Nate.

"My Dad. He's dead."
I couldn’t believe the words as they came out of my mouth and Sylvia froze as she moved to come over to me.

“Dead?” She repeated and trying as best I could, I was unable to feel anything from her. It was as if she turned to stone and her movements that followed were robotic, stiff and unnatural. “I’m sorry to hear that Nate.”

No, she wasn’t. She just didn’t know what else to say.

She seemed to melt as her arms went around me. Loosing the frozen edge her body bought nothing but warmth and comfort to me. Whether she knew she was doing it or if it just came to her naturally was beyond me. I needed it though.

He was my Dad.

How was I able to have so many feelings of hate directed his way, yet I still managed to love him? Shrugging out of Sylvia’s hold, I went straight into our bedroom. Everything was routine, demanding my focus while I ignored my thoughts.

Take off my shoes.

Take off my socks.

Take off my pants, my shirt.

Leaving my things in a pile on the floor I went into the bathroom and shut the door, sensing her lingering outside the doorway. I couldn’t face Sylvia right now. How can I feel sad he is gone when the past is still reflected in her eyes? I can’t miss him, or any of them.  They don’t deserve it and what if we had stayed? I probably would have killed him anyway or least died trying.

They had been nothing other than cruel to Sylvia, but he had shown me how to tie my shoelaces, ride a bike and drive a car. How many times had he sided with my Mother when she accused Sylvia of stealing things that weren’t even missing? How many times had he helped me with homework or encouraged me when I needed it?

How many times had he told me all about the wonder of finding your destined mate to then tell me to forget it and leave her? How many times did he threaten to kill her? How many times did he nearly succeed?

He’s dead.

It doesn’t matter what he did or said he would do. He was gone.

Dead.

He is my Dad.

Was, he was my Dad.

I can’t believe I’m letting him get to me like this. Sinking to my knees, I fall to the floor and I cry. For the first time in a long time, I cry. Then there she is, lying beside me as she mumbles soothing gentle words in my ear, stroking my cheek and rubbing my back as I end up holding onto for the comfort I have no right to take from her. Not about him at least.

Somewhere in the haze of my breakdown, I wonder why she isn’t happier. If I had been her, I would have been thrilled he was gone. Never again could he hurt her and daring to look up into those emerald eyes, there was no joy or even nothingness. Just sadness.

“How?” I stutter, not moving from where I was curled against her on the bathroom floor. She stays quiet, acting as a pillar for me - stronger than she thinks she is.

“I don’t know Nate, I can ask Aiden?”

“No, how are you sad?” I ask, clutching her hand in my mine.

“It doesn’t matter who he was to me Nate. He was your Father and I know how it feels like to loose a parent before you’re ready and without saying goodbye.” Watching the water pool in the corner of her eyes, a solitary stream ran down her left cheek as just for a second her own weaknesses found release from where ever she kept them buried.

“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be like this for him.” I mumble bitterly. She needed me to be strong for her, like I always should have been. Sitting up we face each other from across the small tiled space. Reaching out, I wipe her tears away and instantly she leans into the curve of my hand.

“That’s just stupid!” She closes the space between us, climbing into my lap I hold her as tightly as a child does their favorite teddy. Her head rests on my shoulder as she hugs me. “It’s okay to care Nate.”

I can’t hold it in and she lets me stay holding onto her as I cry for him, no longer holding back as all the good memories take over and they are what hurt more than anything else.

-x-

It’s nearly midnight when I get up out of bed, careful not to wake Sylvia. She rolls over with a tiny sigh, the frown deeply imprinted on her forehead. Twice she had woken me by moving about restlessly and I wonder what she dreams about. I don’t have to think hard, I know. Since we arrived here, she had slept more peacefully, as if all her worries had gone and now it was like I had wound back to the clock.

Finding my phone on the counter in the kitchen, I hold my breath and checking one last time to make sure she was still asleep moved to the balcony off the living room. Dialing the number I pray hasn’t changed, then again I don’t know what do if there is actually an answer.

“Hello?” The voice is tired, raw with emotion and finding the ability to speak, my own is much the same.

