A couple weeks later, Luke finally did it. He finally got what he wanted.

They were at Ashley's house again, like they always were, Helen had just left to go grocery shopping and Ashley's dad was at work so they were all alone. They were laying on the couch, Luke had his arms wrapped around Ashley and his lips pressed to the back of her neck. She was the first one to suggest anything.

"Do you want to go upstairs?" She asked, reaching for the remote and turning off the TV.

"Why? What's upstairs?" Luke asked.

"The bed." Ashley shrugged, wiggling out of Luke's arms and standing up from the couch. She straightened her shirt out and then grabbed Luke's hands, pulling him up from the couch as well.

"The-The bed? Oh." Luke nodded nervously, realizing what Ashley was talking about.

Ashley nodded, biting her lip. She held out her hand for Luke, leading him upstairs. "Come on."

Luke tried to stay as quiet as possible as they walked up the stairs, scared that he would accidentally blurt out something stupid that would make Ashley change her mind.

"What are we going to do?" Luke asked softly. He really didn't want to ask this question, but he felt like he had to or else he was going to pass out from not knowing.

Also, Luke really wasn't sure if he wanted to have sex right that second. He'd always imagined the whole thing going down in his own room, and doing it in Ashley's house would just mess things up for Luke.

"I don't know." Ashley shrugged. "Whatever you want." She shut and locked the door behind her and walked over to Luke, who had taken a seat on the edge of her bed.

Ashley climbed onto his lap so she was straddling him, and Luke really hopped that Ashley wouldn't be able to feel how hard his heart was beating. She took off her own shirt again before leaning in and leaving a few kisses on Luke's neck, going all the way down to his collarbone.

"I - uh - I - " Luke stammered. He wanted to try and come up with something to say but he just couldn't, not with Ashley on top of him like that.

Luke grabbed her waist and gave it a small squeeze, making Ashley jump a little. She wrapped her arms around his neck and then finally pressed her lips to Luke's, pushing him back onto the bed so he was laying down.

"Can we flip over?" Luke whispered against her lips, feeling that he should be the one in control for once.

"Yeah." Ashley nodded and then Luke rolled over with her underneath him, using both of his hands to support himself above Ashley.

There was a lot of kissing after that, and nothing more. Luke started to get hot and he took off his shirt too, even though that was something he never did. Their hands roamed all over each other's bodies but never stayed in the same place for more than a few seconds. He really didn't think that they were going to do anything special until Ashley grabbed one of Luke's hands and put it on the button of his jeans.

"What?" Luke panted, not sure if Ashley actually wanted him to do this.

"Take them off." Ashley nodded. So Luke did just that. He unbuttoned Ashley's jeans and then slowly pulled them down her legs, letting them fall to the floor at the foot of her bed.

"Now what?" Luke whispered. He hadn't realized how clueless he was about this whole thing until now, when it was actually happening.

It also hadn't fully hit him yet that Ashley was in nothing but her underwear and, God, Luke thought she was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen.

"Just keep going." Ashley encouraged him, tangling her fingers in the ends of his hair.

"You want me to - " Luke was just amazed because he didn't even have to ask for this to happen. Ashley was right, when she was ready for them to do something like this Luke would know.

"Uh huh." Ashley nodded. This was kind of awkward, Luke wasn't sure if he liked it this way, but he knew that after he got past his first time doing this it would all be better because he'd be more experienced.

"Oh, Jesus Christ." Luke whispered, not believing that this was actually happening. After months and months of Luke asking to finger Ashley, she was finally going to let him.

Luke glanced down again and then back to Ashley's face, moving up a little so he could look into her eyes.

"I've never fingered a girl before." He said shyly, even though Ashley was already aware of that.

"I know, it's okay." Ashley nodded.

"What if I mess up?" Luke asked quietly, his hands shaking as he ran them down her sides, not really know what to do with them.

"You're not going to mess up." Ashley assured him, letting out a small laugh. "It's going to be okay, Luke."

"I'm scared, what if I don't do it right?" Luke whispered, shaking his head. He kind of wanted to just run away and hide, he didn't think he was as ready for this as he'd said he was.

"I'll tell you if you're doing it right or wrong." Ashley said and laughed again, running her fingers through Luke's hair, which was something that she knew he loved. He let out a low moan and shut his eyes for a moment, once again taking all of this in.

