Luke had lied to me. I woke up later that night and he wasn't there next to me. I had expected him to be sleeping, it was still really late. I don't know what he would have been doing if he wasn't in here.

I knew that there was someone else in the house that was awake, because I could hear them moving around in the hallway and the bathroom. I waited for what felt like a really long time for Luke to come back, thinking that he had just gone to the bathroom. After a while I just gave up.

I hoped that I was Luke and not his mom, because I didn't give myself much time to think any of this over before going out to talk to him. I rolled off of Luke's bed and ran a hand through my hair, realizing that I had fallen asleep with all of my clothes still on. Usually Luke would give me something of his to sleep in, but I guess tonight wasn't one of those nights. He wasn't in a very good mood when we went to bed and I didn't want to bother him.

I carefully peaked my head out from behind the doorframe and stared down the hallway, noticing that the bathroom light was on. The door was still shut so I wasn't sure who exactly was in there, but by now I was almost positive that if was Luke. His mom had her own bathroom anyway, why would she use this one?

Finally, the door opened and the light shut off, but I still didn't move. Luke came out of the bathroom and made his way back towards his room, clearly trying to do his best to not make any noise at all. I really shouldn't have gotten so worried, he was just using the bathroom. I guess it just freaked me out since he promised that he would be here when I woke up and we was, well, not.

I quickly ran back over to Luke's bed and sat down on it so I wouldn't look like a creep standing by the door when he walked in. He entered the room just a few seconds later, barely even noticing that I was sitting up on the bed and staring at him. He shut the door behind himself as he walked in and slowly shuffled over to wear I was sitting, taking a seat next to me.

"Why are you awake?" Luke whispered.

"Because you are." I whispered back to him, watching as he played with the ends of his sleeves.

"I was just in the bathroom" Luke smiled softly. He quickly wiped at the side of his mouth with his sleeve, like he was trying to do it fast enough so I wouldn't see.

"Yeah, I figured." I smiled.

"I just had something I needed to...do." Luke whispered. He laid down again and pulled me with him, both of us falling back into the position we had been in before.

"What, like, go to the bathroom?" I whispered, letting a small laugh escape my lips. Luke's hand traveled slowly up the back of my shirt and he traced circles into my skin, leaving small little designs with his fingers.

"No," Luke chuckled quietly, "Do you really want to know?"

"If you want to tell me, then go ahead." I tried to shrug as best as I could, it was kind of hard in the position that Luke and I were in. I knew that there were still a lot of personal things that Luke didn't want to tell me, and I accepted that. I would never try to force him into telling me something like that unless it was extremely important.

"It's honestly not that special, Stel. It's not a big deal." Luke shifted for just a second and leaned further into me, so his lips were almost pressed against my cheek. His breath smelled minty, like he had just brushed his teeth.

"You don't have to tell me if you don't want to." I said slowly. I was trying hard to work on not pushing Luke like I would normally end up doing, that really didn't help either of us in situations like this.

"Oh okay. I threw up." Luke shrugged nonchalantly, like it was no big deal. Like it was something so normal for him that he didn't even mind talking about it out loud anymore.

"Why?" I asked.

"I just didn't feel good. I think it was because I ate earlier today and I hadn't for a while. It messed me up." Luke explained. He seemed unusually happy despite the fact that he had apparently thrown up just a few minutes before. I really didn't know how to feel about it, I was beginning to get worried about him. I mean, it was one thing to throw up because you're not feeling good, but it was another to seem happy about it after it's over. I was just afraid that Luke wasn't telling me the whole story.

"Are you alright now?" I asked hesitantly.

"I feel fine. I brushed my teeth and everything." Luke said quietly, looking up and giving me a big, but also really fake, smile. "I think my body just couldn't adjust to eating real food, I had to get rid of it. It's no big deal."

"You didn't - " I stopped myself before I could finish my sentence, figuring that it really wasn't the best time to ask what I had been planning to. Luke was happy right now, I didn't want to ruin it.

