The wind in your air was different than anything you'd ever felt before. It was cold in a way you'd never experienced- chilling, malicious, almost vindictive of you. It was warm yet cold, inviting yet repulsive. You could see the black curtains of velvet marking Grindelwald's call in the streets below, the wind billowing them up and into the air like a curtain call for a funeral. It felt like a funeral. You wanted to join it, drop from the roof's edge into the soft midnight pillows. Not die, just join.

"(Y/N)," Newt said softly from behind you. "Let's go."

A delicate tear dropped onto your cheek. You wanted to go with him, but you couldn't move. Your limbs were no longer your own, unable to move. At least, to move towards Newt.

"(Y/N)," he said again, calling.

You clenched your fist to bring yourself back to your body. You shuddered, letting the cold flood your body, and jerked your head no.

"Please, (Y/N). I know you're upset, but we've got to go. Leta and Tina-"

"I don't care about Leta and Tina." Your voice broke.

Newt paused. "Right."

You felt a warmth in your hand. You glanced down and opened your palm to see that your nails had cut into your skin. You felt no pain, no fear, nothing- just nothing. The blood was nothing, not the red on your nails or the trails of the crimson running over your palm and through the cracks in your fingers. It was just a fact; you were bleeding. What for? You didn't know. You didn't care.

You clenched your fist again, ignoring the blood, and brought it to your throat, covering it with your other hand. You felt the blood smear onto your throat, the warmth running down into your shirt. You expected to feel something. You didn't. "I don't understand, Newt." You murmured.

"Wh- you don't understand what?"

You shook your head again, another tear tracing your cheek with its icy fingertip. "I don't know," you laughed. "Everything, I guess. About you."

You jerked away as a hand touched your shoulder, stumbling away from the burning that spread from his touch and the red anger that blossomed in your chest and cheeks. Newt grabbed your wrist to keep you from toppling over the edge, and again you ripped yourself away, hating the resentment that sprouted from his fingertips.

"(Y/N), let me help you."

You shook your head again.

He sighed and looked out at the streets, at the black spiraling up into the air. "I wish I wasn't in the middle of this," he commented sadly. You eyed him with suspicion, trying to repress the pang of empathy that spurred from the sight of his downturned cheek. "You know me. You know I'm not- not like Theseus, or Leta, or Tina, or-" he sighed. He shook his head. "I just want it to be over."

"Grindelwald? Or this?"

He looked at you, his eyes glistening. "A little bit of both, if I'm being honest."

Your face went red with anger, and you turned to the street again, crossing your arms over your chest.

"I know you and I know what you've been through, especially this past year. I'm sorry that I have to- add to the pain. If it helps," he paused, but you refused to look at him. "I never meant to- to cause this. To hurt you. Trust me, I never meant to-"

"To what? Hurt me? Fall in love with Leta? With Tina?" Your voice broke. "No, I don't blame you for that."

Newt was quiet for a moment before he took in a deep breath and exhaled, "You blame me for something, though."

You laughed bitterly, stifling the cry in your throat. You sniffled, losing the battle with the tears that flowed down your cheeks. "Yeah. Yeah, I do. You dragged me across the country, kept me from my brother's funeral to follow through with New York-" you felt your face burn. You wanted to throw something. "And at the end of it, what did I get? A grave to come back to and someone who wouldn't stop gushing about a woman who doesn't live in the same country. You knew that I loved you and you only kept me around to make yourself feel better, even though you knew it was destroying me."

"I didn't know about your brother and I'm sorry that he died and that you missed his funeral, but that's not my fault! You can hardly blame me-"

"No, no, not-" you huffed, running a hand through your hair. You crouched to the ground, grabbing your hair with your bloody hands, hoping the anger, the pain, resentment would just go away, go away, go away-

"(Y/N), please-"

"You're not an idiot, Newt!" You cried, whirling to him and pointing a finger accusingly. "I know that better than anyone. And you know me better than anyone. You know- you know what I've felt, what I've always felt, you know that I wear my heart on my sleeve- you know everything about me. And you- you let me follow you around the world, helping with that stupid book of yours and all the time pining after you like some, some lost puppy! And I was so obvious! God, I always am! You know that!"

Newt was quiet, his face deathly pale as it faced the bland street. You looked closer and saw his face shining, but you didn't care. You were empty. Empty of him. Empty of everything. "I'm sorry," he said, his voice cracking.

You barked out a bleak laugh. "You're sorry."

"Yes." His face contorted in pain, crumpled and red and ugly but beautiful at the same time.

"I loved you, Newt. Hell, I was devoted to you. I didn't want to be. You must've known that." You could feel some part of you break for Newt's pain, feel that some part of you was still and always would be his, but your pain had crushed that part of you. Now it was just nothing. You took a deep breath and wiped the blood and tears from your face the best you could. "I'm sorry that I have to put you in this position. But don't you understand that you put me in my position? I mean... I just..." Your voice broke as you wiped your cheek with the heel of your hand. "You have Leta. You were in my situation once. You've got to know how hard it is to know that someone you love is in love with someone else. And to hear about it, every single day..."

