Chapter 12

Shivay settled on the couch with his half disaster in the name of pulao and bad excuse of chicken curry. His house, his food and especially him have been in distress for the past three days as Annika has taken off due to sickness. However, Shivay only saw the merit of this distancing from Annika. It was much needed to clear his head.

Things drastically changed from Shivay's side at least ever since his confession about his life to Annika. Lifting the weight off his heart had left enough space for him to cultivate thoughts that he couldn't have otherwise explored, thoughts about Annika.

Shivay didn't want to be that guy who calls a girl his friend and secretly harbors unexplainable feelings that borders way ahead of what friendship should be. At his age, the tactic felt creepier. So, his changing attitude towards Annika not only shocked him, but also made him feel ashamed. She trusted him, in spite of everything that happened in her life, in spite of everything he said about his life, she trusted him. She took his words for his innocence and Shivay's own parents hadn't done that. Probably, that is why he felt drawn to her. To enjoy the luxury of confidence has come to him after many years now and he doesn't know what to do with it.

Maybe it was just misplaced attraction, Shivay thought, he surely couldn't like Annika the way man likes a woman. For God's sake the scars of his previous relationships has left him so burned that he can never see past it to acknowledge any tender feeling. Any form of affection weighed heavy on his chest and he cannot be indulged the same way even with his parents. Again it proves that he cannot like Annika. So, what is this feeling, he wondered. This so strange yet so familiar feeling that tugs his heart strings like a instrument every time he looks at her off late.

At least few days ago Shivay could have sworn that it was not physical. But, now, he has dedicated an attention to noticing her so vigorously that a hawk could be put to shame.

He began to notice the way her laughter sounds, the way her lips curve when she is deep in thoughts, the way her fingers play with her hair, the way she looks at him with tenderness, the way she dresses, the way her voice crinkles when she speaks with Vihaan, the way her footsteps are light and breezy, the way she debates first world problems while roasting mushrooms.

He noticed every single detail.

She hasn't changed any bit in his presence, but his awareness of her has attuned him to her so effortlessly that he couldn't help be dragged with the invisible thread that has tied them together.

None of his explanation, or lack of it, has stopped him from feeling guilty about harboring unexplainable feeling for a woman who saw him as nothing but a friend.

Shivay knew it wasn't sexual. Annika was more than a man's casual fling. When he looked at her, he didn't think about pushing her towards the nearest wall and having his way with her, he only think about taking a window seat and being lost in the beauty of her existence, looking at her, listening to her, like one does when the rain pours.

Shivay, though was not doing a very good job at putting a name to the feelings he has for Annika, was sure was flaring well in hiding it. However, one day, after his project was approved by the client and he shared it with her.

"Congratulations." She had said in the most genuine voice that only she was capable of. "Good news so early this year."

"Maybe I started the year well." He replied

Annika looked at him, narrowed her eyebrows, tilted her head and asked, "Are you flirting with me?"

He knew she was teasing. She said it the same way she makes fun of his coffee habit or his candy crush obsession. However, Shivay felt like an ice cold water was thrown on him as he realized that he was indeed trying to flirt. The exact picture he had in his head when he spoke about start of the year was Annika and him holding hands and looking at each other. The realization left a bitter taste in Shivay and he spent the whole next week sulking. So, when Annika called him one morning with groggy throat and relentless cough, Shivay asked her to take leave for how many ever days she wants.

Now, Shivay has not cleared his head like he would appreciate. However, at least, he had the satisfaction of not pretending in front of her.

***

"Hey!!" Annika greeted Shivay as soon as he picked up his phone. "Guess who got 92% in final exams!"

"Wow! Annika. Congratulations. I always knew you were the studious type."

"Am I now?"

Annika's health has greatly improved after rest for a week and she was on the last day of what she liked to call a sick vacation. Her result, for which she was desperately waiting, was here. With such pleasing scores, Annika's residue tiredness was gone and she was ready to go back to life.

"Mumma, you couldn't have got more than me in math." Vihaan who was sipping his juice sitting beside his mother remarked.

Annika pulled her son's cheeks and placed a sloppy kiss there making him scrunch his nose. "Of course not. You are a math genius."

Who cares if math wasn't part of her syllabus as far as she can see the grin in her son's face?

"Mumma, when can we go to meet Shivay uncle?"

Annika looked at Vihaan taken aback. "What?"

"We didn't meet him for so many days now. I want to go to his house."

Annika was surprised that Vihaan asked about Shivay. Annika hadn't pretended to Vihaan that they weren't different from others. He knows that his father doesn't live with him,that his only family is his mother and he cannot have everything he wants. As far as Annika was concerned, he couldn't miss something he doesn't know about. So, she made sure he doesn't know about anything that couldn't be constant presence in his life. This also included people. Annika had no friends, only acquaintance. Even though she has introduced them to Vihaan, she never lets them close to Vihaan or vice versa. Vihaan being reserved with strangers also highly helped her. However, nothing she has taught or he followed held good against Shivay. While Annika was inadvertently trusting towards Shivay with Vihaan, her son was strangely comfortable with Shivay than he has been even with their own landlady who he has known since childhood. If there was a reason for all this, then Annika didn't know it.

