I'm in even more trouble now than I was a few days ago. I feel really bad about what I did, but I was mad and I acted impulsively and now I have to suffer the consequences. At least that's what my mom said.

Basically I snuck out of the house the morning after I got yelled at and went to the train station. I didn't tell anyone where I was going, I just got on the first train that stopped there after buying a round trip ticket.

When I was little my mom would sometimes take me on the train to visit my grandma. She lived far enough away so that driving was a pain but not far enough for us to fly. I liked trains but I liked watching people on the trains even more. I thought that everyone's lives were so much more exciting than mine and it was cool to watch them, even if they just had headphones on and were staring out the window and were just on their way to work.

I needed some time to get away and think for a while and I couldn't do it in my own house, not with my family there all the time. I didn't know where else to go, so I decided to just take a quick train ride.

It helped a little, I guess. It was nice to just take a break and get away from everyone for a while, that's what I needed. I sat there quietly and watched people get on at all of the different stops and then get off at other stops, all of them seeming to have a different story.

There was a guy arguing with someone on the phone and a woman listening to her iPod and a few teenagers that wouldn't stop talking and a mother with her two children, probably taking them into the city so they could go to the zoo or a museum or something.

Watching people was much more fun than looking out the window of the train and seeing just blurs of streets and trees going by. People were much more exciting than streets and trees, people told stories.

I had a fun time on the train, even though I didn't talk to anyone or really acknowledge anyone for that matter. I'm a pretty quiet person, sometimes I can get by without talking to anyone for  days and I'm alright. I prefer watching things happen and listening to stories than being a part of it all.

My mom eventually realized that I had left and she freaked out, not because she's mean or strict or whatever, she's just paranoid because of what I did last March. She thinks that every time I leave the house something bad is going to happen, so I usually have to tell her exactly where I am at all times and that's why I usually just stay home.

So she called me and demanded to know where I was, and I had to tell her that I was taking a train ride, and then she said that I needed to come home as soon as the train came back to our stop and that my step dad would be waiting in the car at the station for me so he could drive me home.

I don't think she was very mad, she was just worried about me. She doesn't like not knowing where I am and what I'm doing at all times. So when I got back home she sent me to my room and told me that I couldn't leave at all for the next few days, and that was my punishment.

I don't really see it as a punishment, though.

Maya called me a little while ago and asked how I was doing and if I was feeling better. I'd almost forgotten that she'd seen me freak out a few days ago. I explained to her that I was okay but I was in trouble again because I took a train ride.

She thought that was funny, she thinks that everything I do is funny because she doesn't really understand why I'm like this.

Maya asked if I wanted to hang out again later this week, when I was done being grounded, and I asked if she meant as a date, and she said yes but I'm not allowed to make a big deal out of it because we've technically been on a date already so this will be our third date.

I like that Maya cared enough to call and check up on me. It makes me feel really good that she wanted to do that. My best friend only calls to check up on me every once and a while, but that's mostly because I push him away and never really see him anymore. I guess it's all my fault that he's losing interest.

I know that a while ago I said that I didn't think of Maya in a "potential girlfriend" type of way, but I think I've changed my mind. I've never had a girlfriend before but my friend has, and when they were together he was really, really happy.

I feel really, really happy when I'm around Maya, even though I have trouble showing her that. I think that in order to be in a relationship the other person has to make you happy. I don't know how good I'll be at making Maya happy, but I can try.

I'm actually really excited, I've never been on a date before. I hope I don't fuck up.

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I LOVE WRITING THIS STORY WOW