Chapter 4

School resumed the next Monday and like I always do on Monday morning, I called my mother.

"Do you have money for lunch?" she was saying as I wore my tie. The school was one of the most prestigious schools in town after all my father's child can't be seen going to a school for poor people. I was at least grateful for this one thing which was why I still didn't quite hate my father.

The uniform was a deep blue mixed with varying shades of yellow and was checked. It had a tie. As a senior, I could wear trousers and not shorts. I am the head boy so naturally, I take proper attention to my appearance. I couldn't wait to hand over the post to the second year though.

Kongpob's face flashed to my mind.

"Arthit, are you listening?"

I blinked. I am still so distracted. "Yes mom, and yes I have money for lunch. "

Living in my father's house wasn't free. I told my father to give me the same treatment as his servants and to pay me for my work. It was my one condition for coming to live with him. I didn't have money for lunch, lunch was a luxury I couldn't afford and all the money that came to me was spent on my books and school-related stuff.

"Don't worry so much. Are you still sick?" she sounded feeble even over the phone.

"No, I am getting better."

I smiled. Both of us are used to telling lies. "I will come over after school. I hope you are not going to work?"

"No don't come, it's too far."

"Not that far mom. I will see you, take care of yourself."

"You too, Arthit. Don't fight with your father too much."

Fight with him? I make sure I don't have to see him if I can help it. "hm," I gave a noncommittal response and ended the call.

The way down to the front door was lined with enemies, I thought as I approached. I could hear the voices of all of them in the living room. I turned to the next corridor and nearly bumped into P'Nik. He is the main cook in the house.

"Hey, Nong Arthit."

I held my finger to my lips and shook my head at him.

"Are you not eating breakfast?" he whispered, knowing as I do that nothing good would come from them noticing me.

I shook my head and passed him, going straight through the kitchen and out the back door. It would be late soon so I started to jog until I got to the back gate, opened it and left.

I was still jogging when a car nearly ran me into the side. I noticed it before but I thought that like usual it would ignore me and go. After all, she didn't go to the same school as me. Hers was one for gifted and elite people, a privilege only the wealthy can enjoy.

I avoided stepping on a muddy puddle and looked at the tinted window as it slid down to reveal her face. Her uniform was white and burgundy and it had a red sash tied like a tie. She smiled out the window in her usual way that I have come to associate with doom.

"I am going to be late Paula," I said.

"Get in," she said almost at the same time.

"What?"

"I thought you said you are going to be late?"
"Uh, no." I would rather crawl to school than enter with her.

"Come in already."

"Why?" she'd always ignored me before, I wasn't fit for riding in her BMW.

"If you don't get in then I would have to find more ways to make your life interesting, P'Arthit."

I looked away towards the busy road and shrugged. She wasn't going to let me go, she was like a dog with a bone once she sets her mind and I wouldn't mind not having to jog so far once in a while.

I entered the car and she made space for me. "swadee karp, P'Cool."

The driver glanced at me in answer but didn't say a word. I ignored him and pressed myself to the door. Paula pressed herself close despite the space on the other side.

"P'Arthit let me see you to school today. Who says I am not a good sister when I let you drive with me."

"If you want something just say it and let me go." I don't have time for you.

"Well, just introduce me to Kongpob, that's all."

I turned and stared at her, my breath freezing in my throat. She was still going on about this? Why? "I already told you no."

"You want to keep him to yourself? No way."

"dam—"

"Don't curse, P'Arthit." her finger pressed my lip and her eyes twinkled with laughter. Messing with me was really her favorite sport, wasn't it. I try to never touch her but...

"It's not going to happen, Paula. Forget it. P'Cool please drop me here." I pushed her hand roughly from my lips and glared out the window.

The car stopped a few distances from my school and I got out without a hassle. "bye." I said without looking at her then ran off to my school.

A sigh of relief left me when I entered my classroom without any trouble. She had taken that well, hadn't she, that... the tension caused goosebumps on my skin. I am certainly going to pay for that one way or the other.

