Yearning [noun] - a feeling of intense longing for something.

author's note: what do you think of the characters so far? i'm loving writing them and their dynamic—it's different to tristan and kara's initial dynamic, which has been interesting to work through!

thank you so much for 1k reads, appreciate all the love and support <3

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For the first time in three years, the nightmares ceased.

I sat up in my bed the next morning and stared out of the window. It was snowing again and I focused on the little snowflakes gliding in the air. I felt properly rested for the first time in years and it was an odd feeling. Normally, I would have the nightmare in the last part of the night so my sleep was always disrupted.

I had tried everything to get rid of them, and in a desperate attempt, even tried to skip some nights of sleep. All it did was make the next night worse. My parents knew that I had nightmares and they tried to get me to see a therapist. I tried it in the beginning but stopped when I realised I couldn't speak about them. It was too difficult.

The relief I felt now was like the weight had been lifted off my chest and I could finally breathe. I had become so used to it that I didn't know what it felt like to not have them. I wondered why they stopped.

It finally came to pass.

I felt the goosebumps rise on my skin until a quieter thought came to the forefront of my mind.

It's because you've finally met your mate.

My mind was in two states when I remembered that they were one and the same. I couldn't shake how the man I was fated to love was the root of my torment. I threw the covers off my body and stood up. The sharp pain in my leg had subsided to a dull ache and I was happy to feel it properly healing.

It was mid-morning and the alphas were having breakfast together before they all went back to their packs.

I had to give him my final decision and I had no idea how the conversation was going to go. I tried to occupy my mind as I freshened up and got changed. Like yesterday, my parents were gone, which was peculiar today. They had told me that Alpha Eryx didn't need us for the breakfast.

I soon learned that it wasn't true when I arrived at Alpha Eryx's house to see them standing with him. The visiting alphas were bringing their respective bags to their cars. Except Kane.

I noticed his absence and my heart twisted. Did he leave already?

"Rina, you're up," my dad said, smiling. His oak eyes were glistening with hope and excitement when he noted I wasn't carrying anything with me.

"I thought you were free this morning?"

My mum answered. "You were sleeping, Rina. We didn't have the heart to wake you."

They had noticed too that I didn't have a nightmare. I couldn't dwell on it for long because I turned to Alpha Eryx. "Where is he?"

"Outside his cabin. He moved his car," he replied, watching me with curious eyes. "I'm guessing you're here to tell him your decision?"

I nodded my head and dug my hands into my coat pockets. They were beginning to shake from the nerves. I didn't say anything further as I walked around his house towards Kane's cabin. He was tossing his overnight bag into the backseat when he heard me coming.

He turned to look at me and it was as if time was suspended between us. His face was blank but I didn't miss the way his eyes roved over my appearance, noting just like my dad that I didn't have anything with me.

My throat was tight and I wasn't sure how the words were going to pass it. What an odd feeling to have him stand before me as a stranger who was painfully familiar for all the wrong reasons. He had to be a stranger to me. "K-Alpha," I started, watching as a crack formed in his demeanour. "I wanted to apologise for trying to kill you. It was a grave mistake. Thank you for showing me mercy."

My tone felt foreign to me. It was as if I didn't feel like myself. My heart began to race and it soon felt like it was thrashing behind my lungs trying to break free.

He was almost a picture of composure. A small frown pulled at his lips and his shoulders weren't as raised. He was silent, watching me as if he was committing my face to his memory. There was a sense of familiarity in his gaze as he looked at me but it was tinged with something else too. The silence stretched between us painfully and I tried to prepare myself for what I needed to say next.

My lips parted when I finally gathered the courage but I stopped when my wrist began to sting. I tried to ignore it, thinking it was a prelude to what we were going to feel when I finally said it. I couldn't ignore it when it intensified and started to burn. I broke eye contact and pulled my sleeve up to look at my wrist. His name was glowing on my skin and it was as if it was going deeper. It was burning painfully.

His words from the night before came to mind. What makes you think we're going to be allowed to stay away from each other?

I looked up. The tears blurred my vision and I could only force one word past my lips. "Kane."

