Hey, so I have some kind of exciting news. I mean, I find it exciting, I don't know if anyone else will think anything of it because that's what usually happens. I get excited about things that no one else cares for and then I end up feeling really, really bad.

Anyway, I met a girl today.

Her name is Maya, and she sat down next to me while I was waiting for my mom in the hotel lobby. Maya. Isn't that just such a pretty name?

I've always admired people that have the ability to be so open with others. Some people could just sit down and start telling a total stranger their life story. I met a boy like that, he's actually my best friend now, when I was in 1st grade and he did that. He told me all about his life and all I could do was listen.

I'm a very shy kid just to start out with, and I hate talking to new people about personal subjects, especially after all I've gone through. I prefer listening over talking, that's just how I've always been. It takes a lot for me to really want to open up to someone.

She immediately started talking to me, complaining because she'd just gotten back from her dad's 4th wedding and it was awful. I laughed quietly and told her that I was sitting there waiting to leave for my mother's 3rd wedding.

Then I had to explain to her that my real dad died in a drunk driving accident when I was 5. She said that she was sorry and I said that it was okay, because he was the one that had been driving drunk. I don't really remember him and sometimes that makes me feel really sad, but most of the time I'm happy because my mom says that he wasn't a very good person.

Maya told me that her parents had divorced when she was 9, but she still had a pretty good relationship with both of them. She just found it frustrating that her dad couldn't find the right woman to marry. I guess I'm a little frustrated with my mom too.

Maya is one of the most beautiful girls I've ever seen and I really mean that. She has big brown eyes and super curly hair and the nicest smile. She also told me that her mom is African-American and her dad is white, and I find that really interesting, I don't know why. I wanted to ask her son's questions about that but I didn't know how to do it in a way that wouldn't seem rude.

See, I haven't been out in such a long time that social skills are practically gone. Oh well.

I told her about my new step brother, and how he was adopted by my step dad and his first wife when my step brother was only 9 months old. I guess they had been trying for a baby and it didn't really work out. My step brother doesn't like to talk about how he's adopted, though, and my mom had to tell me about it.

But I find that whole thing interesting too, and I also don't know why. I can't ask him any questions about it because I'm scared that he'll get mad at me and right now I don't think it's a good idea for someone else to get mad at me. I don't do well with things like that, arguments make me really sad.

Maya laughed at me and said that she thinks I'm funny. She has a really pretty laugh, I wish that I was able to hear it right now, but she's gone and I probably won't ever get to hear her beautiful laugh again. That makes me feel sad.

Maya's studying literature at the college she goes to, and she wants to write books and poems when she's all done with school. She told me about this boy in one of her classes that keeps throwing pencils at her to get her attention. She said that if he wanted to talk to her so bad he could just get up and say hi, he didn't need to try and hit her with pencils.

I laughed at that and then Maya told me that I have a nice laugh and I should try to smile more often. But I told her that smiling is hard for me because I feel really bad sometimes and she said that's okay, everybody goes through rough patches.

I also had to explain to her that I can't go to an actual college, not now at least, and that I'm taking some classes online. She said that's okay too because I'm only 18 anyway and I can maybe go to a real college in a year or 2.

Maya never asked why I can't go to a real college and she never asked why I feel bad sometimes and she never asked why I was wearing long sleeves when it was 90 degrees out, which actually made me feel pretty good. I hate when everyone tries to act like they're a therapist.

Instead of asking me all of those terrible questions that would just make me upset Maya told me some stories about her dad's wedding, like how her 4 year old niece was the flower girl and she decided to try and slide down the aisle on her stomach instead of walking.

I told Maya a story from my mom's 2nd wedding about my drunk uncle who tried to take the DJ's job away and played the entire Grease soundtrack at the reception. I don't think I've ever told anyone else that story before.

We had a good time just talking to each other, Maya is a very easy person to talk to. I normally only talk to people that make me feel bad inside, but Maya makes me feel good. She makes me feel normal.

I think we only got to talk for a few minutes, I don't know, I lost track of time. After a while my aunt found me and said that we had to go to the church for my mom's wedding, then she grabbed me by the ear and practically dragged me away from Maya. That made me feel bad.

Now I'm back in the hotel room and I'm writing about all of this because my therapist told me that it's good to write down experiences like this. I know that she's just going to take this journal from me and read whatever I say.

I see you Carol. I see you.

It's 1 am and I have the whole room to myself but I'm probably just going to take my medication and go to sleep. The rest of my family is at the reception still but I had to come back to the hotel early because I started to feel sick again and my mom didn't want me throwing up like I did at her last wedding.

I know that it's impossible, but I really hope that I can see Maya again. She made me feel normal.