Author's note: It has been a hectic couple of days and I haven't been able to sit down to write until now. I am still sorry for the late update, I was hoping I could still update at least once a week while I am on holiday but things happened, happy but stressful things. Anyway, the chapter is up, and boy is it long, glad you guys don't mind. Or maybe you do. anyways enjoy : )

As always thanks for the votes and comments, they make me happy. 

Chapter 3 -Resolve

"Please P'Arthit, don't do this to yourself." I have said nothing but this for the past ten minutes to the figure lying on the ground without a response. He won't budge and I can't force him to do anything. What can I say to him to make him feel better? Is there even anything I can say to help him? Can I leave him like this and hope that he snaps out of this on his own time? What do I do?

I have never been good at dealing with grief or helping people through it but I have never felt so useless. It is tearing me apart to just watch P'Arthit sink deeper into despair and be unable to help him.

I decide to leave the room unable to bear it any longer. Once upon a time maybe I would have known what to do, would have been able to patch him up a little so he doesn't give up on living at least, now I was just a familiar stranger. P'Arthit is also a different person.

I walk through the hallway and into the living room. There was nothing there but a normal living room space with sofas, a table, and all the other things that made it personable. There were pictures on the wall which drew my attention. I focus first on the wedding photo hanging over the TV. It makes my heart twist with anguish yet fills me with nostalgia.

They look so happy.

Roxy was laughing in a princess carry, her bouquet still in her hand. P'Arthit is carrying her, his grin wide and his eyes glowing. They still had that glow that I never knew to treasure, the life I never thought was so important to me. My throat clenched with pain. I look away so I won't cry.

The next picture was full of other guests a lot of whom I remember. They all looked happy, and joyful and of course, Roxy looked the brightest. I noticed that there was a strange space just before P'Arthit. Maybe it was my heart's wishful thinking but it looked like the space was left intentionally. That would have been the place for the best man.

No.

They couldn't have.

My throat closes up and I look away. I had received the invitation card to attend the wedding it even arrived weeks early. I prepared myself to go and bought a wedding gift. On the day of the wedding, I physically couldn't push myself out the door. At that point, I realized my feelings for P'Arthit were not completely gone. I wanted to be happy for them, to share in their joy but I didn't. I couldn't. If I had gone would P'Arthit and Roxy have welcomed me? Could they have left that space hoping I would fill it someday? Roxy, were you and P'Arthit waiting for me even though I had completely given up on both of you? For ten years Roxy never stopped hoping did she, that we would be reunited again. Best friends forever.

"Roxy." Tears pooled my eyes and I squeezed it with my fingers. Even if you didn't give up I am not like you, I don't know how to do what you can do for P'Arthit. If it was you I know what you would do. You'll bug the hell out of him until he is nearly driven insane. You wouldn't give up like me. I don't want to have any more regrets, I don't want to lose anyone anymore but I don't know if I can help him. I am not you.

"I trust you more than you realize, Kongpob."

For some reason, those words pop into my head and pull up a memory from our past.

"Kongpob, how do you always know what to do?" Roxy asked me. She was standing by the door to the boy's toilet.

"With what?" I had P'Arthit bent over the toilet sink so that the blood gushing from his nose wouldn't get on his clothes then I took out the tissues I always kept with me and made him raise his head. I fixed his nose with the tissues and supported his head. "Stay like that I told him."

"You know, for Arthit. You always have the answer," she said.

"What are you talking about, Roxy? I just know what kind of idiot he is."

"Hey! Who are you calling an idiot? It better not be me." The person with a bloodied nose glared at two of us and Roxanne giggled while I grinned.

We waited till P'Arthit's nose stopped bleeding then started back for class. As we walked back she said, "You are literally like the encyclopedia of Arthit."

"There she goes again," said P'Arthit, "always the joker."

"Well, it's true." She was almost whining. "Last time you remember how you almost missed the exam. It was as if Kongpob knew you would oversleep."

"Hmm," I glanced at P'Arthit, "didn't we play overwatch all night that night."

"Yep," he nodded. "That's how he knew I would oversleep."

