ok so you know that feeling when you start a fanfic that you plan to make into a series and then lose all motivation for actually writing the last two in said series after the first one but are still really emotionally invested in the work you put into the story

because i've been struck with a WAVE of that and I have too many feelings

i gave up on my venturiantale series a long long time ago because I stopped being interested in their content and the first book was fine on its own. the second one didn't feel like it needed to exist and it kept getting more and more difficult to muster up the effort to write in it at all. it was a book that existed purely to set up the third one, which would have been a lot more fun for me to write at that point because the storyline for that one is almost a complete departure from "fanfiction" and just becomes an "original" plot with VenturianTale characters added in. I kept looking forward to it and trudging through the utter mess that was the second book but eventually I just lost all motivation and left it entirely. I waited for the activity to die down, and then unpublished it entirely and removed any mention of a sequel from the first book.

Now, don't get me wrong -- I do not by any means regret that decision. I wasn't going to finish it, and it wasn't fair to trap readers into thinking that I'd ever do so by keeping it up with the first one insinuating it's continuation. But the one holdup that I do have (that continues as a concept into most/all fanfics that I never finished) is that nobody else will ever be able to share in the story I made for these characters that I continually find myself attached to. I tried letting it go early on; I didn't have to pour hours into writing a set-up book anymore, and that should be a huge weight off my shoulders. And, for awhile, it was, but then I was given time and got to thinking about what exactly it was supposed to be setting up.

Then I noticed that I kept seeing the characters and stories that nobody else would in the lyrics of songs, and that spark of inspiration that made me write TIAGA in the first place came crawling back for the life of an instant.

and it wouldn't go away

and it's like this terrible, sinking feeling that gnaws at you when you realize that however attached you are to these characters, nobody else will ever know why

like... nobody will know why Box Friend is such a tragic character. Nobody will know why there are no good guys and bad guys, why nobody is truly in the wrong. Nobody will know who the figure who wrote Bethany, Steve, and Bry's guide was. Nobody will know what happened at the end of the day or why "Up in Our Bedroom After the War" will always make me emotional.

and i've got no idea how to reconcile that, y'know? in the absence of being able to just finish IITSA, there's no way I can let the world see why I began the 3-book journey in the first place and that's the most devastating thing about it

I want everyone to know

but i don't know how to tell them

ahah sorry i get overly emotional i guess this sorta became a vent sorry about that thank you for listening to my inane rambling if you're still reading