"You left your sweater at my house." Luke's voice appeared in my ear as I was putting a book away in my locker.

I turned around to face him, and he did not look happy. I still pulled him into a big hug, however, because he hadn't been to school in the past three days and I was about to go come to him myself if he stayed home any longer. Luke didn't do anything, though, instead he reached around my body and chucked my sweater into my now empty locker.

"Luke, come on." I groaned. I heard Luke sigh into my ear before he finally wrapped his arms around me, but didn't hold me as tight as he normally would. "What's wrong?"

"You left your sweater on the floor of my room, Stel. My mom found your sweater on the floor of my room." Luke said, pulling away.

"What did she say to you?" I gasped. I knew that Luke's little plan of getting me out of his house wasn't going to work, I knew that he would only get in trouble for it.

"She didn't say anything." Luke snapped at me, and I knew exactly what he meant. His mom had hurt him, again, even after we all thought that things were getting better.

"Are you okay?" I asked quietly.

"I'm fine, Stel." Luke said. He backed away from me and ran his fingers through his hair, letting out another big sigh.

"You really need to tell someone about this, Luke. This isn't okay." I said, reaching out to grab Luke's hand. He flinched, but once he realized that I just wanted to hold his hand he returned to normal and let our fingers lace themselves together.

"It will be okay, as long as you don't do anything like that again." Luke muttered. He stared down at the floor, like he couldn't quite meet my eyes.

This time it was me who let out a big sigh. As unhappy as I was that Luke had gotten in trouble because of me, I really didn't understand why he seemed to be blaming me for all of this. I know that's it's my fault for leaving my shirt in his room in the first place, but there were plenty of things that he and I both could have done to make sure that Luke's mom didn't find the shirt.

"So this is my fault?" I asked, dropping Luke's hand.

"No, no it's not. I'm sorry, Stel." Luke shook his head. "I've had a really bad week, I didn't mean to get upset with you. It's not your fault."

"Whatever, it's fine." I said softly, although I still didn't understand this whole thing. I did understand Luke and where he was coming from, though, and I knew that he sometimes said things he didn't mean. Luke looked up at me, almost as if he was surprised that I was forgiving him.

"Can we just go to lunch now, please?" Luke asked, now ignoring the whole conversation completely.

"Yeah." I nodded again, grabbing Luke by the arm and dragging him down the hallway.

He wrapped his arm around my waist and leaned in, leaving a short kiss on my temple. When I looked up at him again he wore a big grin on his face, seeming to be in a better mood already. This was still one of the biggest mysteries about Luke, the way that he could go from angry to happy in seconds.

"Are you okay?" Luke asked me, leaning down so he was closer to my height. His words startled me, I had been staring at him for what felt like so long that I was already lost in my own little world.

"Why wouldn't I be?" I chuckled nervously. Luke was laughing at me now, and I wondered what I had done to amuse him like this.

"You almost ran into that kid back there." Luke said, continuing to laugh.

"Right." I smiled. "I'm fine."

"You were starting at me." Luke smirked.

We entered the lunchroom where I could see that Michael was already sitting down at our usual table, and I ignored the few comments Luke and I received as we walked by. Most of them were asking who Luke even was, since he was so anti social around here. But there were a few about Ashton and I too, which didn't make me feel very good.

"Don't be so full of yourself." I laughed at Luke, sitting down across the table from Michael.

"Oh, Luke. Thank God." Michael let out a sigh of relief as Luke sat down next to me.

"Uh, hi." Luke nodded at Michael, not understanding him either.

"I've been waiting for you both to be here to ask you about this." Michael laughed, shoving a few more fries from the plate in front of him into his mouth.

"Ask us what?" I questioned, looking between Luke and I. Michael laughed again and leaned forward, getting excited at whatever it is he wanted to talk to us about.

"How was your date?" Michael asked, his eyes growing wider with every word he spoke.

Luke looked from Michael to me to Michael again, a startled expression on his face. We hadn't told anyone that we were planning on going on a date, and I definitely didn't say anything to Michael about it afterwards. I knew that Luke wasn't upset about knowing, and I wasn't either. I assumed that we were going to have to start letting other people know that we were kind of a "thing" sooner or later, but I hadn't expected Michael to find out about it on his own.

