Chapter 18

Days flew by in a blur. Rin and I still went on dates here and there and they've become less uncomfortable but not less exhausting. I was going to have to deal with that since I promised to marry and take care of her. I won't go back on my word but I really wished that we didn't have to try so hard to be a couple.

Even as I thought that I knew that if I ever voiced it out to Rin she would be so angry at me. Rin was doing everything to make me comfortable with the decisions we made together. She never pushed past any boundaries and I really could see us living together peacefully as husband and wife but there was one activity that our new relationship required that I was still trying to summon the courage to discuss with Rin.

I left the last class for the day, waved goodbye to the guys and started towards the bus stop. Later tonight Rin was planning a small inside house movie date. I still needed to go to work so it would be very late in the night. Maybe I will be able to talk to her about it today.

As a bus pulled in, I caught sight of Ai'Bright. We haven't been seeing each other lately I was beginning to wonder if my friend might be avoiding me. Did I do anything to him?

Our eyes met and I raised my hand to wave at him just before I would enter to bus but Bright did not wave back, he merely glanced away as if he didn't notice me.

I went to work and returned home. Rin had gone to great lengths to procure all the snacks I liked as we sat on the couch to begin watching the movie. Suddenly she pressed her body to mine and I froze.

"Rin?"

"Come on, you knew this was part of the deal."

I let out a discomfit breath. She was warm and smelled nice. Her hair was starting to lose some of their bleached whiteness and I could see more of the black roots now but why does she have to rest on me like this?

"Oh would you relax, we are just cuddling. Arthit, when are you going to get used to skin-ship with me."

"It's not that I don't want to, I can't help it."

She sighed and sat up. "Which part is so hard? The fact that you've only seen me as your sister or the fact that you've never found me attractive."

I stared at her. "I don't know, it's just hard."

She looked a little put out and was glaring sadly to one side. "Let's keep trying," I encouraged

She sighed. "At least you are doing something. How was today?" she rested on me again and this time I forced my body to relax.

"It was okay."

"Run into Kongpob?" that was an everyday question and I silently rolled my eyes at her.

"Why do you ask about him every day?"

"I am just amazed that he has managed to stay away."

"What are you talking about?"

"You know how I am convinced that he is in love with you."

The first time Rin said this I laughed and kindly corrected her, but each time after that has caused me to develop a teeth grinding attitude.

"What about you and Bright? Isn't it time you told me what happened between you two?" I changed the subject.

She waved her hand, "boring."

"Come on, I think whatever it is starting to affect our friendship."

She snorted. "Maybe he has just found better friends. I saw him the other day with Kongpob."

"What!" I sat up fast and almost displaced Rin to the floor.

"Hey!" she complained.

"Since when are those two."

She grumbled something as she got back on the couch. "it's not that weird. Besides Kongpob just wants a little connection to you I'm sure."

"You were so adamant about keeping Bright from knowing about the wedding, what if Kongpob tells him."

"Then he knows," she shrugged. "I don't really care."

I sighed and shook my head at her. "When did you see them and what were they doing."

She grinned. "Miss him that much?"

"Yeah Rin, I do," I said almost surprised at the ache in my own voice. " So tell me."

She shook her head. "I wouldn't know. I just saw them enter his car together driving off somewhere. Maybe they've gone to hang out and are becoming fast friends."

Kongpob and I officially ended two weeks ago, ever since we talked at the mall. The truth was that I regretted it when I turned down Kongpob. I mean of course what he said was annoying but when the annoyance died and I realized he had, in his own Kongpob way, been trying to reconcile and find a simple ground for us to walk on, I felt very upset that I didn't give him the chance.

I knew it was just my feelings distorting my view again. After all didn't I decide that I couldn't be friends with Kongpob. It led to nowhere, but still isn't friendship better than nothing.

I decided to let him be, and if he still wanted to reconcile he knew where to find me. I wasn't desperate about it even though I was willing to give him the chance when he comes to me, but Kongpob didn't come to me. I could only conclude grudgingly that he was happy without me and that I was the only one still suffering from lingering attachment.

Now I was scrambling around just for any news about him. The fact that he was making friends with Ai'Bright who was avoiding me bothered me on vague level that I couldn't quite process.

"What are you thinking about?" Rin asked me, settling herself on me again.

"Kongpob,"I replied truthfully.

She exhaled. "I think I am going to be the best wife ever, I mean what wife would be so cool about her husband thinking about someone else."

"I don't want to think about him anymore, but I just can't help it."

She said nothing to that and we continued to watch the movie and derailed to other topics. When the credits started rolling, Rin was already fast her asleep, her head on my chest causing it to sweat. I shook her a few times but she refused to get up. I called her name insistently but it did no good, so I ended up carrying her to her bedroom. My back hurt after.

On Tuesday of the next week I returned from work to find a very troubling scene.