"I didn't what?" Luke asked.

"Nevermind." I sighed, slowly wiggling out of Luke's arms and sitting up. I was too awake now to fall back asleep, we might as well sit up and talk for a while.

"What?" Luke asked, sitting up as well, "What is it?"

"It's not important." I said, shaking my head.

Luke stayed still for a minute and looked up at the ceiling, like he was going over all of the possible things I could have said. Apparently Luke was a mind reader, because what he said next was almost spot on. "I didn't make myself throw up."

"I wasn't going to - I didn't think you - " I gave up, unable to find an excuse. That was what I was going to ask, but only because I was so worried about him. I cares about Luke so much, and I didn't like the idea of him making himself throw up, but it seemed like that's what was going on here.

"No, I know what you thought." Luke said, furrowing his eyebrows. I could tell that I had hurt his feelings with what I had almost said, and that made me wonder what would have happened if I actually had said something.

"Luke," I sighed.

Luke crawled to the end of the bed and hopped off of it before heading out of the room, not bothering to tell me what was going on. Eventually I got up and followed him down stairs, careful not to make too much noise.

"Luke, come back." I called quietly after him, hoping that he would just turn around and come back to bed.

"I did not make myself throw up." Luke repeated, then disappeared down the stairs.

"What are you doing?" I whispered once I reached the kitchen, finding Luke in there searching through cabinets and drawers.

"Nothing." Luke mumbled. He pulled out two bags of chips from a cabinet put them in his arms, along with a jar of peanut butter and then moved to the fridge, emerging with a can of whipped cream.

"Luke," I sighed. I knew what he was doing. I had indirectly accused him of having an eating disorder of some sort and now he was trying to prove me wrong. This was just like the time at the library when Luke forced himself to laugh just to show me that he wasn't depressed, even though that wasn't entirely the case. This was almost the same thing, and in a way it was normal for Luke. He loved proving people wrong.

Luke went to the freezer next and disappeared behind the door for a second before coming out with a full thing of ice cream, a wide grin on his face. "Chocolate." He laughed. He reached over to a drawer and grabbed a spoon before shutting that and the freezer door, balancing everything he had grabbed in his hands.

"Luke, stop it." I said, trying to reach out and grab some of the food in his hands and take it away from him. I knew what he was going to try and do next and I didn't want to be a part of it.

"I've been awake all night, thinking about what you said." Luke turned away from me and headed down the hall, walking a little slower so he didn't drop anything. He stopped when he reached a closet in the middle of the hallway and opened it up, revealing a pretty large selection of beers and wines.

"I thought you weren't allowed to drink anymore." I whispered so quietly that Luke couldn't even really hear me as I watched him scan over the alcohol, finally pulling out two bottles.

"I'm not supposed to." Luke scoffed, "That doesn't mean I don't."

I sighed, deciding not to answer him this time. I was confused, and stupidly following Luke around like I had no way to put a stop to this.

"Luke, this isn't right." I said as I followed him down the hall. I didn't want him to drink, especially now, after he'd tried so hard not to for a while. It wasn't healthy for him for him to drink alcohol, especially when he was regularly taking medicine to help with his depression.

"I'll be fine, Stel." Luke groaned, not looking back as he continued to walk down the hall.

Luke rebalanced the food and now drinks in his hands as he continued walking down the hall, not even really checking to see if I was following behind him. We ended up in the pool room, where Luke used his shoulder to bump the light switch and turn everything on, then kicked the door shut behind us.

"What are you doing?" I asked again.

"Eating." Luke answered me. He walked over to the edge of the pool and sat down, setting his food on the ground beside him. I hesitantly made my way over to where Luke was sitting and plopped myself down next to him. Before doing anything else we both rolled up the ends of our pants, letting our feet dip into the water.

