Chapter 14

I didn't have nightmares that night.

I slept soundly, probably giving Lexi more arguments to say we should always have sleepovers.

I wasn't delusional though. I knew Lexi wasn't going to be a sudden magic cure to my night terrors.

I knew they would probably still happen regardless of whether or not my girlfriend was beside me.

Still, it was a nice feeling to wake up to my Pumpkin kissing the top of my head and running a comforting hand through my hair.

"Good morning," Lexi said softly.

I still had a hand wrapped around her waist, so I held her a little more tightly, nuzzling my face against her arm.

This apparently made Lexi chuckle as I felt the fluttering touch of her kiss on top of my head again.

It was her time to wrap her arms around me too, keeping me close.

I felt warm and loved and comfortable, so I just let out a content sight and let myself doze off again.

Moments later, I woke up again, and stretched, trying to convince myself I actually needed to get out of my bed eventually.

"Good morning," I told my Pumpkin, smiling at her.

"You can go back to sleep you know, we don't have any plans today," Lexi told me softly, rubbing a comforting hand on my back.

"I actually have to go see my doctor at ten, so I should probably get out of bed and eat something," I admitted, my voice still heavy with sleep.

Lexi's eyes were darting on my face now, looking worried. "For your head?" she asked me in a small, almost scared voice.

Oh shit. What an idiot. I thought I had told her everything. Clearly, I hadn't.

"Oh, I guess there's something else I haven't told you," I said, backing away a little from her so I could get a good look at her face.

I knew Lexi wouldn't have a problem with this. She wanted me to be healthy and happy.

"For the love of god, please don't tell me you're gay and in love with Fred," she suddenly said.

I almost burst into laughter, but kept my cool, just for the comedic effect.

"Everyone loves Fred, how am I supposed to resist his charms," I replied with the most serious tone I could muster.

Lexi rolled her eyes at me. "I still can't believe I didn't even know you were BFF with Fred."

I snorted, pressing my lips together to keep from laughing out loud a little too much.

Chuckling a little, I kissed her shoulder. "Pumpkin, my love, my heart, my little dumb-dumb, you're so unobservant it hurts sometimes," I said, and hugged her tightly against me. If I kept this up, I was going to crack a rib, but I was just too full of love for this girl.

Hugging her like this, I felt like it wasn't enough. Like being so close to her, wasn't close enough yet. I just felt like there was no way I could show her how much I loved her, no way I could share it with her. I could never be close enough, or hold her tight enough. Like this couldn't even dim the need I felt for her. I would never have enough.

I was really done for when it came to my Pumpkin.

Lexi slapped my arm, bringing me back to reality. "Knock it out," she laughed, and I let go of my vice grip, "What were you trying to tell me?"

"Oh, right, so yeah," I took a pause, looking in her eyes, "I've been seeing a psychiatrist."

Relief instantly showed in her face.

It was really a blessing sometimes how obvious her emotions were on her face. I liked how sincere she was with her emotions.

"Really? Since when?"

"Before we started to date. I'd seen one before, but it hadn't gone well, so I'd sort of stopped going. This time around I'm a little bit more cooperative though. And also my psychiatrist is pretty good. I'm getting along with him, and he helps," I admitted feeling a little weird telling her this. I had barely talked with anyone about any of this, in detail, just my parents and Josh. It felt kinda weird, but also liberating to talk about this with Lexi.

It was nice, to think that I had someone else on my side from now on.

"That's actually really great Blake," Lexi told me earnestly.

"Yeah?"

She grinned at me, her hands cupping my cheeks. "Of course, I a hundred percent support anything than can help you realize how amazing you are and how much you deserve the world."

"Oh, right now we're just actually talking about my obsession with you," I teased her, because I felt a little too much on the verge of crying and I needed to lighten up the mood.

This girl really did strange things to me.

Lexi chuckled. "Really?"

"Yeah. Doctor Boseman thinks it's unhealthy," I assured her.

"Have you told him that I'm also obsessed with you? So like, two negatives make a positive?" she said with a cheeky grin.

Yeah, we definitely were meant for each other. We were both obsessed with the other.

"Oh yeah, I'm suuuure that applies to mental health too," I said after laughing.

"Of course," she grinned, but then her face turned a little serious again, "but seriously though, if you want to talk about your session with me, or you need me to do anything, don't be shy. I really want what's best for you."

"Thank you, Pumpkin," I replied, running a hand through her hair.

"I'm really curious what you guys say about me during your sessions though," she added sheepishly.

