"I hate myself." Luke slurred, taking another sip from the bottle of vodka.

He was at Ashton's house, even though it wasn't the best idea for Luke to hang out around there. Ashton had invited Luke and their other friends over because they hadn't seen each other for a while, but at the moment Luke was the only one there.

He was terrified that he was going to get beat up for what he did with Charlie, but Ashton had given Luke something to drink and at this point he was too drunk to even know what he was saying.

"Luke, stop saying that." Ashton sighed. He was staring down at his phone and texting rather than paying attention to Luke, which was all he really wanted.

"I just fuck up, that's all I do." Luke whined and slouched down on the couch, drinking more of his almost empty bottle.

"Give me the bottle." Ashton held his hand out but Luke just shook his head. He felt better when he had a drink, he didn't want to give it up.

"I hate myself so much." Luke repeated, shaking his head. He was so upset with himself and he didn't even really know why.

"Luke, please, I'm worried about you." Ashton sighed again and tried to grab the bottle from Luke, but he continued to hold it close to him so Ashton couldn't reach it.

"I'm so drunk, oh my God I'm drunk." Luke said and stood up from the couch, almost immediately falling over and landing back on the couch.

"Give me the bottle, please." Ashton said, raising his voice a little this time, and Luke slowly handed over the bottle, giggling to himself because now it was all gone.

"There's something I need to tell you, and you're going to hate me for it too." Luke sat up and stared intently at Ashton, waiting for him to respond in some way.

He didn't know what he was saying or doing. Luke was so drunk that he could barely see straight, he couldn't even remember why he was there at Ashton's house in the first place. Did he invite himself over or did Ashton invite him? Where was everyone else? Wasn't Charlie supposed to be there?

"Okay, go ahead." Ashton nodded, waiting patiently for Luke to speak. He probably didn't think there was anything wrong, he probably didn't think that Luke was going to say anything important.

"I fucked Charlie." Luke blurted out, a small smile on his face. "Like, I really fucked her. Hard. I fucked her right after Ashley and I broke up, and you were in the basement sleeping the whole time."

"Oh, very funny." Ashton rolled his eyes and leaned back in the couch, not phased by what Luke had just said at all.

"I'm telling the truth." Luke insisted. He didn't understand why Ashton wouldn't believe him, he was telling him exactly what had happened.

"You're drunk." Ashton chuckled, shaking his head.

"I fucked your girlfriend! I fucked your girlfriend, why aren't you upset?" Luke whined, wondering why Ashton did seem mad at all. He was just sitting there, like he didn't even care.

"She's not my girlfriend anymore." Ashton shrugged. He bit down on his bottom lip. And now Luke could tell that he was getting upset.

"But you love her." Luke reminded Ashton while giggling to himself, a big smile on his face again.

"Yeah, I do love her." Ashton nodded, wiping under his eyes. "But I guess she doesn't love me anymore and if she wants to have sex with you then she can have sex with you. It's okay."

"You're crying." Luke noticed the tears running down Ashton's face and let out a drunken giggle again, happy that he was finally getting a reaction.

"Yeah, I'm crying. I love her and she doesn't want anything to do with me anymore, it sucks." Ashton said quietly, trying to quickly get rid of his tears. Luke was wondering when Michael and Calum were going to get there, they might enjoy this.

"You should talk to her. When we had sex it didn't mean anything, so it's not like she likes me or anything." Luke shrugged innocently. "I bet she still loves you."

"I hate myself so much for letting her go." Ashton mumbled, mostly to himself, and stared down at his lap, not making eye contact at Luke.

"Yeah, I would hate myself too." Luke laughed softly. "She was really hot, and you were right, she's really good at sex."

"Shut up, Luke." Ashton sighed, shaking his head.

Luke felt pretty bad for Ashton. His dad was sick and probably dying and now he found out that the girl that he was in love with fucked his best friend. That must suck.

"Her moans were really hot. She was really loud, how did you not hear us?" Luke went on, unable to stop himself from talking. He wanted something else to drink, he wished that Ashton hadn't taken the vodka away.

"Seriously, Luke, can you just shut up? Please?" Ashton said and rubbed over his face with his hands, still not looking at him.

"She was on top. Did she ever go on top with you? I liked it, I didn't have to do as much - " Luke continued to ramble on about how great sex with Charlie was but Ashton quickly cut him off.

"Honestly, Luke, shut up!" Ashton snapped, standing up from the couch and looking down at Luke, so he was towering over him. "Shut the fuck up, oh my God!"