Either way, I am not going to introduce her to Kongpob. The idea of it was ridiculous. Why, a small voice asked. Why should I, I answered back. I don't want her anywhere near him. He isn't yours though.

"Fuck it."

"Wow, the headboy just swore." An annoying person has come. I looked up at Ai'Bright. "Hey, hey. Happy resumption." His happy voice was distracting.

I sighed heavily and drew my eyes away from him.

"Such a heavy sigh on the first day of resumption. What happened, is it your sister again."

This guy knew my situation to a certain extent. He didn't know the arrangement I had with my father or the extent to which Paula went with her harassment. Actually, no one knows and I don't plan to tell anyone about it, but Bright knows something about it or more accurately what it's like to have a sister from another mother.

"Never mind that. I think the assembly is about to start," I said instead of telling him anything.

"Yeah, let's go let's go." He went with it and together we walked out of our classroom. The assembly hall was almost filled by the time we go there. Ai'Bright had to leave me at my post and join the line of students.

As the students kept coming, my post as headboy was close to one of the three entrances and it let me be able to see everyone that entered. My eyes went over their faces one after the other.

"Are you looking for someone?" I started stiffly. Besides me was the headgirl, Rin. She was standing there the whole time, I think, but her presence was almost negligible so I just noticed her when she spoke and as usual, it scared me.

"Warn people if you are there, " I snapped.

"Where else would I be?" she asked simply, her expression blank. Believe it or not she was one of my friends. At least I considered her one, but she probably didn't. She didn't have time for that sort of thing. Beside her were the other prefects standing in a line. We looked smart as always, as I wanted because we were going to graduate without a single thing marring our records.

"Then, who were you looking for."

"No one."

"Your eyes were frantically searching, though."

Frantically?! What an exaggeration. If my eyes looked like they were moving fast it's probably hunger.

"Just wanted the students to come in faster," I mumbled.

"The first day is usually like this, isn't it."

"I'll go see if I can hurry them a bit." I walked away calmly to do just that. It's not like I expected to see Kongpob the minute I entered the school. After all we went two years without noticing each other. Occasionally the bastard would win one award or the other and get called up to the podium. Sometimes I would catch his smirking face while he was surrounded by friends. He sure had a lot of friends, was something I occasionally thought when looking at him.

Wait, I don't like the way my thought was going. If I noticed this much already then was I noticing him all along. I came to an alarmed stop in front of an empty class. No way, there is no way. My feelings didn't start until...

"Shit," I covered my face.

"Eh, the headboy just swore."

Fucking Ai'bright, did he follow... me? When I turned it wasn't Ai'Bright that was standing there but Kongpob. I haven't seen him for almost a month and during that time I have done nothing but think about him constantly, unbearably and tortuously.

Seeing him before me was... almost... anticlimactic. I thought my heart would at least skip. This made me blush so I averted my gaze.

"Hey, you just thought of something embarrassing right?"

"What? Go away, I didn't think anything at all."

"Your face is red, it's bright red."

"It's not," I smacked at his pointing finger but missed.

"P'Arthit still blushes," he sighed, "that's great I thought that I almost dreamed it or maybe that you are actually someone with dual personality."

"Dual personality your dad, what the... heck are you talking about."

"I have thought of nothing but seeing P'Arthit today."

Now my heart skipped.

"How would P'Arthit react when he sees me? Would he be happy, would he want to talk to me, would he go back to ignoring me? I really wanted to know."

"Are you an idiot, when did I ignore you." What was he saying? I can't bear this damn it. I glanced away.

"Since that time when our eyes met. I wanted to talk to you but P'Arthit ignored me."

"huh?"

"Arthit," Rin's voice rang in the empty courtyard. "The assembly is starting."

"right." I almost forgot about it, but my eyes met Kongpob's "Later."

