Chapter 22

(Part 2)

Everyone around Shivay was asleep. Long flight from Canada to India puts people to sleep either due to exhaustion or boredom. Shivay had neither. While his body did feel tight at places due to his busy schedule and two long travels in just matter of four days, his mind provided enough excitement for his body to remain energized. Boredom is a far cry when Shivay was too busy contemplating the best way to approach Annika once he landed in India.

Last three months weren't easy for Shivay, nevertheless engaging. He wouldn't call his decision to try and reform a decision made overnight. His self doubts and self-sympathy, as Aman would say, always deterred him from acting on it. So, it is safe to say while the thought has been seeded long ago, only the motivation was formed overnight.

Shivay didn't have a plan. Facing life one day at a time instead of hiding in his house in itself felt like a step forward. Shivay was not sure what to expect, what to change, only thing he was sure about was that he wanted Annika's support. She was motivation and destination in equal measure. Her lack of communication dejected him. He understood why she preferred the distance, but that didn't stop him from feeling let down. It was only few days later that Shivay realized that whatever reason forced her to stay on the shadows in his reformation of life stage, it has only done him good.

Hope someday you love yourself enough to let you live again. That is what she has said in her last message to him. The one that he has read hundred times since he received it. If Annika has been any more involved in his life in these months, he would have only changed him to the way she likes and try to love Shivay that he is in her eyes. He wouldn't have got a chance to go back to the Shivay that he was before his second divorce or explore freely what changes he would like to adopt from who he is now.

Whatever might be Annika's reason to stay away, Shivay saw the bright side of it. If this isn't the biggest hint that he is a changed person, then nothing could be.

Stretching his legs as comfortable as his seat in the plane allowed, Shivay clutched the pillow close to arms and pulled down his eye mask. Sleep was a far cry. He was only expecting to weave dream in more comfortable position.

It was ill-mannered to go to someone's home straight from airport at 5 AM and even more presumptuous to expect to be greeted warmly. So, Shivay was ready for any kind of welcome he was to receive from Annika as he stood in front of her door knocking. She can even send him back home and ask him to return on a more appropriate time as far as he only gets to see her once.

Annika was in her tattered old yoga pants and pale yellow tank top with a scarf of all shades of green thrown around her shoulder carelessly. Her eyes were puffed up due to sleep, or lack of it. Shivay could see eye gunk on one side of the eye and remaining sleep making the other side slit narrowly.

"Shivay?" she asked in a mix of wonder and shock.

"I am sorry." He said. No one knows if it was for waking her up so early in the morning or for everything else. Either way Annika accepted it with a nod.

Annika eyed his luggage and boarding pass still tucked in the front pocket of the coat hanging from his hand. Her sleeping mind woke up with a hop and everything took its place in her mind like a puzzle.

"What are you doing here?" She hoped that one question summed up everything she wants to ask.

"I know I shouldn't have come this early." Shivay said as he looked around to see that the sun has still not risen. At least that saved them from having any audience. "I wanted to see you Annika. Also, I wanted to thank you for helping me overcome whatever that was holding me behind."

"I did nothing. It was all you. Don't give me credits when it isn't due."

"Maybe not directly, but in your own way you did."

Annika didn't deny more. She stood patiently swinging on her heels. She has talked enough in their matter. It was now his turn.

"The conference was nothing like the drama I expected." Shivay chuckled at the memory of googling symptoms of panic attack for he was sure he was going to get one with all the sweaty palms. He was indeed melodramatic. Aman would have a field day pulling his legs if he gets to know it. "I didn't speak with her, but not because I was scared. We didn't find any opportunity or necessity. But sitting few feet away from her, under same roof, I realized that whatever happens in my life I am going to be me and even I can't change it. Unless I accept to live with myself, I am not going to be able to live with anyone else." Shivay shrugged awkwardly. "I guess I learned my lesson."

Annika looked at him longer enough to make him fidget his coat. She was only checking if what his lips say match with what his eyes says. What she saw must have satisfied her for a small smile curved on the edge of her lips and she said, "I am happy for you, Shivay."

