

"Just genuinely curious."

"Okay, so..." I started to mumbled, having a hard time finding the right words, "to be perfectly honest, I don't actually know. I don't think there's anything specifically weird I like. I... guess... like anything sex related was always very... I don't know how to put it, but it was like, it was happening, but I wasn't actually there. It wasn't... right? I don't know how to phrase it."

Sex had become an act I was so detached from that I actually genuinely had no idea what I preferred. I was just along for the ride, I wasn't the one driving.

"I think I understand."

"I do want you to understand that just because I'm more experience doesn't actually mean I have any idea what I'm doing either," I admitted.

Lexi kissed my hair, and then brushed her fingers through it. The small gesture gave me chills.

"Oh, don't add me in this equation, I know exactly what I'm doing," she joked.

But yeah, she kinda did.

"Oh yeah? Exactly?" I teased her.

"Exactly," she repeated, smiling in the dark at me.

"And what's that?" I chuckled.

"Target acquired," she said, before pressing a kiss on my chest. "Chest all the way."

"My poor chest," I laughed again, pressing a hand against it, like I could trap the kiss there somehow.

"Mine," Lexi said, and pressed another kiss.

I was really grateful for my chest at the moment and for whatever reason it seemed to be so irresistible for my Pumpkin.

But if she kept kissing me it was gonna become a problem, so I tried to steer us back to the subject at hand.

"So, any other question?"

Lexi thought about it for a second, running her fingers absentmindedly on my arm. "Do you know which universities you want to register to? We've never actually talked about this, your future I mean."

"I don't think I've ever let myself plan about my future that much, so yeah I had a few ideas, but not actually because I had any interest, it was just so people would get off my back," I admitted.

"You don't need to go to university either, you know, right?"

"I think I do want to though. I like to learn, as weird as this may sound. And if I'm being honest with myself, I do want the college experience. What about you?"

"Yeah, mostly to colleges not too far from here. I don't want to be too far from home."

"You know you don't always have to take care of everyone. You're allowed to be selfish. And your brother and your father can take care of themselves."

Lexi let out a little sigh. "I know. But at the same time, I also know I can't actually let it go. I don't like to abandon people, or leave anyone being."

I could kinda guess why. Her mother leaving them. Her sister leaving them. Vanessa leaving her. And she probably often felt like the odd one out in her group of friends, so she didn't want anyone else to feel that way, maybe unconsciously.

I didn't tell her this though. I didn't actually want to put her on the spot.

But I also didn't want to specifically assumed anything. I'd been so wrong about Lexi so many times.

"Anyway, it's fine, we still have time to think about this."

"It's just all a little daunting, you know, the fact that nothing is actually like planned after this. School is kinda boring, but the routine is nice. I like having things figured out for me," Lexi added.

"And you don't like change," I pointed out.

"Yeah, I don't like change," she agreed, smiling at me again.

"I don't really like change either. I always liked when things were quiet and not complicated. I like just spending my days reading books and listening to my father playing the piano."

"You had a nice childhood," Lexi said. It wasn't a question. She could figure out that much.

"I did."

"I had a nice childhood too. I think that's why it hurt so bad when my mother left. If things had always been awful when she was there, it would have been a relief for her to leave. But... I had such an amazing childhood. So her leaving was really hard to digest," Lexi whispered.

There really was something about this, telling stories softly in the dark, cuddled against each other.

I'd never thought I'd be allowed to have moments like this with Lexi Grayson.

"Do you think you'll ever be able to work things out with your mom?" I asked her, brushing my fingers through her hair.

"Part of me doesn't want to. Part of me is still very angry. But another part of me misses her a lot."

"It's okay, whether you decide to forgive her or not. She's human, she can make mistakes. But your feelings are also legitimate and you're allowed to not want to forgive her."

"It's okay. I'll get use to change eventually. And I think I'm mostly fine now. I still have Dad and Tyler. And I have my friends. And I have you," she said, and pressed a quick kiss to my lips.

I kissed her back. "You do have me."

"You don't like Pepsi, right?"

I laughed a little too loudly, surprised by the question. "Okay, that was seriously random."

"Answer the question, Blake Eaton."

"Not really. It's too much sugar for me. I don't hate sugar, but I'm not a sugar addict like you either."

"I don't know how we'll be able to live together if I can't fill a fridge with Pepsi."

"It's bad for your teeth. And your health in general," I pointed out.

"But it's so good."

"So, you're more for instant gratification and not long-term gains? Good to know."

"You've figured me out. I do like instant gratification," Lexi replied, sliding her hand under my shirt to get to my chest.

I chuckled, grabbing her hand. "I swear, I will go hide in the bathroom again."

She chuckled too, taking her hand away. "You're so weak."

I smiled at her, running a hand through her hair. She closed her eyes, leaning into my touch. "I am when it comes to you," I said softly.

We dozed off after that, her head tucked under my chin, whispering half sentences sleepily.

We went to school together, and the day was spent again, holding hands and stealing furtive kisses between classes. Our friends were still as supportive as they were teasing.