Luke picked at a wine bottle that he had grabbed with his fingers until he finally got the cork out, looking pleased with himself. Even though I knew about Luke and what he used to do when alcohol was made available to him, I didn't say anything. I couldn't believe that I was sitting here and watching this go on, even when I knew what could happen. Luke was supposed to be getting better, not just throwing away everything he had been working towards.

"Want some?" Luke asked, bringing the bottle to his lips and taking way too big of a sip. He blinked a few times, the alcohol hitting him harder than he was used to because he hadn't had any in so long.

"No, Luke." I said, reaching out for the bottle. He just scooted further away from me, holding the bottle of wine close to his chest so I couldn't grab it.

"Suit yourself." Luke shrugged. He took another large swig before setting the bottle back down and furiously opening up a bag of chips, like they were the last food on Earth. Luke grabbed a handful of chips and shoved them into his mouth, getting crumbs everywhere. "I've been thinking about what you said." He repeated.

"What did I say, exactly?" I asked, just needing Luke to refresh my memory.

"You said that - " Luke paused to spray some whipped cream into his mouth, which I think still had some chips in it. "You said that I should find something that makes me happy and do it."

"So...?"

"So I was thinking, and I'm pretty sure that me moving out will make me happy." Luke said, using the wine to chase down the combination of chips and whipped cream that was in his mouth. "It'll be good for me to just start over, with a clean slate. I've been stuck in New York for my whole life, maybe this is what I need. I mean, of course I'm going to miss you like crazy, but you said it yourself, we'll make it work."

I nodded, really not knowing what to say this time. Ultimately this was the decision that I had wanted Luke to make when I was giving him this advice, but I hadn't thought that he was going to decide this fast. I was aware that in a sense Luke had limited time to think this over, but he certainly should take more than just a few hours to think this through. I really wasn't asleep for that long, and suddenly Luke had changed into what felt like a totally different person.

"So you're going to leave? Just like that, you're all decided?" I asked. I hated the way that both of us were being so back and forth about this. One second I wanted Luke to leave and he didn't, but the next he wanted to get out of here as soon as he could and I just wanted him to stay. I wish that we could both agree on the same thing for once.

"I'm fucking sick of switching all the time," Luke said, drinking more from the wine bottle, "I might as well just go."

"Right." I nodded. I had stopped trying to grab the wine from Luke now, because I knew that if I kept trying I would just cause a bigger fight. I trusted him to stop at some point, though, because I felt that he would realize when this started to get out of hand.

"Even if I do go and I don't like it, I can always drop out and come back home. I don't want to, but I mean..." Luke trailed off as he stuck his hand in the bag of chips again, bringing a huge handful back out and putting it all in hi mouth at the same time.

"Mmm, this is amazing." Luke moaned, sticking one of his chips into the jar of peanut butter and popping them into his mouth. "Why are you being so quiet?"

"I just don't have much to say, I guess." I shrugged, pausing to debate with myself whether or not I should say what I'm thinking. "Luke, I don't like this. I think you should stop."

"I'm fine, I'll just eat on my own. God, I love food." Luke muttered, his mouth full of God knows what once again. He lifted the bottle up to his lips and tilted it back, gulping up the last of the wine. The bottle was only half full when he'd grabbed it, but I didn't care. It was still too much for one siting, and I was getting more and more worried by the second.

Luke opened up the tub of ice cream again and smiled, picking up the spoon and digging in to it. He was making a huge mess on his face, and I don't think he noticed it. It was like he didn't even care about getting anything in his mouth anymore, he just wanted the food near him. There was chocolate ice cream running down his chin as Luke continued to shove spoonful after spoonful in his mouth, not taking any time to slow down at all. Luke just ate and ate and ate, like he hadn't seen food in days - and he probably hadn't.

I knew what was going on now, and it made me really upset that Luke was being too stubborn to talk about it with me. He was showing signs of having an eating disorder, I knew that this wasn't just a one time thing that he was doing to prove a point with me, and he needed to get help. I was scared, I didn't like seeing him like this, because I knew that if something had happened I wouldn't know what to do.