I turned and walked coolly away with Rin right behind me. What was Kongpob talking about? Our eyes met? If that... wait, that was... my heart started to pound.

"What's wrong, Arthit."

"No-nothing." How embarrassing memory I erased just came back to me. It was the day I became the school's headboy. I have been striving to be the best at school, not because I wanted to be headboy, being headboy was just a side consequence, what I wanted was to get enough excellent scores to get into a very rare scholarship program. I didn't want to depend on my father during college and I wanted to be free from him but I became headboy. At that point Kongpob's name had just began to raise volume and while I couldn't be competitive with him, I always felt like he was a rival and after getting the position of headboy I looked at him to show my superiority.

Ah damn it, my youthful self who was just starting to shine really went above and beyond. After meeting Kongpob in the eye like that and seeing absolutely no answering response to superiority, I realized what I was doing and felt very shameful. I buried this memory and thought it was dead but that bastard...

Later that day during lunch, I couldn't think of any way I could see Kongpob. I wanted to see him and whatever Ai'Bright and his friends were saying entered through one ear and left out the other.

Just as I wanted to make an excuse, Kongpob came. He drew eyes as always before coming to a stop in front of the desk Ai'bright and I had chosen to take.

"Good morning, seniors." He greeted politely. One of the seniors there who knew him replied in a friendly tone.

"Kongpob, good morning. I didn't know you come to this side of school too."

"This side of school, don't make it sound like a place for delinquents," I said refusing to look directly at Kongpob.

"I didn't say that."

"I just wanted to see P'Arthit, senior."

My eyes widen.

"Eh, Ai'Arthit... why?"

Before the brat would say anymore I jumped, "it's probably about that right?"

"Hm?"

"You know... the thing with the teacher."

Obviously Kongpob had no clue what I was on about, neither did I but I wasn't good at making stuff up. Without saying anymore, I took a path to the left that led to the biology lab and Kongpob followed behind me.

When we got to the entrance of the biology lab I stopped as there were students inside. Kongpob came up behind me, "P'Arthit?" he asked.

I inhaled and said, "what?"

"nothing, I guess I am not sure where exactly we are going."

Neither did I, but I didn't tell him that. My heart was pounding strangely, for no worthy reason. I turned and looked directly at him. "Anywhere is fine."

"Just not in front of your friends?"

"huh?"

"It's fine. How about the cafeteria. Oh that's right it would be filled with students, then the library. We wouldn't be able to talk openly but at least it would be a decent cover right?"

"Kongpob, what are you talking about?"

He blinked. "I thought that you were looking for a place we could go so no one would notice us talking."

"Um..." that wasn't exactly right but I couldn't find the right words either.

"So... then let's go to the library."

"That's fine, we can just talk while we walk."

His smile seemed genuine. "Okay, whatever P'Arthit wants."

"This time you are agreeing to what I want?" I asked with a slow smile raising on my lips.

"I guess. Out here P'Arthit has an impeccable reputation."

"Look who is talking, young master."

He laughed, "Only at home."

"Not only, I have seen the crowd around you. They act like you are some kind of highschool prince."

"Could P'Arthit be jealous right now?" I glared at him in response to that and he chuckled like it was very funny. "Compared to me, you are the prince P'Arthit. Good looking, responsible, intelligent and nice."

"How do you know that I am nice?"

"We spent two days together, P'Arthit."

"Hey those words don't say them too easily."

"Why? You don't want people to know that you took me out of my own wedding and stayed borrowed with me in an abandoned house."

"Sh-shut up, that's not how it happened. " he was making it sound like I masterminded that whole event. The person pulling all the strings back then had been him.

"Anyway," he stopped. We had been slowly walking while we talked. I noticed he had stopped and did the same. "I wanted to thank you properly and to apologize for leaving without saying anything. "

"I forgot all about that, who cares," I said as if I wasn't the same person who had agonized over it all throughout last month. I wasn't the one who had looked forward to this conversation more than anything else.