"Then what about that time you fell down the steps and hurt your ribs? I didn't even notice but he just came and got you those pain patches out of nowhere."

"Hm, she does have a point, Kongpob." P'Arthit raised his head and gave me a suspicious look. "How did you know that? Are you stalking me?"

"I was there you idiot," I threatened to kick him and when he avoided my kick I smacked him on the head instead.

"Hey, that hurt."

"Admit it, Kongpob. You have all the answers for the problem of Arthit."

"Hey!" P'Arthit yelled offended. "That's rude. You are making me sound like all I do in life is cause problems. Think about my feelings when you say these things, Roxy."

Ignoring him Roxy and I smiled as I said, "You know Roxy I think you are right. What a big pain in the butt he is, it's a miracle I can even keep up."

P'Arthit shook his head looking well put out. "You know I absolutely hate it when the two of you team up against me like that. You know that right?"

We laughed at him, paused and pretended to both hear something. "That sounds like the bell doesn't?" Roxy asked with an ear-splitting grin. I nod and we both run off to the left.

"Guys, that's not the way to class! Damn it, wait for me! Where are you guys going? Hey!"

I laugh at the memory. It feels almost like it happened yesterday rather than years ago. We were so happy back then. Why did it turn out like this? If only none of us fell for each other. Would Roxy still be alive right now if I had not been in love with P'Arthit? If I had not loved him then I wouldn't have ended our friendship out of jealousy and pain. I would have been able to visit them anytime and P'Arthit wouldn't be in that state right now.

Even though I am supposed to have the answer, Roxy, I don't anymore. You are better at it than me, you know.

I check the time and it is already so late. P'Arthit's mom isn't back yet. I can't leave him alone. What if he tries to do something like hurt himself? I wouldn't be able to sleep tonight if I went home without making sure he was okay.

I walk back down the hallway which looks even more dreary than before and I stop at the door. I hesitate before leaning forward to peep into the room. Nothing had changed, P'Arthit was still on the floor but this time I could hear sounds. It sounds like it's coming from a speaker, I can't make out the words but I can't miss the voice. That's Roxy talking. P'Arthit must be watching a homemade video.

Roxy's laughter is like a punch to my chest, I almost can breathe from how much I miss it. I listened in wanting to see her face too but not desiring to see P'Arthit's reaction when he finds out I am still in his house this late.

"Do you like it?" she was asking.

"It's good but it's not like Kongpob makes it."

My name was suddenly mentioned, and I almost gasped out loud.

"You are right. What do you think his secret ingredient was?"

"I don't know, he was so stingy with his recipes. Remember?"

"It's his mother's recipe."

"Stingy!"

Roxy was laughing and more was said but I couldn't hold back my tears anymore. I moved away to weep quietly.

They talked about me.

While I was trying my best to forget them forever, P'Arthit and Roxy never forgot about me. Maybe they never gave up on trying to repair our friendship.

I hit my chest in anger. I want to hurt myself for being such a loser, a fool. I keep wishing none of us had fallen in love with each other but what I should have wished for was for the strength to stay by their side. Even if it had hurt, even if I was jealous, I shouldn't have walked away. I thought I valued them as much as they valued me but the truth is, I am a weakling and they were both better off. I wish I could switch myself with Roxy, she was a far better person than I am, She should be by P'Arthit's side, not me. I could have been happy for her and P'Arthit but instead, I blamed them for my pain and pushed them away. What an asshole I was.

I don't deserve them. They were too good for me.

I wiped my tears and went to work. I will make something light for P'Arthit to eat. I don't know how long it's been since he has eaten so it's best to make something that wouldn't upset his stomach.

I made my special oatmeal porridge and poured orange juice into a glass, put it all in a tray, and walked to his room. I didn't hesitate as I opened the door and walked in. The tablet has been set aside and P'Arthit is gazing out the window. He starts when I walk in and turn on the lights.

"Damn it. Kongpob you are still here?"

"Yup, still here. And I won't be going anywhere until you've eaten and showered. "

"What?"