"This is fun," Luke continued. He was smiling, and obviously getting a little tipsy or maybe even just loopy from all of the ice cream. "I can't remember the last time I drank, or ate like this."

"Luke, please stop." I begged, reaching once again for the food in his hands. "This isn't funny anymore, you need help."

"God, I love peanut butter." Luke laughed, ignoring me as he stuck his fingers in the jar again and licking the peanut butter off of them.

"I don't know, Stel, I think that I can maybe do it, if I take things slow." I really wasn't sure what Luke was talking about at the moment so I didn't say anything back to him.

"Are you sure?" I finally spoke up, remembering what Luke was talking about. Of course he was going to say he was sure, he's drunk.

"Totally." Luke nodded. By now he had moved on to the other bottle of beer that he had grabbed and was chugging it down like no tomorrow.

"Luke, I'm serious." I said, and finally grabbed the bottle from him, not even bothering to apologize for spilling some beer on Luke as I took it away. "This isn't okay."

"Man, I missed food." Luke rambled on, messily shoving more chips into his mouth. He was still making a mess all over himself, but I didn't do anything more to stop him.

-

"Isn't it funny," Luke slurred, "That my life is just a big roller coaster? I'm always up and then down and then up and down and then back up again."

It was about an hour later and the two of us were still in the pool room, but Luke had finished off one of the bags of chips and the whole thing of whipped cream. He had also polished off half of the ice cream, but I actually had to take that away from him before he ate it all. Right now he was working on finishing up the jar of peanut butter and he'd tried to grab the beer again, but I didn't let him have it. I don't think he even realized what he was doing.

He was pretty drunk, even though he hadn't had as much to drink as he used to. He'd spent a while now not drinking at all, and now that he'd started again it was going to take less for him to get drunk. It scared me, and I wasn't going to let Luke have any more to drink tonight.

"That's funny." I nodded, but really I wasn't very amused. Luke was laying down on the ground now and holding his peanut butter jar over his head, like he was waiting for it to fall on his face.

I was really just supervising him, making sure that he didn't do anything stupid again and keeping the alcohol away from him. I was going to let him have the rest of the peanut butter and then make him come upstairs, because when I tried to bring him back to bed a few minutes earlier he'd put up a huge fight, claiming that he'd only go when he was done eating.

"One second I'm up," Luke laughed, holding the jar up higher. He brought it back down again, letting it drop onto his chest for a second before he picked it up again. "Then I'm down."

"Do you want to go back to bed?" I asked.

"I'm okay." Luke said, smacking his lips. He sucked some more peanut butter off of his finger, laughing quietly at himself.

"It's almost 4:30 in the morning, Luke, aren't you tired?" I questioned.

"I'll just sleep here." Luke shrugged. He reached over to the second bag of chips and pulled out another handful but I reached over and smacked his hand, making him drop the chips back into the bag.

"Fine." I sighed, though I wasn't going to let him sleep on the side of a pool. I was just pretending to give in so he'd stop being so stubborn and eventually agree with me to come back upstairs.

"I'm okay, Stelly." Luke laughed again. He smacked the bottom of the peanut butter jar a few times until a new clump started to come out and he literally stuck his tongue in and licked it, as if that was perfectly normal.

"Stelly?" I muttered under my breath, not meaning for Luke to hear me. Luke had never called me that before, not once. It was almost funny how he could be this drunk after only a few drinks, I'd seen him have way more than this and still act more sober than he was now. Of course it would be more amusing if I wasn't so worried about him and Luke didn't have the history that he did.

"Why did I ever stop drinking?" Luke sighed. "It's so great, it makes you forget everything."

"Yeah, okay." I nodded, beginning to get a little impatient. I just wanted to bring Luke back upstairs, to bed, where I could sit with him for the rest of the night and make sure he was okay.

