Joseph's POV

"Are you feeling comfortable having Joseph sitting with us today?" John Michael and Ocean's therapist asks Michael and he nods. "and what's the purpose for him being with us today?"

"I already told you why" I cut in "Joseph, its very important we let Michael speak during his session"

"he thinks me and Ocean are sick again and doesn't understand what's been going on with us" Michael explains. "and what has been going on?" He asks him softly and I sit and listen as Michael very casually tells him what happened with their trails and what he did to James.

"do you remember attacking him?"

"why wouldn't he?" I frown "I didn't black out if that's what you mean?" Michael answers him ignoring me. "and how do you feel about what happened?"

"I feel more confused then anything. Because all I did was defend my wife and everybody's getting mad at me for it. And then my dad wanted me to stay at the new house all by myself"

"we're mad because..."

"Joseph. You need to let Michael talk" John says calmly then turns back to Michael. "did you stay by yourself?"

"for a little bit, but I felt scared so I went home to Ocean"

"was she one of the people who was mad at you?"

"No, because she knows I was keeping her safe"

"and how are things with you two?" He asks and Michael smiles for the first time since we came in the room. "we're doing great! And we're trying to get custody of DJ again now our trails are over and we have a really good chance this time and um..." He pauses for a moment and smiles through pursed lips. "I'm gonna give Ocean another baby!" He says excitedly. "Ocean's pregnant!?" I frown cutting in and John looks at me raising and eyebrow and once again turns back to Michael. "your expecting another child?" He smiles at him and Michael shakes his head "we thought she was a week ago, but it was a false alarm" he sighs disappointedly. "I don't know why it's taking so long this time. I've been doing all the same stuff I did with DJ and Nevaeh, but nothing yet"

"you raped her again!?" I snap knowing that's exactly how DJ and Nevaeh were conceived "I never said that! I don't hurt her"

"do you mean you were more forceful?" John asked softly and Michael nods "but, she lets me do it. If she says no then I stop straight away. I don't hit her or anything like that. She wants me to do it. We both want to" he says nervously "she wants you to ra..."

"like role play?" John cuts me off yet again and Michael nods.

*

After John cuts me off I sit quietly thought out the rest of the session and after the hour is up. Michael agrees that I can speak alone with his therapist and goes and waits outside with Ocean who's waiting for him in the waiting room.

"so what happens now? Will you be upping his medication or..."

"there's no reason to up his dosage or change his medication. He's fully aware of what he's doing and hasn't been blacking out" John shrugs. "he's just sat there and told you he attacked a man and has been raping his wife!" I frown confused. "he never said that he raped her and as for attacking James. As far as Michael is concerned he was protecting Ocean. His aggression isn't coming from his illness, it's coming from what he's been taught"

"he wasn't taught any of those things he just sat there and said" I shake my head. "maybe not intentionally, but you being so aggressive towards him has taught him that, that's the way he's supposed to act. Michael has told me about the way you were with him as a child and..."

"that's all in the past" I cut him off. "maybe for you, but it's had a lasting effect of Michael and from the way you were acting during his session your still showing him that these things are acceptable and it was clear he felt bullied during his session which was why he didn't open as much he usually does when he comes to see me"

"I didn't bully him!" I frown "you were constantly cutting him off when he tried to explain his feelings and when he attempted to open up, you got mad at him for it... I think maybe you could benefit alot with some sessions alone. It could help you understand things from Michael's point of view and help you become less aggressive towards him"

"I'm not the one that needs therapy. Michael does! Just because I don't baby him when he does something wrong doesn't make me a bully" I snap "you may not see it that way, but what I just saw was you trying to bully Michael into opening up to you, then getting mad at him for attempting to do so"

"let's just get on with Ocean" I shake my head.

*******

"Do you ever feel scared when Michael is being more forceful?" John asks. "the first time I was because I thought he was mad at me and wanted to hurt me, but now I know he wasn't trying to hurt me. He was just showing me how much he loves me"

"and now?"

"I feel loved and safe, because I know he does it because he loves me and when he doesn't I sometimes start to feel like he doesn't love me as much as he used to" I'm open my mouth about to say something, but John looks over at me and I remain quiet and continue listening. "now we've already been through the issues you both had with cocaine, but what about the heroin how did that happen?"

*

"it was Jermaine's baby!?" I cut in after Ocean explains about happened with Jermaine and Aisha. And she nods guiltily not saying anything. "which nobody is judging either you or Michael for" John reassures her and she continues. "somthing went wrong with the abortion and I was in so much pain after. Michael didn't want to give it to me at first, but I was in so much pain and it had been going on for hours and he just wanted to make it go away. I've never seen him so scared. Then when Robert gave it to him he was ok"

"was it always Robert who gave it to the two of you?"

"no. Just the first time. After he showed us how to do it me and Michael gave it to each other"

"you injected each other?"

"yes"

"how did you both feel after doing that to each other?"

"we felt happy. Because we took each others pain away and helped each other forget"

"when your scratching yourself. What goes though your mind?"

"I'm thinking of the things that scare me and I don't know I'm doing it. Then Michael holds me and tells me it's ok. And I'm not scared anymore"

I continue listening then just like Michael once the hour is up Ocean goes out to Michael and I stay and talk to John. "and?" I turn to him once Ocean so gone. "I'm gonna prescribe her something for her anxiety, but other than that, she seems happy enough"

"happy? She's basically made out that Michael being abusive to her is normal?" I look at him confused. "by what's she's told me. Michael isn't abusing her and again that's something that was taught to her. She saw the same thing happening to her mother as a child so she's grown up thinking that it's ok and that it's normal"

"so what your saying is basically me, my wife and Ocean's parents messed them up?" I ask in a defensive tone. "In a way... Yes. Michael and Ocean are basically copying what they've been shown. And they've had illnesses that have gone on undetected for who knows how many years" I don't say anything knowing in a way he's half right.