At the end of the day, I dropped Lexi off at her house and went to my own home.

I did want to spend more time with Lexi, but I also needed to have a talk with my parents. I owed them that much.

I waited for dinner time, when we were all sitting together around the table.

"You guys deserve an apology," I blurted out.

My parents kinda froze. Dad had his fork half way to his mouth. Mom was frowning.

"What?" she said.

I stared at the table. "I haven't exactly been the picture-perfect son lately. I've been throwing tantrums and I've been over reacting and putting stress on you guys, when... well it's really not fair. I'm not the only one who lost Jayden. We all did. And I shouldn't make everyone around me suffer when I have a problem."

"Oh honey, it's fine," my mother said, reaching out to me, putting a reassuring hand on my shoulder.

"No, it isn't. I really worried you guys this time, I know, and I shouldn't have. I should have taken the time to communicate my own feelings."

"We have our faults too. Kendall... we should have cut her off of your life earlier. She's never been good for you. But we just didn't really know what to do because of Jayden. He cared so much for her," Mom said, looking sad.

It was kinda weird to have her said this now, with everything I had been told before. Was she actually wrong? Or were my cousin and Josh messing around with me?

"Actually, everyone's been telling me lately that Jayden didn't love Kendall," I said.

"What? Who told you that?" Dad asked, frowning, looking confused.

I pointed at him and exclaimed, "See, that's the right reaction to have! That's the reaction that makes senses. Not just nodding going all, yeah, didn't you know?

"Who said that?" Mom asked me.

"Josh. And Adaline."

"You spoke with your cousin?" Dad inquired, like this was what mattered right now in the conversation.

"Yeah, I called her a few days ago about her boarding school. I want Jean to go there."

My mother beamed. "Oh, that would be a lovely idea. I can call some people to make that happen."

"Really?" I asked.

That had been easier than I had anticipated. It hadn't been what I wanted to talk about today, but I was glad my mother was on board. Now we just needed to see if Jean actually wanted to go to a boarding school in England.

"Absolutely. But that's beside the point. Why did Josh and Adaline say that?" Mom asked.

I shrugged. I would have loved to know actually, because I had no idea about this. "I have no idea. Josh doesn't really want to talk anymore about it with me. But he basically said they never would have worked out in the end because Kendall was a bad person, and Jayden was just tolerating it, but he would have gotten fed up with her eventually."

"Well... I mean, he's not completely wrong. Most people don't stay with the people they dated when they were teenagers," Dad pointed out.

I wondered if he was thinking about me and Lexi right now.

I knew the odds too. I knew that I wasn't the person with the best mental health, and I knew both Lexi and I had a tendency to overreact before getting all the facts. And we were dramatic.

So there was a lot of chance that we would argue about something again.

But I hoped we'd learn enough from our last fight to know how to handle ourselves now.

"Either way. Whether Jayden loved Kendall or not, I do want to apologize for everything. For worrying you. For being so moody lately," I repeated.

"We really can't say anything you know," Mom said, "we're the ones that gave you your genes, with all the health complications you might have. It's not something we're allowed to be mad about from you, ever."

"We just want you to be happy," Dad added.

"I'm good now," I reassured them.

"And we're really glad that you went to see Doctor Boseman and you're taking things seriously," Mom said.

I was grateful for them, for pushing me to visit my doctor. I would definitely still be wallowing in my sadness had it not been for him, and my new medication.

"We just want the best for you," Dad said, looking like he might tear up.

I hated the fact that it hurt him to admit this, because my happiness had been such a scarce commodity in these last years.

"Thank you..." I trailed, feeling like I might cry too. "I wished Jayden would be here with us now," I added, admitting this softly.

"Me too," my mother agreed, smiling sadly back at me.

My father wasn't saying anything, he just had the same sad smile as my mother.

It didn't matter how long it had been.

We'd always miss Jayden.

"When we lost Jayden, we tried to run away from everything, we can see that now. But back then the wound was too deep, and changing everything around us felt like the best escape," Mom admitted.

It was so wild to hear her say this. This was never something I assumed I'd heard from her.

It was nothing I'd ever really thought about on my own, as true as it felt.

"And so, we could understand before, why you'd want to leave too, when everything was falling apart around you," Dad added.

"I just hope that in the future, we can face our hardships head on," Mom finished, smiling at me, a hand still on mine.

"And all together," Dad said, smiling at me.

"Yes, together," I agreed smiling back at them.

___________________

Happy Monday my lil Pumpkins.

I've been kinda fighting with Wattpad tonight. I have no idea what's going on, or if I like uploaded this chapter 9 times. Every time I just opened the draft on Wattpad it said it was published. Anyway.

Hopefully everything is okay. I hate when it bugs like this. -_- And I had a headache all day long, so I was completely useless, so I'm really happy that this day is coming to an end.

Hopefully Monday is gonna be a good day.

Anyway, I'm gonna go sleep now and pray this actually published correctly.

Byyyyyye! Love you guys! See you all next week! <3