Note: the formatting was an intentional choice by me. This poem is best read on tablet or desktop so one can see how the formatting contributes to the intended meaning. Thanks for reading.

I know I shouldn't

But I'm not one to be mature

    I cling to the walls I've made

    Metal walls

        Why do I hate you

        Why do I love you

            (love's stronger than betrayal)

            (love like a mother)

               Fingernails on a metal wall

               Like the barricade I made for my  mind

                   Nails breaking, hands shaking

                   I'm never waking up to yesterday again

                     (Mistaking, soul aching, mind quaking)

                     Fingers bleed, streak red on the walls

                        No fingerprint – I lost my identity years ago

                        Can't wipe the tears or I'll have to admit I cried

                            Crying, lying, spying, denying

                            Confusion and hissing in my ears

                                I should have known better

                               Known this was destiny

                           Even when I risked my life for you

                           You'd choose better people than me

                      The last person to save me

                      Save me from what I've become

                  A liar, a traitor, a monster, a demon

                 He's gone, torn apart like me

             Why did I do it

            Why did I leave

        I broke him, just as I break everything

       As I bandage my shattered nails

    Walk out like nothing happened

    Invisible hands squeeze my chest

I will make them pay

Pay for abetting his death.