"I've got too many problems, and this helps me with all of them." Luke laughed.

"I think we should go back upstairs now." I said, beginning to stand up.

"If I get up I'm going to throw up in the pool." Luke groaned, suddenly clutching his stomach.

"Please don't." I sighed. That really wouldn't be a pretty sight, and if we could prevent Luke from puking all over the place I would like that.

"I'm not done eating, let me finish eating." Luke whined. He brought the almost empty jar of peanut butter to his mouth again and tried to lick up the rest of it.

"Luke, it's not very healthy for you to do this to yourself." I said slowly, like I was speaking to a five year old. Because Luke was acting like one.

"I am healthy!" Luke protested, sitting up quickly. He lifted his shirt up a little and showed me his stomach. "I'm healthy, see. I'm skinny."

"Luke..." I trailed off, not really knowing what to say. Sure, Luke was skinny, but he wasn't necessarily healthy. There was no denying that Luke had lost a lot of weight since I first met him and now that I've seen this, which is most likely something that he does a lot, I know why he's lost so much weight. I just wish I could have realized all of this sooner.

Luke was back to eating the peanut butter, struggling to get some more out, like he needed to have it.

"Luke, come on." I groaned, "You're going to make yourself sick."

"That's the point." Luke muttered, his face still in the peanut butter.

I suddenly began to regret just sitting here while Luke did this to himself. I didn't agree with him doing that in the first place, but I still watched it happen and didn't do nearly as much as I could to help him. I just wanted Luke to be safe, that's all, and I understood that he was upset about me accusing him of having an eating disorder and wanted to prove his point to me, but I shouldn't have let him. I was scared that this was just going to end badly, no matter how hard I tried not to let it.

I sighed, sometimes I felt more like Luke's mother than his own mom was to him. "Come on." I said, finally taking the peanut butter away from him. Luke whined and sat up, trying to grab it back from me.

"Stel, give it back." He pouted.

"It's time for bed." I stood up and held out a hand for Luke to take, and he hesitantly did after a few more minutes of complaining.

I picked up as much of Luke's left over garbage as I could and decided that we could come back for the rest later, which was mostly just empty chip bags and and a couple of bottles.

"Aw, Stel, why did you let me do this to myself?" Luke groaned as he stumbled out of the pool room, trying to hold on to me for support. That really didn't work out too well, since it seemed like Luke was practically a foot taller than me.

"I really don't know." I said quietly. We walked into the kitchen, where I quickly stopped to throw away the garbage, and then continued on to Luke's room. It was actually kind of a challenge getting Luke up the stairs, he kept trying to turn himself around and walk down instead of up.

Once we finally reached Luke's room I let out a sigh of relief, shutting the door behind us as Luke let himself fall onto the bed. He groaned and put his hands over his face, probably regretting what he had just done as well.

"I wasn't supposed to do that." Luke said, his voice sounding muffled from his hands being over his mouth.

"I know, but it's okay." I sighed yet again and sat down next to Luke, no longer in the mood to go back to sleep. It really wasn't okay, but I didn't know what else I was meant to say to Luke. I couldn't just yell at him for this, he didn't deserve to be yelled at.

"No, it's not okay." Luke mumbled. "I've been trying so hard."

"I know you have, I'm proud of you." I nodded.

"I ruined it." Luke stated. He tried to sit up, but ended up clutching his stomach as soon as he tried to move, letting out a loud groan.

"You just needed a break." I sighed, reaching out and running my fingers through Luke's hair. Sometimes he liked when I did that, other times he got upset that I was messing it up.

"I'm such a fuck up, I mess up everything." He let out another groan and rolled over, so he was laying on his stomach. He buried his face in a pillow and groaned loudly again.

"No you don't." I argued, patting Luke once on the back. I was really so awkward when it came to situations like this, I never knew how I was supposed to make Luke feel better.