I knelt and placed the tray between us. "Do you want it the easy way or the hard way?"

"... What are you saying now?"

"I have been working out a lot lately, see?" I showed him my muscles which weren't impressive but they were there. "I can either let you eat it at your own pace or I will force-feed you. It depends on you, P'Arthit."

He let out a dry laugh. "Very funny Kongpob now get out of my house."

"What exactly are you trying to do by starving yourself? If dead people can be brought to life like that I think everyone would know about it by that."

"Hey, watch your mouth."

"She was precious to me too. I failed to see how precious she was. I didn't even know how much I had missed her until I couldn't see her anymore. I will always regret it for the rest of my life, P'Arthit. But I won't do it anymore. I won't let myself have anything I would regret anymore."

"That's rich coming from you, coward."

"Yes, I am a coward. I ran away and refused to face reality. You hated me right? All this time you have despised me. That's how it is with cowards. It's hard to love them but if you continue to let yourself deteriorate like this, you will become the coward."

He didn't respond so I took the spoon, filled it with food, and held it to his mouth. His wet eyes find mine. "What you are trying to do changes nothing," he said.

"I know that."

"It won't bring her back."

"Of course not."

"She's gone and she tried so hard to look for you. She kept on hoping that you would return and you are only coming back now after she is dead."

I falter, tears filling my eyes.

"What can you change by coming back now? I am not the one who needed you, it was Roxy. She was...always enough for me but... it was as if she was incomplete without you." P'Arthit starts to cry and my hand holding the spoon lower till the food drips off it onto the blue carpet.

"I know there is nothing I can change. I know that more than anyone. I just don't want to turn my back on reality anymore. I won't turn my back on you anymore P'Arthit."

"I don't need you."

"That's okay. It's enough that one of us needs the other. "

"Don't use me to satisfy your own selfishness."

"Don't use Roxy."

We glare at each other for a moment then I laugh.

"You dare to laugh?" his glare turned even harder.

"No, it's just, that if Roxy could see us right now she would be so ashamed. She would probably pretend we are strangers. What are we even saying?"

It was small but a smile formed on P'Arthit's lips. "She would tell us not to speak to her," he said.

I smile looking at the space between us.

P'Arthit's voice changed, turning almost desperate and raw. "I don't know if I can do this, Kongpob. I don't know how to face the days to come without her. My whole life is Roxy. Every plan I have ever made, every wish, everything I ever dreamed of or wanted to do has all been for Roxy, with Roxy. And now she's gone. I just... when I try to think of what I am going to do for the rest of my life I just don't see anything. There's nothing."

I couldn't respond because I didn't have the answer either. Instead, I pick up the spoon, fill it with food again, and hold it up. "First let's try this. If we finish this then we will deal with the next thing and then the next after that."

He shook his head. "I can't do it."

"Yes, you can. You don't have to move if you don't want to just open your mouth."

Meeting my eyes for a long moment, I could see his struggle to listen to me, to do what I said. I didn't let him see me worry, see me be unsure. I acted like I knew what I was saying.

P'Arthit opens his mouth slowly and relief floods me. I smile at him as I feed him the food. We sat in silence as he swallowed then I asked, "Is it good?"

He nods and says, "It's very good."

"Can you take one more?"

He nods again.

I fed him another one and then another and it took us nearly twenty minutes to finish it.

When he finished I went to wash the dishes then I decided to prepare him a bath. As I walked toward his room, I wondered how I was going to get him to move into the bathroom and actually bathe, that's when his mother returned.

She sees me and gasps in fright, looking so startled even though she was the one who asked me to watch P'Arthit. "Oh dear, Kongpob, you are still here?"

It is already nine p.m. I smiled at her and took the things she had brought. "I was just running P'Arthit a bath."

"Oh my, really? That's so thoughtful of you but it's no use. I can't get him to bathe at all."

Of course she couldn't, that's why he stinks so much. "Can I try?"

"But don't you have to go home to your family?" she asks.

"Well, there's no one waiting for me," I left it vague.

