I remember like it was just yesterday, that awful memory continuously revisiting me in my dreams, though it seems wrong to call them dreams, more like nightmares. Dreams are something you can peacefully sleep through until the next morning when you're awoken by the sunlight shimmering through your curtains. Nightmares give you an unceasing sense of dread. Every noise from that day burned into my memory, my ears, the sound of the empty shells clattering against the cold concrete floor.

A flash awakes me from this nightmare I'm stuck in, gasping jolting awake only to find myself face to face with my little sister there. An odd pain suddenly bringing itself to the small scar long since healed over from that day, but the pain still comes back every time I have that nightmare.

Shuddering away the chills, having to kick my little sister Emma out of my bedroom before I could even consider doing anything. Hearing her complaining in protest outside my bedroom door. Gripping at my side gasping out lightly in pain blinking back the hot tears burning against my already red eyes. Stepping into the dark space I call my bathroom, leaving the light off stripping off my very used clothes, stopping midway to glance in the mirror staring at the small scar on my side. Running my hand over the light pink scar, feeling the memories flood back tears flooding my eyes snapping my hand away climbing into the shower to clean myself after months it seemed.

I couldn't cry, no not today this would be my first day back since then, I knew I couldn't just keep running forever. Once I was finished getting ready for my first day back to school, I found myself walking downstairs. Emma shoving cereal spoonful by spoonful into her mouth. "You're going to choke yourself" I mumbled earning a cereal mixed with milk gibberish response.

Once finished at home my mom ushered me out to her car, seating myself in the passenger seat buckling in staring quietly out. On our way my mom seemed actually relieved that I had finally agreed to go back to school. Holding the top strap of my backpack in between my legs,my other one long since gone, having been thrown out along with everything else since that day. I wish I could say everything from that day had been sadly discarded, but no matter what I've tried the memories are still there.

Blinking back the stinging tears clutching my hand onto, my plaid flannel along with some t-shirt from a long forgotten heavy metal band. We pulled into the rough bumpy drop-off lane, shakily I tried to force my hand to clutch onto the door handle. Though I couldn't seem to break my grip on my shirt. "Alexandria you need to get out to get to school" my mom spoke in her soft, gentle, yet demanding voice.

Flinching lightly before nodding in agreement managing to break my hand away from my shirt. Slipping open the door having to force myself to my feet, softly waving goodbye to my mom grabbing my bag. Watching my mom drive away was harder than going through recovery. Turning back to face the school, a chill running up my spine.

I had to go back, and this was extremely harder than expected.