"Get out of here. " Rin was yelling her voice off and shoving someone. My first thought was that her brother was back again, but it wasn't her brother. She was pushing Ai'Bright's chest and cursing at him.

"You are sick, get out of here."

Ai'Bright wasn't going away easily. He took hold of Rin's arm in a firm grip and was yelling too.

"You know you are a whore! A whore."

"Fuck you."

"I wouldn't touch you with a ten foot pole just so you know."

"Get your hands off of me!"

I stopped watching then and hurried to get in between them. I caught Ai'Bright's arm and tugged it away from Rin. The two of them looked feral. I have always observed some kind of tension between them but this was different. This was charged with hatred or a firm dislike.

"What are you two fighting about?"

Instead of answering me, Bright turned and started walking away. "Hey!"

"Let him go. " Rin pushed me aside and glared at Bright's back.

"What is going on, "I demanded. "And don't tell me it's just a little quarrel."

She was still glaring and clearly unwilling to answer. What was it that was so hard to tell me? " Rin?"

"He is such a bastard, I don't care anymore. "After huffing a few times she turned her eyes of malice on me. "You already know everything anyway, I was just thinking of your friendship when I didn't say anything. "

"Okay. What didn't you say?"

"That Bright paid me to have sex with him?"

My jaw nearly touched the flaw. "What?" that wasn't what I was expecting. No that was still beyond my comprehension.

"You remember how I had to prostitute myself for my brother and my tuition fees."

I didn't know this at the time, but my mom pulled out the confession from Rin somehow, that she had been secretly prostituting herself while she was in school. It was shocking then and it still is shocking now.

"That bastard Bright caught me and I tried to bribe him to not tell the school and then he offered to pay me for sex. I thought he was just joking but..." she bit her lips thinking about what must have been the most betraying moment of her life.

That didn't sound like the Ai'Bright I knew. Why would he do that? Sure he wasn't all that close with Rin in school but he knew she was my good friend, how could he. I couldn't wrap my head around it.

"So he slept with you and you collected the money."

"Let me tell you, it was so humiliating. I wanted to die so much after it happened. I can't believe that he had the nerve to still talk to me after, but he kept my secret so I kept his. "

"Did he ever try to apologize to you?"

Her eyes turned fierce. "If it were you, would accept that kind of apology." She huffed. "He tried to do things for me just to get me to like him, what a sick bastard. I only managed to put up with him and he thinks he has the right to call me a whore."

"I have to talk to him, " I said firmly, not sure how I was feeling. Surprise was certainly the most prominent feeling right now.

As I made to leave I noticed a figure I hadn't seen in so long and thought flew out of my head.

"What? " Rin's word distracted me and then she was seeing what I was seeing too. Kongpob was standing by the gate looking unwelcomed. "Great. Why did he pick now to show up?"

I have tried not to think about Kongpob to no avail, and now here he was. It didn't seem like a coincidence. Did he have something to do with things blowing up between Rin and Bright. These two have managed to keep this a secret from me for so long, I am sure my mother didn't know so no one else but them knew but it was like Kongpob had found that out too and now here he was.

"Arthit?" my mind was brought back to focus. "Do you want to talk to him or should i?"

"I will. Just go inside for now." She nodded with no sign of upset, took my bag and went inside the house.

Kongpob remained just outside the gate watching us. I walked over to him. "Is it a coincidence that you are here right now at this very moment? Tell me you had nothing to do with this."

"I thought it would be less messy than this."

"That's the same as admitting that you did this. What are you after?"

"Why do I have to be after anything. I just wanted to know more about the situation."

"And do you?"

He met my gaze. "It wasn't what I was expecting."

"What were you expecting?" I asked, honestly curious.

"That maybe someone else can do what you are trying to do."

I thought about that for a moment. "You mean you thought Bright would marry Rin instead?" his silence was a good affirmation. "Are you crazy, why would you think that?"

"Because he is in love with her. "

"Bright is in love with Rin?"

He nodded and looked towards the house, likely to check that Rin couldn't hear us. "But it is clear that the feeling isn't mutual."

"I already made up my mind, Kongpob. Nothing will change it."

"yeah," he conceded but there was something stubborn about his tone.

"Yet you won't stop trying to sabotage it will you. " I searched his eyes and knew I was speaking the truth.

"What do you want me to say, that I am happy about this."

"No, "I said, fighting a smile. "I want you just as you are, tortured and unable to change anything. It is the same with me."

"Except I am not making a decision that could permanently ruin my life."

I rolled my eyes at him and shook my head. "You are waiting for your soulmate who may or may not exist. You said you could find them but you haven't, not four year ago and not now. Who is making a decision that is running their life exactly?"

"It doesn't work like that. I can't actually find them, I can just know them when I see them. There's a halo."

I rolled my eyes internally and tried not to laugh in his face. An halo now? "Whatever you say, Kongpob. We both are heading in different directions so how about you mind your own business."

"I can't. I thought I could but I can't, I won't let this wedding happen. I just came to let you know that."