"There was no date." Luke said blankly, but Michael already knew too much. Luke couldn't fool him this time.

"How did you know, Michael?" I asked, not finding any reason to lie to him. Michael was my best friend, if Luke and I were going to be a thing now then he deserved to know about it.

"Ashton told me." Michael shrugged. His eyes flicked back and forth between the two of us and waited for our response.

"What?" Luke and I shouted at the same time.

"Ashton said he saw you two on Saturday night at that restaurant a few blocks away from here. Apparently Luke couldn't keep his hands off of you." Michael smirked.

Luke ducked his head down, an obvious blush now apparent on his face. Luke covered his face with his hands like he was trying to hide how embarrassed he was as Michael urged me to give him more details. But I was still confused as to why Ashton was at that restaurant in the first place.

"So, you went on a date?" Michael asked again.

"Yeah," I said, "Why was Ashton even there?"

"I don't know, but he seemed kind of upset that you've moved on go Luke so fast. Which is weird because wasn't he -"

Luke's head shot up and he slammed his hands down on the table. He started coughing again, which made Michael stop talking all together. They looked between each other for a moment before either of them spoke again. There was definitely something going on here, the way they were acting was too suspicious for there not to be.

"Sorry, chip got stuck in my throat." Luke coughed one last time.

"Wasn't he really good about you breaking up with him?" Michael asked, slowly.

"He seemed fine, I don't know. This is all just really weird. First he tells me that it's fine to go on and get together with Luke and then he beats him up for it, now he's been saying things to you about me?" I thought out loud.

"He hardly even talks to me anymore unless it's to complain about you." Michael shrugged.

"Maybe I should try to talk to him." I said. I just wanted to set things between Ashton and I. I had wanted us to stay friends after we broke up but he hadn't even spoken to me since then. I didn't like that he was talking to Michael about me and going after Luke for no reason. I started to stand up so I could go search for Ashton but Luke grabbed my wrist and pulled me back down.

"No." He ordered, like I was some pet of his.

"I just want to -"

"Don't talk to him." Luke said harshly. Michael watched us from the other side of the table, his eyes going back and forth from Luke to me like we were in a tennis match.

Luke gave up and rested his head in his hands once more, and I decided that I wouldn't try and talk to Ashton just yet. I figured that it would only cause problems for us, problems that I could easily avoid. I would wait until a later time to figure all of this out.

"Anyway, what step are you on now, Luke?" Michael asked, a huge smile spreading across his face. I knew how much he liked to poke fun at Luke for the quirky little things he liked to do.

"2 and 3 quarters." I answered for him.

"That's bullshit." Michael scoffed, making Luke's head snap up from its place in his hands.

"You told me you weren't going to make fun of the plan." Luke shot out at Michael.

"Sorry, sorry." Michael said, throwing his hands up in the air in defeat.

"I had to add in a few unnecessary steps." Luke sigh, giving me a sideways glance.

"So asking me out again wasn't necessary?" I questioned. I knew Luke was just in a bad mood today but I couldn't help but get a little upset with him for how he was acting. I had done nothing wrong to me and he's been making it seem like I had hurt him in someway.

"That isn't what I meant, Stel." Luke snapped at me.

"Maybe we should just stop talking for a while." Michael suggested, seeing that there was obviously something going on with Luke and he wasn't being his normal self today.

Luke looked up, glaring at both of us. "Maybe you're right."

-

"You have to eat something." I yelled over my shoulder as I walked into the kitchen. Luke was sprawled out on the couch in the living, acting like a child again. And not the good kind of acting like a child either, the kind that got on my nerves.

"I'm not hungry." I got a muffled response from Luke, his head buried in a pillow.

"We have popcorn!" I shouted back to him from my place in the kitchen. On any other day Luke would have jumped up at the mention of popcorn, but what ever was bothering him right now prevented him from doing so.

"I'm not hungry!" Luke yelled this time, his voice a lot clearer.