"Have you been fingered before?" Luke asked, opening his eyes. He knew the answer to that too, but Luke thought that maybe he would feel better if she just lied and said she hadn't.

"Once or twice, maybe?" Ashley said, as if she couldn't even remember.

"By who?" Luke questioned.

"Do we really have to talk about this right now?" Ashley asked, rolling her eyes. She was still smiling, so luckily Luke hadn't made her mad, or else she probably would have pushed Luke off of the bed.

"Were they good?" Luke asked.

"I'm sure you'll be better." Ashley smirked again. She grabbed Luke's hands and brought them to the waistband of her underwear, making him pull them down a little.

"You're just saying that." Luke scoffed. He knew she was lying, he was sure that the boys that Ashley had been with before were much better and much more experienced than Luke was.

"Yeah, I am." Ashley shrugged.

"I don't really know what I'm doing." Luke whined. He really didn't want to mess this up, he was afraid that Ashley would hate him if he messed this up.

"I can tell." Ashley teased and Luke smiled a little, no longer feeling so nervous.

"Hey, don't be rude." Luke said, then whispered, "Should I start now?"

"Yeah." Ashley said and Luke began, only putting one finger in at first, looking up at Ashley again to make sure he wasn't doing anything wrong. He slowly pumped his finger in and out, continuing to watch Ashley to make sure that he wasn't doing anything wrong.

"Keep doing that." Was all Ashley said.

So Luke continued doing that until he eventually got the hang of it and didn't need Ashley's help anymore. Then he added another finger because Ashley asked him for more, and Luke was sure that he was going to hyperventilate but he somehow composed himself and kept going.

God, it was the most unreal experience. This was the first time Luke had ever seen Ashley like this, usually it was her pleasuring him, and Luke felt an overwhelming sense of pride at the sight of her. He was doing this, he was finally in control. Luke was making Ashley moan and yell his name and scratch at his back (and that just made Luke get really hard as well), and in the moment Luke felt amazing.

But honestly, fingering wasn't a big life-changing experience like it had been made out to be for Luke. He was clueless and it seemed like Ashley was focusing a lot on trying to make sure that Luke did it right. She was enjoying herself, yeah, but Luke could tell that she was paying almost too much attention to Luke and if he was alright too. It wasn't as great as how Ashton made it seem when they were in the car that one day.

Overall, Luke thought that fingering Ashley was going to be a lot more exciting.

When Luke was done with Ashley, she grabbed him by the shoulders and flipped him over again, her hands moving to the buttons of his jeans and sliding them down his legs. Ashley wasn't afraid of returning the favor, and she gave him the best blowjob he'd ever received.

(Okay, so Luke had only gotten three blowjobs before, but this one was really good. He knew it was the best).

After that Luke definitely thought he was going to pass out, so he put his pants on again and laid back on the bed, just breathing for a moment, and again trying to take everything that had just happened in.

"I'm-I'm just gonna go wash my hands." Luke mumbled after a few minutes, rolling off of the bed and quickly making his way out of Ashley's room. He picked up his shirt along the way, pulling it over his head before he went out into the hallway.

Luke walked down the hall and entered the bathroom, locking the door behind him just in case. He quickly washed his hands off before looking up and staring at himself in the mirror for a long time.

He just didn't understand why he felt this way. For months he'd been asking Ashley if they could do something like this and when she finally let him he didn't feel any different. Luke thought that he would feel different, or maybe he'd look different somehow. But no, Luke was exactly the same as he always was. Nothing had changed.

Luke hoped that losing his virginity would feel better than this.

He let out a sigh, walking back into Ashley's room and finding her on the bed, now wearing a fresh pair of clothes. She was looking down at her phone and mindlessly scrolling through it, almost like she hadn't noticed Luke come back in at all.

He thought the way that Ashley was acting was weird too. Luke knew that Ashley had done this in the past, but he thought that maybe she would have acted different. They'd just done something sexual and intimate and it was Luke's first time doing something for Ashley but they were both acting as if it didn't happen at all.

"Hey." Luke said quietly, taking a seat next to Ashley. She looked up from her phone and set it off to the side, turning to face Luke.

"Hey." She smiled, taking his hands and intertwining their fingers.