He set himself into motion and grasped my hand. He covered my wrist with his palm and I instantly felt relief. My skin cooled down and I exhaled shakily, feeling a tear travel down my face. I forced myself to look into his amber eyes and he held my gaze. It was like everything was demanding that Kane and I stay together. I felt like I was up against forces I couldn't fight.

"What is happening?" I rasped.

He tightened his grip on my wrist. "We will figure it out, I promise. Just...don't deny us this chance."

I closed my eyes and my head fell forward onto his chest. This was all too intense. I felt his racing heart against my forehead. I had come here to tell him I couldn't be with him, that I was prepared not to have a mate again. Now, I didn't know what I was prepared for. I didn't know what happened next.

I lifted my head and sighed. "I don't know where we go from here..."

He brushed his fingers across his name on my wrist. His touch was invigorating. "You fear me and I don't blame you but you have to know that I mean you no harm." A sliver of desperation flashed in his eyes. "You're mine to protect, Rina."

What if that had been written on my wrist instead?

His sentiment echoed in my head and I wondered if the warm sensation that spread through my chest was what having a mate felt like.

Was I prepared to deny us that?

The silence lasted a lifetime until I took a deep breath. I wasn't. "I'll come with you."

His eyebrows twitched in surprise and his hold loosened around my wrist. He inhaled and his jaw tensed as he took a moment. "You won't regret this."

I breathed out a laugh. "I hope not. Otherwise, all of this would be one big nightmare."

Something flashed across his face and then, it was gone. "I don't know whether to be offended or not."

I looked away. "This is a lot to take in. I'm sorry if I'm not what you expected for a mate."

My wrist fell from his hold and he looked at his own. "I didn't expect a mate." His voice lowered at the end and he placed his hand in his pocket. "Do you need the day to pack your things? I'll have to check in with my betas."

I couldn't believe I was going with him. Would I fit in with his pack?

"Uh, I think the quicker we leave the better. I just need to talk to my parents and best friends. I haven't checked on Levi." It wasn't an easy thing to leave a pack and I knew my resolve would weaken if I thought about what I was losing. I could only handle speaking to them.

He sighed and pursed his lips at the mention of Levi. "He's going to ask you to stay. Will you change your mind?"

My eyebrows drew close. "Why do you say that?"

Kane stared at me for a long moment. "He challenged an alpha for you." His jaw tightened at the reminder and it was clear that he was still angry about it. "I'm sure convincing you to stay will be a lot easier for him. Maybe he will."

I shook my head and tried to shut the conversation down. "He's been my best friend my whole life. What would've been easier for him was not being beaten up because of me. I'm going to see him to apologise."

Kane's eyes narrowed. "Do you think I did that lightly? I gave him a chance to back away from you. He tried to undermine me in front of your whole pack and the other alphas. I'm not sorry for reminding him of his place."

I rolled my eyes and took a step back. "You don't get to beat people up because they've touched me. He was helping me."

Disbelief was etched on his face and he scoffed. "I wasn't going to let a nobody carry you instead of me."

He had a way of pushing my buttons already. He didn't get to demean my friends in front of me. "Levi knows me better than anyone. If there's anyone who's a 'nobody' here, it's you."

His expression fell slightly, but he fixed it and stared back at me blankly. He pressed his lips together and nodded. "You go talk to him then. Just make sure he doesn't give me another reason to do it again."

I sighed and closed my eyes. "Look, that came out wrong. Nothing is going to happen."

Kane was already walking back to his car. He shut the open back door and walked straight to the driver's side. "I'm going for a drive to cool off before I reconsider how I feel about this pack."

I watched as he started the car and drove off. I made the silent walk back to Alpha Eryx's house and saw that the other alphas had left too. My parents, Alpha and Luna were standing outside waiting for me.

Alpha had a frown on his face and Luna looked at me with concern. My parents, however, looked pleased. I broke the news to switch their moods.

"I'm going with him. He's just giving me space to say my goodbyes."

My parents' faces fell. My dad closed his eyes and my mum shook her head gently.

Luna Melia smiled and her hazel eyes were warm. "Take it from me, Rina. Being a luna is a beautiful thing. It comes with a lot of responsibility but alphas make the best mates."

