Parker was asleep on Michael's lap after a very long and stressful day of watching TV and playing Mario Kart. It wasn't normally like Parker to fall asleep at only 4:30 in the afternoon, but he'd woken up at around three in the morning that day and just wouldn't go back to sleep, so it made sense that he was tired.

Michael was tired as well (mostly from being woken up by his son so early), so he was using the fact that Parker was finally not jumping or talking or yelling to his advantage. He was leaning back on the couch, using one hand to mindlessly rake his fingers through Parker's hair and the other to text Calum, who was having a huge meltdown about not remembering the name of this "really really frick dickin' hot" girl he slept with the night before.

The sound of Michael's phone ringing brought him out of the little trance he was in, and he answered the call without even looking at who it was, just so the annoying sound of his ringtone would stop and Parker wouldn't wake up.

"Hello?" Michael asked, silently hoping that it wasn't his mom calling, because he knew that if it was he'd be on the phone for hours.

"Hi, it's Beth."

"Oh, hi!" Michael said a little too enthusiastically. He quickly slid out from under Parker, careful not to wake him, and left him on the couch while Michael made his way into the kitchen.

"Hi." Beth said, and she only sounded slightly annoyed today, which was good. "Why wasn't Park at school today?"

Oh, so that's why she sounded slightly annoyed.

"I kept him at home, he wasn't feeling - wait, how did you know?" Michael questioned, wondering if all moms could just tell when their kid ditched school. Michael's mom certainly had that sense, because Michael never got away with skipping school when he was younger.

"They called me." Beth said casually.

"Why didn't they call me, though? I'm his father. I live with him." Michael asked. He didn't get it, shouldn't the school call the parent that the kid actually lived with when they had a question? Beth lived almost two hours away, what was she going to do?

"But my name is on all the forms." Beth vaguely explained, making Michael pout. His name should be on his sons school forms, not hers.

"Why isn't my name on the forms?" Michael whined. He also had a bad habit of acting like a child when he didn't get what he wanted.

"I pay for everything?" Beth said, almost like she was asking a question and wasn't sure herself. "Anyway, why wasn't he there?"

"I told you, he wasn't feeling good." Michael said again, and the short memory of what happened to Parker last night during their tickle fight flashed through Michael's mind. "He was complaining about his throat, he couldn't breath for a second."

"That happened again?" Beth gasped, sounding more like she was talking to herself than to Michael.

"Wait, he did it when he was with you, too?" Michael asked, suddenly growing more worried than before. He'd thought that it was just a one time thing, Parker never told him that this had happened more than once.

"Yeah, he was running around the kitchen and laughing while I was making some lunch and then he started to say he couldn't breathe." Beth explained.

"Why didn't you tell me when you dropped him off yesterday?" Michael asked. He didn't know about Beth, but he thought that this was pretty important, and if it was him in Beth's place he would have called right away.

"I didn't think it was a very big deal, I thought he was just out of breath and freaked out because it's never happened before." Beth said, sounding a little apologetic, like she felt bad.

"That's what I thought, too, but now I'm worried about it because it's happened more than once." Michael sighed.

"Yeah..." Beth trailed off.

"Do you think it could just be, like, allergies or something? One of those seasonal things?" Michael asked, rubbing the back of his neck. Obviously he didn't want to expect the worst for his son, he wanted to try and keep a positive attitude about this. He was sure that it would all blow over soon, anyway.

"He was saying something about it hurting his chest, I don't think allergies really do that. Do they?" Beth questioned, then let out a small chuckle. "God, we're so clueless."

"I know," Michael agreed, feeling better about the fact now that Beth had admitted to it as well. "I'll just keep an eye on him, okay? And if it gets worse I'll take him to a doctor or something."

"Alright, I just called to make sure that everything was okay." Beth said, "I'll call back in a few days and check on him, just to see how he's doing."

"Yeah, that's cool." Michael nodded.