"Sorry, your girlfriend - well, she's your ex now, isn't she? - she's really fucking hot." Luke stood up and stumbled backwards again, not liking how Ashton had been so much taller than him a few seconds before.

"God, you're such a jerk." Ashton scoffed and pushed Luke back, making him fall down on the couch again. "I don't care that you had sex with her, alright? You two can do whatever you want. Just stop rubbing it in my face!"

"I'm not trying to rub it in your face." Luke said, looking up at Ashton and blinking a few times.

"Yeah, okay." Ashton rolled his eyes. He folded his arms across his chest and just stood there looking down at Luke. Maybe he was waiting for Calum and Michael to get there so they could all beat up Luke at the same time.

"I didn't use a condom with her either, so... Oops." Luke shrugged innocently again, and that's when Ashton snapped for real.

"You're so stupid, she's on birth control." Ashton rolled his eyes again, still trying to keep himself together and not yell at Luke. "She's not going to get pregnant, you don't have to worry about that." He scoffed.

"Good, because I'd be a shitty father." Luke pouted and looked down at his lap.

"Luke, I think it's time for you to go home. Do you want me to call you mom and see if she'll pick you up?" Ashton asked, letting out a tired sigh. He just wanted to get rid of Luke, and for some reaosn he wasn't surprised. Everyone just wanted to get rid of him after a while.

"No, I want to stay here!" Luke insisted, shaking his head. He wanted to stay and talk more about what happened with Charlie. "Did she ever pull your hair? Because she pulled mine and it felt so good, girls always know how to make guys feel good. It's weird."

"Luke, can we just stop talking about this?" Ashton asked.

"I'm glad that you're not beating me up over this." Luke chuckled softly to himself. Ashton didn't find it very amusing at all. "Charlie said that if you found out you were gonna kill me, so I was really scared to come over."

"Trust me, Luke, I kind of want to kill you right now." Ashton said, still looking as if he was trying very hard not to blow up and yell at Luke about this.

"Well I'm glad that you're not, because that would kinda suck." Luke shrugged. "Actually, maybe it would be easier if you just did kill me, because I hate my life anyway."

"Luke..." Ashton said softly, almost like he had some sympathy for him for a second. "Your life isn't that bad."

"It's really bad." Luke said quickly, wanting to prove his point. 

"Luke, I really think you should get home."

"I just can't believe I fucked Charlie while you were asleep down here and you didn't even know!" Luke laughed loudly, changing the subject again. "And we did it in your bed, and we - "

"Oh my God, get out!" Ashton yelled, pulling Luke up from the couch and pushing him towards the basement stairs. "Just get the fuck out of my house!"

"Why? What did I do?" Luke asked, desperately looking around for another bottle of some type of alcohol that he could steal before leaving.

"I'm just so sick of hearing about you fucking my girlfriend! Just shut up and get out of my house!" Ashton screamed, shoving Luke away from him.

"But you said you didn't care - "

"I obviously care, Luke!" Ashton yelled, pushing Luke on more time. "I care a lot and I wasn't going to try and let this get in between us but you won't shut up so now it is!"

Luke paused for a second and stared back at Ashton. He probably should have apologized, but of course that's not what Luke did at all. "Can I have another bottle of vodka before I go?"

"No! Get out!" Ashton yelled. Luke nodded and made his way up the stairs, knowing that this wasn't a good time to mess around with Ashton. He had a lot going on.

As Luke was leaving Ashton's house the doorbell rang so he obviously went and answered the door, only to find Michael and Calum standing there. Michael was holding a six pack of beer in his hands, and Luke's eyes lit up as soon as he saw it.

"Hey, nice! You brought beer!" Luke smiled and grabbed two beers from the pack, taking them for the walk home. "I wanted something to drink before I left but Ashton wouldn't give me anything."

"Yeah, that's why we're late, we had to go get - What are you doing?" Michael questioned, watching Luke push past Calum and go out the door.

"Oh, Ashton kicked me out. I started talking about how I fucked Charlie and he got really mad." Luke shrugged casually, like what he was saying wasn't that big of a deal.

"Luke!" Calum gasped. "You had sex with Charlie?"

"Yup!" Luke nodded proudly. "She was on top. It was great, a lot more fun than when I had sex with Ashley a couple hours before."

"Luke, oh my God! You know how Ashton feels about her, you can't just go around having sex with her when you know that Ashton still loves her!" Calum said, startled by all of this. It made sense, Luke hadn't talked to him in a while.

"Hey, it's not all my fault." Luke pouted and folded his arms across his chest. "She made me do it."

"Yeah, I'm sure she did." Calum said, rolling his eyes. Michael put a hand on Calum's shoulder and pulled him back a little before he got really mad.