"Do you like to spend time with him,Vihaan?" Annika asked

"Yes, he tells me many new things and always lets me play what I want. You know how Rani aunty says I should never touch things in her house." Vihaan said making Annika's throat ache with a sharp pain of depair. She knew discrimination was inevitable and all she could do is prepare her son to love himself more. "But, Shivay uncle lets me look at all the things at his house and says I can play with whatever I want as far as I don't hurt myself. He even promised to teach me cricket the next time we meet."

"Can we go meet him, mumma? I miss him. Do you think he misses us?"

Annika didn't know the answer and she didn't want to find out. It has been over six years since Annika has been self-reliant. She only cared for her and her son. Mumma and son against the world. She didn't even feel the need to have a confident, someone who could listen to her adult problems. She was content in drowning her troubles in her son's innocence. Now, for the first time Annika let herself be open to someone. She allowed her to be vulnerable in front of someone and it both scared and liberated her.

Shivay was different from anyone she has ever seen. For one, he didn't hit on her or make her uncomfortable. She couldn't think of one instance where she felt unsafe with him, on contrary she felt safer in his presence. The knowledge that she has him as a friend, a well wisher, someone she can count on when she encounters any trouble makes her feel protected than she has felt in years.

After Shivay entered her life, everything only started to look brighter than before and that is exactly what scared Annika, because his presence also bought back hope into her life. Annika started to think what it could be to have someone in her life as a constant fixture to take care of her and for someone like Annika the thought itself was dangerous for she knew it can never come true. Not that Annika was interested in having a man again in her life, but she was sure that no one will want a single mother who is a meager house help who puts all her money in hers and her son's education. No one will want a baggage in a relationship and Annika came with a heavy load of it.

Annika understood Shivay better because, in a way, both of them were similar. The only difference was that Shivay was a man, had a perfect job and no kid (exactly in that order). As someone who has been burnt enough times by unwanted judgement he knew better than to judge Annika or anyone for that matter. So, their friendship blossomed easier than they both expected. But, Annika knew better than to expect anything more than friendship from Shivay or anyone else for that matter.

For Vihaan and her sake, she hoped they both missed Shivay's presence in their life a little less when time comes for them to part.

***

Annika knew Shivay's existence in their life came with a time limit. However, she didn't know it was going to be this short.

"You mean it is going to be like a proper job." Annika asked still unsure holding the envelope that Shivay gave to her close to her heart.

"It is, Annika." Shivay assured. "Mrs.Sowmya is my sister's therapist. She is looking for someone to help her with research. She only wants someone with good analytical skill and language. You will be perfect."

Shivay cared for Annika with sincerity that was unmatchable. So, when he heard about a job that suited Annika perfectly, he made hundreds of calls, mails and texts to his sister and her friends until he got three month probation for Annika. Knowing her, he was sure she was going to secure a permanent place for herself.

"If she likes your work, then she is ready to provide stipend for your PG through her mother in law's trust."

Annika still blinked unbelievably. "I don't know what to say. It feels like a dream come true. I can't thank you enough."

"You can by becoming a therapist soon and enrolling me as your first client. Then my mother and sister feel a relief. "

"What are you talking about? You are already my client. I am only not charging you for it."

They both laughed at the fact that they are finally able to make a joke about their problem and cackle instead of feeling hollow. If this wasn't a revolutionary life change, what could be?

Shivay closed door behind Annika after he vehemently denied her working for another six days to complete month's schedule and thrust on her hand her whole month's salary.

"That's end of employment." Shivay said before she left

"But not end of friendship." Annika asked more like a question than assurance. Shivay nodded firmly.

Holding his phone close to him Shivay was not really sure if he wants to do it or not. He has thought about it again and again and was sure he wouldn't regret the decision, but just wasn't brave enough to do it. It can mean everything or nothing depending on Annika's reaction.

Bracing himself, Shivay clicked open Annika's chat box in whatsapp typed the message 'Would you go on a date with me?' Last minute, before he sent the text he deleted the word and retyped 'dinner' in its place.

Would you go for dinner with me?

That was the message Annika has sent him through Instagram DM that he opened just after he has sent her whatsapp message without even waiting to know if she had seen it.

Now that is one of the perks of multiple social media. They both asked the same question and hoped for the same answer. It must be a sign, right?

***

Hope everyone is doing well.

Liking someone is different from being attracted to someone and both are different from wanting to be in a relationship with someone. If you can figure the difference, going further this storyline will be easy for you to understand.