"Are you saying this as a friend or something else." I was sure he would write me some BS about friendship, I didn't expect him to say what he said.
"I don't know and I don't care. I am done trying to decide whether I like you as a friend or more, P'Arthit. I just know that I won't stand by and watch you marry someone you don't love. I know that I sound crazy and that I have nothing to offer you, but this is what I am resolved to do so... you just do what you have to do."

I stared at his back as he walked away unable to think of anything to say in reply. It occurred to me that while I may be struggling with my feelings for Kongpob, he was also struggling. He wasn't just stringing me along and being completely selfish, he was just as confused as I was and that made me vaguely sad and happy at the same time.

I went to visit Bright but the guy has gotten so good at hiding from me that I couldn't catch a glimpse of him for almost a week. Meanwhile the wedding was drawing near as well as my graduation.

After our talk I would spot Kongpob around the school talking with friends. It was awkward because I didn't know whether to say hi to him, nod at him or simply ignore him. I settled for doing all three which had been embarrassing. I looked so confused and embarrassed that I knew he was secretly laughing at me even though he repeated the same "hi", nod and ignore.

We ended up talking whenever we ran into each other in school, keeping it simple. Our conversation length couldn't have lasted for more than a minute or two.

I finally caught Bright in the hazers meeting where our alumni were giving us our graduating speech, since we've succeeded in passing the baton to the new hazers and have started having more time to attend classes and study.

He tried to escape as I started to approach him but I was faster. I had Thod block the exit and Mike caught him by the collar. The two of them thought I simply wanted to settle with Bright. Our not talking hadn't gone unnoticed by the guys.

They took Bright struggling and squirming, swearing and kicking into our usual hazer room where we usually test Newbie hazers. They dropped him on one of the chairs. I got in too and they locked the door behind me.

"Hey, " I said.

"What's the meaning of this Arthit, what are you trying to do." His eyes were darting around and barely able to settle on me. When they did I could see more than anger in them.

"I understand why you didn't tell me," I said because there was no use asking if it was true. Bright wouldn't avoid me so much if he was innocent. "I just don't understand why you treated Rin that way and what you want."

"I don't know what you are talking about." He avoided looking at me again.

I went over and kicked the feet of the chair, dropping him to the ground with it. He startled to his feet and we faced off.

"Don't fucking try to pretend that you don't know what I am talking about. I don't have the patience for that. I just want to know what the hell you were thinking, why did you do that to Rin!" I shove him hard on the chest.

He staggered but didn't fall. "I didn't mean to okay. I was just so jealous. Fuck!" he swiped at nothing and ran his fingers through his hair, looking miserable.

"What do you mean by that?"

"She never looked at me and she was giving her body to anyone that has the money. I know, I know I shouldn't have done but it seemed like the only chance I would ever get to touch her and I was right."

"What the hell—"

"Don't you dare judge me. I couldn't tell you about it just as you couldn't tell me about Kongpob."

"wh—are you saying that you've had feelings for Rin since high school." He didn't respond and then I remembered the words he said to Rin the other day.

"That makes no sense. If you liked her you wouldn't have treated her like that. Do you know what she was going through?"

"I didn't."

"What"

"I didn't know it was her brother making her do it. I thought she was just doing it by herself and it pissed me off. I didn't know about the abuse."

"Come off it, Bright. How would you not have known."

"I didn't! Just like you I was blinded by own problems. You are not the only one with problems you know, even someone like me can have problems too and I just conveniently took what I wanted when I saw a chance. "He sighed. "There's no use pretending otherwise, I am an asshole, I screwed up. By the time I realized how much I'd hurt her, Rin already hates me and never wants to speak to me. I did everything to make it up to her, I really did, believe me."

"Believe you, are you kidding me. You keep making excuses for the shit that you did, I can't even look at you right now."

Bright didn't respond and I said. "Why then did you decide it was a bright idea to bring this secret to light, now."

"Because I thought that it was my responsibility. I thought that I would be the one to help Rin get over the abuse from her brother. I beat him up you know, I had some guys get him really good and he is in a hospital somewhere."

"What?"

"I made sure he couldn't hurt her again and I wanted her to know that I cared about her."

This was too much. I stepped back from him and looked at the wall so I wouldn't punch him. Was this how I am to Kongpob? Thinking about it like that, if someone had abused Kongpob like that would I have been so calm or would I be just as crazy as Bright?

"I want to marry her."

That brought my attention to Bright again, my eyes going wide despite myself.

"I want to marry her and I promise that I will make it up to her, I will never make her unhappy. "

We stared at each other unable to look away. His eyes had lost their anger and fear and they held on to a resolve that was both scary and impressive at the same time.  

Author's note: I can't remember if I have said this but I have made up my mind to split this story into two parts. please keep reading and I hope you'd leave a vote before you go. as for updates they are still going to be unpredictable but I promise to keep the double chapter thing going.