"I really don't understand why you don't have any nice clothes." I sighed as I followed Luke into the store, trailing slowly behind him.

"I really don't understand why you don't understand." Luke looked over his shoulder at me and smiled.

Luke had been in an extremely sarcastic mood all day, and that's why I really wasn't looking forward to going shopping with him. But he claimed that he needed some nice clothes to wear for his graduation that was quickly approaching. I really didn't like the thought of this all happening so fast, but there was nothing I could do. This was something that Luke clearly wanted and I didn't want to interfere with that.

"Can we please just get this over with?" I groaned, "I'm hungry."

"I just need one shirt, then you can go get some food." Luke said, finally stopping in front of a shelf full of button up shirts. He crouched down and started rummaging through all of the shirts, seeming like he had something very specific in mind. I stayed standing and looked down at him while he did this, he didn't look like he needed any help from me anyway.

"Don't you already have a lot of shirts like this?" I question, still staring down at Luke. "You know, from when you worked at the theater?"

"I tried them on last night before I called you to see if we could go shopping today. They're all too big in the...well, everywhere." Luke chuckled quietly. It was obvious that Luke had lost a lot of weight in the past few months and we actually discussed it regularly, but I knew that Luke didn't enjoy bringing too much attention to it. Whenever either one of us brought it up it almost always ended in some type of fight, or disagreement. I hated fighting with Luke, and I hoped that he knew deep down that the only reason why I ever acted so worried about him was because I cared so much.

"What about pants?" I asked. changing subjects before things got too uncomfortable for both of us. I watched Luke as he searched through the piles of shirts, making a disgusted face as he came across an ugly green one.

"I bought a new pair of jeans a couple weeks ago, I'll just wear those." He answered, throwing another shirt to the side.

"Jeans?" I laughed, raising an eyebrow at him. Luke picked up two shirts, a black one and a white one and stood up again, moving on to another shelf.

"They're black." Luke shrugged. He held up a blue shirt that was exactly the same as the other two he had, only a different color. "Do you like this one?"

"It's alright. Do you have a tie to go with it?" I asked.

"I have to wear a tie too?" Luke let out a loud groan, throwing his head back in frustration.

"Well, you should." I said, "It might look a little weird if you don't. I mean, you're already wearing jeans, you don't want to be too casual."

"This is just too much." Luke sighed jokingly.

"What, you didn't think you were going to have to look nice for this thing?" I laughed. I didn't know why Luke didn't know more about this. His brother graduated the same year mine did, I would think that he would remember how it was. I certainly did.

"I just don't like shopping, or picking out clothes." Luke said, rolling his eyes. He stood up, his new shirts in his hands, and turned to face me.

"So that's why you invited me to come help you?" I smirked up at him, knowing that this was the exact reason why Luke wanted me to come with him today. Luke leaned down and slowly pressed his lips to mine and I could feel him smiling as I kissed him back.

Luke pulled away after just a few seconds, probably not wanting to bring too much attention. We were already being watched by some of the employees here, it wasn't often that two teenagers were alone in a store like this. "Exactly."

"Hey." I pouted, backing away from Luke.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I meant to say 'No, Stel, I asked you to come with just because I enjoy your company'." Luke laughed, putting a fake, cheesy smile on his face.

"Idiot." I laughed, rolling my eyes at him.

"Don't be so rude, Stel." Luke whined. He tried to reach out for me again but I stepped back again, just to tease him a little.

"Go try on your shirts." I laughed, pushing Luke away from me. I knew that I had to literally push him to get this over with, otherwise we would never be done here.

He turned around and headed off into the direction of the dressing rooms and I followed, hoping that this wasn't going to take much longer. We waited in a short line for only a few minutes and then Luke went into the dressing room, forcing me to stand outside and wait for him to show me the shirt. I was bored, to say the least.

"Stel?" Luke called after a few minutes and I turned to face the door, having been leaning against it a few seconds before.

"Yeah?" I asked, assuming that he just wanted me to see how he looked in one of the shirts. Luke slowly opened the door and pulled me inside with him, shutting it behind me once I was in all the way. "What are you doing?"

"I don't like this." Luke pouted again, crossing his arms over his chest.

"The shirt?" I questioned. I actually really liked how it looked on him. At the moment he was wearing the blue one, and it makes his eyes look brighter than they usually do.

"No." Luke mumbled, "Graduating."

I stayed silent for a few seconds before finally speaking. "No one's really forcing you to."

"I'm forcing myself." Luke answered quickly, like he had been prepared for me to say that.

"But why?" I asked.

Luke started pacing back and forth in the dressing room, which really just meant he would take two steps, turn, and take another two steps since it was such a small space. He ran his fingers through his hair, tugging at the ends of it. He was getting all worked up over this, and while part of me understood why, the other part didn't. It was completely up to Luke whether or not he wanted to graduate, but lately he's been acting like he had no choice.

