Dinner. The one thing Sun had tried to avoid ever since she had arrived to Ryseden. She didn't want to socialize. She didn't want to become attached to people. She didn't want to bother trying to find a seat with someone.

And yet here she was, idling by the door inside the mess hall. Despite Lex's nice and unobtrusive exterior, he could be extremely persistent if he wanted to be. Lex had managed to influence Sun into attending dinner for once, saying she could sit with him. The only problem was he was no where in sight, and she was starting to attract stares from nearby tables. This was pointless; I shouldn't have came. But as soon as Sun turned around to leave through the door, Lex came jogging up, a grin on his face.

"Can't back out now!" he called to her chirpily as he grabbed her arm and hulled her towards the buffet table. At the beginning they picked up ceramic plates. She glanced around the line, finding the table filled with ranges of food. Chicken, ham, salads, potatoes, bowls of peas. The list went on and on, and Sun never thought she would feel so excited for food. Maybe social interaction is worth this.

They moved down the line, her hands darting out to grab a bit of everything as they passed. She almost felt like a thief that was going to get caught and jailed. Lex laughed quietly under his breath as he watched the girl next to him act like a kid in a candy store. He had to admit to himself that it was pretty cute.

"When was the last time you had a proper meal?" he whispered to her as they neared the end of the sprawling table. She paused, a half eaten bun already in her mouth. He guided them to a table. She sat down her plate, ripping the chunk of bread in her mouth away from the rest and quickly chewing.

"Not since I was in a camp. That was a little less than a year after everything started," she managed around a mouthful, shoving the rest of the bread into her mouth to finish it off.

"A little over two years," Lex murmured to himself. Sun didn't hear him, grabbing a metal fork and stabbing it into her slice of ham. Silverware! It's like I was brought to heaven! If only A- She paused her thoughts, steering away from the topic. Don't think about him.

"So, what is it you want as your permanent job around here? When you gain enough trust that is," Lex asked, taking a stab into his own food. Silently he wished she'd say that she wanted to stay in the gardens. He enjoyed her company. Sun paused, thinking about it. She didn't notice the girl falter in step, and pause to listen in on their conversation as she answered her companion's question.

"I'd like to be a person that goes out and gets supplies from the outside... It was one of things I was good at when I was... alone," she paused, sending him a reminiscing smile. His hope fell, and he nodded along solemnly. "As much as I don't enjoy my past, it's nice to hang on to a little bit of familiarity." Lies. You just want to run away from the memory of what this place was supposed to be. You don't like familiarity. You hate it. Her inner voice crooned at her.

Sun busied herself by stabbing another forkful of food and shoving it into her mouth. The eavesdropper carried on her way, mulling over what she had just heard.

"If you enjoy some familiarity, why not keep your name?" Lex asked softly. She bristled under the question, her fork screeching angrily across the plate.

"Not everything deserves to be remembered," she answered hotly, taking a bite of the food she had unconsciously stabbed and chewing vigorously. Not everything is wanted to be remembered. Flashes of Alex shot through her mind. His smile. His smell. His warmth. His touch. She shook her head angrily, losing her appetite over the remainder of the dish. Her stomach turned as furiously as her anger felt. She pushed the dish away from her slightly, laying the fork down with a sigh.

"You're not going to finish all the food you got excited about?" Lex questioned, concern lacing his tone at her sudden change in attitude. She shook her head, leaning an arm against the table. She leaned her chin into her palm, staring down at the food. What luxury I suddenly have over the people like the past me.

"It's not appreciated when food goes to waste around here. That's why seconds or even thirds are allowed. Smaller portions until you find out when you're full," Lex reprimanded her lightly, hoping to get her to eat more. She needed it. He took another bite of the food on his plate. She kept her eyes on her plate. I want to eat more, but my churning stomach won't allow me.

"Grief won't let me," she muttered to herself, without the intention for Lex to hear. He did, but didn't question her. He figured the woman in front of him had gone through a lot. A lot more than what he could easily just ask about.

She cleared her throat, looking at the remainder of her plate. A piece of chicken, a spoonful of peas, and a few bits of dried fruits remained. She forced herself to pick up the fork and swallow down the rest of her plate. Lex watched her silently, observing. She finished quickly, raising herself from the table.

"I'm going back to my room," she announced abruptly, taking her plate and silverware over to wear she noticed others drop off their own. Lex followed her with his eyes, not getting up. She has gone through quite a lot. A lot more than what most people here could fathom.

Sun darted out the door, racing back towards the main hall. Moments with Alex flitting through her mind. I don't want to remember. Let me seal these wounds. Tears cascaded down as she rushed up the stairs, flinging her door open. I'm like an emotional teenager going on a rampage. She turned around, closing the door quietly. She leaned her forehead against the solid wood, choking back sobs. I don't want to remember.