The acidic burn in the air had me wanting to cover my nose and resisting the urge to gag tried to work out where I knew it from. There was a certain degree of rotting about it, and the only thing that came to mind was the back of the farmers market Nate and I went to on Saturdays to get our fruit and vegetables for the week. I hated going there because the bins full of old produce reminded me of the orchards in the pack lands. Not all fruit was picked, and not all that was got used or sold on. Instead it was left to compost either in the similar bins to the ones at the market or under the trees where they fell. Breathing in again it was as if I was inhaling the tiny little pores of mold, I could taste the bitter tang of decaying oranges and opening my eyes I quickly closed them as memory of the stench turned out to be more fact, than something from my mind.

I was back in the packs land.

There was another smell too, the metallic scent different to the more dominant fruity aroma’s. This smell had my wolf growling and as I slowly walked in the darkness, I bumped into something above me that had the clang of metal echoing in the roof. I knew where I was now and this time I did throw up, unable to hold it together and trying to get in fresh air to help settle my stomach was hopeless. It was the shed they used to kill the cattle for human consumption. Sometimes they would hunt down the cows in wolf form; happy to feast and strengthen the bond between our two souls. For the most part, the pack ate as humans and since we lived on a farm they are also very self-sustainable.

Collapsing back to my knees I threw up again until I was doing nothing more than going through the motions. My throat was on fire, I felt dizzy and I’d kill for some water right now. Staggering to stand up, I soon realized I didn’t hurt as much as I expected to. Being picked up by the four shifters hadn’t been too brutal until it was time to get on the plane. My wrist had been bound and the red headed man had a needle, which when they had injected it felt like fire was being injected into my veins. I had passed out then.

Maybe that was all they did or maybe I was just still in shock and the pain hadn’t caught up to my senses yet. Looking around the damp, metal room I wondered how long I had actually been in here for. I couldn’t tell if it was still daylight or if was night time. If it was getting dark, how much time did I have? Closing my eyes, it was my wolf who used her senses to find the tiny crack of fresh air in a corner and from there we found the door handle. Surprisingly it was unlocked.

The door opened with a creak and pausing, the rush of fresh air had me feeling giddy with hope. No one came, there was no one outside the door and sliding through the gap I was glad I had an idea of where I was. Sure enough, an empty holding pen was to my left and I knew outside the bins that explained the rotting fruit smells would be lined up.

I had to get out. Leaving the shed, the sun was gone and the twilight between the day and night had the sky melting from the pale blue, streaked with orange to the inky darkness of night. I was running out of time and looking around, the few paddocks that greeted me were empty. Then I smelt it, breaking through the death that hovered around the shed – smoke.

It was a tradition of our kind to burn our dead under a full moon, ensuring their soul is released into the afterlife under the watchful and protective gaze of the moon goddess herself. Alpha would be having his sendoff once the full moon began to rise and I didn’t want to know what they had planned after that.

Keeping low, my wolf refused to let me shift. I thought I would be able to move around better in her form, but apparently not. The next hill lead into one of the orchards and moving amongst the farming equipment was glad the night gave me the ability to hide. I had planned on leaving, avoiding the main house and the bonfire – until I sensed that Nate was here.

Creeping closer, the majority of the pack seemed to have gathered around the pyre as the torches that lit up the area Nate’s’ birthday marquee had once sat, were put against the wood and hay instantly lighting up in a rush of orange and red flames. Where was Nate?

The crowd united in their pain and distress at the loss of the Alpha, their sobs filling the night with the crackling of the fire and inching closer again, I found Toby and Aiden to one side. Harry, Aiden’s Uncle stood in front of them and the group of about eight that surrounded them were the only ones not crying. Had they come with Nate or as the closest pack, had they come to pay their respects?

The sobs soon silenced, the odd sniffle or exaggerated sigh replacing it and all stood up. Looking towards the house, the remaining Alpha appeared and the fear that tore through my body had me covering my mouth in an effort to keep quiet. Behind her, Nate and Dean carried their Fathers body on the wooden stretcher and just as the moon peaked over the hill behind us they slid his body over the flames, moving to stand together as a family.

Because that’s what they were, not what they are.

One of the elders stood, reciting something in an ancient language no one spoke anymore. As if they understood their duty, it wasn’t until he was half way through that the flames finally engulfed the body. Nate stood tense beside his brother who comforted their Mother. She didn’t look so scary now, she looked weak. Her sobbing drowned out the words of the elder, but not once did Nate look her way. His face was set to stone, watching the final resting place of his Father and once the Elder silenced, the chorus of howls from the shifted wolves expressed the true feelings of the pack. It was all there, the loss, the love… For a second I forgot everything and only wanted to be down there with them as we all mourned together. But I had never had a place down there and now with Nate here, I couldn’t leave.

