An update finally!! Hey, if there is any info here that I messed up please let me know. It's been so long since I updated and a while since I wrote this. It's been sitting in my drafts because I could remember everything so i would love some help!

Felicity

We all walked off stage and back into the pack house. I gave Angela a hug and together Kendrick and I went to our separate rooms. They were right next to each other but for some reason the euphoric feeling of finally being weight free moved me to initiate something I never thought I would want to quickly.

We were right outside my door when I quickly grabbed onto Kendrick's shirt and pulled him to me. Our lips connected and from there everything just changed. He had my back pressed against my bedroom door and with our lips still attached I opened my door and pulled us both in.

Most of our clothes quickly came off and I turned him around so I could push him back on my bed. He moved backwards so his head rested against the many pillows that sat against the headrest. I stood at the foot of my bed and slowly removed the last of my undergarments that I had quickly started removing. Not even attempting a striptease, too impatient. My underwear is the floor to hit the first followed by my bra. I didn't care how rushed I appeared, I was with my mate, nothing else mattered but us.

I crawled on the best towards him, his hands drifted to the wasteband of his boxers but I stopped him, "don't. I want to do that."

There was already a very large dent in him boxers and I anxiously gulped at the sheer size of him that I could see. He has got to be even bigger then that, I'll only know the truth once I pull them off. So I did just that.

As our eyes locked I wrapped my fingers around the band at his waist and began to pull it down slowly. There was a little trouble as I tried to get it over the rock hard size of him but once it was off it was easy.

I gulped again but this time at the true size of him, "you're so big. I don't know if I've ever had one as big as yours. No one compares to you." Even if he was average I wouldn't have been bothered, that didn't matter. He was made for me, he would be able to pleasure me no matter what.

He sat up when I had removed his boxers but I pushed him back against the pillows. I was already dripping in anticipation of becoming one with him. "Kendrick?"

I stopped and his eyes focused on me again. "I never thought I would have a moment like that, that I could ever have a mate. I'm glad it's you, that you're the one who's perfectly made for me. I love you."

I could hear the truth and sincerity in my words and I saw that truth reflected in his eyes. Instead of answering he lifted his hand to reach out for me. As I got closer he flipped us over so I was beneath him.

He kissed me passionately as he held himself over me but I didn't realize when one hand drifted down to my core until the lower part of me clenched as his searching fingers come in touch with my clit. He began to make little circles, back and forth, driving me wild but I didn't want to wait anymore.

"Baby, you're so wet. Your sweetness astounds me; I can't believe I get to spend the rest of my life with someone as incredible as you."

"Kendrick, I can't wait anymore. I want us to bond completely. Make me yours." He moved on top of me, holding himself in place and as he kissed me deeply he entered me.

The feeling of him entering me was like nothing I had ever felt before. He was going slow but I didn't want that, I grabbed his butt and with my legs pulled him into my completely.

It wasn't long before he began to thrust. He started off long and deep but soon became quicker. The familiar tingling sensation began and I couldn't contain the moans and screams my body was enduring. It was like he was on hyper drive and I couldn't stop myself from taking everything he gave me. Each thrust became harder and more intense. Our hands were interlocked over my head, he stared deep into my eyes and all I felt was his undying love for me. We were so close and I knew it wouldn't be long before we came together.

I thought he was going his fastest but as I felt my need to mark his increase his speed began to grow too. I saw his eyes change to silver and his canines come out, I knew I musy have looked same. Just as he bit into me and I into him I felt the bond being made and him come inside me.

It hit me but not in the way I expected, not what I wanted. It was as if I was hit by a fright train. The minute we marked each other it was as if everything in my body shut down and my body went cold. Nothing happened. And when I say nothing, I mean my body did not respond to him. The feeling my body had of ecstasy was gone as if I were a burning flame suddenly being snuffed out.

He continued to come inside me as I lay under him completely frozen, his teeth still digging into the place between the right side of my neck and shoulder. I pulled away from him. As he looked at me it was as if neither of us knew what to do. This has never happened to me before. I love him, I enjoyed every minute of our sex and when it came to that one moment nothing happened.

Before I knew what I was doing I was pushing him off me and getting up, the feeling of him pulling out and leaving me, made me feel even more cold. Something was wrong with me, I was truly damaged goods.

He reached out for me but I flinched away.

"Get out."

"What? Felicity."

"I said get OUT!" I yelled at him but he didn't move. He tried to touch me again but this time I slapped his hand away. I could feel his hurt through the bond, it felt incredible, to be one but I couldn't bask in the joy. I felt inadequate. I shut myself off from him completely, what once was a perfectly made bond was not dead as I set a thick wall between us. Keeping him detached from me. Nothing would go out and nothing would come in. I knew the moment he felt it, a flinch wracked his body at the very second he realized it. I had separated us, and I don't even really know how. I was stuck in my own bubble of pain.

I turned to him furiously. My humiliation turning into anger. "Get out Kendrick! I said GET OUT! Leave me alone! I don't want to see you right now! Just leave me alone, go to your own room!" The flinch he gave this time was obvious now. He got up quickly and grabbed his clothes, angrily heading towards the door.

"How can you shut me out like this Felicity? After everything we've shared together, after all that's happened tonight. It's okay if you didn't come. We couldn't have known this would happen, it takes time to heal. But you can't do it alone." I didn't even look at him as he spoke, I just continued to stare at the wall in front of me, turned away from the door, bed and him. I need to be alone.

I was damaged goods. This has never happened to me before and knowing I couldn't find pleasure with my mate? I've come plenty of times before while I was being raped. Is that it? Is that the only way I can come now? Through some sick person's torment against me?

I felt disgusted in myself and quickly got up and ran to my bathroom. I felt so dirty. What should have been an amazing night with my mate has now turned into my worst nightmare.

It wasn't until I had scrubbed myself raw that I noticed to a small degree I still sensed the bond with Kendrick but not just that, the pack bond as well. It was all there, completley shut off from me but I could sense it. I felt even more like a failure as I started to doubt how I could lead these people. I am now a Luna.

Some Luna I will be.

What a sorry accuse of a Luna I am.

I got out of the shower and dried myself off, I didn't realize I was standing in front of a mirror until I looked up and saw my reflection. I look pale, my eyes open wide in panic. My skin was scratched and red frin the ferocity of scrubbing my body. I looked into my own eyes and started to cry. I was disgusting. How could anyone want me like this? I was just trash that deserved nothing but the worst.

I screamed and threw my towel on the ground and walked to my bed. I didn't even bother putting clothes on as I walked to the bed. I looked at the curtains to make sure they were dark and I saw they were already shut and would completely lock out any morning light.

I pulled the duvet and a pillow from the bed and went to the far corner of the room. After wrapping myself in the duvet and throwing the pillow to the ground I lay down. I was too disgusted with myself to sleep on a bed, I wasn't good enough to sleep on it. I was finally in my rightful place.

It was as I was just on the brink of sleep that guilt hit my chest for the pain Kendrick was feeling. I should have never let him mark and mate me, now he is stuck with a woman who is not even worthy to kiss the ground he walks on.

With the loneliness inside my head and heart I cried, apologizing to Kendrick for being completely worthless.

I have never felt more sorry than I do now, after I marked and mated Kendrick. Our bond is unbreakable, he's struck with me for the rest of our lives. He could have been with someone so much better than me.

Why was I so stupid.

He deserves better.

"I'm sorry Kendrick," I whisper into the air around me and then drift off to sleep with tears in my eyes.