"You haven't eaten anything but chips all day. You're going to pass out." I warned him as I re-entered the living room. I pushed Luke's legs aside and sat down next to him on the couch. He swung his legs off the couch and sat up straight, facing me once again.

"It wouldn't matter if I did." He shook his head.

"Luke," I groaned, "yes it would."

"I'm not hungry." He said again, folding his arms over his chest and making his hands disappear even further into his sweatshirt.

I stared at Luke for a long time after that, noticing how much his appearance had changed in the past few days. His skin looked paler than it should be and his normally blue eyes were constantly tinted red and always puffy, like he had been rubbing them too much. His lips, which were always so pink and smooth, looked chapped. It wasn't unusual for me to be worried about Luke, but I felt more worried than I probably should. Especially since he always told me not to be.

"Luke, what's wrong?" I whispered. I tried to reach for his hand but he only pulled back again.

"There's nothing wrong. I'm not hungry, is that allowed?" Luke rolled his eyes at me. He grabbed at the sleeves of his sweatshirt and pulled them down, hiding his hands in them.

"No, there's something up. What's wrong with you?" I asked. As much as I wanted to I didn't believe Luke when he said that everything was fine. I knew him too well by now, he wasn't okay.

"Jesus, Stel. You're really going to ask what's wrong with me?" Luke snapped. He rose from his place on the couch, arms still crossed over his chest.

"I wasn't asking that." I shook my head, standing up as well.

"I don't know what's wrong with me!" Luke yelled. He threw his hands up in the air, like he couldn't quite understand why I had asked him something like that.

"Luke, have you taken your - " Luke cut me off before I could finish talking.

"No, Stel, I didn't take my God damn medicine today! I don't want it, I don't need it. It makes me feel like I'm crazy and I'm not crazy!" Luke screamed.

"They're not supposed to make you seem crazy, they're supposed to help you!" I yelled back at him.

"They don't help, nothing helps." Luke whined. He collapsed on the floor and pulled his knees into his chest, clearly done with trying to fight this endless battle with himself.

"I just want you to tell me what's wrong." I said quietly.

"I don't know what's wrong with me!" He shouted, "I have no fucking idea what's wrong with me, I'm just like this! I'm just so unhappy all the time and I want to die, is that really a big deal?"

"Um, yeah, it is a big deal." I said. I hated when Luke talked about this, wanting to die. Luke and I hadn't known each other for very long but I knew that if something were to happen to him I wouldn't know what to do. He's a big part of me now, and I needed him.

"Why? There are so many other people out there in this fucked up world that feel the exact same way. It's not a big deal. I don't matter." Luke scoffed, looking up at me. I sat down on the floor next to him and put a hand on his shoulder.

"Well I don't know those people as well as I know you. And I know that things are hard right now but you can't act like this. It scares me, Luke, when you talk about how much you want to die. I care about your more than you can probably understand and I need you to stop doing this." I spoke slowly. I was trying to stay as calm as possible to stop us from having a big fight, but I was afraid that I couldn't do anything now.

"You don't care, you're just saying that." Luke shook his head at me, tears already streaming down his face. He sniffed and wiped under his nose with the sleeve of his sweatshirt. "You're just saying that so I'll keep tutoring you."

"Are you crazy?" I asked, appalled that Luke would think I'm only using him as a math tutor. I knew that he was upset right now, but that was just insane. After everything that we had been through together I didn't even care about passing the stupid math class anymore. Before I could say anything more Luke cut me off again.

"No." Luke cried, "I'm not crazy."

"Luke, look at me." I ordered, taking his face in my hands and making him turn to me. "I'm not using you as a math tutor. You are so much more than that to me. I care about you so much, Luke, and I'm only trying to help you get better again."

"I can't get better, it's impossible." Luke shook his head. He pulled himself free from my grasp and wiped under his eyes, tears still freely falling from his eyes.

"Yes you can! Maybe if you just sat and talked to someone about -"

"I'm not going to talk to any doctors, Stel. I can't talk to them, they'll just treat me like I have something wrong with me." Luke said, cutting me off.

"They talk to people that are in a much worse state than you, Luke. They'll understand." I assured him. All I wanted was for Luke to go get some help, so he could stop scaring me like this.

