Chapter 18

Annika was leaning on the parapet of the balcony when she heard the knock. She didn't lock the door. She knew Shivay would be coming.

"Door is open." She shouted from where she stood.

Shivay insisted on booking a separate room for him. "But we will have late night snacks in your room." Annika smiled at him knowingly. After the gentleman in Shivay spoke, Annika realized that in spite of her insistence, if he had booked a single room she would have cursed herself or both sooner or later. Her reckless impulsiveness, the same one that is the reason for her present state in all means, the one that she has been trying to tame ever since she became a mother, was returning with a vengeance. Annika was happy at least one of them had their head in the right place to avoid further embarrassments.

"They didn't have much choice in unhealthy snacks." Shivay complained even he carried a tray that held a plate of potato wedges, some garlic bread, one piece of chocolate cake, a bottle of cold drink and two empty glasses.

"Maybe they are concerned about customers' digestive issues." she said as she hopped from her place and perched on one of the two empty chairs placed facing the night sky.

"They shouldn't be if they have good acids to clean any sh!t left behind." Shivay tried to look embarrassed at his unsavoury joke, but really he couldn't help the grin spread on his cheeks at coming up with something smut.

Annika chuckled before she recalled something said to her few years ago and chuckled more until the chuckle remained in her lips unfading and her eyes held a distant look of recollection.

Shivay was wary now. "I know it was a bad joke, but you don't have to make your pretence laugh very obvious."

"Oh!No not at all." Annika assured. "I was thinking about something someone told me."

Shivay dipped two potato wedges in ketchup and leaned back in his chair. "Well, that doesn't make me feel better, knowing you are thinking about someone else when I am making a fool out of me trying to impress you with my sense of humor."

Annika laughed as she turned her chair towards right so that she was able to look at Shivay fully.

"Someone once told me that you are comfortable with a person only when you can without embarrassment share joke about sh!t with them."

Shivay scrunched his nose. "That..." he dragged. "That oddly makes sense to me."

Annika shrugged. "So it means we are comfortable with each other and you don't have to put your undetectable sense of humour to test."

"I am taking personal offense on that statement, Annika." Shivay said offended. "Have I not made you laugh?"

Annika made a thoughtful face. "Have you?" Shivay wanted to smile at how carefree and young she looked while making that childlike face, but decided to hold his ground and not to make her conscious.

"You may have." Annika declared. "But definitely not with your sense of humour."

"Then?"

"I don't know. Maybe just by being who you are."

"Is that a compliment?" asked Shivay suspiciously

"It is."

He smirked. "In that case, you are welcome."

Annika savoured the setting. There was something very personal and intimate about a hotel room. It gave you the feel of domesticity at the same time there was an aura of scandal that makes your heartbeat rise. Her main reason to insist on staying in a room, albeit in a hotel doing nothing, is that she wanted to play house with Shivay. That must be the silliest idea her mind had conjured in over a decade, but she couldn't help when it was Shivay.

For months Annika had worked with Shivay in his house in the capacity of house help, yet today it seemed absolutely different when she was making coffee for him. In her mind, Annika could imagine that they were not two people trying to comprehend the complexities of their relationship, but a couple enjoying the cosiness of each other's presence.

While Annika turned to her left to look at Shivay sitting with his legs folded bread in one hand and phone in another, she can almost imagine this as their house, their room, where they live as a happily married couple. Now, after a long and exhausting week, sitting with each other sharing about their week, workload, funny titbits and then they will go on to discuss their weekend plans like, who will cook Sunday lunch, who will do the laundry, whose turn it is to select movie for the week. Even the thoughts of such a life felt so good that it sent a chill current inside her body making her lose her grip on the coffee cup.

"Are you okay there?" she heard Shivay ask concerned.

"Yeah!" she said wiping the coffee spill as she began to pour another cup.

The little act of delusion that Annika built in her mind felt so real to her. She wanted to imbibe every bit of it until each and every cell of her body reminds forever how it felt when she and Shivay were together in their modest room playing a couple.

As Annika walked back to the balcony, she wondered if Shivay could read her thoughts now, will he think she is silly or creepy or plain crazy.

"You have no idea of sleeping, do you?" Shivay asked as she took his coffee from Annika.

She didn't want to sleep even if this night continued for an eternity.

Annika cleared the empty plates and cups from the small table in front of them before she stretched her leg on the table to make herself comfortable.

"If we could experience something paranormal now, that would make this night more memorable."

Shivay was not paying attention to what Annika was saying about ghosts and hotel rooms. His whole concentration was used in holding himself back from placing his leg on the table beside Annika's and play footsie with her. As much as juvenile it sounded such acts of simple physical intimacy with Annika felt more tempting to him than kiss or more.

This whole set up seemed to allure him in a way that he wasn't used to. He saw Annika in a different light. With her hair messily held together with a clip, her eyes puffy with lack of sleep yet glowing, her earrings and bangles were gone placed somewhere near my wallet and keys, her cheeks naturally pink as she is talking about something with excitement, everything made her look more beautiful that his heart hurt badly.

What would he not give to make this an everyday occurrence in his life?

"Can we hold hands?"

Shivay was thinking it. He didn't mean to say it. In fact, he didn't know he had said it out loud until he saw Annika gaping at him. Panick stuck him and before he could justify his slip of tongue and apologize, Annika's hand reached for his over the handle of his chair and held it.