While Annika continued swinging on her heels, Shivay pretended to be busy pulling the tag off his laptop bag swung on his shoulder. Both didn't know what to say, or rather how to say, but neither were willing to walk away without the conversation.

It was Shivay who finally braced himself and looked up. "Annika." He called. "I am sure what I say now will make more sense to you because of this restructuring of my life that I have been doing, but trust me I started feeling long before all this started. I finally learnt to love myself, Annika. So, I can say, with utter confidence, that I love you more. If you would still have me, I am willing to do anything to prove my commitment, even if it means signing the dotted lines to make everything official. Will you, Annika? Do you still love me?"

Annika's shock was supposed to reflect a bodily response of a gasp, but she was too stunned to work out mind body coordination. She was expecting a talk regarding them, their future, a relationship, if they could have one, but even Annika's imagination didn't let her take the liberty of expecting a proposal from him as the first thing in the morning as soon as he landed in India. Her mind was busy registering the shock rather than forming an answer for him.

"Do you, Annika?" Shivay who thought it was good to repeat his question to show his sincerity urged again.

While Annika's eyes were fixed on lose button of his coat and Shivay's was fixed on her face trying to gauze her expression, a distraction hit them in sweetest way.

"Shivay uncle, what are you doing here?"

Shivay looked over Annika's shoulder to see Vihaan standing few feet away looking at them both curiously. It seemed their conversation disturbed his sleep. They could see his hand inadvertently rubbing his eyes to drive away the sleep.

Shivay didn't reply anything. He only extended his arms and that was enough clue for Vihaan to run towards his second favourite person. Once Vihaan was lifted in Shivay's arms, the little boy eyed Shivay's luggage enquiringly.

"Are you going somewhere?" he asked

"No." Shivay nodded. "I am coming from somewhere."

"Oh!" Vihaan made a thoughtful face. "What are you doing in my house in the morning? Are you going to come to school with me?"

"Well, I am here to ask your mother a question." Said Shivay shifting his eyes to Annika only for a moment.

"What question? Mom knows answer to all questions." Vihaan beamed brightly.

"I am sure your mother knows answer to this question too. She is only delaying the answer. " Knowing Vihaan was ready with more questions regarding the 'question' Shivay asked him. "You tell me Vihaan, do you like me?"

"Yes." Vihaan beamed his whole face bright with the smile. All traces of sleep gone. "I like you sooooo much." He said and to accent his point threw his arms around Shivay's shoulder and hugged him. Shivay chuckled as he ruffled back side of Vihaan's head.

Vihaan pulled away from Shivay and looked at Annika. "Mom, give the answer soon. Is it not time to get ready for school?"

"Yes." Annika said.

"Yes, mom it is time. Now, give the answer." Vihaan cribbed.

Annika turned to Vihaan and smiled. Pulling his cheeks, she said. "Yes is the answer."

Vihaan frowned with confusion. He didn't know how yes can be answer any question. Shivay on the other hand was exquisite.

"Is that the answer?" Vihaan asked Shivay still dubious.

"Yes." Shivay smiled widely. "It is indeed the answer."

Vihaan shrugged before he got down from Shivay's arms and ran inside telling that it was time for his potty leaving the two elders laugh at his antics.

Annika turned to look at Shivay with her smile still in place. "Do you want to...?" she asked ticking her chin towards the house.

"Would love to." Shivay grinned.

Before Annika could take a step inside the house, she felt a tug at her hand. Shivay's hand had effortlessly found hers and entwined his fingers with hers. Annika, without turning back, tightened her hold on his hand as they both made their way inside the house together.

***

It has been a while since I wrote such a long story. Finally, now that it is complete, I can say that I am proud of it.

This journey was incredible. What I had planned for the story is completely different from what it turned out, especially the last ten chapters. Of course, what we have now is much better than my initial notes and it was only possible because of support of my regular readers and their input. Like every story, I learnt something new with this one also. If, unbeknownst or otherwise, you have also learnt anything from this journey, I am extremely blessed.

I enjoyed typing every bit of this story. It is novel length already (50K+ words) which means 25K words more than what I anticipated. All thanks and credits for readers only.