2 weeks before

I wake up and go downstairs to find Tyler making breakfast. "What are you making?" I ask.

"Chocolate chip pancakes."

My eyes widen, and my mouth fills with saliva. "Gimme,"

He hands me a plate and I go to the table to eat. I watch him make the pancakes and I hear Mom and Dad arguing in their bedroom. It's a sudden turn-off for food. Tyler yells, "Breakfast is ready!" 

They go quiet then finally Mom yells back "Thank you, Tyler."

Present

The slight wind hits me in the face as I walk to the church. I can't drive, I'm only 15. Tyler could drive, he's 17. "Need a ride?" Someone says as I'm about to cross the road.

I turn and look to see who it is. Caden. "Sure," I say. Caden is out of the youth group, but he has a younger brother that he has to drive to youth. 

"How are you, Elata?" Caden's brother, Kai, says.

I think about that question for a second. "I'm..." What do I say? Do I lie and say I'm good? Do I tell him the truth? "Good." I give a small smile, but since I'm in the backseat he can't see it. 

The car slows to a stop and we get out. "Hi Elata," Brandon says. He always says hi to me. Probably one of my favorite things.

"Hi," I wave as I walk over to him. 

He fist bumps Kai. They're best friends. Kai goes over to everyone else playing basketball. I walk to the small playground and sit on the slide. I close my eyes and let the summer air surround me. Except it's more than just summer air, the guys playing basketball are screaming every once in a while when they make a goal. 

"Hey," Someone says, startling me.

My eyes shoot open and I see Brandon standing at the foot of the slide. "Hi,"

"How are they doing?"

I shrug. "I haven't seen them again. But the hospital calls me whenever they do stuff. They said that my mom and dad are still in a coma, but they're moving them into a different ward."

"If you ever need to see them, call me, I'll try to get Liam to drive, okay?"

I give a halfhearted smile. "Okay,"

He climbs up the other slide, and I turn to face him. "How are you doing?"

I look down at the grain of the wooden planks holding this up. Lie? Or truth? Lie? Or truth? "I'm good." My mind wanders to the car accident. To seeing them halfway to dead. To Tyler. Tears immediately spring into my eyes. I blink them away.

"E," He starts to say. "It's okay to not be okay."

I shake my head. I try to speak, but no words come out. Finally something does come out. "I-" Is all I say before Kai stumbles over here yelling, "Brandon!" Over and over. 

I blink away my tears and go down the slide. As I walk away I hear Kai say to Brandon, "What's wrong with her?"

Right before youth starts, Bill, our youth leader comes over to me. "Elata," He starts off by saying. "Where's Tyler?"

I look at the ground. "He had karate." I lie.

He nods his head understandingly. All of us head inside into the youth room. I find a seat near the door, so I can take any phone calls. 

I'm spacing everything. I don't really know what they're talking about. All I can think of is how my family is doing. Is that selfish? 

When youth is over I head outside. "Are you going to hang out with us?" Bill asks. Our youth group always goes somewhere after to hang out and get food. 

"I'll ask," I act like I'm making a phone call. "Yep, I can." I shoot a smile. 

After I get home I go into my room. I sink down by my bed, bringing my knees up to my chest. "I can't do it," I whisper. Tears fill up my eyes. Instead of blinking them away, I let them fall down my face like a flowing river. "Why me?"