Alpha Eryx chuckled and pulled her closer with an arm around her waist. "She may be biased but I agree. How you and Kane started was...interesting but he's one hell of an alpha. The treaty allowed me to see that and hopefully, your union will strengthen the relationship between our packs."

I was already feeling the responsibility Luna Melia mentioned. A small smile appeared on my face. "We have a long way to go but it didn't feel right to reject him."

My dad frowned. "I can't say I'm happy about this, Rina, but we can only let you live your life."

My mum couldn't find any words to say and instead pulled me into a tight hug. I returned it and dug my face into her shoulder.

"I'm going to be okay, Mum. Don't worry about me."

She pulled back and her eyes were watery. "For two years, I've had it in my head that you'd be able to choose your own mate from our pack." She wiped her face. "It's going to take me a while to accept he's your fated mate but hopefully it means something to him."

I pressed my lips together so I could keep myself from tearing up too. "I'm sure it does, Mum. His offering in front of the whole pack meant something."

She pulled me back into a hug and my dad wrapped his arms around us. The minutes stretched as we stood there embracing each other. I stepped back when I knew it was time to say my goodbyes to my best friends.

"We wish you the best, Rina. Hopefully, the next time we see you, it'll be as our equal. And hopefully, Orion will be back from university by then." Alpha Eryx smiled warmly.

I bowed my head in gratitude and returned the smile. If I had any idea what kind of leader I wanted to be, it would be like them. "I hope so too. Thank you for everything you've ever done for me—both of you."

Luna Melia outstretched her arms and I walked into her warm hug. She lowered her mouth to murmur in my ear. "A man in love will put the world at your feet. Kane is a fierce alpha and a man who loves fiercely."

I squeezed her tighter. I didn't know how to feel about leaving such a support system. "I'll miss you all."

I left them with a parting smile and mind-linked Tiana to ask her to meet me at Levi's house. She was waiting for me outside and had an apologetic expression on her face.

"Levi is sleeping. His parents, Ri..." she sighed. "His parents don't want him to see you."

I frowned. "I've just come to say goodbye to you both."

Tiana's eyebrows shot upwards in surprise. "Oh." She closed the distance between us and brought me into a hug. It seemed like I was being hugged by everyone. I welcomed it with open arms.

"I need to say goodbye to him, Tee."

She pulled back and squeezed my arm. "They don't want to anger him...they said it's safer for Levi if...if you stay away from him. They know how he feels about you and think what he did was reckless."

I shook my head and didn't want to believe what I was hearing. I hated that they were right. Kane had been so quick to attack Levi, and I could still hear the sickening sound of his fist colliding with Levi's face over and over again. There was a nauseating amount of blood.

"God this is all my fault." I gripped my hair with shaky fingers.

Tiana was silent and the heartbreak was too much for me to handle. "I'll take care of him, Rina. I promise."

My heart hurt. "Tell me if he wants to hear from me. I'll call, text, whatever he wants."

"I will." She enveloped me in another hug. "We'll see each other soon. The highlands are what, five hours away?"

I laughed. "Easy running distance," I joked. My smile slowly disappeared. "I love you, both of you."

"We love you too, Ri. Always."

—————

He seemed different when he came back, more...distant as he lifted my suitcases into his car boot. I could tell my words had hit him deep. The regret festered deep in my chest and I didn't know what to say as he held the passenger door open for me.

I tried to catch his attention as I sat down but he kept his gaze directed over the top of his car. I closed my eyes and tried to stop the foreign pain that spread through me. Having a mate and the intensity that came with it was making my head spin.

My fingers found my wrist and I traced his name on my skin. I was headed for unknown territory, in more ways than one. There was so much to navigate—my fears, worries and unexpected longing for something I never knew I could have.

All this compelled me to break the silence. "Why do you want me?"

His hands tightened around the steering wheel and he finally looked at me. "Because from the second your name burned into my skin, I knew nothing would make sense anymore without you. We both need time to wrap our heads around...whatever this is between us but what happened confirmed one thing for me."

It was almost like I had forgotten how to breathe.

"If we're going to figure out why this has happened—we have to do it together."