I chuckled at her expression. "I tell him you're beautiful and perfect and you deserve so much much better. And he tells me you picked me, so I should respect your decision."

She nodded, "I agree with this Doctor."

I wrapped my arms around her in a hug again, wanting her closer, always closer, pressing my face against her arm. "Weirdly, I feel like there's a weight off my shoulders now that I told you this. I wasn't deliberately hiding it from you, but yeah... it's nice to just open up with you," I said against her skin.

She smelled good. Like something uniquely Lexi. I had no idea how to define it exactly. It wasn't a specific smell. It was just hers.

Lexi brushed a hand through my hair, and I just snuggled closer to her. "Anything else you're still hiding from me?"

"Probably. I need to think about it..." I mumbled automatically.

Lexi backed away from me. I kinda wanted to whine because I wasn't pressed against her anymore. "Probably? Did you just say probably?"

I couldn't help smirking a little. "Probably?"

"Little bitch," was Lexi's automatic response, slapping my arm.

I laughed and grabbed her hands before she could slap or punch me again. "Thanks for that, it reminds me that I need to tell Doctor Boseman I really have issues when it comes to you insulting me and punching me," I told her, waggling my eyebrows.

She snorted, shaking her head. "You are such a pervert."

I laughed again. "Deviant, I prefer deviant, thank you very much."

I'd protected myself from her hands, but I had no protection from her legs, so Lexi took this opportunity to hit me with her knee, while wiggling her hands in my grip to try to free herself. I laughed at her attempt as she laughed at her own failure, and then easily pinned her arms on each side of her and proceeded to just smack kisses all over her face, like I was some kind of pecking chicken. Which really just made Lexi laugh more.

Until the laugher sort of died out and I quickly realized why. She was staring riiiiight down my shirt at my chest.

My Pumpkin was reaaally too predicable.

I snorted and said, "What do you know? A deviant attracted another deviant."

Lexi saw this moment as prime time to kick me again, so I jumped out of bed to dodge her attack, and also to protect my poor chest.

Lexi got up too, so I ran away, and she ran after me. "Come back here you little bitch!"

I laughed at the nickname and at the fact that I was too happy to put into words.

I could easily outrun my girlfriend, but I let her catch up with me.

When I turned though, what I hadn't expected was for her to flash me.

I'd let my guards down.

My reaction had been like a reflex, my whole body acting like I was just about to be punched, and my arms where kinda up trying to protect my face.

"What the fuuuuuuuuuck?"

I'd just seen her boob. I'D JUST SEEN HER BOOBS. I WAS NOT PREPARED!

"HA AH! You were warned Blakey-Boy," Lexi grinned, and pushed me on the couch behind me.

"Jesuuuus fucking Christ," I just whined.

God. Jesus. I mean. Aaaaah. No more brain capacities.

While I was having a complete internal meltdown because I'd just seen more of my girlfriend than I ever had, and fuuuuuuck I wanted to see it again, and I wanted to see more and I wanted to kind of just melt on the floor and never move from there.

"You're adorable," Lexi said, before straddling me on the couch, taking my hands and putting them on her hips.

"Don't do this again, I was not prepared," I kept with the whining.

I wasn't sure where to look. At her face or back, and try to stare at her shirt to will it to go up again so I could get a proper, looong look this time.

Lexi frowned, tilting her head while looking at me. "Wait. Are we never seeing each other naked? Am I missing something? We're going to see each other naked eventually, right?"

"Riiiiight..."

"So, why not now?" she asked, genuinely curious.

I sighed, throwing my head back. "I... Well, okay so, I'd be lying if I said I didn't want that. But also... well, okay, so I've been noticing that... shit, how to say this without sounding wrong," I rambled.

Lexi rolled her eyes. "Just spill it Blakey-Boy, we need to be honest with each other for this to work," she reminded me.

No use in lying to her. Anyway, I didn't want to. And she probably also needed to know this. It was going to affect both of us after all.

"So, the medication I'm taking? I think it's affecting... well... you know..."

"Your libido?" Lexi asked without hesitation.

"Yes."

"Okay, so you don't want to see me naked?"

"No, I do want to see you naked, but I feel like my body is not reacting the way it normally would to this fact," I admitted.

Like right now? My breathing was a little faster, and I could feel my heart beating faster, and there was something in the pit of my stomach, but it didn't feel the way it normally did. It was hard to explain, even for me.

"Okay, and that bothers you?"

"Yeah."

"I mean, you know it's fine if you don't get a hard on any second you see me, right?"

I chuckled at her remark and her tone. She smiled back at me. "I know, but it's just... weird."