-

I woke up a few hours later with my head on Luke's chest once again, and him snoring softly underneath me. I'm not sure when either of us had fallen asleep, but somewhere in between coming back upstairs and now we had both drifted off.

I rolled off of Luke and on to the other side of the bed, allowing Luke to move around as well. He must have noticed that I was gone now, because as soon as I was off of him he rolled over too, burying his face into his pillow again. I laid there silently for a few minutes before deciding to wake Luke up, I was too bored to just lay there.

"Luke." I whispered, poking his back.

"Hi, baby." Luke said sleepily, lifting his face from the pillow for just a minute. "I feel awful."

"What kind of awful?" I asked.

"Like I ate an entire jar of peanut butter." Luke sighed.

"Because you did." I laughed softly, wondering if Luke had actually forgotten that he had done that or not. I hoped that he was just saying it to try and be funny, and not that he had forgotten already. Even though he was pretty drunk last night, I would think that he would have been able to remember that.

"I don't even feel drunk anymore, I just feel gross." Luke sat up. "Blah."

"Blah?"

"That's the word I'm going to use to describe how I feel. I literally feel like the word 'blah'. It's disgusting." Luke whined, "Why did I do that to myself?"

"Are you going to be okay?" I asked, still kind of confused about everything.

"I'm trying to be." Luke shrugged. He began to lay back down again, but he suddenly stopped and sat back up. "I'll be right back."

He jumped off of the bed and ran out of the room, and I heard a door slam down the hallway. I knew that I shouldn't have let him eat the entire jar of peanut butter. Or the whipped cream. Or two bags of chips. Or half of that thing of ice cream.

I really wasn't doing a very good job of helping Luke take care of himself. I wanted to, despite how many times he had told me to stop worrying about him. I honestly couldn't help it, how could I not care about Luke? He was my boyfriend, I had to.

I followed Luke down the hallway and into the bathroom, where I found him sitting on the floor in front of the toilet, throwing up. I really hated to see him like this, but I wasn't very worried this time, because I knew that he hadn't forced himself to do this. I know from personal experience that eating a ton of crap all in one sitting is not very good for your stomach, and I know that doing this will probably make Luke feel a lot better.

"Luke?" I said quietly, sitting down next to him. I rubbed his back while he finished throwing up, letting him know that I was here if he needed me.

"I think I'm done." He said after a while, letting out a big sigh.

"Just stay there for a few more minutes, okay? Just in case." I told him, because that's what I used to do to Michael when he came over after being out and drinking too much, because he didn't want to go to his apartment and face his mom while he was all pukey and hungover.

"I'm so sorry." Luke said, just above a whisper, tears streaming down his face.

"It's okay, Luke." I assured him, continuing to rub his back. He reached over and grabbed some toilet paper, wiping his mouth with it before throwing it into the toilet and flushing it.

I help Luke slowly stand up again and he walked over to the sink, grabbing his toothbrush that he'd left out from the night before and putting some toothpaste on it. I silently stood beside him as he brushed his teeth and cleaned himself up a little, although there really wasn't much that he could do about his tired appearance that he'd seemed to be stuck with lately.

"Thank you." Luke turned to me, grabbing my hands in his.

"Come here." I whispered, moving my hands to the sides of Luke's face and cupping his cheeks, bringing his face closer to mine. I kissed him quickly on the cheek (because even though he'd just brushed his teeth he'd still thrown up only minutes before and that was gross), giving Luke a small smile. "I love you."

"I love you, too, Stel." Luke whispered back. "I'm sorry about last night."

"It's okay." I nodded and took Luke's hand again, pulling him out of the room and down the hallway again, back to his own bedroom.

"I didn't force myself that time, either." Luke said quietly as we entered his room once again, and I let out a small groan. All he ever wanted to do was prove me wrong, to make sure that I knew that I wasn't right.