"I'm sorry," Newt sobbed, his face twisted and eyes red rimmed. "(Y/N), I'm so, so sorry."

You looked back out to the street. "I am, too."

You felt deathly calm, absolutely sure of yourself in that moment. You had broken away from Newt, the one thing that had been constant for almost your entire life besides your own conscience. You had torn apart the love you'd tried so hard to maintain, despite the cracks that appeared every time Newt expressed his love for Leta or Tina. It was if he had tied you up head to toe but the other end of the rope was attached only to his wrist. You couldn't help but be proud that you, despite being bound head to foot by him, were the one to cut yourself free. It left you empty, but in a good way. In a free way. Like he'd been a parasite and you were finally rid of him.

You'd let yourself be his for too long.

Maybe Grindelwald was right.

You looked down at the black curtains finally floating away from the buildings towards the location of his next meeting place. The curtains below you, however, remained still, a billowing pillow in the wind, like they knew what you were thinking.

You stepped closer to the edge.

"No, (Y/N)!" Newt cried, lurching forward to grab your arm. You deftly slipped away from his grasp, letting him stumble and fall. "(Y/N), don't do this..." he breathed, looking up at you.

You looked away to the expectant black veils. "I thing it's time for me to break away, Newt. Find a path for myself."

He scrambled up from the pavement and onto the ledge, grabbing your shoulders. "(Y/N), what are you saying?"

You kept your eyes transfixed on the curls and whirls of the silk. Newt followed your gaze.

"(Y/N), you can't be serious! Grindelwald is a murderer, he's evil-"

"The aurors have killed people. We saw that firsthand in New York. He only kills people who get in his way. What he wants isn't that far-fetched."

Newt placed a hand desperately on your cheek, forcing your face to meet his eyes. "You don't know what you're talking about, (Y/N)," he pleaded. "You're right, we saw the aurors firsthand- and we saw what he can do firsthand. Please, (Y/N), I know you're hurt-"

"You don't know anything about me."

"No, no... God, no..." You turned away, resolved to your anger. Newt brought his forehead to your blood stained cheek, coating your skin with the tears on his face. He encircled you with his lanky arms, whispering into your hair, "No, no, no..."

You circled Newt's wrists with your hands and pried him away. His face was blotchy pink and warped with pain, his skin shiny. "(Y/N), please... you're my best friend... I can't lose you, not now..."

You smiled sadly. "But you are." You brought your forehead to his, letting the weak part of you feel something for the last time. You pressed your lips to his for the first and final time. A goodbye kiss, you thought. A kiss for a dying person. A kiss for a person about to be reborn.

His hands shook as you drew back and pushed him away.

"(Y/N)..." he said one last time.

You backed up to the edge of the roof and spread your arms, opening yourself to him for the last time. The cold didn't bother you anymore, you realized. You'd embraced it, let it flow through you, let it become part of you.

You smiled, finally happy, ready to accept what would come. You stepped back to the edge, tipped your body back, and plummeted from the roof into the soft, velvety embrace of Grindelwald's call.

The last thing you saw was Newt's face before you plunged into darkness.

~~~

When you woke up, it was blindingly white and bright. Painfully striking light filtered through a wall of windows, revealing snow-capped mountains of slate and a blue sky dotted with clouds.

"Welcome." A voice said.

You scrambled to your feet, whirling around to meet the voice. A man with pale skin and white-blonde hair stared back at you. He was wearing a jet-black suit, with a coat hung around the shoulders. His hands were clasped behind his back, holding a wand that just barely peaked out from behind. The light from the window made him shine and illuminated his right eye: white, red at the edges, colored like death. It poured into your being, studying every fiber of you, analyzing every memory. It was unlike anything you'd ever experienced. You sank to your knees, feeling a wave of fatigue wash over you. In that instance, you knew you'd never go back to Newt. He was terrifying. He was absolute. He was beautiful.

"I'm so glad you've decided to join us, (Y/N)." He said with a smile.

"Grindelwald."

~~~

Part 2 to this?

wooo boy it's been a while since I updated. This was not what I was planning to write at all but I like how it turned out!

I just saw the new Fantastic Beasts and I gotta say... I'm disappointed. I think it was good, but definitely not as good as it could have been. Like, wtf was going on with Leta? And all that shit with her brother? Where did that come from? Why did any of that matter?? Like she was totally obsolete and so was Credence + Nagini, ngl. Like I love all of their characters I just don't think they did anything for the plot. I was so sad bc I was SO EXCITED to see it. JK ROWLING HAS MORE TALENT THAN THIS, GODDAMN IT.

I did think it was good, though. Like Newt... ugh, such a pure bean. He did not disappoint. He is perfect.

There will definitely be more updates now that I've seen it, though, cause I've got a lot of a fresh new ideas from that movie and I'm super excited to explore them!! So expect more. And they won't all be as depressing as this one.

Also, should I make a new cover for this book?

Lmao love y'all, bye ❤️

-elise