“Dean, it’s me.”

“Nate?”

“I heard about Dad.” What more could I say?

“Yeah, what do you want?” It sounded more like an accusation than a question and I instantly felt myself getting defensive, but let it go.

“How are you? How is Mum?” 

Silence.

“Dean?”

“She hasn’t left their room and refuses to accept that it happened.” He sighed, defeated.

“And you?” I don’t know why I cared.

“Surprised mostly. It was a heart attack, he was fine and then in minutes he was dead. He started drinking a lot when you left, the doctor had come out last month to try and get him to slow down and look after himself better.” He paused, and I’m not sure if I heard him choke back a sob or not. “It wasn’t meant to be like that Nate.” Again I felt like I was being blamed for something they forced us to do.

“How was it supposed to be? I let you kill her?” I growled, ignoring the pain of my wolf wanting to break through and flexing my free hand the canine like claws retracted.

“You’re family and apart of this pack! You’re not meant to leave for something like that girl! You should come home. Mum will forgive you. It might make all this easier for her too and when I take over you’ll be second in command as it should be.”

“And Sylvia?”

“You don’t need me to tell you the answer to that. The funeral is in three days for the next full moon. I would advise you come home and pay your respects to Dad, to your Alpha. If not, don’t think we don’t where you are Mr. Robinson.”

The fact he has used the fake name Aiden’s Uncle created for me has my blood running cold. What else did he know?

“Is that a threat?” I challenge, but it doesn’t matter. There is no one on the end of the line and without thinking I crush my phone in my hands. Dropping the pieces onto the floor, I ignore the cuts and bits of glass that have wedged their way into my skin. Sylvia is standing there waiting for me as I storm inside and from the look on her face, she must have heard some of that conversation.

“We’re going back aren’t we?” Her tone is empty of any true emotion and nothing about her is familiar, which scares me more than Dean’s comment. At least before she was shocked but still herself. Now I wasn’t so sure if she would return if she had to go back.

“Sylvie, I don’t have a choice. We can move and keep running, but they’re bound to find us eventually. I don’t want our life to keep being controlled by them.”

“You don’t have a choice? I don’t have a choice, I’m not letting you go and if you do, not alone!” Despite her yelling, there was nothing there to tell me if she was scared or angry and what ever she had managed to put in place made her feel like she was a million miles away. Taking a step towards her, she stepped back and her eyes seemed to glow with the green of her wolf. “We run, so what? Going back is a death sentence.”

 “I don’t think it will be. Things might be different now and-“

“She will blame me. She always blames me.”

“I won’t let her.”

The bitter laugh that follows sends a shiver up my spine. “Because that worked out so well last time.”

She goes into one of the kitchen cupboards and this time when I go to her, she doesn’t move away. Taking my hand she washes it under the water, almost enjoying seeing the way I flinch as it stings the cut. With more care, she uses a pair of tweezers from the first aid kit and removes the glass still in it before pouring disinfectant over the wound and wraps it.

“Sylvie, no one is going to hurt you again. I promise.” I finally break the silence as she puts the first aid box away and turning back to look at me she opens her mouth, but says nothing. I watch her go back into the bedroom and as the door slams, I just pray I know what I’m doing.

-x-

Our weekend away doesn’t happen and Sylvia is refusing to talk to me. So not only do I have a mate that is pissed off, but the other part of me too.  Saturday is spent getting a full twenty-four hours of silent treatment; I finally admit she is right.

We can’t go back.

I was being naïve to think we could without consequences.

Since we didn’t go away, Sylvia and Fiona keep up their usual Sunday morning routine of going for a run then coffee and despite saying we’ll stay and see what happens, I can’t help idly browsing flights home. Fiona’s face appears on my new phone and groaning I answer.

“Hey Fi,” I mumble, knowing Sylvia is probably getting her to call to have a go at me for our argument and quickly close the browser as if they’d be able to see it and I’d just annoy Sylvia more.

“Hey Nate, is Sylvie on her way? I know you two are like horny teenagers but it’s been like twenty minutes and-” She sounds slightly annoyed, and from the yawn that interrupts her flow of speaking, she probably still wants to be in bed. Then what she just did manage to say hits me.