"I'm just a little overwhelmed, I think." Luke said, looking down at his feet as he walked back and forth. His breathing was getting heavier and I was afraid that he was going to have a panic attack again, in a really inconvenient place.

"About what?" I asked.

"Part of me is just having it's doubts about all of this." Luke said slowly.

"Like what?" I questioned. I figured that it would be better to really talk with Luke about this, it could distract him enough so he didn't start freaking out right now.

"I just - I want to leave New York so bad and just completely start over, but I also know that I have a life here that I don't want to leave behind." Luke sighed.

"You won't be completely leaving your life here behind," I said, "You aren't leaving forever."

"Yeah, Stel, I know, but I would still be leaving a lot." Luke ran his hands over his face as he continued pacing back and forth.

"Luke," I said, letting out a big sigh as I said his name. "Haven't we already talked about this?"

"We have, yeah, but I'm just worried. I'm so sorry that I'm worried." He snapped.

"That's not what I meant." I crossed my arms over my chest as I stared back at Luke, who was still furiously walking around the dressing room.

"Then what did you mean?" Luke asked.

"Okay, I don't want you to get upset, I was just trying to say that we've talked about this same thing before and you know exactly what I'm going to say." I said, bringing my voice down a little because I could hear that there were people in the other dressing rooms now.

"You're going to say that I shouldn't miss out on an opportunity like this." Luke rolled his eyes.

"Well...yeah. I just want you to - "

"I know, you want me to leave. Everyone wants me to leave. They're tired of having to deal with me and how fucked up I am." Luke said, sounding surprisingly calm considering what just came out of his mouth.

"That's not true." I argued.

"It's okay if you want to say it, Stel, I really don't care." Luke's breathing picked up and he kept pacing, picking nervously at his fingernails.

"Luke can you - "

"Is it hot in here?" Luke asked, cutting me off. "I feel hot."

"It feels pretty normal to me." I said, trying to sound more calm than I had been a few seconds ago, and Luke stopped pacing all together before taking a seat on the ground. He brought his knees up to his chest and rested his head on top of them, curling up into a little ball. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing." Luke mumbled with his mouth pressed to his knees.

"Are you alright?" I asked, even though he obviously wasn't.

"I'm fine, Stel, I'm just a little lightheaded." He said quietly. Luke finally looked up and unbuttoned the buttons of his shirt and also the ones on the sleeves, allowing him to roll them up. I stared at the line of rubber bracelets on each of his wrist and felt a lump form in my throat.

I knew what was there, but I was too much of an idiot to work up enough courage to talk to Luke about it. He had told me once that he "hurt himself" and I only figured out exactly what he meant a couple months ago. When we first met I had no idea that something like this was going on, because I don't think it was happening in the beginning. He only started wearing those bracelets a few months ago, but now he never took them off. The only time I ever noticed them was when he had his shirt off around me, which honestly wasn't very often. Any other time Luke wore a sweater, or something with long sleeves.

I really wanted to talk to Luke about it, but I was scared of how he would react, and I also knew that this was definitely not the place to bring something like that up. I just wished that he could see that he didn't need to do things like that to himself, that I cared about him.

"Have you eaten a lot today?" I asked. I already knew what the answer was, but I guess it was worth a shot.

"No." Luke's voice was muffled again when he put his head back on his knees. I got down on the floor and sat next to him, bringing my knees up just like he had them.

"Have you eaten at all?"

"I wasn't feeling well this morning either, so I didn't have any breakfast or anything. I would have, I swear, I just didn't feel like eating. My stomach hurt." Luke rushed to explain himself, but I didn't believe his story. This had happened too many times and I knew that Luke wasn't just skipping out on eating because he didn't feel good, it was impossible.

"You can't keep doing this to yourself." I stated.

"Why are we even arguing about this?" Luke asked, "Why is it that all we ever do is fucking argue with each other?"

"I'm not trying to argue with you, Luke, you need help and I'm trying to give you that." I said, trying to reason with him.

"I don't have a problem, and I even if I did I wouldn't ask for your help." Luke said under his breath.

"Can you please just listen to me? I'm worried about you. Why are you doing this to yourself?" I asked, because I knew by now that Luke not eating was definitely intentional. There was no way that it was just his medication making him lose his appetite.

"It's just because of my medication, Stel, don't worry." Luke muttered, "This happens a lot, I'll be fine in a minute."

"I don't think the medication is supposed to make you stop eating all together." I sighed.

"It's just side affect. The medication forces me to lose my appetite, but it's fine. I'm just lightheaded right now, I'll be okay." Luke said, still hiding his face with his knees.