"Did you do all of that to prove a point?" I asked. I wasn't mad or upset, just curious. I didn't understand why Luke would go through all of that trouble just so I could rethink what I had previously assumed. It wasn't my fault that I had thought what I did, it seemed totally legitimate at the time, but I guess Luke really wanted me to think that it wasn't.

"If you're looking to start an argument, can we please do it later?" Luke pouted. He came and sat down next to me again, reaching out and pulling me closer.

"I'm not looking to start an argument, Luke, I was just curious." Luke and I had argued enough in the last 24 hours, I think both of us could go a little while without any more of that.

"Then yeah, I was trying to prove a point." Luke nodded.

"What's your point, exactly?" I asked.

"My point is that I want my girlfriend to see that I can take care of myself, and that she doesn't need to spend all of her time trying to help me." Luke said.

"I'm not sure that you eating until you puked really proved that point." I giggled. Luke's hands moved so they were around my waist and he pinched my sides, making me giggle again.

"But did I ask for your help at all? For anything?" Luke asked, and I shook my head. "Then it worked."

"I can't help being a little worried about you, Luke, and you can't get mad at me when I try to help you." I sighed.

I really hoped that soon Luke would start to understand that I just wanted him to be happy, and the people that were trying to help with that weren't out to get him. I knew that Luke had been through some stuff in the past, but that was over now. He had to stop shutting himself out like this or nothing was ever going to change.

"I've just never had someone do this before." Luke said quietly.

"Do what?" I asked.

"Care about me."

"Luke, I'm sure that's not true." I said, turning around to face Luke. He stared down at his lap, like he was afraid to look my in the eyes.

"I think it is." Luke whispered.

"You've had other people care about you before, right?" I asked. "Your brother?" Luke shook his head. "Your dad? ...Your mom?"

"She only cares about me when she thinks I'm dying." Luke glanced up at me, biting down on his bottom lip.

I chose to ignore that, just for the sake of Luke clearly not wanting to talk about her. I shouldn't have brought her up in the first place, but it was hard not to. Luke didn't really know that many other people. "What about your ex-girlfriend, whatever her name was."

"Heather?" Luke scoffed.

"Don't you think she cared about you a little? You said you guys had a pretty good relationship until she...you know." I trailed off.

"Maybe she did a little." Luke explained, "She acted like she did, but as soon as I stared getting worse she stopped caring. She couldn't deal with me being so sad all the time, and that's why she cheated."

"Calum and Michael care about you." I moved on.

"But they're Calum and Michael. They care about everyone." Luke laughed.

"I think that - "

"Stel, you know I love you more than anything, and I thank you for being so nice, but why are you doing this?" Luke asked, cutting me off.

"I'm...trying to prove a point." I said frustratedly, not really sure what I was doing.

"I'm the one that proves points in this relationship." Luke sighed. He brought his hands up and cupped the sides of my face. He didn't pull me in and kiss me like I thought he was going to, he just sat there and looked at me. Like he was really looking at me, and trying to memorize every single inch of my face.

"I care about you." I said suddenly, just in case Luke needed to hear it again.

"I know that you do, I love that you do. Thank you."

-

"Luke." I whined, trying to crawl away from him. We still hadn't moved from his bed and it was at least a few hours later, but I really didn't care.

"Stel." Luke laughed. I had just started to pull away from him when he wrapped his arms around my waist again, pulling me on top of him once more. I rolled over so our stomachs were now touching and sat up just a little, putting one of my legs on either side of Luke's body. He propped himself up on his elbows, bringing his face closer to mine.

"You know you called me Stelly last night?" I laughed, looking down at Luke.

"Jesus Stel, did I really? Did you slap me for it?" Luke laughed.

"No, I was too confused." I chuckled. "And you were too busy making out with a jar of peanut butter to even let me near you."

"Damn, you could have taken that peanut butter away and made out with me yourself. I would have liked that just fine." Luke smiled.