Both their eyes were glued to their entwined hands that seemed to have a mind of their own. Annika's index finger touched and tapped tips of Shivay's all fingers, while Shivay's wrist softly rubbed the skin web that connected her thumb with rest of the fingers.

"My hands aren't soft." Annika said. They couldn't be after all the hard work they have endured in her line of her work.

"They are perfect." Shivay assured. He took her hand to his mouth, all the while his eyes fixed on her face to gauge her expression. When he was sure that she was not uncomfortable, he placed a soft lingering kiss on the back of her palm.

Once Shivay lowered their hands, Annika deemed it her turn to repeat the act. She took their entwined hands near her lips. But, like Shivay's, her kiss wasn't quick. She with her free hand caressed his hand from fingers to wrist where she could even feel the rough hands of his arms. She then lowered her face and touched her cheeks to his hand before she placed a slow, long kiss on his knuckles.

Shivay let out a huge heave of air that he didn't even know he was holding. Her single kiss undid him like even sex hasn't. To even imagine what it would feel like to be in bed with her seemed far beyond his capability. All he knew is that this woman had the power to break him just with the twitch of her lips.

"Do you think this will be the same even after we become constant fixtures in each other's lives?" Annika asked after a moment of life.

Shivay knew what she meant by this, yet he took his sweet time to answer.

"I married twice thinking that love is a wine that age well with time and you know how it ended. So, you shouldn't be asking me that question if you don't want a reality check."

Annika anyway was given one.

Teenage Annika who weaved dreams of hearts and flowers and happily ever after made reappearance and was contrived her to hope for the impossible again. She should know better than thinking that Shivay will be interested in playing her silly fantasies of 'family'. She always knew that he is not going to take the one step that will force her take thousand steps towards him, commitment. She is not going to be a wine in life, but fake fruit juice that comes with expiry date. That is why she wanted this week with him. Before either of them got over this novel feeling, she wanted to build a life for them in her mind as a couple that she was revisit as many time as she wants. This handholding in the darkness of the night is probably the most intimacy they are going to get together in this life.

Shivay felt Annika stiffen. He might have just ruined their beautiful moment by being his cynical self. But, he didn't leave her hand, in fact, he only tightened it more. Even after the romance sensation is gone, he still wants to hold her hand if it means supporting her and assuring her that he will always be there for her.

"I guess you are right." Annika said. "If we become a thing, I don't think it will stay this way between us forever. You new post requires more dedication to work. I will start college in July. So, definitely my hands are going to be full."

"And we will have to coordinate with Vihaan's schedule as well."

Annika shifted her eyes to Shivay with surprise. No, she hasn't forgotten about Vihaan. She only didn't expect Shivay to remember him. Annika knew she and Vihaan were a package. So, anyone who wants her will be forced to have Vihaan and vice versa. She would never accuse Shivay of pretending to like Vihaan for her sake, but she will not even expect him to be for Vihaan in her absence. Now, to see that even in such cosy setting, while holding hands with her, Shivay can remember Vihaan and care for his schedule gave a bittersweet feeling to Annika.

"Do you like Vihaan?"

"Of course, Annika. I love him. He is such a great kid."

"Would you love him even if he wasn't mine?"

Shivay's answer delayed and Annika's face fell thinking that her fears might be true after all.

"Without you as a mother, would he be the same sweet, intelligent, well mannered boy?"

"Huh?" Annika didn't see that coming

"Honestly, I am not a fan of kids. I have hard time with my sister's brats. But, Vihaan is different. He is the way he is because of you, your upbringing. That makes him special."

"So you still like him if he is same way he is but just not my son, right?" she wanted to be sure.

"Yeah. Sure." Shivay said. "In fact, he is just the way that I would have bought up my kid if I had one."

Annika's heart swells with a mix of pride and another emotion that she didn't know to give name to. She felt really light and happy. Pessimism that surrounded her few minutes ago was gone and she could suddenly not stop smiling.

"You're okay?"

"I think you will be an amazing father."

Shivay looked at Annika wondering what was going in her mind. She was changing her expressions like a kaleidoscope. "Okkaayyy!" Shivay shrugged. "We will never get to find out that I guess."

It was thirty past four in the morning when Annika launched herself in bed of of her room. After some minutes of talk, Shivay began to play music in his phone. Annika and Shivay took turns playing their favourite song for each other. With no time, they both fell asleep in the chair. When Annika woke up for quick bathroom visit and shifted to bed, she saw Shivay not very comfortable, but in deep sleep on the chair, so she didn't disturb him.

Three hours later, Annika was woken up from sleep when Shivay's phone ringed relentlessly. She woke up with groggy eyes and looked at his phone. It took her a moment to read that the screen displayed a number and Shivay was still asleep in that uncomfortable chair so hadn't heard the call.

Even in her sleepy state, she knew she couldn't pick his phone without creating suspicion. So, she woke him.

"You have three missed calls."

Annika had washed her face and was now standing in front of the mirror brushing her hair, when she looked at Shivay's panic stricken face stare at her in the reflection. Holding a bobby pin between her lips, she raised her eyebrows in question.

"We have to go." He said. "Immediately."

***