"Luke, not eating anything really isn't helping you get better at all." I whispered, still afraid that someone in the dressing room was going to hear our conversation. This really wasn't the best time for something like this to be going on, but I couldn't exactly control these things.

"Stel, stop it." Luke snapped again, finally looking up at me.

"I'm trying to help!" I argued, backing away from him.

"Listen, I told you to stop worrying about me, so stop. I don't need help from you or anyone else, I'm fine on my own." Luke said harshly before putting his head down again.

This was exactly the type of stuff that made me think maybe Luke shouldn't be going to college. If it was up to him he wouldn't be receiving any help at all, and I have no idea what state he would be in now if that was the case. It was conflicting, because I wanted him to do what he wanted by going to college, but I also wanted him to stay here so I could be with him. I wasn't sure how I felt about the fact that Luke will be living alone next year, and even though I encouraged Luke to make this move I feel like it might have been the wrong thing to do.

"Okay," I said, standing up. "I'm just going to wait outside then."

I walked out of the dressing room and went back to where Luke and I had been looking around before, deciding that I should just give him his space. He came out a few minutes later, and I don't think that he actually tried on any of the other shirts he originally planned to.

"This one's good. I'll just buy a tie later." Luke mumbled as he passed me, heading to the counter up front where he could pay.

I followed slowly behind him, not sure if I should actually try to make conversation with him right now. I figured that he just needed his space right now, that's what always happened when the two of us argued. It was always better if we just left each other alone for a while before things got too bad.

After Luke was finished paying for his shirt we left the store, still walking silently next to each other. It was mostly just awkward now, because it was obvious that both of us wanted to talk to each other but really couldn't find the words to say.

"Stel," Luke said quietly as he walked next to me. He wrapped an arm around my waist from the side and pulled me closer to him, slowly pressed his lips to my forehead. "Let's go get something to eat."

-

Even after we did get some food, things were still awkward between Luke and I. We just went to some small pizza place that was on our way back home and got something quick to eat. Luke did eat a little, but not as much as he should have. I didn't make a big deal about it, though, because I didn't want to start something for the second time that day.

Eventually we made it back to Luke's house, and I was really only there because I had told Luke that I would spend the night earlier today, before all of this happened. Part of me wanted to just leave and go home, because at this point Luke and I were hardly even speaking to each other. I knew that things would be better once I let Luke have some space, so I might as well just go home.

"I think I'm going to go home." I stood up from where I was sitting at the table. Luke's head snapped up, like he had realized for the first time that I was still in the room with him.

"Stel, don't." Luke sighed. He got up from his seat and walked towards me, taking my hand in his.

"It would be better if I just left, don't you think?" I asked, already trying to pull away from Luke.

"No, no, please stay." Luke begged, "My mom's not bothering us for once. Just stay, please."

"What are we going to do all night? Sit and stare at each other from across the table?" I asked. That's what we had been doing for what felt like hours now, and I was getting tired of it.

"I was hoping that we could talk, actually." Luke said quietly, looking around the kitchen. I didn't say anything more after that, because I really didn't have any arguments. Luke dragged me out of the room and up the stairs, and I eventually stopped trying to fight it and just let him lead me to his room.

Luke shut his bedroom door behind him and I sat down on his bed, curling my legs up underneath myself. Luke made his was over to his bed and did the same thing, sitting down across from me. He stared straight at me for a long time before he finally decided to open his mouth and speak, and even then it took him a little while to actually get some words out.

"What's bothering you?" Luke asked.

"Nothing." I lied, shifting awkwardly in my spot on the bed.

Luke sighed and ran his fingers through his hair, messing it up a little. "I hate fighting with you, Stel."

"We weren't exactly fighting." I shrugged. "It was a minor argument."

"I got upset with you, and I don't like that." Luke licked his lips, elaborating a little for me.

"It's okay. I was being kind of pushy." I nodded, actually meaning it. I had made the situation worse by bringing up the fact that Luke never ate anymore, when in the first place he had only been a little worried about graduating early.

"You're just trying to take care of me. And that's what I need, Stel, I need someone to constantly look after me or I'll just fall apart." Luke sighed.

"That's not exactly true." I mumbled. I was only partially true at the moment, but I knew that if Luke tried hard enough he would be able to do most of these things on his own, he just didn't want to.

"I'm not gonna make it next year." Luke whispered.

"Don't say that." I said, shaking my head. I reached out and grabbed one of Luke's hands that were resting on his knees, quickly lacing our fingers together before Luke had a chance to even try and pull away.

"I'm so conflicted." Luke just barely chuckled under his breath, his lips curling up at the corners into the tiniest possible smile.

"What do you want?" I asked.

"What? What do you mean?" Luke questioned, cocking his head to the side.