"Really?" I laughed, running my hands up Luke's chest. I stopped when they reached the back of his neck and let them rest at his nape, twisting the ends of his hair in between my fingers.

"Mhm." Luke nodded, leaning in all the way and closing the gap between us. I felt Lukes tounge against my lips, and I parted them, letting him in. Our tongues swirled together, putting the feeling butterflies flying around back into my stomach. This happened a lot while I was kissing Luke, every time got better and better.

I pulled away, making Luke pout as I leaned back a little more. I suddenly began to feel uneasy at the thought that there would soon be a time that I couldn't do things like this with Luke whenever I wanted. Last night he told me that he was all set on leaving, and if he hadn't changed his mind yet, in a few short months he would be all the way across the country.

"What's wrong?" Luke asked, probably noticing my change in moods.

"Did you mean what you said last night?" I asked.

"What did I say?" Luke raised an eyebrow at me, probably hoping that he hadn't said anything he was going to regret later.

"You told me you were going to move to California." I said quietly, looking down at my lap.

"Oh, Stel." Luke sighed.

"I'm just curious." I mumbled. I crawled to the other side of the bed as I awaited his response, no longer feeling like I needed to be that close to him.

"What do you want me to do?" Luke asked, nodding towards me.

I stayed silent for a minute. I hated the way Luke was doing this, making it seem like his whole decision depended on me. It shouldn't, he should go to college because it was something he was interested in, not because his girlfriend forced him. I wasn't trying to influence Luke's decisions at all, I was just being my stubborn self again.

"I'm not telling you." I finally said, ending the silence between us.

"What?"

"I'm not telling you, because you'll just do whatever I want." I explained.

"That doesn't make sense." Luke sighed and ran a hand through his hair, like he was frustrated by how I was acting right now.

"If I tell you that I want you to say, you'll stay. If I tell you that I want you to go, you'll go." I went on, making sure that Luke understood. He nodded, like he was starting to get it, but still wore a puzzled expression on his face.

"I don't want you to be unhappy, or lonely, or sad - ever." Luke said, licking his lips. "I don't want to risk that happening just because of college. And if you don't want me to go, baby, I won't go."

"That's the thing, I don't want you to stay behind just because of me. There are so many other things out there for you to do, I don't want you worrying about me every second." I said, letting out a big sigh.

"I just love you so much." Luke whispered, his voice just barely cracking at the end. He balled his hands up into fists and rubbed his eyes, which I was assuming by the way Luke was acting, were now filling with tears.

"I know, Luke, I know. And I love you." My lips broke into a smile as I scooted closer to Luke. He crawled over to me and made himself comfortable in my arms, kind of like an awkward hug-thing, not caring that I wasn't very comfortable. We eventually fell back onto the bed, both of us finding a much better position to lay in once again with my head on Luke's chest and his arms around my waist.

"I'm begging you, though, please don't only focus on me when you make this decision." I whispered after a few more moments of silence.

"I'm trying so hard not to." Luke said.

"If you want to go to college, then go to college. But if you want to stay here for another year, then go ahead." I said. "I'm not going to force you into choosing either thing and I promise that everything will turn out okay no matter what."

"I'll just think about it a little more. I have a few more days before I need to confirm everything, I'll figure it all out by then." Luke said, his fingers tracing circles into the skin on my arm.

"Good." I nodded.

Luke grabbed my hand, playing around with my fingers once again before speaking. "I always act like such a baby, I'm so sorry."

"Don't apologize." I said quickly, not meaning to sound as harsh as I probably did. "I didn't mean for it to come out that way."

"It's okay, I'm used to it." Luke whispered.

"Luke," I sighed.

"I still feel sick," Luke whispered. "I'm going to go back go sleep."

"Okay," I said, even though it felt like we had just woken up. It was only mid afternoon right now, it seemed kind of early for Luke to be going to sleep.

"Thank you." Luke whispered again before he drifted off to sleep, his fingers still tightly intertwined with mine.

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