"She did." Luke frowned, not sure why Calum wouldn't believe him. Surely Michael believed him, right? "She took me up to Ashton's room because she didn't want to wake him up and then she kissed me and took my pants off and then I may have fucked her."

"May have?" Calum raised an eyebrow, looking questionably at Luke.

"Okay, I definitely had sex with her." Luke giggled, finding the whole thing funnier than he should. He had a tendency to laugh at inappropriate times, especially when he was drunk. "We didn't even use a condom!"

"Oh my God, Luke, do you even know how important condoms are? They protect you from all these diseases and-and-and babies!" Calum yelled, getting a little carried away. "You could have gotten Charlie pregnant, Luke, oh my God!"

"He didn't get her pregnant." Michael said, sounding very sure of himself. "You pulled out, right Luke?"

"N-No? I didn't know I was supposed to?" Luke said quietly.

"Oh." Michael got silent for a moment, his eyes wide. "Well, Ashton and Charlie used to have sex all the time, she was probably on the pill."

"Right, right." Luke nodded. "That's what Ashton said."

"I can't believe you did that, Luke!" Calum yelled again, still not over it.

"Hey, don't yell at him, he's going through some shit right now - " Michael tried to defend Luke, but Calum wasn't having any of that.

"You're so fucking stupid, Luke, what's wrong with you?" Calum yelled, running his fingers through his hair in frustration. Michael gave Calum a light shove and glared at him.

"Bye." Luke said quickly and turned around, deciding that he didn't want to be here anymore if Calum was just going to yell at him. Calum was usually really nice to Luke, he'd never intentionally try to make him feel bad like that, but apparently somethig had changed.

"Luke, where are you going?" Michael asked, obviously asking the more important questions.

"I don't know." Luke shrugged. He was struggling to get the beer open, but once he did he took a sip big enough to finish off almost half of the bottle. "I think I might go to Ashley's house."

"No, Luke, I really think you should go home." Michael said, shaking his head. "You're really drunk, you need to get home."

"Y-Yeah, I can drive you." Calum offered. That was the thing about Calum, even when he was mad he couldn't help but be nice.

"I don't want a ride. I don't want to go home." Luke said stubbornly. "I want to go to Ashley's house so I can yell at her for being such a bitch."

"No, Luke, I really don't think that's a good idea - "

"You're not my dad, you can't tell me what to do!" Luke snapped at Michael. He finished off the first beer and threw it somewhere on Ashton's front lawn, someone could come by and pick it up later.

Michael let out a big sigh, and for a split second Luke was kind of scared that Michael was going to punch him again. He looked really mad. "Fine, go ahead."

"O-Oh okay." Luke nodded quickly and then that was it, he left.

He wasn't sure why he decided to go to Ashley's house and he didn't know what he was going to say to her when he got there, but Luke was too pumped up on all of the alcohol in his system to realize that this was such a bad idea.

He finished off the second beer as he walked, throwing it down on the ground somewhere. Somehow he knew exactly where he was going, even though his vision was slightly blurred from how much he'd had to drink. Luke had to stop twice and throw up in the grass, which wasn't really surprising to him at all. He'd had a lot to drink tonight.

Luke finally made it to Ashley's house and rang the doorbell, hoping that she would answer and not her dad or Helen. That would just be awkward, and Luke was afraid that they'd call the cops on him for drinking underage. Mr. Miller seemed like the type to do that.

"Luke?" Ashley asked quietly, pulling the door open. "What are you doing here?"

"You're a bitch." Luke said bluntly, and those were the only words he was able to get out before he had to turn away from Ashley and throw up in the bushes again.

"Oh my God, Luke." Ashley said and watched as Luke finished and then picked himself up again, turning towards Ashley.

"I'm sorry." Luke sighed, his cheeks heating up a little at how embarrassed he was.

"It's-It's fine." Ashley said slowly, probably confused. Luke would be pretty confused if a drunk boy showed on on his doorstep this late at night too. "Do you want to come inside?"

"No, I'm mad at you." Luke said, shaking his head. "I just want to yell at you for a couple minutes and then I'll go home, okay?"

"Okay..." Ashley said hesitantly, just letting Luke do what he wanted. "Luke, I think maybe we should go inside, it's cold out and - "

"I'm really, really angry with you, Ashley, because you make me really sad." Luke said, the words coming out of his mouth faster than he could even process them. "And I used to love you and you used to make me happy but then I realized that you just made me sad and that's not good."