"I mean, what do you really want to do? With college and everything?" I explained, "Because one second you're all for it and then the next you're insisting that you won't be able to hand it. I just want you to tell me what you really want."

"I really don't know..." Luke drifted off, staring down at his lap.

"No one's going to be upset with you, if that's what you're worried about. Whatever you decide in the end, we'll still - I'll still love you." I said slowly, hoping that Luke would understand the point that I was trying to make.

Luke stayed silent for a minute before finally opening his mouth again. "I guess I just need to think about it a little more. I mean, I thought that I was all set to go and everything, but maybe I just need a little more time to think."

"You'll be okay either way." I shrugged.

"I guess I will. I'll try to be." Luke said, chewing at his lip ring.

"You know how the other day you said that thing about always wanting others to be happy?" I asked, and Luke nodded. "I think that you should focus on your happiness. Just find whatever makes you happiest and...do it."

That was honesty what I wanted him to do. I wanted Luke to just take a step back for a minute or two and forget about everyone else, so for once he could make a decision based on his happiness, not anyone else's. Sure, I would be a little upset if he did end up going to college next fall, but I would learn to adjust to it. I just wanted Luke to know that I would stick with him no matter what.

"What about - "

"Please, Luke. Don't think about other people." I said, cutting him off. "You don't have to make any decisions right now, but promise me you'll try, okay?"

"How did I manage to get such a great girlfriend?" Luke finally smiled and scooted closer to me, pulling me into his chest. He let go of my hands and wrapped his arms around my shoulders, holding me against him.

"I'm really not that great. I suck at giving advice." I laughed softly. "Like, that little speech I just tried to give you was awful."

"It wasn't that bad. Maybe not perfect," Luke laughed, "but it was nice. It got your point across."

"Thanks." I sighed. Luke fell back onto the bed and took me with him, reaching up and grabbing a pillow to put under his head. I repositioned myself so I was using Luke's chest as a pillow and he moved his arms again, making both of us more comfortable.

"And even if I do end up leaving, we'll make it work." Luke spoke up once we were all situated.

"We've already talked about this too." I laughed quietly, feeling like everything was just repeating itself.

"I know, I just wanted to remind you." Luke brought a hand up to the back of my head and smoothed my hair down for a second before pulling away again.

"Okay." I laughed.

"We can, like, take our long distance relationship to the next level." Luke moved again, moving the pillow that was under his head.

"If you leave." I added quietly, a very small - and very selfish - part of me was hoping that after this whole conversation may just stop Luke from wanting to move. I really didn't think it would work, I knew that Luke would probably just choose California in the end. He always goes back to that choice.

If I leave I'm going to have to come back more than just a few times a year. I don't know how I'll be able to last without you." Luke mumbled, and both of us feel silent for another few minutes. It was Luke who broke the silence yet again.

"I really am sorry for snapping at you earlier, though." Luke sighed again.

"It's fine." I said again, still feeling bad because I had caused Luke to act like that. If it was anyone's fault, it was mine.

"I guess you could say that I have a lot on my plate right now." Luke played with the ends of my hair, twisting them between his fingers. "I really just don't want you worrying about me all the time, even though I understand why you would want to."

"I just want you to be happy." I said and a small smile spread across my face, even though I knew Luke couldn't see me.

"I'm trying, Stel, and sometimes I am happy, but other times it's just so hard to be. I'd rather make sure that everyone else is happy than try to make myself feel good. There are more important things." Luke rambled on, and even though I disagreed with him about the fact that there were more important things I didn't say anything else. We laid in silence for a very long time after that, and I knew that I was going to fall asleep soon if neither of us said anything more.

Luke grabbed my free hand with his and pressed them together. He lined up our palms so they matched up with each other and then curled his fingers around my hand, which was much smaller than his. He continued playing with my fingers, obviously entertained by them.

"What are you doing?" I whispered, but I was just barely able to keep my eyes open.

"I'm just messing around." Luke mumbled. He left more than one kiss on my forehead before focusing on my fingers again, wiggling them around individually like he used to do to me all the time.

I yawned, and even though I tried my hardest to hide my face in Luke's chest while it happened he still saw me, and finally noticed just how tired I was.

"Go to sleep, baby," He whispered, kissing me on the side of my head just one last time. "I'll still be here when you wake up."

-

THIS CHAPTER WAS ACTUALLY V V IMPORTANT BUT I DONT THINK ANYONE WILL GET IT UNTIL THE NEAR FUTURE

Luke and Stella give me chest pains and idk if they're good or bad

IM SORRY IF THIS SUCKS IM JUST TRYING TO END IT AND IM RUNNING OUT OF IDEAS CONSIDER THIS A FILLER OKAY BYE HOPE YOU ENJOYED