The silver flecks of spirit rose up amongst the black smoke, joining up with the white orb in the sky. It was done. He was gone.

In three steps Nate had to gone to Harry. Dean left his Mother to grab Nate’s arm and pulled him back. I couldn’t hear what was being said, I didn’t really need to. It could only be him serving an ultimatum or threat and no matter what it was, Nate was about to shift.

From my position on the hill, I spotted the car lights down the drive before they disappeared as quickly as they came. No one would dare arrive late to the funeral of their Alpha. The punishment would be too severe and looking back, Harry leant close to Aiden and Toby. The pair nodded and went to stand by Nate. He didn’t seem to notice.

The pack began to disperse, keeping in small groups they continued to mourn. Nate shoved Dean and in a swift comeback, the soon to be Alpha had his sibling on the ground. Aiden and Toby moved in to defend him only now the rest of the pack was paying attention.

And that’s when the backup arrived.

Human and wolves started to brawl, the sadness of the situation disappearing as the fight quickly moved to an intense level. The coward in me wanted to run, to get away while we could, but that was never going to be an option while Nate was down there. The confidence he had built up in me in the last year returned, taking over with the logic I had no reason to fear any of these shifters anymore.

No one noticed as I joined the chaos, and going straight to Nate, I had the element of surprise. Running over I put all I had into knocking Dean over and I did. It took him a second to realize who I was and that was all he needed to shift.

“Nate!” Ignoring the wolf, I dropped down beside him and the wound against his temple had him barely conscious. Dean knew how to fight, I’d seen him drop shifters twice his size and his brother had been no match.

“Sylvie, go. Run!” He stuttered and from behind me, Aiden’s hands were under my arms lifting me up and dragging me away.

“No! We can’t leave him!” I scream, too busy fighting my friend to see Dean surge forward.

The wolf bit hard into my leg, making me cry out for another reason and now I felt afraid. Bringing my foot up, I kicked him in the head and he let go with a yelp before charging again. Aiden dropped me and took the force of the hit. I quickly stood with adrenaline helping to kill the pain in my leg.

Going back to Nate, Toby was there with Harry trying to pick him up and before I could get to him, Nat'es mother was there to block my way. Her bulk of a wolf was nowhere near the same condition as Dean. She was aging, she had been suffering for days with the loss of her mate and her coat lacked the shine of being in good condition. Like her human form, it was slightly overweight but right now that only worked in her advantage as she appeared larger and stronger than she actually was. Her head dipped low as the hackles stood along her spine only adding to how intimidating she was. Her blue eyes were completely void of sanity and as she growled and snarled, saliva dripped from her fangs as if she were nothing more than a rapid dog.

Taking a slow step backwards, she followed – stalking me I was herded in the direction she wanted me to go and breaking out of the fight, her plan was clear and obvious. Separating the weakest from the herd made for an easier kill.

Without hesitating I turned and ran. I was stronger than I used to be, sessions at the gym with Fiona and Nate as well as our runs helped build my stamina. That didn’t really matter with the crazy wolf snapping at my heels. I didn’t know where I was going or what I was actually doing, I just kept running. Making it over fences, the farm gave way to bush and the last fence had her falling behind.

I dared to stop, trying to get my thoughts to regroup and I froze as she came crashing through the bush, not as her wolf, but as the human I despise - that I fear. She seems to sense this instantly smirking as she approaches. I am not the girl I was, only no matter how hard I try to remind myself of that my body isn’t listening.

“Please, just end this. Let us leave and-“ Her hand comes up to slap me and I cringe back from her as her aura only seems to grow more powerful despite how exhausted she was.

“Pathetic. Just like your whore of a Mother. No one leaves their mate for something as wretched as that woman was!” She spits at me, but I can’t move and instead whimper weakly. The insult about my Mum stings like her slap, but what was she talking about?

“Wh, what?”

“Oh you really don’t know. I expected it to be something that bitch would have gloated about?” Her tone changes, more conceited like all of this is beneath her.  “I’m not as pathetic as to hate someone as much as I hate her and you without reason. Your dear old Dad was mine! Not hers! That witch did something that made him go after her!”

“That’s not true!” I whisper. My parents were the perfect example of what mates should be – how could Dad not have been Mums? Every conversation, every story – it was all there, the fairytale we all wanted to have as shifters.

“You’re calling me a liar now?” She hisses and I manage to dodge her blow which only sends her back into a spiral of rage. “Think you can take my son like she took my mate?”

“No! That’s not how it is, please just listen!” I try to bargain with her and this time as she starts to shift, I turn to run again only now I could shift and with new legs, I keep going until the bush parts into a clearing. The ground is soft, and the dampness of the night seems to sink into my bones the longer I stand there.

