My step brother invited me to go to a party yesterday. He came into my room and asked if I was doing anything and I said no, of course not, and he asked if I wanted to come with him. I know that he only asked because my mom sat us both down the day before and said that we should make more of an effort to get to know each other.

I said yeah, I would go to the party, even though I was kind of unsure about it.

I called my friend and asked if he wanted to come too, because I figured that I would be a little more comfortable with my best friend there. He said yeah and then I texted him the address and he said he'd meet me there after he got off of work. He works at a comic book store at the mall.

I don't have a job. My mom and my step dad pay for everything I ever need, and I guess that's cool and I appreciate that, but sometimes I feel like it would make me seem more normal if I at least worked at a fast food restaurant or something. I don't know.

My step brother drove me to the party, along with his dumb friend that always comes over. They're weirdly close to each other. I sat in the back while they argued over who got the aux chord.

I texted Maya and told her that I was going to a party. We were supposed to hang out earlier this week but for whatever reason it never happened. I also told Maya that she should come to the party because I didn't know when my friend would get there and I was probably going to be bored.

Maya ACTUALLY said yes and then she asked for the address so obviously I gave it to her. I felt a lot better about everything after I knew that Maya was coming and I calmed down a little. My step brother and his friend ditched me almost as soon as we got to the party.

My step brother told me that drugs were in the basement and beer was outside. I don't like drugs and I don't like beer but I went down to the basement because I knew that once my friend got here he would go straight to the weed.

I didn't say anything to anyone, I just sat down on a couch and hoped that no one would try to talk to me. I don't know why I decided to go to the party, I just thought that maybe I needed to get out of the house and be a normal teenage boy. It only made me realize how much I like staying in my room.

My best friend got there about 20 minutes after I did and met me in the basement, sitting down next to me and immediately grabbing a joint or whatever they're called from some other kid. He kept offering some to me but I just shrugged every time, and my friend knows me well enough to take that as a no.

When Maya arrived me she texted me and said that there was a couple practically having sex on the front lawn and it was hilarious and I should come
See but instead I told her where I was. She met me down in the basement and I introduced her to my friend, who was already pretty high at that point. He offered Maya some of whatever he was smoking and she actually accepted it, which made me feel kind of bad.

I asked my friend if I could finally try some and that's how I ended up sitting in a circle of mostly strangers, passing around a few joints until I was high, I guess.

After a little while Maya took me outside so I could get some fresh air because I was acting weird and I was desperately trying to get the attention of my friend while he was trying to get the attention of some other girl.

We sat on the deck that overlooked the backyard and I think I fell over a couple times but Maya picked me up. I think she's done this before, she seemed much more used to drugs than I was.

At one point I think I said something like "holy shit you are the most beautiful person I've ever seen" and Maya asked if I really meant that, so of course I said yes, and then she asked it again. I don't know why she had so much trouble understanding, I was definitely telling the truth. She's seriously so beautiful, you should see her, Carol.

Then, after I started babbling and stuttering about how I thought that Maya was gorgeous, she leaned in and kissed me to cut me off. And I've never even kissed anyone before, but I'm pretty sure that this was a good kiss. After we pulled away from each other I leaned in and kissed her again. I couldn't get enough.

Like, after we kissed the first time I just wanted to kiss her again and again and I didn't really want to stop. It made me feel so weird and so different and so good, and I thought that maybe if we could just keep kissing forever I'd finally feel okay again.

Maya asked me if this was the first time I'd ever kissed anymore, and for a second I felt kind of self conscious because what if I was bad? What if I did something that I wasn't supposed to do? What if I didn't do enough?

Then Maya said that I was a good kisser for someone that had never done it before and I blushed and maybe giggled a little, I don't remember. I leaned over and kissed her again and we stayed like that for a long time.

I kind of felt like I was on a cloud while I kissed her. I don't know, maybe that was just the drugs.