"Really, that makes me a little sad. " he didn't look sad. In fact, he was smiling. "P'Arthit, I am really happy because I got to know you."

My mouth hung open. That was something people just say out loud? I didn't know what to say and nearly started stuttering. "it-it didn't make me any happier though."

"Yeah?"

"Well, now that I am thinking about it, you are still the same arrogant Kongpob. Just saying and doing whatever you want."

"Do you hate that?"

Our eyes held and I couldn't keep it up for more than a few seconds. I looked away. "Did I say that?"

The silence that settled in wasn't uncomfortable.

"Then P'Arthit, your feelings what are you going to do?"

"That!" I snapped at attention. "That is my business," I started to glare hotly at the wall of a class.

"You are right, but can I say something."

Not that you can't fall in love with me, something like that shouldn't be said. "No, I don't really want to know, " I chickened out. "You know, this isn't, that is to say, I am not entirely sure that's how I feel. That's right it was all your imagination."

"Then P'Arthit if I accept that, would you be okay from now on?"

What was he saying? I had no choice but to meet his eyes.

"I am worried," he admitted with a helpless look. "I don't know why but when I think of P'Arthit liking me and suffering because of it, I just want to do something. I don't want to leave you that way."

"Leave me that way?"

He started and avoided my gaze . "Well we are moving, my family. In a week from now I won't be coming to this school anymore."

"But it is the second term already, why the hurry." The panic in my voice wasn't just in my imagination. I didn't think when he said he wanted to talk to me that this was what he wanted to say.

"hm, since my parents heard about you going to this school, they made a big fuss and they want me to transfer as soon as possible. " he awkwardly replied while smiling lightly. "They actually didn't want me to come back at all but I put my foot down because I wanted to see you."

"Don't tell me that!" my voice raised unexpectedly. I didn't mean to shout but I was just too startled by how much this news was affecting me. If he was telling me this then this moving wasn't just to another town, was it. It wasn't too anywhere near all was it? And then he just had to say that like he didn't want to go like he cared about seeing me. He felt exasperated with me, annoyed that someone like me had a crush on him and wanted to be as far away from me as possible yet since he so concerned with looking good, with having a good reputation he is putting on an act.

"P'Arthit?"

"Don't be kind to me, don't say you wanted to see me just give it to me straight. You don't want to be with me."

"That's not what we are talking about."

"Yeah, I know. I said that I don't know how I feel, I'm still figuring it out but that too is a burden to you right. You left that night in a hurry even if it meant promising yourself to another girl you don't like." I took a deep breath to calm down. "Just tell me you don't like me, I get it already and I will disappear from your sight." You don't have to leave the school.

"P'Arthit, you don't understand me."

"I understand enough, Kongpob. "

We stood in silence. I was caught up in the realization that the feelings I had disregarded as something that wasn't too serious, something stupid and just confusion, wasn't that way at all. Kongpob was someone I have seen around for two years and got close to for two days, why then did the thought of never seeing him again feel so bad, like everything inside of me was crashing.

I wanted to walk away from this awkward atmosphere but I was worried I would never be able to talk to him again if I did. Whatever Kongpob tells me is going to hurt, I already know this, but I didn't leave.

"P'Arthit, do you want to go out this weekend?"

"What?" that was too unexpected. "Where did that come from?"

"Well if you understand me enough, then there is no need to talk about it anymore is there."

This bastard. I glared hotly at him and he had the gull to laugh. "what, don't tell me you still want to talk about this."

"No, why would I?" snapping like that I turned to walk away yet he caught my arm and pulled.

"Let's go on a date this weekend, P'Arthit."

My eyes went wide involuntarily and I momentarily forgot that he had pulled me back too suddenly so I wasn't even standing straight anymore. Didn't he tell me before that he wasn't interested in me?

"P'Arthit, will you go out on a date with me?"

"no," I shrugged him off and walked away, my face burning. That guy makes my head spin. I don't understand him at all. He was leaving the school... my fast pace slowed to zero.