"I can't tell them." Luke muttered, looking down at the floor. He put his head in his hands and started sobbing again.

"Can't tell them what?" I whispered, though I had a few ideas as to what this could be.

"I don't know how I'm supposed to look someone in the eyes and tell them I've tried to kill myself." Luke said into his hands.

I didn't ask any questions this time like I normally would have, even though I had so man go wanted to ask. Instead I let Luke's body fall into me and I held him as he continued to sob. I knew that Luke was upset and said he wanted to die sometimes, but I had never imagined that he'd actually tried to before. And if he'd attempted, did that mean he failed? I couldn't imagine how different everything would be right now if I didn't have Luke, if he had simply disappeared from my life. I need Luke, I just wish he could see that.

"Luke," I choked out his name, but I could feel a lump rising in my throat that prevented me from saying anymore.

"I tried to swallow a ton of pills once and it didn't work, I still woke up the next morning." Luke's voice trembled as he spoke. I don't think he had ever told anyone this before, not even his own mother. "It's not fair."

"Don't say that, Luke," I started really crying now, and hard. "I don't want you to die."

"I'm trying so hard to get better, Stel." Luke sobbed into my shoulder, and by now I was crying too much to say anything else.

"It's okay, you're going to get better. It'll be okay." I said after a long time, letting my fingers run slowly through Luke's hair while he cried and muttered things about how sorry he was for everything.

"I'm so sorry for yelling at you." Luke looked up at me.

He noticed that I was crying too and wiped under my eyes, which only made me want to cry more. I could never get over the fact that no matter how broken inside Luke was he would do anything he could to make sure I was okay. I didn't understand how he could be so upset with the rest of his life and still do whatever he could so that I was happy. It wasn't fair.

"It's okay, it's okay." I nodded, repeating the words over and over again.

"I'll get better, I promise." Luke tried to smile at me, but I could tell he was having a hard time doing so.

"It seems like whenever we come to my house we end up crying." I said, giving Luke a shaky laugh. Luke grabbed onto my hands and pulled me off of the floor, immediately wrapping me up in a hug.

"I know, I'm sorry." Luke chuckled.

"Let's just try not to cry anymore, okay?" I asked. Luke slowly licked his lips.

"I've been trying so hard not to act like this anymore, I'm sorry. I just lost it." Luke apologized again in my shoulder, his fingers twisting at the ends of my hair.

"It'll all be okay." I said again. Luke gently kissed my forehead before pulling away from me and finally sitting back down on the couch.

"I'm not going to mess around anymore, Stel." Luke sighed, looking up at me. "I'm not going to act like this anymore."

"Okay." I nodded, not knowing what else to say.

"I can't stand seeing you upset like this." Luke said, though it was really me who should have been saying that to him. Luke deserved to have someone care about him the way he did for me, I didn't.

"I'm sorry." I smiled, using the tips of my fingers to get rid of the last few tears on under my eyes.

"I don't want you to feel sorry for me." Luke said. He stretched out his arms, inviting me to come sit with him. He pulled me onto his lap and wrapped his arms around me tightly, resting his chin on my shoulder.

"I can't help it sometimes, Luke." I sighed. Luke's head peaked out from behind me and he smiled softly, leaving a lingering kiss on my cheek.

"I don't know what I would do without you." Luke whispered. He turned and nuzzled his face into my neck, his lips slowly brushing up against my skin. It felt good, no doubt, but this was not the time to be thinking about that.

"Me either."

"We're going to be okay, okay?" Luke looked up at me once more, his eyes still filled with tears.

I nodded, assuring him once more. "We'll be okay."

Luke and I sat in silence like that for a long time afterwards. We didn't have a staring contest this time, we simply just enjoyed one another's company, thankful that we had each other.

shit this got intense

poor Luke :(

YOU ARE ALL GOING TO H A T E ME FOR THIS IM SO SORRY BUT ((i say this all the time)) ITS ALL PART OF MY STORY AND IT HAS A POINT OKAY. I HOPE YOU ALL ENJOY EVEN THOUGH IT WAS SAD :):