I don't know how many people have noticed that I've been less active on wattpad, less active with writing in general, and to say the truth,

I have been.

My life has become significantly more stressful since this all kicked back up again and in turn the part of my brain that formulates all the wild stories has kinda gone into a coma. I don't have any incentive to write at all, especially like this.

My mother has gotten significantly more toxic, trying to split up the family in three sections, and she constantly has to fight with either my dad or me. Just last night she threatened suicide. She comes and go's in spurts, nice one day and toxic the next.

She's been keeping secrets from my dad, secrets that I'll probably never know. Her phone stays locked, and she gets defensive when even he asks about it. She thinks that just because she's a woman people should treat her with respect and privacy, or just because she's a parent. Both of those excuses I've noticed, and they seem to become her forte as of late.

@WzeldaTheDragon, you've been there, in the best times. You've helped a lot with how things have been going and you've listened. I'm ever thankful to be yours. You are literally the glue that is holding me together right now. All of our characters we roleplay with, our time we spent together, it helps so much, just that hour or two hours of escape. Every time we speak on the phone you make me feel like everything's going to be okay, I've just got to stay grounded and hold true to what we have. My mother claimed I had lied to you, and I would never, in a million years.

I can't say what my plan is. For once in my life I don't even know how to start to deal with this. I turn into a totally different person, when I deal with her, one that well-

She yells, I yell, she cusses, I cuss. She threatens to hit me, I brace for the blow. I've tried coming at her a different, calmer way, and she thinks I'm doing it because I want something from her. I've told her that I love her, and her most common reply is "what do you want?"

The person I was, the violent, angry person, I still am, around her. That side of me comes out when I deal with her. Mom says it's "those damn video games" and well, it's not, it's her.

I could go on and on about the things she does to piss me off. She'll burst into a room while you're in the middle of a phone call and demand to know who you're on the phone with, and if you don't tell her immediately she'll threaten to break something, or yell some slander as she leaves.

The list is long, of the things she's done. The anger she's made me feel is so much it's overwhelming. Every time I think about her I feel it.

If called the cops on her, in many different situations, three, if I remember correctly. There might be a fourth. Before you tell me that I need to, just don't. Both times, with the first time me being arrested after curfew and the third time being with me calling them, she's got a strategy for the cops.

Every time she has played the same sob story, the same "he hit me" story. I'm not gonna go into detail, but I'll give you an outline of that first night.

This was in July of last year.

Mom kicks me out, I go down to the fire station to stay the night down there. Firefighter pulls me inside and questions me, I give him my name and stuff, and he calls the cops to pick me up. Cops take me home, and what's funny is I got put in the backseat, and got told I was out past curfew. This was around midnight.

He takes me home, listening to my story and actually seeming to care. He spoke about his dad, who had also been rough on him as a kid.

We got home, and there was already two cop cars outside, my dad was out looking for me and my mom was sitting in her recline, right where she had been when she told me to "get out"

She answered the door, and proceeded to give them the story where I had been abusing her, hitting her everywhere. She had pictures of bruises on her phone, which she had taken from the internet and from injuries she had gotten from falls and other stuff. By the end of the night, she was preaching about how abusive I was, and how I was "becoming toxic"

I only hit people when they hit me. I only fight back when there is a fight. I never just hit someone just because.

Two other nights happened just the same, same sob story, different cops. Both times dad wasn't there, both times mom started it. She'll do it when dad isn't around, because she knows she can't lie to anyone around him.

As for this? Wattpad?

This was an escape. This was the place I could go, the place that I could actually feel like someone. This is where Necrox, the actual necrox thrived.

EpsilonTheRaptor
SandstormTheDragon
vexhxzard-
Chronose1251
WzeldaTheDragon
ThatDragon420
Foxbreeze57
PrinceFrostbite
UltimateFanWing

All of you gave me a purpose, something to do other than be angry or sad. You kept me who I was, and I am ever thankful. This was something I could think about to keep me sane, something to help keep me grounded. Helping others has always done that for me and being able to be there for you was one thing that helped me stay the way I've been for so long to y'all. Excerpt Four was when I changed fully, and the people on Wattpad keep me that way. Helping others keeps me that way.

This isn't goodbye. Its never goodbye. I'm never going to let all this go, never in a million years. I'm probably just going to take a break.

As of right now, I need to lay down, just stare at the ceiling, and think.

As for the title of this? I take melatonin, and I usually take it when I'm extremely upset before bed. Melatonin is something the body produces to help one sleep. Reverse caffeine, if you must. It leaves you with a good night's rest, no matter the conditions of the body at that current moment. An overdose can give one insomnia, ironically.

That and nightmares, along with lucid dreams.

I'm going to lurk for the rest of the day, off of everything. I think I might play some more rust, alone, or maybe something else. There isn't really anything to do in the world, at this moment.

Rust and maybe that job offer, paperwork for that.

Yeah, that sounds good.

Till next time.
-Necrox.