I sit in my room; my dark room. I stare at my phone; At the comments Hope left on my photos. I have my hand over my mouth so I don't make much noise. And I'm shaking. Tears stream down my face.

School just started 3 weeks ago. All I want to do is die.

...

Today's Wednesday. That means that I have my church's youth group after school. The only reason why I go is because Blaine is there. Blaine has only been coming to our youth group for almost a year, but I fell in love with him the first time I met him.

I walk into church and everyone is sitting around the couches. "Hey Rachel," I say. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

She nods and we go into a different room. Rachel is like my older sister. She's always been there for me. She's a senior this year. "What's up, Girly?" She says.

I breathe out. "Can you keep a secret?"

"What would it be?" She says. "I already know who you like..."

"Well, just answer the question, can you keep a secret?"

She nods. "I can keep a secret."

"There's someone at my new school who's been bullying me." I say. I explain to her everything that's been going on; by the time I finish I'm in tears and she's hugging me.

"Aw," she says. "Sweetie, if I had known sooner I could've helped you."

"I'm s-sorry," I stutter out.

"No, don't apologize." We break from the hug. And she looks at me. I wipe my eyes. "Are you going to be okay to go back in there?"

I nod. "I'll be fine." I wipe my eyes and nose. "Does it look like I've been crying?"

"No." I know she's lying.

We walk back to the couches. "What were you two doing over there?" Our youth leader Sean asks.

"None of your beeswax" Rachel says.

I take a seat on the ground kinda in a corner. I glance up and see Blaine looking at me. 'Are you okay?' He mouths.

I nod. Lies. All lies.

...
I sit in my room and get out a razor. I sit in my dark room. Alone. Afraid. I bring the razor to my skin. I breathe in, then make the first cut.

The pain. It feels good. I'm actually feeling something for once in a long time. I make another cut. And another. And another. Soon my whole arm is filled with cuts. And I'm crying. Sobing. But I can't stop. The pain. The pain. It's actually a feeling.

My brother, Dylan, comes into my room. "Emmie, are you okay?" He crouches down next to me. "What's wrong? Why is there blood on the floor."

he hasn't seen my arms I guess. "Sorry, Dylan," I say. "I" have been getting bullied and now I'm starting to self harm... "I am having really bad period cramps. And the blood, well, you can guess where the blood came from."

"Oh," he says. "Are you going to be okay?"

"Yes," I say with a shaky voice. "I was about to go to the bathroom to get myself cleaned up."

"Okay," he says. "If you need pain meds, you know where they are." He gives me a smile then leaves my room closing the door behind him.