“She isn’t there?”

“No, has she left?” Fiona asks again.

“Yeah, half hour ago. I’ll try calling her!”

“I already have been, no answer.”

“Ah, you know. Just go home. I’ll find her and get her to call you later.”

I hang up before she can respond and the surge of panic has me running to the toilet as I feel like I might throw up. Maybe she stopped on the way or got confused with where they were meeting. Her phone could be flat from not charging it last night and washing my face, I have to stay focused.

I would know if something bad was happening, right?

Calling her, I’m about to hang up when the call finally connects.

“Oh thank god, Sylvie where are you?” Yet I don’t relax.

“Sorry brother, your little mate had to run. Didn’t want to miss her flight. I’m sure you’ll see her tomorrow at the funeral.”

“Dean, if you so much as lay a finger on her I’ll-“

“You’ll what? Run away again? Tomorrow Nate, don’t be late.” He warns and there is a second delay before he hangs up and I know it’s because he wanted me to hear her scream.

I can't hold back the shift from happening and the furious figure of my wolf now takes my place and starts to pace around the apartment. I don't have time for this, I need to get on my own plane and go home. Ten minutes later, I'm back to normal and making calls to book flights and have Aiden and his pack ready. One shifter alone is just stupid, especially against a mourning pack who have just been given a target for their grief.

The pack mentality of my kind infuriates and confuses me. Packs aren't suppose to be this way. It's the human, not the wolf who is capable of the vindictive disease that flows from one to another. I had tried to change their way of thinking so many times, but like sheep they follow my Mothers law. Rage builds within in to the point I am trembling with the urge to destroy, to hunt and kill.

Pack don't do this to one another and if there was one lesson I could teach them that would be it. The way I would approach them is all I can think about. With Aiden's pack behind me, they would have to listen. Yet what good would that do if I get there too late? 

The whole flight I fidget, unable to sit still. I was the first to board and the first to get out, finding Aiden - Toby is with him and the delay of going to his Uncle's only manages to drive me even crazier.

"Calm down Nate. I have been speaking with a few contacts within your pack-" Cutting off the Alpha wasn't going to win me points.

"Not my pack." I growl.

"Within your old pack, I believe she will be safe now. Many did not agree with her treatment and the night you two left, really opened their eyes. The funeral is at dusk and they are only four hours ahead of us with travel. We will make it their on time, you just need to calm down!" The Alpha's order was clear and looking at the old man, something within me demanded I challenge him.

"I can't. We're wasting time!" I shaking again, literally only able to see red.

"If you don't calm down, I will keep you here!" He threatens.

"Uncle Harry, I don't think thats an option." Aiden speaks up, glancing between me and his Uncle frowning.

"If he goes in like that, he'll do more damage than good. I've got the cars ready, we can leave once he calms down!" He says again, the pair discussing it all as if I'm not there.

"I'm calm." I lie, taking a few deep breaths as if to prove the point. He doesn't believe it, but still lets us leave. The whole way down to my old packlands, i stare at the familiar landscape. There is no ocean this way like we have back at the home Syvlia and I created. The forest is calling to my wolf, memories of another time of being able to run and be free in nature a missed occurance. The bush gives way to farmers paddocks where oversized cattle feed from dying grass thats a mixture of golds and browns thanks to the summer which is on its way out. 

The farmland returns to bush before the trees give way to vines, orchads and the familiar air of my packs territory surrounds us. It's weird being home, each fence post is memorized and taking the turn off the highway the wooden Wolf Creek sign looks old and tired compared to the new metal signs that surround it. 

We stop a short distance away, and Harry goes over the plans again in the slowly disappearing sunlight. I stil can't focus enough to hear them, and closing my eyes I pray we're not too late and Sylvie can hear me as I can feel  the internal call of my wolf to hers.

'Hold on Sylvie, I'm coming'

---

Was the change in POV from Sylvie to Nate annoying? I dont know why I did it, but should I keep it as all Sylvies?