*********

After they've both had separate sessions it's time for the last one with the two of them together and so far I'm still finding it difficult to understand everything from their point of view.

They both seem alot more cheery being in the room together. And seem to be alot more open.

"so things are going good" John smiles at them. "mhm. And it'll be perfect once DJ is back with us. We've got his room set up ready for him" Michael smiles. "and what are your plans after that?"

"Well Michael's going to be working with his dad and I'm gonna be home taking care of things and looking after Nevaeh and DJ" Ocean smiles. "and do you both feel ready to be alone?"

"we're all gonna be together when we move so we won't be alone. And when Prince Michael or Princess Ocean comes they'll be even more of us" Michael smiles. "if you wanted more kids then why'd you get rid of the last one?" I ask confused "because it wasn't our baby it was Jermaine's" Ocean mutters and the two of them look at me visibly upset. "do you think your relationship can handle that much responsibility?" John asks. "of course! It's when were apart that's the problem" Michael shrugs. "and how do both feel when your apart "I think I feel lost and I know I get upset and get really mad at people. I think I feel scared too"

"what do you mean you think?" I ask Michael and John shakes his head at me then turns to Ocean "and how about you?"

"I get scared and I think I get upset and maybe angry"

"with Michael?"

"with me. Because I think I feel like it's my fault. Like I did something wrong"

I sit confused listening to them talking about how they think they feel and not actually saying how they feel. And after the final session is over both ocean and Michael go in the waiting room while once again I speak to John.

"I think they've made some really good progress" John smiles closing the door behind us. "in what way?" I frown confused. "their starting to understand their feelings alot more"

"they already know their feelings. They just wouldn't tell you"

"no... They couldn't tell me, because their still trying to understand them themselves"

"how can they not know how they feel?"

"they find it difficult to understand what all these different emotions are. When I first started the sessions with them. They basically only understood some emotions feel good and some feel bad and when they were introduced to drugs they found away to make the bad emotions go away and now the drugs have been taken away, their facing those negative emotions their understanding them better. You heard them when they were trying to explain how they felt when their apart. They could explain perfectly when they said they felt safe and loved by each other but when it came to the negative feelings it was hard for them"

"don't you think it's too much the amount of time their together? It's like. 24/7 ever since they first met it's like one can't move or do anything without the other" I say concerned. "they've both been emotionally and physically traumatised in the same way as each other. And they don't even have to speak to tell the other how their feeling because their both going through the exact same things and it makes them more protective of each other. If them being together all the time makes them feel safe, I don't see the problem. It's when their separated they get scared and agitated. They both just wanna feel safe and loved and keep in mind all that trauma they suffered as kids, they've just had to go through all of that again when they were up in court it's bound to take an effect on them"

"and what was that about when they were talking about having more kids? Don't you think their a little young to be trying for more?"

"well with Michael having so many siblings. It makes sense he want a large family of his own" he shrugs. "and Ocean?"

"Ocean was emotionally neglected by her mother and she compensates that by wanting to be the loving mother to her own kids that she always wanted from her own mother, which is a need Michael is more than happy to fulfil and he wants to have a large family and be a loving father and husband.. How are you feeling after sitting in with Michael and Ocean sessions today?"

"I feel more confused than I did before I got here" I tell him honestly. "I know it's hard to see thing's from their side, but you have to be patient with them. Don't yell at them or cut them off when they try to tell you things, just listen to them. Trust me their doing alot better and them agreeing to you sitting in their sessions was a huge step for them"

"in what way?"

"they opened up to you. They may not have been talking directly to you, but they were fully aware you were listening. Michael has mentioned you many times during his sessions and.."

"let me guess. He told how much of a shitty father I was and that I beat him as a kid?"

"he's only mentioned the beatings once. The rest of the time he talks about how much he looks up to you and wants to be close to you"

"Michael said that?" I ask surprised and he nods. "he rarely mentions you in a bad light. He talks about all the good things you've done for him and Ocean and how if it wasn't for you defending them, their son could have been adopted when he was first born"

"I always thought he hated me" I mumble. "Michael thinks the world of you. Him giving his first born your name should tell you how much he loves you and you have know idea how much it meant to him when you told him you loved him back and wanted him to call you dad" John smiles through pursed lips and I nod feeling a lump forming in my throat.

****

"Soo.. Did it help?" Michael asks as we're driving home and I nod. "kind of"

"kind of?" Ocean asks and I nod. "alot of it confused me, but John assured me the two of you are in a good place and are making alot of progress"

"maybe you could come with us again sometime" Michael mumbles "would you like me to sit in with you again?" I ask softly and he nods.

I thought going there today would give me the answers I wanted, but I ended up coming out of there more confused than when I went in. I thought he'd just speak to them about what's been going on lately and up their medications or something. But now I know it's more deeper than that. I understood about them being traumatised after what their uncles did to them, but it turns out I'm just as responsible for Michael's trauma and I'm the reason for how he deals with his problems. I've spent all this time blaming his aggression on his illness, but his hit first ask questions later attitude has nothing to do with his illness. He's doing exactly what John said and doing what I taught him to do. I never thought I'd be one of those people, but I've spoken to John about getting therapy sessions for myself. I want to understand and help Michael, but I can't help him deal with his issues if I don't deal with my own. And learn how to communicate better with him.