"I have to go now, but tell Parker I love him and I'll talk to him very soon." Beth said, her voice already sounding very far away.

"Aren't you going to say you love me, too?" Michael asked jokingly, a big smirk on his face even though Beth couldn't see him.

"Goodbye, Michael." She sighed.

"Goodbye, Bethany." He laughed before ending the call, slipping his phone back into his pocket.

*•*•*

"Okay, you just don't understand, because you obviously haven't been in a situation like this before." Calum continued, reaching into the fridge to pull out some beer for him and Michael.

After Parker woke up from his nap Michael decided to bring him over to Calum's apartment, because Cal wouldn't stop bothering Michael through text and he also offered to order pizza for all of them, so Michael really couldn't pass that up. Calum was still freaking out about this girl, while Michael tried his best to calm him down and Parker sat on the couch watching TV and sucking away on the sippy cup full of apple juice Michael had brought with them.

"You're right, I don't understand." Michael chuckled, following Calum back into the living room. The two of them took a seat on either side of Parker, who's eyes were glued to the television in front of him.

"Michael, seriously, she gave me the best - " Calum was cut off by Michael slapping him on the back of the head, preventing him from saying just exactly what this girl gave him out loud.

"I'm not kidding, she really knew how to suck my - " Calum tried to speak, but he just got slapped again.

"Michael, I'm not even kidding! The things I did to her, man, it was great." Calum sighed and leaned further back into the leather couch, taking a big sip of his beer.

"What did you do to her?" Parker asked suddenly, sitting up straight. Michael, who had also been taking a sip of his own beer, choked up what he had in his mouth and spit all over himself.

"We played some games." Calum shrugged, like it was no big deal at all. Michael set his bottle of beer down on the coffee table in front of him, preparing to reach out and cover Parker's ears in case Calum decided to explain blowjobs to a four year old.

"Oh! What kind of games?" Parker asked excitedly. He got up on his knees and turned to face Calum, who had a very amused expression on his face. He obviously knew that this was annoying Michael, so naturally he was going to keep this going.

"We played house." Calum smirked. "I was the daddy and she was the mommy."

"Well it'd be silly of you were the mommy." Parker giggled, clearly not understanding just what Calum meant. Michael hardly understood what Calum meant.

"Oh yeah, buddy, silly indeed." Calum chuckled.

"Alright, that's enough." Michael said, grabbing Parker and dragging him onto his lap, like he was shielding his son from his friends vulgar behavior.

"It's not like I'm saying anything wrong," Calum laughed. He took another sip of beer. "What's wrong about playing a nice game of house with a girl while you're mildly intoxicated?"

"What's wrong is - "

"Intoxic - intoxa - into - " Parker stammered, trying to make sense of the big word that had just come out of Calum's mouth.

"Drunk." Calum looked blankly over at Parker, who had hidden his face with his hands in embarrassment.

"Daddy, what's drunk?" Parker tilted his head back, looking up at Michael, who was still pretty speechless about all of this.

"It's where you drink a lot of beer and have a lot of fun." Calum answered for Michael, and that made Parker giggle a lot, even though he still didn't have any idea what any of this meant.

Michael's phone buzzed in his pocket and he set Parker down on the couch again, leaving him with Calum and trusting that he wouldn't expose his son to anything else that she shouldn't be exposed to.

Michael shuffled off into the kitchen, grabbing a slice of pizza from the box out on the counter and taking his phone out, revealing the new text messages from none other than Melissa the fucking nanny.

Nanny: this is awkward

Michael: what is

Nanny: all of this like I don't want to text you but I feel like I have to

Michael chuckled out loud, because he almost felt the same way. It'd only been a day since his encounter with Melissa at the grocery store so of course things were still a bit awkward, and he'd really rather not be texting her either. But, the time was going to have to come eventually, and that time appeared to be now.

Michael: I mean you don't have to

Nanny: where was Parker today?

Michael: sick

Nanny: aw did you feed him something poisonous

Michael: no not this time

Michael thought he was hilarious.

