Fangirl and THG jokes:
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Normal parents: child you need to read more go read a book

My parents: child stop reading books go get a boyfriend or go to the mall or something

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20 years from now:

Daughter: I have a blog.

Me: omg, I had a blog too when I was younger.

Daughter: what was it about?!

Husband: It was about me.

Me: haha, yeah! Oh man, I'm so glad scientists invented a machine to make fictional characters real.

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My dad was complaining about buying me books yesterday and I said "well at least it's books." and then the cashier goes "Yeah it could be drugs."

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If I actually close my book for you, you're special

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Get in loser we're going blogging

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"You can't be that attracted to someone who's not real."

Someone's not getting invited to the wedding

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Do you ever have those books where you get jealous when other people start to read them? It's such a weird feeling because I always want other people to read more, but there are those books that you don't want to tell anyone about.

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How to be the worse person to walk the earth (in one simple step!):

1. Spoil books

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Here's to all those who memorize book quotes and no vocab words

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My tears provide the ocean that my ships sail on

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It literally stresses me out how many good books are out there that I still haven't read

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The lack of control I have over myself in a library is actually ridiculous

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My worst fear is looking bad in a photo with a celebrity

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What was that author? I couldn't hear your apology over the sound of the dying.

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My parents believe that I am the only teenager that: is lazy, stays up late, has a messy room, lives on their laptop and is constantly reading and crying over it.

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One of the hardest decisions I will ever make is which fictional character I'm going to name my child after

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Do you ever get up too fast and feel like you're under a Tracker Jacker hallucination.

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Divergent Jokes:
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Tobias: One time I almost strangled my girlfriend. Under mind control of course.

Peeta: same here bro.

Jace: One time I almost stabbed her.

Tobias: We are horrible boyfriends, aren't we?

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ALLEGIANT SPOILERS!

Tobias gets pregnant with Uriah's baby and they name it Allegiant.

Tris falls in love with Tobias' twin brother, Four.

Evelyn realizes she was always in love with Jeanine and kills herself to be with her

Peter decides to create his own faction of butter knifes and becomes supreme ruler of it.

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Veronica Roth writing Allegiant:

Veronica: *reads John Green book*

Veronica: *sets book down*

Veronica: *laughs evilly*

Veronica: CHALLENGE ACCEPTED

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Factions swimming:

Erudite: it says the water is 5 feet deep here, but it's actually 5 feet and .20418 inches deep

Dauntless: *does back flip into the pool and tries to drown each other*

Abnegation: *saves people from drowning*

Candor: honestly, you look bad in that swimming suit.

Amity: *goes on slides and splashes friends with water*

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Al: I like you Tris

Veronica: Excellent lets just make him commit suicide.

Will: Oh, Christina is just...

Veronica: BAM! Kill this one.

Zeke: Hey! Look... Shauna...!

Veronica: wheel chaiiirrrrr!

Marlene: well maybe I do love Uriah

Veronica: not so fast... Lets make you jump off a building

Fernando: I like nicknames when beautiful girls like Christina...

Veronica: BAM! DEAD!

Tobias: I love you Tris

Tris: I love you too Tobias

Veronica: see you guys in Allegiant.

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Harry Potter Jokes:
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Snape: ten points from Gryffindore

Snape: twenty points from Gryffindore

Snape: fifty points to Slytherin

Snape: hehehe

Dumbledore: twenty thousand points to Harry for breaking every rule we have

Snape:

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Harry Potter: a summary

Everyone: HARRY NO

Harry: HARRY YES

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"Knock knock."

"Who's there?"

"You know,"

"You know who? Oh."

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Voldemort: Knock knock

Harry: Who's there?

Voldemort: not your parents.

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Yo mamma is so fat her Patronus is a CAKE.

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Harry:

My magic brings Voldemort to the yard,

And I'm like, that's hurting my scar.

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Someone just tell me why the Weasley twins had the Marauder's Map and never questioned why Ron was sleeping with a man named Peter every night.

Twins: we'll love you no matter what, lil' brother

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Umbridge: Boys and girls are not permitted to be within 8 inches of each other."

[gay wizard laughter]

-------------------------------

Heyo! So how many Potterheads do I have reading this story because if you are one, then please answer today's question!

QOTC: do you guys have a Pottermore?! Because if you do, I do too! Mine is HallowHazel24026. What's yours? Be free to send me a friend request. I have like 12 house points XD it's hard for me.

(•-•")-|

What is you house? I'm a Ravenclaw!

What is your wand made of? Mine is made of Redwood with unicorn core, fourteen and a quarter inches, and it's quite bendy.

IF YOU DON'T HAVE A POTTERMORE THEN MAKE ONE BECAUSE IT'S AWESOME. Just go to Pottermore.com! It's made by J.K. Rowling... And some other help from random people...

May the odds be ever in your favor...

Good day to you!