"Oh, I see." She watches me with her kind eyes as I walk to the bathroom. I prepared the bath and returned to find that she had fallen asleep on the couch.

"Mae, please wake up." I shook her awake gently and she roused.

"What time is it?"

"It's almost ten. You will hurt your body sleeping there, why don't you go to the bedroom?"

"And Arthit?"

"Leave it to me."

"Oh my, you are so thoughtful Kongpob. Your wife must be so happy."

I didn't correct her as I led her slowly into one of the empty rooms she was using. Once she was peacefully lying on the bed I approached my next task.

P'Arthit was still as I left him. When I enter he looks up and then sighs. "You haven't left yet?"

"Am I that much of a bother?"

"Yes."

"I won't bother you in the next ten minutes if you do something for me."

P'Arthit groans out. "What now?"

"No offense P'Arthit but you stink up a storm."

For some reason his face snaps up to mine, his eyes wide, his nose flaring. He stares at me fixedly and makes me tense up too, and then he relaxes.

"What is it?" I ask a little out of breath.

"Between you and Roxy I wonder who uses that phrase the most."

"Phrase?"

"Roxy probably copied you. She was always picking things up from you. Between me and her, I often wondered who your best friend was."

"Don't be silly, you both were." I begin to arrange things in the room starting with all those pictures littered everywhere.

"Then who do you like most?"

I stare at him. "That's a little low."

He blinks then realizes what he had said and actually flushed. "Wow, I forgot." He says laughing. "I am so out of it these days."

"No one is expecting you to just bounce back. It hasn't even been a month. But the way you stink you might send someone else to their grave."

"Screw you for even joking around about that."

I bit my tongue. "You are right. God, it was like this with Roxy too."

"Like what..."

"My mouth... loosens up."

"Didn't you talk with other people?"

"Not like with the two of you. I don't know what it is. I just fit right in when it's you two."

"Roxy wanted us to get together soon. She said that she was starting to defroze you."

"Am I meat that you have to defroze?"

For some reason, P'Arthit started to laugh, a long side side-splitting laugh that was also loud.

"Don't laugh so hard, you will wake Mae," I say smiling.

His laughter ceased instantly. "Can you get her to go home?"

"Probably but then you would be all alone here."

"She can't do anything for me and Dad needs her at home."

I let the silence sit as I make the bed. "Then in that case I will have to move in."

"What?"

"I can't trust you to take care of yourself, P'Arthit."

"Come of it, Kongpob."

"I am serious."

We were glaring at each other again. "I can't stand you," he suddenly said, "How am I supposed to live with you?"

"If you hate it so much then you will have to bathe and eat and live your life, that's when I won't bother you anymore."

"bothersome jerk," P'Arthit murmurs.

"I heard that."

"I said it so you can hear."

"Oh I see, then what's it going to be, bathe or not."

A few minutes later I am waiting at the door while P'Arthit takes his bath. "Wash behind your ears and in between your toes," I call from the door.

"Am I a kid?"

He gets out of the bathroom wearing the clean pajamas I brought him and even though he tries to hide them, I can tell he is cold. He climbs into bed and I pull the covers over him.

"Are you leaving?" he asks as I walk to the door.

"No. Do you know what time it is?"

"Midnight?"

"Almost."

"If you are not leaving then where are you going?"

"To the living room, to sleep."

"The living room is cold just use one of the rooms. They are so many and they won't see much use now. I don't even know why Roxy and I got such a huge place."

"Why?" I ask, coming back to the side of the bed, my interest peeked.

"Hm... Roxy said something along the lines of, Where will we put our seven children?" he imitates Roxy's tone perfectly.

I laugh. "Seven?"

"She was insane. And stubborn. When we found this place she said, this is it. It's perfect then two weeks later after moving in she cried to me about how she was going to clean everywhere. She won't let me get us a cleaner, said she would do it but gets upset that she has to do it."

I laugh as he tells me things I didn't know. I asked him about their life during college and how he proposed to Roxy. All night we talked about her and didn't get a wink of sleep until early morning. I slept by his side sitting on the floor because each time I tried to leave he made me come back again.