My wolf was waiting for her as she caught up and at seeing me shifted she stopped. I was dwarfed by her size, and that seemed to make her feel better despite the fact she panting so hard she sounded like a tractor. The bush seemed to fall silent, the few rustling sounds of the wildlife disappearing and even the breeze stopped the sway of the trees above us. This was it, and she knew it.

Her tail was like a peacocks plume, feathering up over her back as she paced from left to right, watching  - waiting for me to make my move. I had never fought in wolf form before, for more than half my stay here they forbid me to shift. Maybe that was why my wolf had been reluctant to do so when I left the shed. Was the ghost of her Alpha’s order still haunting her? It didn’t seem to matter now as we stood there watching. We could keep her running, but we had done enough of that. I could only take so much before breaking and now I believe that I am worth something, that I know what it’s like to be loved and cared for and needed, I wasn’t giving it up.

Taking a step forward, my front legs parted slightly and mirroring her actions, my head dropped with my ears going flat against my skull. She didn’t like it, I wasn’t supposed to talk or fight back. The second my lips parted and my own growl mixed with hers to fill the silence of the night, she sprung forward. We danced around each other in a mixture of fur and fangs, for every bite she placed on me, I returned it and I was struggling to hold my ground. She was winning. The Alpha had the experience to pull through where as I was going blind.

The only thing that worked in my favor was how unfit she was and her attack got more desperate, eager to end this. Sensing the change about her, I managed to grab her front paw and as she made a grab for anything she could reach it didn’t matter as she let go with yelp and I felt the bone crack against my teeth.

My second of joy at possibly surviving this was short lived as despite the limp, she threw her full weight against me and stumbling, she didn’t let me get back up. Her teeth were in my neck, the soft roll of fat that was meant to protect me was torn apart with a savage primitive growl of the killer our wolves could be. She shook her head to make the wound damaging and I knew I was done.

A year.

One beautiful amazing year.

If only I could tell Nate how happy he made me, how much I loved him. I tell him all the time, but sometimes it felt as routine as going to work. It wasn’t just the fact he saved me and got me away from here to fulfill some sense of duty he thought he owed me as his mate. No, my love for him went so much deeper than the connection that brings mates together. He really was my soul mate, my best friend – my everything.

I loved him because he was the boy who shared his juice box with me at kindergarten and always complimented my drawings. I loved him because instead of making me want to cry more like everyone else around me when my parents died, he made me laugh. I loved him for always bringing me something on my birthday and for the gentle touch he used to help me fix myself up in the toilets at school.

I love him because he is mine and he always had been.

To tell someone you love them isn’t always enough. You have to show them, make sure they feel it. There are millions of people in the world, and when you find someone like Nate, none of them matter. You only need one person to believe in you, to trust and love you making this life worth it. They make the good days great and the bad days better.

‘Please know that!’ I think, wishing he could hear me.

I shift back to my human self, holding my neck the wound isn’t as bad as if felt in wolf form yet my hands are soon wet with blood and I can feel the warmth running across my chest. His Mother shifts back to her human form, happy to watch me slowly die and decides to rub some salt into my wounds.

“You were all meant to die in the car crash, but of course I couldn’t be that lucky and you just had to keep rubbing it in my face!” She screams, completely losing control.

The kick she lands in my gut has my curling into a ball and gagging I spit up blood which mixes with what was already oozing from the bite mark. The next one has me feeling something break inside and I know the pain in my lungs isn’t just from my struggle to breath. I start to feel faint as another kick has me sprawling onto my back and through the dark canopy above, the tiny speckling of stars draw in my attention.

“Now I finish what I should have done years ago!”

I brace myself, lost in the sky I only think of Nate. If this was how died, I wanted the peace he had always been able to offer me to follow me through the other side and it works. I feel his love, his presence hitting me with the brutality of a soft blanket. It’s as if all the good in the world has come to say goodbye to me.

“She did nothing Mother. Leave her alone. Now.” Nate. He was here now. Here for me, it was such a shame we have to say goodbye.

“Go back to your pack, let me finish dealing with this, thing!” Her tone is pure Alpha, the order hard to fight. Even in my state now, I’d probably start crawling back to the house is she demanded it of me.

“I can’t do that.”

His resolve is set, her order has no sway with him and I want to tell him to go, get harry and Aiden and Toby and go. He can go to our home, finish his studies and live by the ocean. Fiona would look after him, make sure he eats and doesn’t stay sad for too long. He can have a life, he can be free. I can’t make my mouth work and all that leaves me is a faint sigh. I sense more shifters arrive then, but as my eyes close I can’t keep listening to what is being said.

There’s screaming, fighting – and then just the broken crying of a woman who has nothing left. A part of me aches for her, no one should feel that pain and then the softest touch caresses my face.

“Sylvie, you’re safe. I have you now.” Nate. “Remember, it’s just me and you, so I need you hold on for me. Do it for me Sylvie.”

I wish he hadn’t said those words because in that moment, I let go.

 -x-