"Luke, I - "

"I don't want to date someone that makes me sad, Michael told me that that's not healthy." Luke continued. He was starting to feel dizzy now, but he ignored it because he was just going to finish yelling at Ashley and then leave. "I don't know why you had to be such a bitch and do what you did but that made me really sad."

"I know, Luke, and I'm really sorry." Ashley added quickly, but Luke ignored her too.

"So I don't think we should go out again because if you just make me sad and I just make you sad then that's not good because then we're all sad and when you're in a relationship it's not good to be sad. You're supposed to be happy." Luke rambled on, hoping that he was at least making some sense. He couldn't even think straight right now.

Ashley nodded, silently telling Luke to continue.

"I loved you so much and I trusted you so much and now every time I see or think about you I feel like crying because you just screwed me over." Luke said, thankful and surprised that for once he wasn't actually crying. "I don't care that you actually did love me throughout the whole thing, you were still part of it and if you really did love me you wouldn't have done something like that."

"I know, I don't know what I was thinking and I'm really sorry - "

"I had sex with Charlie, by the way, but I know that you probably had sex with Michael too." Luke said. Ashley didn't deny it, so Luke assumed that he was right. "It was fun."

"Luke - "

"I don't know if I'm ever going to forgive you for this, because what you did was really dumb and it made me really sad." Luke sighed, running his fingers through his hair. "I hate you but I love you and I hate you for that."

"I know, Luke, what I did was really shitty and I'm really sorry." Ashley said quickly, grabbing Luke's hand and trying to pull him towards the door. "And you're really drunk, so let's go inside and we can call you mom or something and she'll pick you up..."

"No, don't call my mom." Luke whined, standing still and not letting Ashley take him inside. "Let go of me, I hate you and I don't want to go inside of your house, I can walk home!"

"Luke, please." Ashley begged.

"You know, you did this to me." Luke accused her, pointing a finger at Ashley. "If you didn't have to break my fucking heart I wouldn't be like this right now."

"I'm sorry, Luke, I really am. If I could take this whole thing back I would, but I can't and I'm sorry." Ashley said in a rush, more focused on trying to get Luke inside than her apology.

"Alright, fine, I accept your apology I guess." Luke shrugged. "But I still hate you, so I don't forgive you."

"That's okay, Luke, I deserve that." Ashley sighed, nodding to herself. "Now please come inside. It's cold out and I'm worried about you."

"Oh so now you're worried about me? After a month of just ignoring me?" Luke rolled his eyes and shook his head, still refusing to go inside with Ashley. "Yeah, okay."

"You were ignoring me, Luke!" Ashley yelled.

"Well, yeah, because I'm mad at you." Luke said stubbornly, crossing his arms over his chest.

"I'm sorry!" Ashley yelled, throwing her hands up in the air. 

"I already said that I accepted your apology!" Luke yelled back at her, not sure why Ashley was getting so upset now.

"Then I don't understand why you're still here!" Ashley groaned, taking a few steps away from Luke to give him some space.

"I don't know why I'm here either!" Luke whined and stomped his feet on the ground. He was tired and drunk and wanted to go home but he also wanted to stay here and make Ashley feel bad for what she did to him. And he felt that if he tried to walk back home he'd end up accidentally stepping in front of a moving car.

"Then you should just leave!" Ashley yelled.

"Maybe I should!" Luke shouted.

"Good!"

"Good!"

"Good!"

"Oh God, I'm gonna throw up again." Luke groaned and then turned and threw up in the same place in the bushes, once again saying a silent apology to whoever was going to have to clean that up.

"Luke, how much did you have to drink?" Ashley asked when he was done, taking a few steps towards Luke and trying to grab his hand. She didn't seem as upset anymore, she was just worried about Luke and what was going on. "Come on, let's go inside."

"I didn't have a lot I just - " Luke stopped himself and threw up in the bushes again. He didn't normally throw up this much after drinking and if Luke was his usual self he'd be a lot more worried about this, but he wasn't his usual self, so he didn't care.

"Luke, please come inside, I think something's wrong - "

"There's nothing wrong with me!" Luke yelled, pulling away from Ashley and tripping over his feet a little. His heart was beating faster that it ever had before and it kind of hurt, but Luke didn't want to tell Ashley because he just wanted to be able to handle things himself for once.

Luke stumbled backwards again and fell, almost like his legs couldn't even support himself anymore, landing on Ashley's front lawn. He could barely make out Ashley coming towards him and he kind of heard her speaking, but then everything faded to black and Luke could see nothing at all.

-

OOOOOOOOOOOOH

I think everyone saw something like this coming tbh oops

I don't want this story to end but i don't want to keep going either im very conflicted and sad