Nanny: katie wants him to come over soon

Michael: how soon is soon?

Nanny: idk... Saturday?

"Hey, Parker!" Michael yelled over to Parker, who was currently listening to Calum ramble on and on about something that was most likely too inappropriate for a four year old's ears.

"Yes?" Parker asked, turning around from his spot on the couch and looking at Michael.

"Do you want to go over to Kitty's house on Saturday?" He asked. Parker looked to Calum, who gave him a thumbs up, before nodding and turning back to Michael.

"I'll only go if you come with me."

"Uh, alright." Michael said, confused, and looked back down at his phone, seeing another new text from Melissa.

Nanny: and have him bring a bathing suit

Michael: WHY

Nanny: WE HAVE A POOL

Michael: oh ok

Michael: park and I are a package deal, if he comes I come

Nanny: kinky

Michael: HES MY SON

Nanny: IM SORRY

Michael: sooo... Saturday?

Nanny: yeah sure

Michael: don't lie you can't wait to see me again

Nanny: no

Nanny: this conversation is over

Michael: no wait

When Melissa didn't respond after another few minutes Michael gave up and put his phone back in his pocket, making his way back into the living room where Parker and Calum were now playfully wrestling with each other on the couch. Michael sat down next to them, pulling Parker off of Calum's face and back onto his lap.

"Hi, Daddy!" Parker yelled, still giggling. He stood up on Michael's thighs again and tried to get Calum's attention. "Cal, look! I'm taller than Daddy!"

"Good for you." Calum grumbled, sitting up straight again and grabbing his beer from the table.

"Are we going over to Kitty's house soon?" Parker asked, putting his hands on the sides of Michael's face to try and support himself.

"Yeah, if you want to." Michael shrugged.

"You're both going?" Calum questioned, running a hand through his dark brown hair.

"Yeah." Michael shrugged again. "Pac-Man will just hang out with Katie and I'll hang out with Meli - "

"Who's that?" Calum almost yelled, jumping up from the couch.

"She's Katie's nanny!" Michael shouted. He felt kind of defensive over Melissa, like he didn't want Calum to go anywhere near her. Melissa was his...person to talk to (Michael didn't want to use the word friend just yet), he didn't want Calum to fuck her and ruin everything.

"Is she hot?" Calum asked, not seeming to mind that Parker was right there.

"Well, yeah." Michael said, biting down on his lip as he thought about Melissa a little more. She was hot. Not as hot as Beth, because no one was as hot as Beth, but Melissa was...attractive. Michael really liked her (looks, not so much personality) and he thought that was kind of weird because he hadn't exactly liked anyone since he and Beth broke up.

"How hot?" Calum asked, leaning towards Michael a little more. Michael thought it was kind of stupid that Calum was only interested in what he had to say when the topic of conversation was hot girls, but he never bothered to say anything about it. That was the thing about Michael, he was kind of passive, and never really spoke up about his feelings.

"What do you want? Like, a scale of one to ten?" Michael joked, not believing that Calum would actually ask for that.

"Yeah."

"Uh, I don't know, maybe an 8? No, no, a 9." Michael corrected himself, because he thought that nine was a valid rating for Melissa, even though he really, really hated the idea of rating a woman on a scale. It was stupid. And rude.

"Shit." Calum sighed, and Michael could already tell that Calum was thinking of a way to get in Melissa's pants, even though he hasn't even seen her yet.

"Swear jar!" Parker screamed, and Calum pulled out a dollar from his pocket and handed it to him.

"So you're going to hang out with this girl on Saturday?" Calum asked.

"Yeah, I guess. Parker's going over there for a playdate so I'm assuming that I'll just sit around with her. He won't go unless I come with him." Michael shrugged. He didn't really understand why Parker wanted him to come with so badly, and he wasn't sure if it was something he needed to be worried about or not, so he didn't bother with that either.