Kongpob was leaving the school. Then was that date someway of being with me one final time. Yes, probably. But why? If he doesn't have any feelings, why did he want to be with me? Why did he ask me to go on a date with him. I don't know anymore.

I ignored the problem for the rest of the day and tried not to think about him but even while I am not thinking about him I was thinking about him. The day went by slowly and then it was closing time. Unlike the other students who could just go home immediately after, I and the other prefects had to wait behind and take care of other things. I won't be going to see my mother until very late.

The meeting ended. Rin was walking in the same direction as me so we both walked together after saying goodbye to Ai' Bright and the others. Rin and I didn't have much else to talk about besides school and duties so we were talking about the new prefects and who they would be.

In the past Kongpob's name wouldn't have to come to my lips but his face would still have been the first I would think of to hand over my post to. Now, thinking about it only brought me a sense of loneliness yet ignoring it I said, "Kongpob would definitely be picked."

"you and Kongpob got close over the holidays?" Rin asked.

"what, no way. "

"then why does it look like he is waiting for you over there."

I looked at where she was talking about and truly Kongpob was there. My eyes nearly fell out of my head. What the hell.

I was across the street before I could even think then I remembered that Rin was with me. I stopped uncertainly and looked at her. She smiled softly and nodded.

"See you tomorrow, Arthit."

"yeah." I watched her leave.

"eh, P'Arthit you and P'Rin walk home together?" the curious voice came from the guy who had come closer to me. I looked him up and down. He was wearing casual clothes which meant he had gone home so why was he still here.

"What do you want now?" I asked ignoring his question.

"Nothing, just wanted to walk home with you. P'Arthit didn't give me an answer to my question so I decided to keep waiting."

"Don't bother waiting for something like that, it's never going to happen."

"Why not?"

"Because I don't want to." I don't want to get anymore closer to you than I already am since you are leaving anyway. "Just go away already."

"I know I am being selfish."

"Ah, it's good to be self aware."

"But I still want to insist. This once P'Arthit, can you—"

"I listened to you back at that place, do you think I am still going to now?" I folded my arms and raised my eyebrow. Shamefully I felt some joy at being pursued like this even though I don't know why he was doing all of this.

"Then what can I do to get you to go out with me. Just once, just one day P'Arthit."

"hm." I pretended to think, "how about you give me back the two days I spent with you in that dilapidated house."

"P'Arthit, you say that like you didn't enjoy it." he shook his head with a pleasant smile.

"I didn't!"

"You looked very happy to me though, and then when we stole those crops—"

"You said it was borrowing!"

"It was obviously stealing. Ah, P'Arthit I still remember the delicious stew you made."

"Is this blackmail? Are you blackmailing me?"

"Oh, I still have that kind of option."

Gritting my teeth I didn't know what to do with him. My annoyance rose up to my face then burst out in angry smoke which caused me to cool down a bit and glare at him. "You are a pest, " I said.

"You said I am a prince this afternoon."

"No, a pest. What do you want, can you just tell me. I am tired of trying to figure you out."

"Then go out with me," he said. "I promise, you will understand everything."

Don't, my heart warned. But I thought, if he was going to appear before me every time then I might as well just get it over with already. This type of agonizing over someone was starting to sicken me. Why did I have to fall for this guy, why did I have to fall at all? I didn't have time for something like love.

"Okay, fine. "

"On Sunday."

"Sure, for an hour."

"Eh? Five hours."

"Don't even," I raised my hand like I would smack him and he laughed.

"Okay, okay. One hour. Thanks, P'Arthit. Do you want a ride?"

I looked toward where a black jeep was parked. A man in black was at the wheels waiting. "No thanks, I've got somewhere else to go. Bye."

I waved as I walked away and tried not to be hopeful. Nothing good would come out of this and since he was leaving already I should just move on from this. I already promised however so there was no going back.