"When will your dad and Helen be coming home?" Luke questioned. He'd been worried about Ashley's dad or stepmom walking in on them the entire time, maybe that's why Luke had trouble enjoying himself.

"Probably not for another hour." Ashley shrugged.

"Ashley?" Luke whispered, nervously biting at his lip ring.

"Yeah?" Ashley looked up at him again, her eyes wide.

"Was I... Okay?" Luke asked. He'd never done this before, so he had no reference to whether or not he did a good job. He only used his knowledge gained from various different porn movies to help him.

"Yeah, of course." Ashley nodded.

"Do you really mean that?" Luke questioned.

"Yeah." Ashley said, nodding again. "Why would I lie to you?"

"I don't know, to make me feel better?" Luke questioned. He thought that Ashley was lying to him, and that she was just telling him that he'd done a good job because she knew how insecure Luke was. He wanted her to be honest.

"You did a good job for your first time." Ashley shrugged, laying back down on the bed and pulling Luke with her. He wrapped his arms around her waist and she turned around so her chest was pressed against his.

"I'll-I'll be better next time." Luke said nervously. Now he just felt bad, like he'd done something wrong. It wasn't his fault that he was inexperienced.

"Okay, Luke." Ashley laughed, lacing her fingers with Luke's again.

"I thought that I would feel a lot different about this." Luke whispered, kissing Ashley's neck again. "I mean, I kind of expected to feel like a completely different person."

"So did I." Ashley sighed.

"Really? You've done this before." Luke questioned, not understanding.

"Yeah, but not with someone like you." Ashley said softly. She paused for a minute, waiting a while before she spoke again. "I just made this super awkward, didn't I?"

"No, no, you didn't." Luke assured her. He did feel kind of awkward, though, and he didn't know what to do about it.

"You did a good job, really." Ashley said, leaning in and pressing a quick kiss to Luke's lips. "I'm actually kind of impressed."

"Yeah, porn taught me a lot." Luke shrugged. That was honestly his only explanation, and Luke knew that the only way he was ever going to get through sex was because of the knowledge he'd gathered over his years of watching lots of porn by himself in his bedroom.

"I'm glad." Ashley laughed, rolling her eyes.

They both laughed for a minute and then slowly faded into silence, neither of them knowing what they were supposed to say anymore. It was awkward, and Luke couldn't figure out why.

"Do you think this is okay?" Luke wondered out loud, breaking the silence.

"What do you mean?" Ashley asked. She looked up at Luke, using her index finger to trace around one of the hickeys she'd left on his neck. He was definitely going to have to find a way to cover that up before his mom saw.

"Is it normal for us to both feel a little awkward about this?" Luke asked, nervously awaiting Ashley's response.

"I mean, I think every relationship gets a little awkward sometimes." Ashley said slowly, seeming a little hesitant. "This isn't going to be some ridiculous thing you see in the movies where the couple is constantly saying how much they love each other."

"Okay, I guess you're right." Luke nodded, feeling a little better about the whole thing now. He wondered if Ashton had ever felt awkward after doing something like this with Charlie, or if Michael ever had second thoughts after fucking a girl, or if Calum and Amy ever talked about this same thing.

"Luke?" Ashley said softly, twisting her fingers in the hair at the nape of Luke's neck.

"Yeah?" He asked, his eyes closed. He was pretty peaceful at the moment, finally feeling relaxed for the first time since earlier that afternoon.

"Do you remember anything from the other night?" Ashley whispered.

"What might?" Luke questioned. There were a lot of nights that Luke couldn't remember anymore because he'd gotten so drunk, and even though he felt bad about it, he didn't care. He'd rather be drunk and sad than sober and sad.

"A couple weeks ago, when I picked you up from Michael's house. You were drunk." Ashley explained.

"No, I don't remember a lot." Luke asked, hoping that he hadn't said anything stupid that was later going to upset Ashley. "The last thing I remember is throwing up a lot. Why?"

"I was just wondering." Ashley said quietly, gently cupping the sides of Luke's face. She didn't do anything else, she just stared at him.

"I didn't say anything stupid, did I?" Luke laughed a little, suddenly concerned with what Ashley was talking about.

"No, not at all." Ashley said, laughing as well. She leaned in a little more, her nose brushing up against Luke's.

"I've been getting better, by the way." Luke said, knowing that Ashley would be proud of him. "I don't drink as much."