Parker was just nervous, probably, because he'd never been invited over to someone else's house alone before. He'd never really had a friend other than Michael before, either, so all of this was quite new to him.

"Get it in." Calum laughed, slapping Michael on the back a few times.

"I'm not going to get it in with her, she's a bitch." Michael scoffed, forgetting that Parker was still there for a second.

"Daddy!" Parker whined, because Parker really hated swearing. Calum pulled out another dollar (which really surprised Michael, because Calum usually wasn't that nice) and handed it over to Parker.

"I still think you should try and get it in." Calum continued, turning back to Michael.

"Get what in?" Parker asked both Michael and Calum, furrowing his eyebrows in confusion.

"It." Calum said blankly. He was clearly done with Parker for his lack of knowledge on, well, everything. Even though Parker was a four year old and really didn't know anything.

"Ice cream?" Parker asked, a big smile making it's way onto his face.

"Yes." Michael and Calum both said at the same time, trying to end the conversation.

"I love ice cream." Parker laughed. "Can I get it in?"

"No, not until you're older." Michael said quickly, trying to think of a way to change the subject.

"It's a special kind of ice cream, for big boys." Calum said, biting down on his bottom lip to hold back a laugh.

"I am a big boy." Parker pouted, folding his arms across his chest. He sat down again, so he was in Michael's lap.

"Yes, but your daddy and I are bigger boys, so we get the special ice cream." Calum said, trying to explain this in a simple enough way for Parker to understand. "Only your daddy doesn't get a lot of this ice cream, if you know what I mean."

"Calum!" Michael groaned, covering his face with his hands.

"I don't think your daddy has had any ice cream in a long, long, time." Calum continued, and Michael slapped him again.

"Daddy eats ice cream all the time." Parker spoke up, still confused.

"Not that kind of ice cream, buddy." Calum laughed. "This kind of ice cream is - "

"Calum, stop telling him this stuff! He's four years old, he doesn't need to hear it!" Michael covered Parker's ears with his hands again, not wanting Calum to corrupt his son any more.

"You'll learn more about the ice cream when you're older, buddy." Calum assured Parker, then he turned and faced the TV so Parker wouldn't ask anymore questions.

Michael kissed the top of Parker's head before he turned around and faced the TV as well, and that's where they stayed for the rest of the night until Parker fell asleep again and Michael figured that he should take him back home because he had school tomorrow.

"Daddy?" Parker asked sleepily as Michael carried him back to the car. Michael'd tried not to wake Parker up, but all of the moving around had disturbed his sleep a little.

"Yes, Parker?" Michael asked.

"Do you like Melly?" Parker asked, running at his eyes.

"Not really. She's kind of mean to me." Michael laughed, scrunching up his nose. He didn't like Melissa, not really as anything more than as an acquaintance anyway. He thought she was hot, but he didn't like her. There was a difference.

"It's okay if you want to." Parker whispered.

"Want to what?" Michael asked.

"If you want her to take Mommy's place." Parker elaborated. "I like her."

"Oh... Well, Park, no one's ever really going to take Mommy's place. Mommy's still here, she can't be replaced." Michael laughed nervously, because he didn't know that Parker had even thought about this, or that Parker was even smart enough to think about this.

"Well if anyone had to replace Mommy I'd want it to be Melly." Parker said softy, and then he was drifting off to sleep again without another word.

Michael thought that it was so weird that Parker felt that way, because he certainly didn't. He'd only met Melissa a few days ago, and she'd made him cry. Why would Parker was her to take the place of his mom? Michael didn't want Melissa to take the place of Beth, he didn't want anyone to take the place of Beth. Beth was still here, she wasn't going anywhere and she didn't need to have someone take her place, anyway. Michael just didn't get it.

Michael didn't get a lot of things.

"I'll think about it, Pac-Man." Michael sighed, mumbling to himself, "I'll think about it."

-

this was probably the most boring update ever but obviously I have to build some stuff up before I get to the good parts and yeah

I hope you liked this lol