My Pumpkin ran a hand through my hair, resting it on the side of my neck after. "I do want you to be comfortable, and the same way that you said to me, I don't want you to do anything you don't want to do, or are not ready to do. It's not just me that's important in this equation. So sorry for kinda... pushing you I guess."

Had I just made my girlfriend apologize for showing me her boobs? What kind of weird boyfriend was I?

"No, don't apologize. I mean... I really do want to see your chest," I admitted.

"You're not acting like it," she shot back.

I laughed. But then I thought about something. "Oh shit. Yeah, sorry, I hadn't been thinking. Am I making you feel like when you were dating Alex? I mean, like I'm rejecting you."

Lexi snorted, shaking her head. "No. Alex never kissed me the way you kissed me. It's world's apart."

Good to know...

My hands were still on her hips, going under the fabric of her shirt, my thumbs running on her skin.

She had soft skin.

And reaaaally nice breasts, for the half second I'd seen them. I could say this now. Which was like wiiiild to me.

I wanted to kiss them and touch them and I wanted to stop second guessing everything I was doing with Lexi and just live in the moment, but there were these other thoughts in my head.

Like I was a bad boyfriend. Like I was somehow underserving of her because I hadn't waited for her even if I'd only ever loved her.

Another thing to talk about with Dr Boseman.

Maybe the whole weird feeling thing wasn't just my medication. Maybe it was also my own self sabotage.

Lexi was looking back at me, with a soft smile, and I was looking up at her.

She was still sitting on my lap, straddling me. She was sitting on a very precarious spot. With my hands still on her hips, I kinda... I kinda wanted to just move her back and forth a little, which made me feel like maybe my hormones weren't completely in check. I wanted friction and that shirt off of her.

Were we both breathing a little faster, or was I just imagining it? We weren't doing anything, just looking at each other.

Lexi had already licked and kissed my chest. If we were in a fair relationship, I should be doing the same thing.

It was only the fair thing to do really. And maybe I should stop trying to feel the way I usually felt.

Nothing about being with Lexi felt like it usually felt.

The feelings were all new to me.

Before I could think more, Lexi moved on my hips, like she'd read through my mind, and I kinda felt heat rise up all the way to my face, before she effectively pressed her lips against mine, her hands cupping my face.

She moved again, and I wasn't sure if she was doing it on purpose or if she was just letting her body do whatever it wanted to do.

Her whole body was pressed against me, hips moving just a little, and I felt out of breath now, and my hands went up on her back lifting fabric as they did, kissing my girlfriend back with a fire I'd thought wasn't there anymore.

Lexi let out a loud breath, close to a moan in my mouth while we kissed, and I just pressed her closer to me, and she was still moving just faintly, which was way more than enough to make me go crazy and—

Suddenly there was a knock on my door.

Lexi jumped off of me like a scared cat.

"Blake, did you want me to drive you to your appointment?" my mother yelled through the door, not opening it.

It took me like a second, to find my voice. I felt like I was shaking a bit. "No, it's fine, I can drive myself," I yelled back, looking at Lexi and trying not to laugh. The look of panic on her face was priceless.

"Alright."

She didn't say anything else, so I assumed she'd left.

"Save by your mother," Lexi finally mumbled after a few seconds of silence.

I laughed, even though I felt like my whole body was on fire. "Who was saved? You or me."

And then Lexi looked back at me with a look that should be illegal. "Guess we'll never know."

_____________________

Happy Monday my little Pumpkins! :D

You'd been warned about Horny Blake and Lexi. XD It's not going to be just that. But it's also a lot of that. XD Next week is a therapy session, so things will be a little bit more serious. I did want to address the effects of medication and well, the fact that Blake is not magically all better just because Lexi is dating him. 

Also yes, this chapter was partly an Adventures in Lexi's POV so it's normal if the first part felt familiar. I changed a tiny bit the dialogue though, but nothing too big. Just about Fred, because at this point Lexi knew Blake and him were friends.

Anyway! I hope everyone is doing okay. There's a lot of bad stuff going on all around the globe, so I do hope that each and everyone of you are safe and in good health. <3

Also, I do want to give a little heads up. I'm going to a funeral next weekend. I thiiiiink I should be back in time to upload the chapter on Sunday, but in case I'm still at my family's place and we have like zero internet reception there, I might upload a little late. It'll be uploaded on Monday, but maybe not right at midnight. I'm still not sure about my travelling plans. So yeah! If it's not up right away, don't worry! :)

Alright, I think that covers it. I hope you'll have a super nice week. Take care! I love you guys! :D See you next week! <3