"Oh, have you?" Ashley questioned.

"Yeah, I'm really trying." Luke nodded. It was kind of a lie, because the only reason why Luke wasn't drinking anymore was because Michael was too scared of what Ashley would say to leave bottles of vodka at Luke's house when his mom was out.

"Are you? Or have you just not been drinking because Michael hasn't been giving you anything to drink?" Ashley asked, almost like she was reading Luke's mind. He hated when she did that.

"How do you do that?" Luke whispered, not bothering to try and make up an excuse.

"I know everything." Ashley laughed and gave Luke a simple shrug, not needing anymore of an answer.

"I really am trying to stop, Ashley, I promise." Luke whined, wishing that she would just believe him. "I'm not going to turn out like my father."

"I just wish you wouldn't promise me these things, because as much as I want to trust you about this I just can't, Luke." Ashley sighed. "You've promised me that you would stop drinking so many times and every time you end up drunk texting or calling me and the whole cycle starts all over again."

"But, Ashley, I really mean it this time!" Luke protested, pulling away form Ashley a little.

"You said that last time." Ashley sighed. She sat up and Luke did as well, both of them facing each other. "I know that this is hard, and I know that you can't just quit this, but I'm not kidding when I say that you drinking is unhealthy. I just wish you could see how much I care about you."

"But, I'm not hurting anyone, I don't see why it's such a big deal if I drink or not. I'm only hurting myself, and it's not like I matter anyway." Luke mumbled and looked down at his lap, hoping that Ashley didn't hear that last part.

"It's hurting me." Ashley whispered. "Seeing you hurt yourself hurts me."

"You're just saying that." Luke whispered, shaking his head.

"No I'm not!" Ashley argued, a puzzled look on her face. She probably didn't get why Luke was being so stubborn about this, which was understandable. Most guys would just accept their girlfriend saying something so nice, but Luke insisted on refusing to believe that Ashley was telling him the truth. "I care about you, why can't you just accept that?"

"You really d-don't have to be this nice to me, I-I don't deserve for you to - " Luke stammered, scooting even further away from Ashley.

"Luke, I love you, of course I have to be this nice to you!" Ashley groaned, sounding slightly annoyed. It was kind of a strange thing to say while sounding so annoyed, and Luke was in shock hearing those words come out of Ashley's mouth.

"You-You what?" Luke asked, crawling off of the bed and standing up, smoothing out his shirt one more time.

Luke swallowed hard, having trouble processing all of this. Too much was happening and Luke didn't have enough time to let it all sink in, he felt like he was going to have a panic attack. He didn't know that Ashley loved him, he didn't even know if he really loved her back either. Luke had no idea what love was. He didn't think he was ready for this.

"Luke - " Ashley sighed, seeming to realize how shaken up Luke was.

"I, uh, I actually have to get going now. My mom wanted me to be home for dinner, she wanted my help making tacos." Luke said, making up the excuse right on the spot. He knew that Ashley wasn't going to believe him, he just needed some reason to get out of there.

"Luke, I'm sorry," Ashley shook her head, climbing off of the bed as well, walking towards Luke. He took a step away from her, already making his way out of the room.

"I, uh, I had a nice time. Thanks for letting me finger you and all." Luke coughed awkwardly, opening the bedroom door for himself and trying to leave as quickly as possible. "I'll call you later tonight."

"Luke, are you serious?" Ashley groaned, following after him. She stayed at the top of the stairs, watching as Luke ran down them. "You don't need to leave!"

But Luke did need to leave, he needed to get away from Ashley before he accidentally said something stupid that he was later going to regret. Luke could barely breathe, he felt that if he stayed there with Ashley any longer something very bad would happen.

He found his coat laying over the side of the couch and quickly put it on, sliding on his shoes as well. Ashley didn't even follow Luke downstairs, which really didn't disappoint him at all. He didn't want to be around her right now.

The front door was still unlock and Luke let himself out, stopping in the front yard to contemplate where he wanted to go. Finally Luke decided to just go home. The only thing that would come from him going to one of his friends houses would be Luke getting drunk. So Luke took off running down the street, like, actually running, too scared to look back.

Luke hated himself. Instead of staying there and trying to fix things with his girlfriend, he was literally running away from his problems.

-
I hate writing smut so I didn't really do it super detailed lol don't talk to me bye